Close to giving up..
Discussion
So, we have a fantastic little boston terrier, and thought it would be an idea to adopt another to keep her company, rather than a puppy...
So we went to the meet the foster mum and she basically made us sign the paperwork and walked off...
Initially it freaked out around both of us, but attached herself quite happily to my wife. She however just will not take to me in the slightest. I walk/feed/treat both of them, but the new arrival is unrationally fearful of me - to the point where she frickin poops herself when I approach...and growls at me when she is with the wife.
The missus has been out the country for a few weeks, and I thought would be a good bonding time, but the pooch literally craps herself when I approach - it takes about 20 mins to put her lead on to take her for a walk - and I have to entice her near with the other dog and treats - and thats not even gurranteed she won't pop one out on the bed..
This is driving me bonkers. I don't shout, I've never smacked her, I don't have a loud voice, she will happily be fussed by other guys etc. I just don't quite get it why she's not taking to me - especially with the missus away and I'm continuing to do all the feeding/treats/walks etc!
Looking on-line hasn't been much help, so I thought I'd ask the PH gurus' if they had any advice... We don't want to send her on, but I don't want her to live in constant fear of me....
Thanks in advance...
So we went to the meet the foster mum and she basically made us sign the paperwork and walked off...
Initially it freaked out around both of us, but attached herself quite happily to my wife. She however just will not take to me in the slightest. I walk/feed/treat both of them, but the new arrival is unrationally fearful of me - to the point where she frickin poops herself when I approach...and growls at me when she is with the wife.
The missus has been out the country for a few weeks, and I thought would be a good bonding time, but the pooch literally craps herself when I approach - it takes about 20 mins to put her lead on to take her for a walk - and I have to entice her near with the other dog and treats - and thats not even gurranteed she won't pop one out on the bed..
This is driving me bonkers. I don't shout, I've never smacked her, I don't have a loud voice, she will happily be fussed by other guys etc. I just don't quite get it why she's not taking to me - especially with the missus away and I'm continuing to do all the feeding/treats/walks etc!
Looking on-line hasn't been much help, so I thought I'd ask the PH gurus' if they had any advice... We don't want to send her on, but I don't want her to live in constant fear of me....
Thanks in advance...
Mubby said:
spend alot of time sat on the floor and move very slowly, hopefuly she will come to you and learn to trust you...
This. Start off on the floor and don't make eye contact. Hold a treat out at arms length, or gently throw it about 2ft away from you. When she gets close to take the treat, do not look at her, just put another treat out but closer to you. Keep doing this until she will be right there by your side taking treats. I also talk soothingly, good girl etc...Repeat every day - she will build up her confidence and should take to you a bit more.
I used this on a very male aggressive GSD (who had bitten several men including the owner's BF a number of times) and within a few days I was able to take her for a walk (she was still not delighted with me BUT I never got bitten nor did I see aggression from her).
My thoughts:
Dog is most likely under-socialised and may have (as already pointed out) been abused in some way by a male. You'll never know and I'd forget the past and be in the present and future.
1) Put aside your desire to make friends at this stage and ignore the dog...yes really. Just let it settle and give it space to gain confidence.
2) I use Nature Diet food a lot in my behaviour work because it's clean (free from rubbish) and dogs love it. This is where you can use the idea already set out whereby you just sit on the floor and feed the dog.
Stop feeding the dog through its bowl, you keep the food by your side. So basically the dog is fed twice daily in this way through you - and you alone. Nature Diet is quite firm so it can be rolled or tossed to a point where the dog is coming in to eat it. Reduce your tosses (ahem) over time and as the dog's confidence builds.
You don't have to do this twice daily. If you're home during the day you could do it six times per day, thus increasing the positive, calm, relaxed events it experiences when with and near you. 1 pack per day would be about right for a small dog. Talk softly and reassuringly as the dog feeds. Avoid prolonged eye contact or loud/excitable voices.
Stick with it. Some dogs can be so traumatised they need a lot of time and work to improve.
Good luck.
Nick
Dog is most likely under-socialised and may have (as already pointed out) been abused in some way by a male. You'll never know and I'd forget the past and be in the present and future.
1) Put aside your desire to make friends at this stage and ignore the dog...yes really. Just let it settle and give it space to gain confidence.
2) I use Nature Diet food a lot in my behaviour work because it's clean (free from rubbish) and dogs love it. This is where you can use the idea already set out whereby you just sit on the floor and feed the dog.
Stop feeding the dog through its bowl, you keep the food by your side. So basically the dog is fed twice daily in this way through you - and you alone. Nature Diet is quite firm so it can be rolled or tossed to a point where the dog is coming in to eat it. Reduce your tosses (ahem) over time and as the dog's confidence builds.
You don't have to do this twice daily. If you're home during the day you could do it six times per day, thus increasing the positive, calm, relaxed events it experiences when with and near you. 1 pack per day would be about right for a small dog. Talk softly and reassuringly as the dog feeds. Avoid prolonged eye contact or loud/excitable voices.
Stick with it. Some dogs can be so traumatised they need a lot of time and work to improve.
Good luck.
Nick
Might sound crazy, but maybe try altering your appearance significantly? Not that I'm saying you're that gruesome or super-mega-fugly, but it could be she's been physically abused/shouted at by a bloke that looks similar to you, which would back up why she's ok with other blokes. If she reacts more positively then use that to bond with her and gradually phase out the things which you've changed. I've known dogs that were terrified of people with hoodies up, or big hats, or on crutches - they can be funny neurotic creatures!
Cheers for the responses, will try the hand feeding - (we use a science diet). She came from a puppy mill (?) or that's what we were told. For some reason she has a very nasty U shaped scar on her shoulder, so I think its safe to say she's had it rough.
From the moment we got her she extremely nervous around me, so I've not tried to be her 'friend'. - Re position in pack, she has to sit before following through doors, and walks behind our current pooch, so she knows her position.
I do avoid eye contact (as does she), which resulted in a debacle last night due to me not putting her harness on correctly, her rushing past the other dog, somehow lassoing the other dog's tail, who then screamed - set the nervous dog running off, making the other dog scream more - so she pooped herself in the hallway, before wriggling out of the harness and running off for half an hour (FML).
Did think it might be something I wear but, no change if I am in a suit, or tracksuit and T.
Aftershave is not a popular one either don't think it's that - will try days without it.
Anyway the missus got back today so she's a bit more relaxed - not relaxed enough to stop her jumping in the bath (with the missus) when I came into the bathroom.
From the moment we got her she extremely nervous around me, so I've not tried to be her 'friend'. - Re position in pack, she has to sit before following through doors, and walks behind our current pooch, so she knows her position.
I do avoid eye contact (as does she), which resulted in a debacle last night due to me not putting her harness on correctly, her rushing past the other dog, somehow lassoing the other dog's tail, who then screamed - set the nervous dog running off, making the other dog scream more - so she pooped herself in the hallway, before wriggling out of the harness and running off for half an hour (FML).
Did think it might be something I wear but, no change if I am in a suit, or tracksuit and T.
Aftershave is not a popular one either don't think it's that - will try days without it.
Anyway the missus got back today so she's a bit more relaxed - not relaxed enough to stop her jumping in the bath (with the missus) when I came into the bathroom.
Brother D said:
Anyway the missus got back today so she's a bit more relaxed - not relaxed enough to stop her jumping in the bath (with the missus) when I came into the bathroom.
oh dear! not that relaxing for her then! lol just thinking if you think smell is a factor, perhaps ask the missus to wear one of your t shirts or something of yours about the house for the day, then you put it on so it smells of her? just a random thought really!
I don't know if Nick would agree with me on this but personally I wouldn't be worried about going through doors first, making her sit etc. She is fearful and certainly not trying to push her way to the top. I'd only be thinking of this once she is trusting you, this is far more important to you both right now.
Nick what do you think?
Nick what do you think?
bexVN said:
I don't know if Nick would agree with me on this but personally I wouldn't be worried about going through doors first, making her sit etc. She is fearful and certainly not trying to push her way to the top. I'd only be thinking of this once she is trusting you, this is far more important to you both right now.
Nick what do you think?
That is what I was thinking as well, we are not looking at a dominance issue here but fear. So first things first is to get her to be happy in your company, so start by sitting on the floor and ignoring her along with offering treats. If you like, stick the Grand Prix on today and spend the entire time watching the race on the floor, ignore the dog as much as possible whilst providing treats (if she takes them). If she comes to you then ignore her then too. You have to do this a few times at least............Nick what do you think?
bexVN said:
I don't know if Nick would agree with me on this but personally I wouldn't be worried about going through doors first, making her sit etc. She is fearful and certainly not trying to push her way to the top. I'd only be thinking of this once she is trusting you, this is far more important to you both right now.
Nick what do you think?
I pretty much agree Bex, but as in all things a bit of balance is useful. Certainly not the time for obedience training as such, but a bit of basic manners would be ok.Nick what do you think?
It's hard to say without seeing the dog, but I'd relax about rules for now and just overcome the severe timidity first. A result of little or no socialisation I'm sure.
Nick
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