Wife wants sprog Christened - I don't.
Discussion
ClaphamGT3 said:
You might like to read up on and understand our constitution; then you'd realise just how ill-informed your post actually is.
On the basis that all Episcopal appointments are subject to vetting and ratification by the Prime Minister, the Bishops are by far the most democratically legitimate members of the upper house.
On the basis that all Episcopal appointments are subject to vetting and ratification by the Prime Minister, the Bishops are by far the most democratically legitimate members of the upper house.
So the church suggests a couple of names to the PM, who gets to decide which one they will accept. Yes, I know it's a little more convoluted than that, but that's basically it, and only one has been rejected in decades. Even then it was Maggie rejecting a leftie.
The day we see a PM impose a Jewish, Muslim or Catholic Bishop on the Church of England to ensure less bias from the Lords Spiritual I'll accept that your bishops might have some minor modicum of credibility, but wait, Church of England bishops have to be members of the Church of England clergy don't they?
Mmmm.... there's democracy at is very finest!
Edited by Kermit power on Wednesday 10th October 21:24
GTO Scott said:
Jasandjules said:
Not sure how a child represents a failure however I don't think it would be right of your wife to insist on a religious ceremony for your child if that is not your wish. What about a non-religious naming ceremony as a compromise?
I'm too selfish to deal with having a child. A child will get in the way of what I want from life, in terms of where I can go, what I can buy and how I can live. Life was getting close to how I wanted it - own house, wife, and Labrador. Harry (the Labrador) is my substitute for a child - he is my boy, doesn't need clothes (grows his own), doesn't need to go to school, is excited by the prospect of eating left-overs, gives unconditional affection even when he's just had a b
king, and wants nothing more complex than a tennis ball to play with.Children are much more expensive.
As for a non-religious ceremony, she won't have that. Has to be a christening, has to be in a certain church.
We got married at Pendennis Castle - so no religious element in the marriage.
Time for a postscript, 20 months on.
At 0453 on the 20th October 2012 my life changed completely. My daughter was born, and I held her for the first half hour of her life. I was the first to hold her, and I think it was what changed my feelings.
I thought of this thread very much over the following few months, and revisited it several times.
My only question now, is this:
What the fk was I so scared of?
My outlook totally changed, my perceptive on life totally altered. The christening came and went. Not what I wanted, but I let it go to keep the peace.
And then there's the one thing I'd have never though possible: my wife is pregnant again, and its a planned pregnancy. Didn't think it fair that my daughter grew up as an only child, and besides, all the major equipment has been purchased already, so we might as well get our money's worth out of it.
Reading back through the thread, I'm not embarrassed, nor do I regret anything I wrote. That was me at 28, that's how I felt. Now I'm 30 and a parent.
And I bloody love it
At 0453 on the 20th October 2012 my life changed completely. My daughter was born, and I held her for the first half hour of her life. I was the first to hold her, and I think it was what changed my feelings.
I thought of this thread very much over the following few months, and revisited it several times.
My only question now, is this:
What the f
k was I so scared of?My outlook totally changed, my perceptive on life totally altered. The christening came and went. Not what I wanted, but I let it go to keep the peace.
And then there's the one thing I'd have never though possible: my wife is pregnant again, and its a planned pregnancy. Didn't think it fair that my daughter grew up as an only child, and besides, all the major equipment has been purchased already, so we might as well get our money's worth out of it.
Reading back through the thread, I'm not embarrassed, nor do I regret anything I wrote. That was me at 28, that's how I felt. Now I'm 30 and a parent.
And I bloody love it
Job done. Nice one.
Good to hear that you are enjoying being a parent. When I got divorced a few years ago I had two daughters. Didn't want anymore kids.
New partner got pregnant. I thought 'do I really want to start all over again in my mid 40's?'
So glad I did.
I now have a happy healthy 8 year old son who perfectly compliments my daughters - as in he doesn't answer me back!!!!!
Yet......
It's hard work being a parent yet it is rewarding & it gets better.
Enjoy it.
Good to hear that you are enjoying being a parent. When I got divorced a few years ago I had two daughters. Didn't want anymore kids.
New partner got pregnant. I thought 'do I really want to start all over again in my mid 40's?'
So glad I did.
I now have a happy healthy 8 year old son who perfectly compliments my daughters - as in he doesn't answer me back!!!!!
Yet......
It's hard work being a parent yet it is rewarding & it gets better.
Enjoy it.
SWTH said:
Time for a postscript, 20 months on.
At 0453 on the 20th October 2012 my life changed completely. My daughter was born, and I held her for the first half hour of her life. I was the first to hold her, and I think it was what changed my feelings.
I thought of this thread very much over the following few months, and revisited it several times.
My only question now, is this:
What the fk was I so scared of?
My outlook totally changed, my perceptive on life totally altered. The christening came and went. Not what I wanted, but I let it go to keep the peace.
And then there's the one thing I'd have never though possible: my wife is pregnant again, and its a planned pregnancy. Didn't think it fair that my daughter grew up as an only child, and besides, all the major equipment has been purchased already, so we might as well get our money's worth out of it.
Reading back through the thread, I'm not embarrassed, nor do I regret anything I wrote. That was me at 28, that's how I felt. Now I'm 30 and a parent.
And I bloody love it
Good on you OP, you have gone from zero to hero in my eyes, and no , I don't mean that in a gay way.At 0453 on the 20th October 2012 my life changed completely. My daughter was born, and I held her for the first half hour of her life. I was the first to hold her, and I think it was what changed my feelings.
I thought of this thread very much over the following few months, and revisited it several times.
My only question now, is this:
What the f
k was I so scared of?My outlook totally changed, my perceptive on life totally altered. The christening came and went. Not what I wanted, but I let it go to keep the peace.
And then there's the one thing I'd have never though possible: my wife is pregnant again, and its a planned pregnancy. Didn't think it fair that my daughter grew up as an only child, and besides, all the major equipment has been purchased already, so we might as well get our money's worth out of it.
Reading back through the thread, I'm not embarrassed, nor do I regret anything I wrote. That was me at 28, that's how I felt. Now I'm 30 and a parent.
And I bloody love it
GTO Scott said:
Mrs S has said the christening is tradition as much as anything else, which to me seems pointless. It's almost like saying I should go and have a case of chicken pox because everyone else has.
Looking back at your original OP, I suspect you may at some point soon come to realise that unlike Christenings, there actually potentially is a point to getting a case of Chicken Pox because everyone else has! 
If you've not had it personally, then you'd want to avoid it if at all possible, but given that it's a disease which almost everyone does get, and which is nastier to have the older you are, we actually had friends coming round when one of ours got it with the specific intention of trying to give it to their babies to get it out of the way at a young age!
My Christian parents did not get me christened for 3 reasons.
1) Jesus wasn't christened, until he was a teenager (apparently)
2) They thought that I'd go to hell if they made promises, which I wouldn't let them keep.
3) They thought that I should make the decision
It kind of upset my mother when I refused point blank to go to church, refused to be baptised, and refused to be confirmed, as it was my decision to make and not theirs to make.
The OP should just go along with the celebration, but question the words and the promises, and pretend to his wife that he intends to keep the promises, with all that requires like going to church every week, reading childrens bible story books at bedtime, praying with and for them. Adopt the "I only make promises I intend to keep" approach.
Reading his post, I have to ask why he got married, and was he tricked into pregnancy ?
1) Jesus wasn't christened, until he was a teenager (apparently)
2) They thought that I'd go to hell if they made promises, which I wouldn't let them keep.
3) They thought that I should make the decision
It kind of upset my mother when I refused point blank to go to church, refused to be baptised, and refused to be confirmed, as it was my decision to make and not theirs to make.
The OP should just go along with the celebration, but question the words and the promises, and pretend to his wife that he intends to keep the promises, with all that requires like going to church every week, reading childrens bible story books at bedtime, praying with and for them. Adopt the "I only make promises I intend to keep" approach.
Reading his post, I have to ask why he got married, and was he tricked into pregnancy ?
Pit Pony said:
My Christian parents did not get me christened for 3 reasons.
1) Jesus wasn't christened, until he was a teenager (apparently)
2) They thought that I'd go to hell if they made promises, which I wouldn't let them keep.
3) They thought that I should make the decision
It kind of upset my mother when I refused point blank to go to church, refused to be baptised, and refused to be confirmed, as it was my decision to make and not theirs to make.
The OP should just go along with the celebration, but question the words and the promises, and pretend to his wife that he intends to keep the promises, with all that requires like going to church every week, reading childrens bible story books at bedtime, praying with and for them. Adopt the "I only make promises I intend to keep" approach.
Reading his post, I have to ask why he got married, and was he tricked into pregnancy ?
I only read the first post, none of the 14 pages, or his update, but I'm glad he's enjoying life. My son was 21 on Monday, and I can't imagine life without him or his sister (18).....note that after he was born it took my wife 2 years to p[ersuade me that we should have another. 1) Jesus wasn't christened, until he was a teenager (apparently)
2) They thought that I'd go to hell if they made promises, which I wouldn't let them keep.
3) They thought that I should make the decision
It kind of upset my mother when I refused point blank to go to church, refused to be baptised, and refused to be confirmed, as it was my decision to make and not theirs to make.
The OP should just go along with the celebration, but question the words and the promises, and pretend to his wife that he intends to keep the promises, with all that requires like going to church every week, reading childrens bible story books at bedtime, praying with and for them. Adopt the "I only make promises I intend to keep" approach.
Reading his post, I have to ask why he got married, and was he tricked into pregnancy ?
My dad is religious, not really sure about my mum, however as a family we all went to church and my dad is still heavily involved in the church so as a consequence both myself and my sister where christened and I also became confirmed at about 15, I don't think my sister was though.
When I became confirmed then it all stopped for me, I never really had an interest and I think I was doing it more for my dad, it caused a bit of tension but then it all blew over.
The wife was brought up a Catholic, oh I was christened C of E, and did what Catholics do; baptism, taking Holy Communion etc, but a bit like me it was more to keep her dad happy and at an age where she could make her own decisions she stopped going.
Both of my girls, who are now 21 and 15 aren't christened, it was never a conversation that we had and it was something that we felt why should we, we didn't go to church, we don't really believe in it all so there is no need, if when they are older that want to explore that side of life then they are more than welcome and will be supported by us. Us not getting our two christened caused a massive issue with the wife's dad as at the time, whilst not a religious nut, he was very committed to his faith, my dad by contrast even though he was more committed to his faith than the father in law and does a lot for the local church and has done for about 30 years, understood why we didn't want it and had no issue at all with our decision.
My sister though, both hers are christened and I'm afraid it's all bks, the only time she has set foot in a church since she stopped going as a teenager was weddings; hers included other people's christening's and the few weeks of regular attendance up to when her two "where done" and they have never been since, I just don't get it, I think it is very disrespectful to the church and very hypocritical on my sister and her husbands side.
The problem with my sister and I think this is why she "got them done" and the same with her absolutely humongous wedding, is that she is a very insecure person and likes to make a big deal about events and likes everyone to know about it, it is an excuse to have something that is about her and her family and to announce it to everyone, both of the christening's were big affairs with many, many people invited.
It is quite amazing how many kids are christened however they or their parents never attend church.
When I became confirmed then it all stopped for me, I never really had an interest and I think I was doing it more for my dad, it caused a bit of tension but then it all blew over.
The wife was brought up a Catholic, oh I was christened C of E, and did what Catholics do; baptism, taking Holy Communion etc, but a bit like me it was more to keep her dad happy and at an age where she could make her own decisions she stopped going.
Both of my girls, who are now 21 and 15 aren't christened, it was never a conversation that we had and it was something that we felt why should we, we didn't go to church, we don't really believe in it all so there is no need, if when they are older that want to explore that side of life then they are more than welcome and will be supported by us. Us not getting our two christened caused a massive issue with the wife's dad as at the time, whilst not a religious nut, he was very committed to his faith, my dad by contrast even though he was more committed to his faith than the father in law and does a lot for the local church and has done for about 30 years, understood why we didn't want it and had no issue at all with our decision.
My sister though, both hers are christened and I'm afraid it's all b
ks, the only time she has set foot in a church since she stopped going as a teenager was weddings; hers included other people's christening's and the few weeks of regular attendance up to when her two "where done" and they have never been since, I just don't get it, I think it is very disrespectful to the church and very hypocritical on my sister and her husbands side. The problem with my sister and I think this is why she "got them done" and the same with her absolutely humongous wedding, is that she is a very insecure person and likes to make a big deal about events and likes everyone to know about it, it is an excuse to have something that is about her and her family and to announce it to everyone, both of the christening's were big affairs with many, many people invited.
It is quite amazing how many kids are christened however they or their parents never attend church.
DJFish said:
Isn't it funny, even in this modern and enlightened age, that a few million years of human evolution can still turn the cavemen to big softies!
Unfortinately it's not my quote (I'm not smart enough), but someone explained it to me like this;Before kids, your emotions feel like a small 14" black and white TV
The second your 1st is born your emotions feel like a 60" hi def plasma with surround sound.
It wasn't ever my interest to get my daughter Christened, but my wife was from a family where both parents were raised religious. Her Mum isn't religious anymore, but her Dad is and so is her Dads mother. So even before we tried for children this was discussed and although it's not what I would've chosen to do, I just couldn't see any negatives.
We also got married in a Church and our local is actually very pleasant and the vicar is honestly, a real laugh. He frequently mocks the religion in his sermons and has the whole church laughing at various parts of it too. But the sentiment and sense of community there is excellent.
On top of this, it's a good thing to do as a family and with me being agnostic and my wife Christian, I feel we can give our daughter a good balanced life on morality and it can only be helped by going to Church. I think it's a superb book and a lot can be learnt from it and whether you like it or not, it has kind of shaped the majority of our western values.
So after months of discussion, I just couldn't come up with a single reason why we wouldn't get our children Christened.
After all, we all make a whole array of choices for them based in our interests, so why does everyone suddenly get so protective with wanting to allow them to decide whether they're Christened or not?
Anyway, the after party was probably one of the best parties I'd ever been to. Surrounded by both sets of friends and family in our back garden in the sun, with copious amounts of alcohol
Can I get an Amen to that?
We also got married in a Church and our local is actually very pleasant and the vicar is honestly, a real laugh. He frequently mocks the religion in his sermons and has the whole church laughing at various parts of it too. But the sentiment and sense of community there is excellent.
On top of this, it's a good thing to do as a family and with me being agnostic and my wife Christian, I feel we can give our daughter a good balanced life on morality and it can only be helped by going to Church. I think it's a superb book and a lot can be learnt from it and whether you like it or not, it has kind of shaped the majority of our western values.
So after months of discussion, I just couldn't come up with a single reason why we wouldn't get our children Christened.
After all, we all make a whole array of choices for them based in our interests, so why does everyone suddenly get so protective with wanting to allow them to decide whether they're Christened or not?
Anyway, the after party was probably one of the best parties I'd ever been to. Surrounded by both sets of friends and family in our back garden in the sun, with copious amounts of alcohol
Can I get an Amen to that?
Whilst I hold organised religion in complete contempt nowadays, I don't actually regret getting confirmed.
I was confirmed in the local English church when we were living in France in 1983. As the oldest of three kids getting confirmed in the same ceremony, this meant I was the first to be confirmed there on the day, and as a result the first to get confirmed in that church in just over 50 years. The last person to be confirmed there before me went on to lose his life flying an RAF Lancaster in 1943.
I only know this because his mother, by then well into her nineties was in the congregation at my confirmation, and the pleasure she got from being a part of two events half a century apart, bringing back happy memories about her own son mean far more to me than any of the religious ceremony did then or does now.
I was confirmed in the local English church when we were living in France in 1983. As the oldest of three kids getting confirmed in the same ceremony, this meant I was the first to be confirmed there on the day, and as a result the first to get confirmed in that church in just over 50 years. The last person to be confirmed there before me went on to lose his life flying an RAF Lancaster in 1943.
I only know this because his mother, by then well into her nineties was in the congregation at my confirmation, and the pleasure she got from being a part of two events half a century apart, bringing back happy memories about her own son mean far more to me than any of the religious ceremony did then or does now.
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