Has anyone used a private detective?

[DaveL485]

A bit down said:

I'm still seeing the person I was just getting comfortable with last time. It's pretty casual, we only really see each other at the weekend and occasionally during the week. I suspect she would like things to move on a bit from this but I don't think I would and it's all I really have time for anyway.

Likewise, I most definitely shy away from things stepping forward with my OH. Symptom of things past I wonder?

[D1ckie]

ABD

Glad things have moved on for you, I remember reading this thread last year and taking about 4 hours out of my day...

Did we ever find out who A was and how X & A got together

[A bit down]

DaveL485 said:

Likewise, I most definitely shy away from things stepping forward with my OH. Symptom of things past I wonder?

Almost certainly :-).

I'm sure that as and when the time becomes right things will move forward, either with this person or someone else.

Good luck in your journey!

[A bit down]

D1ckie said:

ABD

Glad things have moved on for you, I remember reading this thread last year and taking about 4 hours out of my day...

Did we ever find out who A was and how X & A got together

Thanks for the good wishes. I found out who he was quite early on (although I didn't share it on here) but in my view it's nothing to do with him - it's X that decided to do the wrong thing. He could have been anyone (although he is married with four children) and it appears he dropped her like a stone when things came to a head - not really a surprise.

They met on Facebook - "old friends....". In hindsight, he actually did me a favour.

[randlemarcus]

A bit down said:

Thanks for the good wishes. I found out who he was quite early on (although I didn't share it on here) but in my view it's nothing to do with him - it's X that decided to do the wrong thing. He could have been anyone (although he is married with four children) and it appears he dropped her like a stone when things came to a head - not really a surprise.

They met on Facebook - "old friends....". In hindsight, he actually did me a favour.

From personal experience, letting X know that will have roughly the same result as replying "no, it's the cakes that make you look fat" to the usual question. Fun though

[A bit down]

Rosscow said:

I sat down and read this thread for the first time pretty much from beginning to end the other day.

What a journey you've been on OP, and I think you should be very proud with how you have conducted yourself throughout the last 2 years.

Well done and good luck for the future.

Thank you, much appreciated.

[M3333]

A bit down said:

Thanks for checking in, and no need for anyone's face to be punched . I can't believe it's been nearly two years since this all kicked off.

There's not much to update really - I'm still seeing the person I was just getting comfortable with last time. It's pretty casual, we only really see each other at the weekend and occasionally during the week. I suspect she would like things to move on a bit from this but I don't think I would and it's all I really have time for anyway. We get on well and enjoy each others company and it's working for me at the moment. I'm making up for lost time in the intimacy stakes too .

The kids are doing well and I'm spending a lot of time with them, plus I'm very busy at work.

Given the circumstances I think things have played out about as well as they could have for me. I'm enjoying life and keeping a good balance - I'm certainly much happier overall than I have been for a long time.

X seems to be getting on with her life too, although I fully expect things to become more difficult when I ask for a divorce in the new year - we'll see.

I hope everyone in a similar boat is doing OK.

Great to hear. All the best.

[anonymous-user]

I split from my wife 8 months ago and having read this thread I could have written it word for word.

Just wanted to say I hope I will get to the same position you seem to be in soon.

[Rosscow]

Joey Deacon said:

I split from my wife 8 months ago and having read this thread I could have written it word for word.

Just wanted to say I hope I will get to the same position you seem to be in soon.

Chin up, Joey. As can be seen there is definitely light at the end of every tunnel and you'll get there!

[TwigtheWonderkid]

A bit down said:

Thanks for the good wishes. I found out who he was quite early on (although I didn't share it on here) but in my view it's nothing to do with him - it's X that decided to do the wrong thing.

Absolutely 100% right.

I've never got the hatred people feel towards the person that had an affair with their spouse. It's the spouse who made promises and with whom you have a contract. The other man/woman owes you nothing.

[ShyTallKnight]

Joey Deacon said:

I split from my wife 8 months ago and having read this thread I could have written it word for word.

Just wanted to say I hope I will get to the same position you seem to be in soon.

You will mate believe me. Like the saying goes "if you're going through hell keep going" there is light at the end of the tunnel

[TwigtheWonderkid]

In my experience the light at the end of the tunnel is infact a high speed train!

[A bit down]

Joey Deacon said:

I split from my wife 8 months ago and having read this thread I could have written it word for word.

Just wanted to say I hope I will get to the same position you seem to be in soon.

Sorry to hear that Joey. I spent a lot of sleepless nights too but things do get better with time and a positive attitude.

If you want to PM me I'm happy to chat offline but do keep your chin up.

[anonymous-user]

A bit down said:

Sorry to hear that Joey. I spent a lot of sleepless nights too but things do get better with time and a positive attitude.

If you want to PM me I'm happy to chat offline but do keep your chin up.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for your kind words. When I wrote my last post I found out that she had started seeing one of the separated dads from the school which wasn't nice to find out. Basically I have had this big issue where I feel she split with me because I wasn't good looking enough or exciting enough for her and here she is replacing me with some other guy with 2 kids who works in HR....

Anyway, I have since found out she gets him over to do the gardening for her and when she needed a new TV last week (she tried to get me to pay) the fool paid half for her. I have also found out that when she goes out with her friends she never takes him out with her. So this leads me to believe that she is just using him as she can't cope on her own. She is actually out on a hen night tonight so I am guessing she will be out flirting with much younger men if it is anything like when we were together. It reminds me of all the times I was at home looking after the children and she had lied to me about where she was going. It also reminds me of all the times she was glued to her phone messaging other men behind my back while I was sat next to her on the sofa. All I can say is that he is welcome to it, I never want to feel like that again.

She has gone through the whole mid life crisis thing, joined a gym, lost weight, going out with friends all the time, whole new wardrobe, addicted to facebook, getting tattoo's, chasing after guys 10+ years younger than her etc.

The point of all this rambling is that she hasn't changed in the slightest and she is still a selfish, lying, manipulative woman and this just goes to prove it. I now totally see her for what she is and I actually believe I am better off without her.

I have felt bit lost over the last 8 months or so and I am actually working in Australia at the moment as a way of trying to sort my head out. I am now really excited about coming back to the UK, buying myself a property of my own and getting on with my life. I have massive trust issues at the moment when it comes to women due to my ex's behaviour but I am hoping this will get better over time as well.

[GloverMart]

Joey Deacon said:

A bit down said:

Sorry to hear that Joey. I spent a lot of sleepless nights too but things do get better with time and a positive attitude.

If you want to PM me I'm happy to chat offline but do keep your chin up.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for your kind words. When I wrote my last post I found out that she had started seeing one of the separated dads from the school which wasn't nice to find out. Basically I have had this big issue where I feel she split with me because I wasn't good looking enough or exciting enough for her and here she is replacing me with some other guy with 2 kids who works in HR....

Anyway, I have since found out she gets him over to do the gardening for her and when she needed a new TV last week (she tried to get me to pay) the fool paid half for her. I have also found out that when she goes out with her friends she never takes him out with her. So this leads me to believe that she is just using him as she can't cope on her own. She is actually out on a hen night tonight so I am guessing she will be out flirting with much younger men if it is anything like when we were together. It reminds me of all the times I was at home looking after the children and she had lied to me about where she was going. It also reminds me of all the times she was glued to her phone messaging other men behind my back while I was sat next to her on the sofa. All I can say is that he is welcome to it, I never want to feel like that again.

She has gone through the whole mid life crisis thing, joined a gym, lost weight, going out with friends all the time, whole new wardrobe, addicted to facebook, getting tattoo's, chasing after guys 10+ years younger than her etc.

The point of all this rambling is that she hasn't changed in the slightest and she is still a selfish, lying, manipulative woman and this just goes to prove it. I now totally see her for what she is and I actually believe I am better off without her.

I have felt bit lost over the last 8 months or so and I am actually working in Australia at the moment as a way of trying to sort my head out. I am now really excited about coming back to the UK, buying myself a property of my own and getting on with my life. I have massive trust issues at the moment when it comes to women due to my ex's behaviour but I am hoping this will get better over time as well.

I wish you well Joey. I could have written half of what you just posted, myself. I'm a few years on from that place now and it does, and will, get better I promise.

[MarvGTI]

Joey Deacon said:

<long post>

Joey, I've been going through the same for about a year and half now and have read this thread as well, I hope you've kept your dignity throughout this and that you'll make it out better than you went it.

[A bit down]

GloverMart said:

Joey Deacon said:

A bit down said:

Sorry to hear that Joey. I spent a lot of sleepless nights too but things do get better with time and a positive attitude.

If you want to PM me I'm happy to chat offline but do keep your chin up.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for your kind words. When I wrote my last post I found out that she had started seeing one of the separated dads from the school which wasn't nice to find out. Basically I have had this big issue where I feel she split with me because I wasn't good looking enough or exciting enough for her and here she is replacing me with some other guy with 2 kids who works in HR....

Anyway, I have since found out she gets him over to do the gardening for her and when she needed a new TV last week (she tried to get me to pay) the fool paid half for her. I have also found out that when she goes out with her friends she never takes him out with her. So this leads me to believe that she is just using him as she can't cope on her own. She is actually out on a hen night tonight so I am guessing she will be out flirting with much younger men if it is anything like when we were together. It reminds me of all the times I was at home looking after the children and she had lied to me about where she was going. It also reminds me of all the times she was glued to her phone messaging other men behind my back while I was sat next to her on the sofa. All I can say is that he is welcome to it, I never want to feel like that again.

She has gone through the whole mid life crisis thing, joined a gym, lost weight, going out with friends all the time, whole new wardrobe, addicted to facebook, getting tattoo's, chasing after guys 10+ years younger than her etc.

The point of all this rambling is that she hasn't changed in the slightest and she is still a selfish, lying, manipulative woman and this just goes to prove it. I now totally see her for what she is and I actually believe I am better off without her.

I have felt bit lost over the last 8 months or so and I am actually working in Australia at the moment as a way of trying to sort my head out. I am now really excited about coming back to the UK, buying myself a property of my own and getting on with my life. I have massive trust issues at the moment when it comes to women due to my ex's behaviour but I am hoping this will get better over time as well.

I wish you well Joey. I could have written half of what you just posted, myself. I'm a few years on from that place now and it does, and will, get better I promise.

Seconded. Time is a great healer. Good luck.

[anonymous-user]

It's been 9 years since my divorce.

That life is but a distant memory, replaced with a new one filled with lots of happiness and potential with a new partner.

It does get better

All the best to all of you going through these difficult times.

[Impasse]

A bit down said:

Seconded. Time is a great healer. Good luck.

garyhun said:

It does get better

This mantra isn't always true, but does seem to work for many.

[MissChief]

Impasse said:

A bit down said:

Seconded. Time is a great healer. Good luck.

garyhun said:

It does get better

This mantra isn't always true, but does seem to work for many.

It usually gets better doesn't sound the same but many in the same situation will say that when you're down it's all the way up from there.