Most ridiculous/bizarre accusations
Discussion
I recieved an email from a "lady" who claimed I was her absent husband. She was in Australia (I've never been there) and the email was the most offensive and disgusting piece of filth I have ever read (and not in a good way 
)
It took me several email responses to convince her I was not who she thought I was.
)It took me several email responses to convince her I was not who she thought I was.
when my grandfather was dying, they put him on morphine but it was so long ago that the dosage was a bit too high, so he was semi-delusional most of the time in his last days. He was a terribly kind man who would always want to be as friendly and funny as he could.
in hospital, my dad pops into see him and my grandad goes 'what the f
k are you doing here?' 'i'm bloody pissed off with you, you're always swanning in here late, you'll lose your job if you keep doing that' my dad goes 'really, I'm so sorry' to which my grandad 'i've had enough of you, you're fired, go on fk off' to which my dad says 'oh okay, well bye then'. he walks out of the room, stays out there for a minute walks back in and then my grandad goes 'oh, mike! so nice to see you, god you don't know the people who've been through here today'...
in hospital, my dad pops into see him and my grandad goes 'what the f
k are you doing here?' 'i'm bloody pissed off with you, you're always swanning in here late, you'll lose your job if you keep doing that' my dad goes 'really, I'm so sorry' to which my grandad 'i've had enough of you, you're fired, go on fk off' to which my dad says 'oh okay, well bye then'. he walks out of the room, stays out there for a minute walks back in and then my grandad goes 'oh, mike! so nice to see you, god you don't know the people who've been through here today'...AndrewEH1 said:
Swifty Stig said:
Funniest accusation (police again) was when i was followed for a mile and pulled with my fiancee for questioning as to why we were parked up down the beach (eating supper) they thought I was drug pedalling or dogging!!
That annoys me more than the others. If they had spotted you at the beach looking suspicious why didn't they go up to you there and then?If you were doing something untoward you would have been arrested there and then.
Following someone around for a mile(s) is a complete waste of time, and they constantly complain about cuts!
Edited by AndrewEH1 on Friday 22 June 10:06
L1OFF said:
I recieved an email from a "lady" who claimed I was her absent husband. She was in Australia (I've never been there) and the email was the most offensive and disgusting piece of filth I have ever read (and not in a good way )
It took me several email responses to convince her I was not who she thought I was.
Post it up here. )It took me several email responses to convince her I was not who she thought I was.
Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on.
AndrewEH1 said:
mister_ee said:
They do this so as to have enough time to do a PNC check on your reg no and see if they've got any other reason to pull you
Fair enough, but they still pulled him over anyway...t excuses. I had cleaned my car and checked my lights etc were working earlier in the evening. Driving home after being over a mates house I was stopped at a temp traffic light and the rozzers pull up behind me. It is about 12.30 - 1am so they follow me about quarter of a mile and give me a flash of the lights to pull me over.So the bloke walks up and has a little chat (whilst two other coppers are walking about checking tax, tyres, etc), when he says he pulled me for a tail light being out. Knowing full well that I did not have a light out and that the van was parked directly behind me I demonstrate by watching the reflection from my lights in my mirrors shone against the front of the van as I went through them, testing them individually. Once I have finished demonstrating that I do not, in fact, have a light out he changed tact and said that they had had reports of a similar vehicle seen leaving a pub under suspicion of drink driving, even though he didn't breathalyse me. I don't even give a s
t really, if they want to pull me they are going to pull me, just dont lie to my fking face and inconvenience me whilst I'm on the way homeA girlfriend turned out to be mental in a rather surreal way. We'd agreed from the outset that this was for fun until one of us found someone else; there was a fifteen year age gap. After a few months she showed me long stories she had been writing featuring us in the future - married, children, etc. Scary. I immediately bailed out. I responded to emails politely but showing no interest in resuming anything and they stopped after a while. Exactly nine months later she emails me and says I now have a son. 
I was in a well paid contract at the time and taking a day off work to travel 50 miles to investigate, what I suspected was just an attempt to re-establish contact, wasn't viable. OTOH if there was a son I had to take responsibilty. So I hired a private dectective local to her to find out and there was no son. I suspect for his £120 he just drove over and said "congratulations on your new baby!" and watched the response.
I was in a well paid contract at the time and taking a day off work to travel 50 miles to investigate, what I suspected was just an attempt to re-establish contact, wasn't viable. OTOH if there was a son I had to take responsibilty. So I hired a private dectective local to her to find out and there was no son. I suspect for his £120 he just drove over and said "congratulations on your new baby!" and watched the response.
When I was about eight, I used to go to Brownies and one night I arrived at the hall (I used to walk there alone as it wasn't far from home) to find the mother of a girl I knew at school waiting for me. She grabbed my arm and dragged me off to the side of the building, then subjected me to a tirade about how I was trying to come between a friendship between her daughter and another girl at school. She was properly angry and kept jabbing her finger in my face and spitting as she shouted at me.
I tried to tell her that I had no idea what she was talking about but she kept shouting and accusing me of lying and trying to break them up. It was scary and not a little bit annoying because although I knew both the girls in question, in fact they both used to regularly bully me. Obviously I couldn't tell her this so I just had to put up with it. Christ knows what her daughter had said to her.
I tried to tell her that I had no idea what she was talking about but she kept shouting and accusing me of lying and trying to break them up. It was scary and not a little bit annoying because although I knew both the girls in question, in fact they both used to regularly bully me. Obviously I couldn't tell her this so I just had to put up with it. Christ knows what her daughter had said to her.
axgizmo said:
Wife: "he's cheating on me *Starts to cry*"
Me: "ok, bye"
Me: "ok, bye"
savageI've been accused of giving some dumb f
k KFC worker a £10 and saying it was a £20 note. This all happened when i wasn't even in the same town, leaving my college friends (this was some years back) to assume i had some evil doppleganger wandering around Welwyn Garden ripping off junk food shops 
She was proper livid, went and grabbed her boss who, being of equal intelligence, forgot he had walked 5ft away from his post and ended up serving me instead, which just made her even worse.
Sad thing is, about 2 years later i went back and she's still working there, giving me evils. Talk about holding a grudge...
In a Tesco in Telford.
Woman a with two children swings around her trolly wildly and smashes into a womans legs who was next to her.
Instead of appologising she bked the other woman for being in the way even though it was totally her fault.
She then looked at me just in time to catch me doing this
I then get the mouth full f ing B etc etc I just walk off. Not in the mood for an argument with a nutter.
Anyway as I walk off She startes yelling at her kids
"look at him look at him He hates children look at him"
She then follows me along the ailses shouting to all and sundry I hate children. After a while I snap and turn around
And tell her to fk off and go somewhere else I'm not interested
to which i get the reply "whats it got to do with you what I do?" she then goes to a member of staffs and shouts at him that I should be thrown out because I hate children.
Nutters
Woman a with two children swings around her trolly wildly and smashes into a womans legs who was next to her.
Instead of appologising she b
ked the other woman for being in the way even though it was totally her fault.She then looked at me just in time to catch me doing this
I then get the mouth full f ing B etc etc I just walk off. Not in the mood for an argument with a nutter.
Anyway as I walk off She startes yelling at her kids
"look at him look at him He hates children look at him"
She then follows me along the ailses shouting to all and sundry I hate children. After a while I snap and turn around
And tell her to f
k off and go somewhere else I'm not interestedto which i get the reply "whats it got to do with you what I do?" she then goes to a member of staffs and shouts at him that I should be thrown out because I hate children.
Nutters
Pesty said:
In a Tesco in Telford.
Woman a with two children swings around her trolly wildly and smashes into a womans legs who was next to her.
Instead of appologising she bked the other woman for being in the way even though it was totally her fault.
She then looked at me just in time to catch me doing this
I then get the mouth full f ing B etc etc I just walk off. Not in the mood for an argument with a nutter.
Anyway as I walk off She startes yelling at her kids
"look at him look at him He hates children look at him"
She then follows me along the ailses shouting to all and sundry I hate children. After a while I snap and turn around
And tell her to fk off and go somewhere else I'm not interested
to which i get the reply "whats it got to do with you what I do?" she then goes to a member of staffs and shouts at him that I should be thrown out because I hate children.
Nutters
fWoman a with two children swings around her trolly wildly and smashes into a womans legs who was next to her.
Instead of appologising she b
ked the other woman for being in the way even though it was totally her fault.She then looked at me just in time to catch me doing this
I then get the mouth full f ing B etc etc I just walk off. Not in the mood for an argument with a nutter.
Anyway as I walk off She startes yelling at her kids
"look at him look at him He hates children look at him"
She then follows me along the ailses shouting to all and sundry I hate children. After a while I snap and turn around
And tell her to f
k off and go somewhere else I'm not interestedto which i get the reply "whats it got to do with you what I do?" she then goes to a member of staffs and shouts at him that I should be thrown out because I hate children.
Nutters
k me. Imagine growing up with a parent like that. Her kids must be embarassed to leave the house. That won't have been the first time she's done something similar.The miserable tw@t of a 'neighbour' opposite, last month he accused me of puncturing his car tyre because he is one of these sad tts who doesn't like people parking on the road near his house so he likes to park on the road where I normally do instead of his drive so he thought I punctured his tyre, the twot has never apologised 
My grandmother accused me of having a bath at her house about ten years ago when I hadn't, but then she can be quite strange.
ts who doesn't like people parking on the road near his house so he likes to park on the road where I normally do instead of his drive so he thought I punctured his tyre, the twot has never apologised My grandmother accused me of having a bath at her house about ten years ago when I hadn't, but then she can be quite strange.
A few years ago I booked a holiday in Switzerland to go skiing with a crowd of friends. I had never skied before and was so excited about it and of course I was boring my workmates with all the details. So the day came and off I went. A week later I walked into work all excited to tell my workmates all about it (as you do) and sensed an atmosphere. They all said good morning but not one of them asked me about my holiday. It was a weird feeling. Then it got to tea break and I went into the tea room and one of the women said 'So how was your holiday'. I said it was great and proceeded to go into detail when she interrupted and said 'When did you get back' so I told her. She then said 'Oh really'?? I asked what was going on and I was told that the cleaner saw me standing outside the work two nights after I was 'allegedly' going to Switzerland. I explained that it wasn't me and no one believed me. The conversation was over and I was left feeling like a liar and nobody wanted to know. So as the day wore on I got angrier and angrier and said 'So why would I tell people I was going on holiday and then go and stand outside the work for everybody to see me? It was bizarre. So anyway, went home that night feeling completely deflated and my partner suggested I bring in my boarding pass. I perked up and thought 'That will show them'. So walked in the next day with the BP showing the day and time I boarded and the day and time I got back - a whole week. I went to the cleaner and said 'I see you have been hallucinating, well here's proof that you did not see me when you said you did'. She turned round and said 'I don't want to see it because I know what I saw'. So I scanned it onto my PC and e-mailed it to every person in the department. Within half an hour they apologised (not the cleaner though, never has to this date) and then of course I brought in the photos later on. It was the most horrible feeling that day though to be accused of being a liar but at least I did have the proof.
Not an accusation as such, but the story of the cleaner reminded me of an incident last year.
Our office has a keyfob entry method, and when the cleaner arrives we have to go down and let her in.
One morning at the end of a night shift I opened the door for her then went back up the stairs to my office.
A moment later I heard her coming up the stairs, a trip/stumble sound then she game staggering past my door and fell flat on her face.
I went over to her and asked if she was alright, and helped her get to her feet. Somehow she'd tripped on the top stair, staggered forward a few feet trying to regain her balance, then fallen over and smacked her face on the kitchen door frame. Came out with a black eye.
I told the day shift about it then went home to sleep.
I came in that night again and my line manager asked me to write a statement of what happened, so I wrote pretty much what I'd written above.
The cleaner had written a statement too, and for some reason had said that I was behind her when she was coming up the stairs. She didn't suggest I'd pushed her, but why she said I was behind her, when I'd actually been upstairs and in my office for around 30 seconds before she arrived, I don't know.
Luckily my line manager believed me rather than what she'd said, and the thought that I'd pushed her became a running joke for a few weeks.
Our office has a keyfob entry method, and when the cleaner arrives we have to go down and let her in.
One morning at the end of a night shift I opened the door for her then went back up the stairs to my office.
A moment later I heard her coming up the stairs, a trip/stumble sound then she game staggering past my door and fell flat on her face.
I went over to her and asked if she was alright, and helped her get to her feet. Somehow she'd tripped on the top stair, staggered forward a few feet trying to regain her balance, then fallen over and smacked her face on the kitchen door frame. Came out with a black eye.
I told the day shift about it then went home to sleep.
I came in that night again and my line manager asked me to write a statement of what happened, so I wrote pretty much what I'd written above.
The cleaner had written a statement too, and for some reason had said that I was behind her when she was coming up the stairs. She didn't suggest I'd pushed her, but why she said I was behind her, when I'd actually been upstairs and in my office for around 30 seconds before she arrived, I don't know.
Luckily my line manager believed me rather than what she'd said, and the thought that I'd pushed her became a running joke for a few weeks.
MadOne said:
A few years ago I booked a holiday in Switzerland to go skiing with a crowd of friends. I had never skied before and was so excited about it and of course I was boring my workmates with all the details. So the day came and off I went. A week later I walked into work all excited to tell my workmates all about it (as you do) and sensed an atmosphere. They all said good morning but not one of them asked me about my holiday. It was a weird feeling. Then it got to tea break and I went into the tea room and one of the women said 'So how was your holiday'. I said it was great and proceeded to go into detail when she interrupted and said 'When did you get back' so I told her. She then said 'Oh really'?? I asked what was going on and I was told that the cleaner saw me standing outside the work two nights after I was 'allegedly' going to Switzerland. I explained that it wasn't me and no one believed me. The conversation was over and I was left feeling like a liar and nobody wanted to know. So as the day wore on I got angrier and angrier and said 'So why would I tell people I was going on holiday and then go and stand outside the work for everybody to see me? It was bizarre. So anyway, went home that night feeling completely deflated and my partner suggested I bring in my boarding pass. I perked up and thought 'That will show them'. So walked in the next day with the BP showing the day and time I boarded and the day and time I got back - a whole week. I went to the cleaner and said 'I see you have been hallucinating, well here's proof that you did not see me when you said you did'. She turned round and said 'I don't want to see it because I know what I saw'. So I scanned it onto my PC and e-mailed it to every person in the department. Within half an hour they apologised (not the cleaner though, never has to this date) and then of course I brought in the photos later on. It was the most horrible feeling that day though to be accused of being a liar but at least I did have the proof.
Doesn't say much positive about the people you work with. In our place, they'd laugh and take the piss over something like that, not give the evils and stony silences. They sound pathetic!UnderTheRadar said:
Back on topic (not for long, I guess...)
A relative of mine was driving home at night at the end of his shift when he spotted a young lady trying to hitch-hike. Being in a looking after people kind of job he feared for her safety and stopped and offered to drive her home. After a mile she said "unless you give me £50 I'll report you to the police for rape" He replied that he didn't have £50 on him and he'd have to go back into town to get it. When he pulled up at the police station and identified himself as PC whatever, go ahead and report me - suddenly the passenger seat was empty
What a charming young lady.)A relative of mine was driving home at night at the end of his shift when he spotted a young lady trying to hitch-hike. Being in a looking after people kind of job he feared for her safety and stopped and offered to drive her home. After a mile she said "unless you give me £50 I'll report you to the police for rape" He replied that he didn't have £50 on him and he'd have to go back into town to get it. When he pulled up at the police station and identified himself as PC whatever, go ahead and report me - suddenly the passenger seat was empty
Flip Martian said:
MadOne said:
A few years ago I booked a holiday in Switzerland to go skiing with a crowd of friends. I had never skied before and was so excited about it and of course I was boring my workmates with all the details. So the day came and off I went. A week later I walked into work all excited to tell my workmates all about it (as you do) and sensed an atmosphere. They all said good morning but not one of them asked me about my holiday. It was a weird feeling. Then it got to tea break and I went into the tea room and one of the women said 'So how was your holiday'. I said it was great and proceeded to go into detail when she interrupted and said 'When did you get back' so I told her. She then said 'Oh really'?? I asked what was going on and I was told that the cleaner saw me standing outside the work two nights after I was 'allegedly' going to Switzerland. I explained that it wasn't me and no one believed me. The conversation was over and I was left feeling like a liar and nobody wanted to know. So as the day wore on I got angrier and angrier and said 'So why would I tell people I was going on holiday and then go and stand outside the work for everybody to see me? It was bizarre. So anyway, went home that night feeling completely deflated and my partner suggested I bring in my boarding pass. I perked up and thought 'That will show them'. So walked in the next day with the BP showing the day and time I boarded and the day and time I got back - a whole week. I went to the cleaner and said 'I see you have been hallucinating, well here's proof that you did not see me when you said you did'. She turned round and said 'I don't want to see it because I know what I saw'. So I scanned it onto my PC and e-mailed it to every person in the department. Within half an hour they apologised (not the cleaner though, never has to this date) and then of course I brought in the photos later on. It was the most horrible feeling that day though to be accused of being a liar but at least I did have the proof.
Doesn't say much positive about the people you work with. In our place, they'd laugh and take the piss over something like that, not give the evils and stony silences. They sound pathetic!hes and I am afraid there were a whole bunch of them in that place.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff