Lies to tell your children

[TomN94]

I have managed to convince my 5 year old cousin that eating fish is good because it helps your brain (that part is true) and makes you swim better.

[v8will]

Picking your nose will make your head cave in.

[Eddh]

If you suck your thumb you will suck all the skin off it and be left with just a bone.

[rhinochopig]

When the light comes on the PIR room sensor there's a Catholic priest watching you.

[NDA]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Had many giggles in the garden with him trying to fly. He honestly believed that he briefly hovered once.

It gets to the point where you almost regret telling such porkies!

[dudleybloke]

rhinochopig said:

When the light comes on the PIR room sensor there's a Catholic priest watching you.

[Fort Jefferson]

PeanutHead said:

I'm not your dad.

I am your real dad. I think?

[Hoofy]

PeanutHead said:

Peanuthead on the interweb has fk all to do today. True fact.

[NiceCupOfTea]

Bookmarked!

[buggalugs]

My Dad once told me that Chinese people have no bums. I believed it for quite a while.

[PeanutHead]

Rhinos are the only animal with a penis on their nose.
Another true fact.

[Papa Hotel]

buggalugs said:

My Dad once told me that Chinese people have no bums. I believed it for quite a while.

Chinese girls' fannies are cut sideways.

[NDA]

Papa Hotel said:

Chinese girls' fannies are cut sideways.

You tell that to children?

Nice.

[Fer]

PeanutHead said:

Rhinos are the only animal with a penis on their nose.
Another true fact.

Rhinos are just fat unicorns.

[Butter Face]

My wife's mother taught her loads of weird ones

Parachutes under the seat on planes
If you fart, just open a window and it'll go straight out.
Crocodiles down the drains


I'll try and remember some more.

[Kateg28]

If you unscrew your belly button your bottom will fall off.

My ex told our son this who was quite concerned although I found it very funny

[DaveL485]

That I qualified as a Chinese Burn Grand Master, in Chinaland, and that is why I am impervious to chinese burnage and also why they crumble every time I do it to them.

When my 6yo daughter saw Usain Bolt win gold, she said "Is he the fastest?" and I replied "Yes baby he's very fast".

"Faster than you Daddy?"

".....No not quite...."

[King Herald]

When the Xmas toy adverts start on TV in September and the little 'un starts asking "can I have that for Xmas dad?", just say "Yes, if you want".

And the subject stops there.


If you try to discuss, or make excuses, or talk them out of it, tell them it is too expensive, it goes on forever.

And when Xmas comes you have to ask them what they actually want.

[Bullett]

The plug hole monster lives in the pipes and drinks all your bath water, wee and poo. you can hear it gurgling when it drinks. Pull the plug and they get out the bath instantly because they don't want to be eaten.

Cats eat little boys willies if they don't wear their pants.

A dinosaur and a crocodile live in gandads garden in the bushes and live on fallen apples from the tree.

[Ozone]

The rubber pipe shaped things in mummys bedside draw are to beat the wardrobe monsters with.