Cheating

[Zwolf]

Mobsta said:

For me, anything more than a non aggressive chat, would be a waste of my time. I'd want to talk my way to the bottom of the matter, to be better able to consider my position.

I must be alone in this, as I don't ever recall having heard a British male say likewise, or similar. Ever.

You're not alone, I'm a British male and have indeed said likewise, on this forum on a semi-regular basis whenever such a thread arises.

It usually gets lost in amongst all the flinging around of ego, testosterone and vitriol though.

[Carthage]

200bhp said:

Heres a question for you all....

Does going with a hooker whilst away on business count as cheating?

It's up to the couple to agree on, and abide by their own contract in terms of what they can/can't do.

My partner using a hooker would not be acceptable to me, but open relationships would be fine if equal rules and agreed in advance.

(The problem with prostitution is that it's not without victims).

Everyone's different, though.

[Adenauer]

Having been married to my then wife for all of about a year, I had to attend two back to back exhibitions in France and Germany for work. I had been away doing these for nearly two weeks and had set up the stands and then helped man the exhibitions myself, I even drove the 7.5t lorry over there from Uxbridge with all the stuff in it to save money.

Anyway, at the end of the second exhibition I packed everything into the lorry and headed off from Friedrichshafen toward England. I had planned to stop off for the night in Belgium but was making really good progress so decided to "go for it" and surprise the wife by arriving in the middle of the night instead of the next day.

I pulled up outside our house at about 3am, crept in, and found her lying in bed with some other bloke
I switched on the light, asked him to get out of my bed, hit him once or twice, asked him to leave, and then told the wife that I thought we ought to have a chat.

As it turned out she was very sorry and was really pleased that I was willing to give it another try, very VERY pleased, if only she knew what she was dealing with! You see we had booked a two week holiday in Kenya a few months earlier, a rather expensive one and I didn't want to miss it. So, a month or so before we were due to go, I got in touch with an estate agent mate of mine who came to look at "my" house whilst she was out, he valued it and I told him to sell it while we were in Kenya, at 20% below the asking price so that it would definitely sell.

Off we flew to Malindi and had a fabulous two weeks in the Hemmingways Hotel, I was being very extravegant, I even chartered a whole fishing boat that would normally take 6 people ('ol Jogi 2'), just for myself, my ex-wife put it on her credit card as I couldn't find mine I spent a lovely day catching swordfish and drinking beer whilst she was probably being pounded by some big black bloke, still, no worries.

Wo got back to England all tanned and lovey dovey, she returned to work and I visited my mate, the house was sold and I had a few bits of paper to sign. A few weeks later after I'd arranged to share a posh flat in Bath with a mate of mine and shag anything that moved for a year whilst blowing my money made from the sale of the house I got an exchange date, oooh, this was getting exciting I took a days holiday for the day before the big day and the previous evening had a lovely meal with the wife, treated her like a queen, had plenty of hot luvin', she was sooo happy and kept telling me how grateful she was. The next morning we both went to work, well, I say both, I drove around the block and then straight back home. I put the stereo in the car, packed up a few essentials (fishing rod, snooker cue, and a pair of jeans), and left her a note which read: "Remember a few months ago when you did the dirty on me? Well, I'm off, you have until tomorrow to get out, take what you want, the house is sold, have a nice life, tata".

Poor girl had nowhere else to go.

Still, I enjoyed the fishing...



My tatty old house that I sold (I miss the maroon GT6 though not the white one, bloody rustbucket)



Posh top floor flat in Bath with the new pulling toy



Now THAT's how to deal with a cheater

[Mobsta]

Both harsh and cruel, but funny

@zwoelf, good man

[Mobsta]

Carthage said:

open relationships would be fine if equal rules and agreed in advance.

Its no often you hear that from one of the ladies...

What got you round to that way of thinking?

[Adenauer]

Mobsta said:

Both harsh and cruel, but funny

Harsh my arse, harsh is finding your wife in your bed with another bloke at 3am

[Changedmyname]

Anyone top that? I doubt it.
Top marks there.

[gog440]

Well done Adenauer, that is a fantastic way of dealing with a cheat.

[Mobsta]

Adenauer said:

Harsh my arse, harsh is finding your wife in your bed with another bloke at 3am

It could have been a bearded lady though, then, how would you have felt?

I thank you for reposting though. Quite a story! As for the ending, who did she end up staying with? (Sorry, had to ask).

[Adenauer]

Mobsta said:

It could have been a bearded lady though, then, how would you have felt?

I thank you for reposting though. Quite a story! As for the ending, who did she end up staying with? (Sorry, had to ask).

She moved back in with her parents for a while who lived about 10 miles away IIRC, then rented herself a grubby flat in Bristol.

[Carthage]

Mobsta said:

ts no often you hear that from one of the ladies...

What got you round to that way of thinking?

Nothing 'got me round' to that way of thinking; I've always had eccentric views, and relationships are quite fluid in nature anyway.

I am not sure why liking/loving one person has to mean that you can no longer like/love anyone else - emotions don't switch on/off like that for me.

I know that this will be misread by many - and would like to add that I'm always honest, and never would 'cheat' in a monogamous relationship. I wouldn't see the point - if I wasn't happy either I'd discuss it and resolve issues, or leave.

[AndyNetwork]

I was in a situation, not quite the same, but the feelings etc. were identical.

My wife and I were going through a rough patch, which lead in the end to her telling me it was over. I moved out, with the hope that we could work things through, and get back together.

However, she had other ideas, and decided to screw my best mate, who I had been using as a sounding board, so it wasn't as though he didn't know the situation, and was also seeing two other girls at the same time.

As for revenge, well, even now, 5 years later, if I got the chance I would get revenge (best served cold, and with a side order of ice!) He doesn't even know that I know about it. Mind you given the girl he's now living with, I think there is a good dose of karma for him!

My now ex-wife soon found out that he was everything that she was complaining I was, and more, and has had a few not so good fella's since. (More Karma!)

As for venting my anger at the time - I beat the st out of a printing press nearly breaking my hand in the process.

[Pints]

Mobsta said:

Pints said:

I've also just read that thread and couldn't help thinking, "I'd fking kill the bh."

When reality kicked in I probably wouldn't, but I'd probably make her life hell.

Not to point fingers, MR PINTS(!!!) but I would want the quietest exit possible. I'd possibly even give the chap a lift home if be bared his soul on the way and told me everything I wanted to know.

Someone else can blowtorch his balls and paintstrip his foreskin - I enjoy banter on every level, but if the end was nigh, I'd want anything but violence or aggression, both of which would stand in the way of the information I needed to make closure, up sticks and disappear.

I haven't just turned 18 and I don't have a holy pope type chip on my shoulder either. I have spent a few decades considering the auto-aggression nature of others though. There are plenty of yanks who would turn on heel and go straight to the gun cupboard. But why? Would they deserve that, etc?

Not sure why you make the reference to pointing fingers or stressing of Mr Pints.

But to answer your final question, I think that they would deserve that.

[STIfree]

I'd like to say I'd just leave her and get on with my life, not look back and not react. But if there was kids/marriage involved that may be harder. I say I'd like to do that but I suppose you wouldn't know until the situation came, I broke up with a girlfriend of 2 years, went round a week later to try sort things out and seen the car of her friend from work outside, I didn't act how I would of liked and ended up throwing a few fists about followed by a chat with the police a few weeks later. Hindsight, it's always always better not to react, up and leave as it'll be better on yourself and also kind of rub it in the other parties face that you didn't really care about them at all if you can just leave so simply.

[poprock]

Mobsta said:

What would you do if or when you find out your other half has done the dirty?

I told her to drive him home and come straight back for a chat. I shouted at her quite a lot. I spent a couple of months trying to talk my way to the bottom of things with her, found out she was still after the other guy, and left for good.

After a year+ of recovering, moving on, etc … I still regret not punching the other bloke in the face a couple of times when I caught them. Feels like I kept TOO calm and stayed too reasonable, and feels like the other guy ‘got away with it’. My sense of justice is unfulfilled.

In truth though, I doubt breaking the guy’s nose would have made me feel any better. It’s just one of those questions I’ll never know the answer to.

[Zwolf]

DJRC said:

I'd shrug and save myself the cost of flights home every cpl of weeks and carry on my life out here.

Why do I not find that hard to believe from you?

[Oakey]

drivin_me_nuts said:

Walk away. I'm worth more than a shed load of malice and bile that comes with revenge and hatred. Life is too short to harbour grudges and thoughts of 'justice' - far more pleasure to be had in being happy and enjoying life with someone else.

This. My ex cheated on me and I 'bumped' into the lad in the street. Words were exchanged and I was relatively calm and polite until he pushed me, so I punched him, he ran off and phoned the police and I got a month on tag. And this despite him admitting he pushed me first and me claiming self defense.

So now I'm a bit older, and wiser? I honestly don't think I could give a fk. I'd move on, find someone else. Life is too short.

ETA: He knocked the ex up 6 months later and their relationship barely lasted until the kids first birthday. She's now seeing one of his mates. Karma.

[jimbobsimmonds]

To be honest I have never understood the desire to seek revenge on the 3rd party...

Say some guy who doesn't know you pulls your gf/wife/dog on some night out and takes her home (like most of us would do if single) how is he in the wrong? It's her fault, she is the one whoc heated on you, not him...

If it's a mate of yours though st would have to hit the fan I'm afraid...

[poprock]

jimbobsimmonds said:

Say some guy who doesn't know you pulls your gf/wife/dog on some night out and takes her home (like most of us would do if single) how is he in the wrong? It's her fault, she is the one whoc heated on you, not him...

Because it’s usually not that simple. It’s often some guy who knows your other half well enough to know exactly what he’s doing.

[ShawCrossShark]

I have been on the receiving end twice

First was my long term partner of six years. At the time our daughter was 3 years old. I let it go quietly for the sake of maintaining a relationship for my daughters sake. Seven years down the line we get on better than we ever did when we lived together and work well together for our daughter. She was conned. He promised the world and turned out to be an abusive conman. She has now been single for 3 years, had her house reposessed and has thousands of pounds worth of debt to the bank. I don't revel in it or think of it as karma as it affects my little girl. Tbh if I saw him now I would probably leather him for how he affected my daughter

I started seeing a younger woman after the above break up. After three and a half years together we got married and all was seemingly good. Fast forward 15 months and she ran off with a married man from work (I worked there as well) two weeks before Christmas. He walked out on his wife and kids. This upset my daughter immensely and is the only thing that I can never forgive.

I was always of the mentality that if she wanted to be with that sort of person then they were welcome to each other. Two years on I am happy in a relationship with a woman who I trust completely (and who suffers from very little of "The Mental"), as I have not allowed bitterness and resentment to sour my life

Through no fault of my own I am financially ruined and am probably looking at losing my house in the new year. Tbh, it's just bricks and mortar to me now, and it just accelerates the plan to move in with the OH. I have had to learn to live much more frugally and the life lessons learned have been vast, but revenge has never entered my head.

I am sure that one day her house of cards will come crashing down. When it does I will not allow myself to revel or celebrate in it, as by doing so it will only show that I still care

Leave them to it and get on with living your life. You only get one go at it