Match.com (Volume 6)

[davek_964]

johnwilliams77 said:

No, she's got baggage.

Doesn't mean you cannot have fun...!

I think everybody my kind of age (including me) has baggage!

Anyway - in the short term, she's been beaten to a date by another girl. We are meeting this evening.

[Shore]

Steve vRS said:

The only thing I worried about is that I was hoping to just meet a few women for fun and not get involved with anyone. But, this woman is great and I'm very attracted to her pictures and personality. Maybe she will stink when we meet.

You can go with her and date other girls too. End of the day you only live once.

[Steve vRS]

xjay1337 said:

Be careful of the "2 year out of date photo" .

I wouldn't be "too" interested, play it cool etc. Also, custard test.

Photos are current. She sent me some over the weekend. But agreed, I need to keep my powder dry.

[davek_964]

Had my date Tuesday night. Went fairly well - we only left because the pub was closing - but there wasn't much of a spark even though she was fairly attractive. We hadn't chatted much online before the date, so it seemed much more of a "blind" date than normal and I don't think that helped. I would have seen her again to be sure, but I guess she felt the same as me since I've not heard anything back.

However, I'm not massively disappointed since I have a date this evening with the other lady I was chatting to. We get on very well chatting on the phone - and in the past when I've got on this well with somebody, it always results in a good date and a second one if I want it. However, with this lady I simply don't know - she is out of my league in every respect so who knows. I don't usually feel nervous going into dates, but this time I am!

[johnwilliams77]

I really think you should avoid thinking people are out of your league, full stop. It can be an easy thing to think but you should think highly of yourself and everyone on this earth has the same result...
It may not help with nerves / how relaxed you are if you think she is out of your league. Good luck, smash it....!

[davek_964]

johnwilliams77 said:

I really think you should avoid thinking people are out of your league, full stop. It can be an easy thing to think but you should think highly of yourself and everyone on this earth has the same result...
It may not help with nerves / how relaxed you are if you think she is out of your league. Good luck, smash it....!

I generally don't - I'm pretty confident about the dating thing usually, and I'm aware I can be a bit arrogant. But this girl probably is!

[xjay1337]

johnwilliams77 said:

I really think you should avoid thinking people are out of your league, full stop. It can be an easy thing to think but you should think highly of yourself and everyone on this earth has the same result...
It may not help with nerves / how relaxed you are if you think she is out of your league. Good luck, smash it....!

I agree. Leagues are a concept brought about by bell ends who are jealous of their uglier/fatter mates getting "hotter" girlfriends than them.

[davek_964]

xjay1337 said:

johnwilliams77 said:

I really think you should avoid thinking people are out of your league, full stop. It can be an easy thing to think but you should think highly of yourself and everyone on this earth has the same result...
It may not help with nerves / how relaxed you are if you think she is out of your league. Good luck, smash it....!

I agree. Leagues are a concept brought about by bell ends who are jealous of their uglier/fatter mates getting "hotter" girlfriends than them.

Nah - I had a date last week and I was definitely out of her league

So, it seems that the lady I saw Tuesday night actually does want to see me again. I usually avoid seeing multiple people at the same time, so will have to see how tonight goes before deciding....

[Shnozz]

davek_964 said:

Nah - I had a date last week and I was definitely out of her league

So, it seems that the lady I saw Tuesday night actually does want to see me again. I usually avoid seeing multiple people at the same time, so will have to see how tonight goes before deciding....

I mean no disrespect when I say that you appear to be taking the whole match/tinder/pof thing a bit too seriously. Not sure of your age but can I guess you are in the older demographic?

The courteous approach you appear to be adopting is out of kilter with the modern day I would suggest. Just through yourself out there, dont take it too seriously, date/chat to as many as you fancy and don't build up any of these dalliances until you actually meet once or a few times. Don't analyse it too much, don't put them in league tables (certainly not ahead of meeting - everyone is on these sites for a reason...) and just have a bit of fun. If a spark is created, great, go for it with a more traditional dating methods and then perhaps quit chatting to other matches. It's what the women will be doing, as indeed almost everyone on the site. I'd argue if you aren't doing that, but instead have eyes only on one (particularly before even meeting), the target of your focus would be more spooked than see you as a loyal potential partner.

[davek_964]

Shnozz said:

I mean no disrespect when I say that you appear to be taking the whole match/tinder/pof thing a bit too seriously. Not sure of your age but can I guess you are in the older demographic?

The courteous approach you appear to be adopting is out of kilter with the modern day I would suggest. Just through yourself out there, dont take it too seriously, date/chat to as many as you fancy and don't build up any of these dalliances until you actually meet once or a few times. Don't analyse it too much, don't put them in league tables (certainly not ahead of meeting - everyone is on these sites for a reason...) and just have a bit of fun. If a spark is created, great, go for it with a more traditional dating methods and then perhaps quit chatting to other matches. It's what the women will be doing, as indeed almost everyone on the site. I'd argue if you aren't doing that, but instead have eyes only on one (particularly before even meeting), the target of your focus would be more spooked than see you as a loyal potential partner.

I understand what you mean, but it's simply the way I prefer to do things. Yes, I am older (late 40s) demographic but I adopted the same approach (most) of the times I've been on dating sites in the past even when I was younger.
It's not so much that I'm invested in people particularly before I meet them, or think that they're going to be my dream come true - I'm just not the sort of person who likes / wants to see multiple people at the same time to see which works out. It also doesn't really seem necessary since the ladies themselves may well be having plenty of dates but they're usually still available if I become free again, so it doesn't generally seem to mean I miss my chance.
I know that everybody has their own approach to the dating sites, and I have no doubt that some of the people I meet have dates queued up - in fact, we chatted about that briefly last night and although tonights date doesn't currently have any dates planned she did say that last time she setup dates on there (a few months ago) she actually arranged 4 in the same week. I have no problem with that - everybody can do it the way they prefer - it's only if you've seen each other a few times and it does seem to be going somewhere that I think you have to align (i.e. get off the site!).

[Shnozz]

Very honourable Davek - whilst I am not sure I agree, I admire the approach.

[anonymous-user]

I read this thread occasionally.

Have met in the past one long term girlfriend by a paying site called Dating Direct, and the last long term by POF.

Currently on POF, considering perhaps trying Match but the subscription where you can't tell if someone else is a subscriber is off putting.

But away from that are any of you chaps (or ladies) on both POF and Match ? If so do you find it's the same old faces on both?

[Ki3r]

I was seeing someone for around a month or so, then she went all weird messing me about. Number deleted and removed from all social media. Logged back onto POF and Tinder and had a couple of dates.

One from Tinder was nice, but no spark there. Conversation was really forced (even via text). First date was the cinema (first time doing that...its st, but I got to see a film no one else wanted to see with me ha).

Other from POF. I didn't read her profile really before I got talking and didn't see she works in a church. I'm an atheist. We met last Thursday and got on brilliantly. Second date on Tuesday was great as well and third planned for Saturday. Undecided at the moment. Might go out for a meal or might just get a take away at hers. Either way really surprised that we get on so well as on paper we shouldn't.

[Steve vRS]

Steve vRS said:

xjay1337 said:

Be careful of the "2 year out of date photo" .

I wouldn't be "too" interested, play it cool etc. Also, custard test.

Photos are current. She sent me some over the weekend. But agreed, I need to keep my powder dry.

Photos may have been current but must have benn well lit from an advantageous angle. Real shame as she was a lovely woman who I got on with really well but I'm afraid I'm a little bit shallow and just need to have some attraction. Plus it was my first, first date for 20 years so I didn't really want to enter another committed relationship which is what she wanted I think. Feel like a shti for having to let her down though.

[YankeePorker]

A vote here for OK Cupid - worked very well for me here in the US, don't know how populated it is in the U.K. It has the advantage of being functional without paying, sure you can pay to get more info but at the base (free!) level it works fine.

Am rather shocked to say that my first internet date has turned out to be a lovely divorcee, non-bunny boiler, and 2 weeks later we are getting on extremely well.

Part of my "success" might be a realistic approach. I'm no spring chicken, so looked at but resisted the temptation of the 35ish yo, tight pussied hotties wanting babies and nightclubs. I judge that if it's purely carnal then other sites such as tinder might be better suited.

Good luck to you all! One thing I will say, coming out of the headfk that is partner infidelity and just being there for your kids, meeting someone new is very good for you - as my internet date said, "It's so great to feel alive again!".

[davek_964]

Somebody at work recommended OkCupid to me. I did create a profile, but haven't messaged anybody. Recognised a few faces but in general I was less impressed than with POF.

[xjay1337]

Steve vRS said:

Photos may have been current but must have benn well lit from an advantageous angle. Real shame as she was a lovely woman who I got on with really well but I'm afraid I'm a little bit shallow and just need to have some attraction. Plus it was my first, first date for 20 years so I didn't really want to enter another committed relationship which is what she wanted I think. Feel like a shti for having to let her down though.

It's not shallow at all, as long as you don't soley judge on appearance!

You do need some sort of attraction for a long lasting relationship

[davek_964]

So, my Thursday night date (with the girl I considered out of my league) was postponed to Friday because she couldn't make it. It went very well indeed - who knew that the bars in Ascot stay open until 3am? I got to bed about 4.30, just as it was getting light - not something that happens often at my age....

We've seen each other again since, and it continued to go very well - we'll see each other again in a few days, and she's also coming to the gig I'm going to next week.

Having met her - and got to know her a bit more - she definitely is out of my league! But bizarrely, seems to think I'm great, so for now I think we'll go with her opinion.

So, I'm off the dating site for now and we'll see how it goes. I'm a little nervous - although we have only seen each other a couple of times, it was for quite a lot of the weekend and it felt far more like I was with my "girlfriend" yesterday than that I was on a 2nd date - it all felt extremely easy and natural. If we continue for a while and do become a proper item, I think this is a girl I could properly fall for - and that's a scary thought. But we'll see.

[feef]

xjay1337 said:

Steve vRS said:

Photos may have been current but must have benn well lit from an advantageous angle. Real shame as she was a lovely woman who I got on with really well but I'm afraid I'm a little bit shallow and just need to have some attraction. Plus it was my first, first date for 20 years so I didn't really want to enter another committed relationship which is what she wanted I think. Feel like a shti for having to let her down though.

It's not shallow at all, as long as you don't soley judge on appearance!

You do need some sort of attraction for a long lasting relationship

I find that if the photos are all angled down from above, then that is that 'advantageous angle'

[Gretchen]

feef said:

I find that if the photos are all angled down from above, then that is that 'advantageous angle'

It's the female version of 'my kids are my world' >inserts shirtless/gym/fitness photo< and mentions height.