How to buy and import a domesticated elephant?

[GiorgioGT]

all jokes aside ring Harrods in london.

if its legal they can get you it. They once imported a crocodile for a customer

[Speeder]

Amazing animals all silliness aside.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephants

As to whether you could fuel a car off elephant turd bio-fuel, I see no reason why not.

[Zoom_Jones]

Your average elephant will eat the weight of 2 x human's per day and drink 200 litres of water.

Your post says 'elephants' so you're looking at more than 1. Which is a bit more tricky.

Shop Keeper - "Margaret, Margaret!"

<PAUSE> <NOD>

Margaret - "Ye-es"

Shop Keeper - "There's a gentleman on PH wants to know how to buy and import an Indian elephant"

Margaret - "Oh"

Shop Keeper - "Oh"

Margaret - "Ask him if he's tried Pets at Home, I think they do pets"

Shop Keeper - "She says have you tried Pets at Home as they do pets"

OP - "Have you got any African elephants?"

[Lord Benjamin]

Gizmo535 said:

BigBazza said:

Not a clue but 10/10 for the thread title.

Seconded.

FWIW I wonder whether elephant sh1t could be used as a source from which biofuel could be produced...

Why use elephant sh*t when there is a plentiful supply being spouted here?

Anyway, if you are heading down the fuel route, an African elephant would be better as it has bigger ears than an Indian elephant and could also be used as a source of wind power (flap its ears) or solar power (point ears in the direction of the sun). That's it! We can all offset our carbon footprints by buying an elephant. You heard it ear first, because Labour are bound to nick it and use it as a policy going forward.

[plasticpig]

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

[Gretchen]

plasticpig said:

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

You do realise though, that, unlike a Limo, you can't park them in your drive.

[Speeder]

plasticpig said:

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

You are either utterly utterly insane and should be locked up immediately.

Or you're a genius.

Edited by Speeder on Thursday 11th October 17:42

[DJFish]

"How to buy and import a domesticated elephant?"

Just buy a wild elephant and tame it, Dog Whisperer style.
That's lateral thinking that is!

[exboxster]

Might I suggest you watch "The Party" with peter sellers, to see what happens when you rent out elephants ?

[Lord Benjamin]

DJFish said:

"How to buy and import a domesticated elephant?"

Just buy a wild elephant and tame it, Dog Whisperer style.
That's lateral thinking that is!

Or you could rehome an ex working elephant?

Suprised that the police have stuck with spaniels. An elephant would make an excellent sniffer dog, given the size of its trunk. Having said that, an elephant wired on yayo might be a little harder to keep under control, when compared to a medium sized dog.

[rossc]

You Sir have made my day,month,year.

Utterly, utterly bonkers but genius all the same.

[Speeder]

Lord Benjamin said:

DJFish said:

"How to buy and import a domesticated elephant?"

Just buy a wild elephant and tame it, Dog Whisperer style.
That's lateral thinking that is!

Or you could rehome an ex working elephant?

Suprised that the police have stuck with spaniels. An elephant would make an excellent sniffer dog, given the size of its trunk. Having said that, an elephant wired on yayo might be a little harder to keep under control, when compared to a medium sized dog.

He should also check it's sexual orientation before buying. No offence but whose going to want to hire a gay elephant.

[ali_kat]

plasticpig said:

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

Do you have an exceptionally large, secure back yard then ?

Seriously, you may want to rethink this idea, under the Dangerous Animals Act 1976

You can't keep them privately, and IIRC you can't keep them in a Circus anymore either.

[Gretchen]

Although the idea of travelling to a wedding via elephant may sound appealing to some, I imagine the public liability insurance would be astornomical (can you actually use an elephant on public roads?).

I wonder where you'd even find an insurance quote.

[ewenm]

ali_kat said:

plasticpig said:

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

Do you have an exceptionally large, secure back yard then ?

Seriously, you may want to rethink this idea, under the Dangerous Animals Act 1976

You can't keep them privately, and IIRC you can't keep them in a Circus anymore either.

It wouldn't be private though - it'd be kept by a business as a working animal...

[tubbystu]

rossc said:

You Sir have made my day,month,year.

Seconded

plasticpig said:

.................. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars.

rossc said:

Utterly, utterly bonkers but genius all the same.

[Fidgits]

sleep envy said:

plasticpig said:

sleep envy said:

Are you after an Indian or African variety?

Indian variety.

sorry, only African ones left

Thats okay - give me 10 minutes with some sheers and it'll look like an Indian

[ali_kat]

ewenm said:

ali_kat said:

plasticpig said:

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

Do you have an exceptionally large, secure back yard then ?

Seriously, you may want to rethink this idea, under the Dangerous Animals Act 1976

You can't keep them privately, and IIRC you can't keep them in a Circus anymore either.

It wouldn't be private though - it'd be kept by a business as a working animal...

Hence I mentioned the Circus bit, there is legislation going through at the moment to stop that as well.

[shadowninja]

ewenm said:

ali_kat said:

plasticpig said:

ali_kat said:

Why?

Simple really. I live in the East Midlands which has a high Asian population. Lots of traditional Indian weddings have elephants present. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars. Elephant trekking and kids parties also look like good potential income earners.

Do you have an exceptionally large, secure back yard then ?

Seriously, you may want to rethink this idea, under the Dangerous Animals Act 1976

You can't keep them privately, and IIRC you can't keep them in a Circus anymore either.

It wouldn't be private though - it'd be kept by a business as a working animal...

In the stationary cupboard?

[grahamn]

tubbystu said:

rossc said:

You Sir have made my day,month,year.

Seconded

plasticpig said:

.................. So with some other investors I am starting to investigate the potential of wedding elephant hire. Just like wedding car hire but with elephants instead of cars.

rossc said:

Utterly, utterly bonkers but genius all the same.

This has got to be the best thread ever