Most ridiculous/bizarre accusations

[carreauchompeur]

I've had some crackers in the past.

Mainly on complaint forms. All sorts of nonsense. The edited highlights of a recent one included stolen knitted dinosaurs and numberplate concealing spray.

[McHaggis]

carreauchompeur said:

stolen knitted dinosaurs

Please tell...

[wicz]

sc0tt said:

Around 6 years ago?

Your numbers on ma girls phone man, whats going on? That one?

That's the one! Prank call I wasn't aware of?

[sc0tt]

wicz said:

That's the one! Prank call I wasn't aware of?

Afraid so chap.

[Tuvra]

Went to a very, very rough part of town with a few friends when I was younger, back to some girls flat (my mate had pulled it), anyway before leading him into the bedroom she warned us "I know everything in this room and know a guy across the street thats hard as f***, if anything goes missing especially the TV he will kick the st out of you"

I looked around and said "f*** this" and walked out whilst informing her I didnt want to be there and had no intention of nicking her 14" portable complete with baby porridge prints all over the screen which was worth less than my socks.

Rest of my mates burst out laughing and followed me out, the mate that took us back there was then lucky enough to have a threesome, well I say lucky, lucky until he got robbed by the pair of them...

[AndyClockwise]

Whilst running a pub with the then wife she answers the phone; conversation goes like this: -

Caller: Tell your husband to stop going out drinking with my husband every night
Wife: He doesn't go out drinking every night, plus I've never heard of you or him
Caller: Don't lie, your husband is taking my husband out every night for drinks and I've had enough. I never see him anymore
Wife: Are you sure you have the right pub? We work together every night, he hasn't been out on a night for months
Caller: You're lieing to protect him
Wife: I can assure you I'm not
Caller: (hangs up)

It transpires after a bit of digging around that a fruit machine engineer who had been to our pub a few months eralier had been having an affair and was using me as an alibi - which was a bit silly as a) I wouldn't have given him an alibi anyway & b) he didn't even ask me to provide him with an alibi

[wicz]

sc0tt said:

Afraid so chap.

That makes more sense!!

[ArsE92]

Not as amusing as any of your anecdotes, but when I was about 14 or 15 I was hanging around on the streets as we did at that age. Not doing anything wrong, apart from a couple of the boys I was with were smoking. A Police van pulled up and put us all in the back of the van and said they were taking us home as we shouldn't be hanging around on the streets.

So, they take me home and my Mum is clearly upset that I've been 'in trouble' with the Police. However, they then lied and told her that I was smoking in the back of the Police van. Now, as a kid I was the most anti-smoking person in the family. My Mum smoked and I used to harrass her all the time to quit, and she did. Luckily she didn't believe them and told them to bugger off.

Took me a while to regain any respect for the Police after that.

[Carthage]

I moved into a new house in a village (in the Forest of Dean) a few years ago.
My partner was working so I was at the new place alone, unloading stuff when three women start accusing me of moving closer to them to continue my affair with one of their husbands.
They ranted at me the whole time I was unloading the car (helpfully waiting til I came back out of the house each time) until I was left in no doubt as to my moral fibre, the sex acts I had supposedly committed with the errant husband, and the potential injurious effects on my health were I to continue.

I don't know what happened, but by the time I met them again in the local post office, they had clearly realised it was a case of mistaken identity, and were charmingly apologetic. I was pretty careful not even to wish any men in that village 'Good morning' after that, though.

[KrazyIvan]

Carthage said:

....until I was left in no doubt as to my moral fibre, the sex acts I had supposedly committed with the errant husband, and the potential injurious effects on my health were I to continue.

.....

Nothing like a warm welcome to the new neighbourhood

[Carthage]

KrazyIvan said:

Nothing like a warm welcome to the new neighbourhood

I don't know who had been sleeping with the husband, but she sounded pretty inventive - I wouldn't have had time to be that creative.

[rohrl]

Carthage said:

I moved into a new house in a village (in the Forest of Dean) a few years ago.
My partner was working so I was at the new place alone, unloading stuff when three women start accusing me of moving closer to them to continue my affair with one of their husbands.
They ranted at me the whole time I was unloading the car (helpfully waiting til I came back out of the house each time) until I was left in no doubt as to my moral fibre, the sex acts I had supposedly committed with the errant husband, and the potential injurious effects on my health were I to continue.

I don't know what happened, but by the time I met them again in the local post office, they had clearly realised it was a case of mistaken identity, and were charmingly apologetic. I was pretty careful not even to wish any men in that village 'Good morning' after that, though.

Did you ever work out who the true culprit was and did you by any chance get a telephone number?

[Carthage]

rohrl said:

Did you ever work out who the true culprit was and did you by any chance get a telephone number?

I didn't engage with the locals (sexually or socially) - it was all a bit too 'Wickerman' for me!

[Justayellowbadge]

I wonder why they thought it was you.

Do you tend to dress a bit slutty?

[otolith]

Not quite the same thing, but I remember taking a producer to Marlborough police station, having been nabbed for speeding, and getting the "don't I know you" treatment from the WPC on the desk. I had a short, pleasant conversation with her during which I tried to work out how we might have met socially and she looked a bit confused. It only occurred to me afterwards that she was actually saying "I think you are a person known to the police". Cheeky cow.

[Carthage]

Justayellowbadge said:

I wonder why they thought it was you.

Do you tend to dress a bit slutty?

I've heard about your sartorial elegance.

(OT - did you know I used to smoke? I gave it up without a second's craving. Certainly didn't get grumpy, or need to 'vape'.

Well done, though. )

[Justayellowbadge]

That would be a yes then.

[Carthage]

Justayellowbadge said:

That would be a yes then.

You're just a little bit pervy, aren't you, despite the (MDF) veneer of respectability?

[Adenauer]

-pulls up a chair-

[LeoSayer]

I walk onto a tube train.

Before the doors close behind me a woman jumps off her seat and pushes past me whilst walking off the train shouting 'You're supposed to let people off the train first'.