Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
Just wondered has anyone ever had any strange dates?
One that sticks in my mind is a girl messaged me ginge, skinny but with a face only a mother could love we got chatting asked what I was doing that evening, I said no plans probably get a takeout as hadn’t been shopping. She then asked me if I wanted dinner and proceeded to read out a list of what she had in her freezer. I picked something out, she made about the hour long drive down with a freezer bag, cooked us dinner stayed night complete filth and went the next day.
One that sticks in my mind is a girl messaged me ginge, skinny but with a face only a mother could love we got chatting asked what I was doing that evening, I said no plans probably get a takeout as hadn’t been shopping. She then asked me if I wanted dinner and proceeded to read out a list of what she had in her freezer. I picked something out, she made about the hour long drive down with a freezer bag, cooked us dinner stayed night complete filth and went the next day.
MontyC said:
Just wondered has anyone ever had any strange dates?
One that sticks in my mind is a girl messaged me ginge, skinny but with a face only a mother could love we got chatting asked what I was doing that evening, I said no plans probably get a takeout as hadn’t been shopping. She then asked me if I wanted dinner and proceeded to read out a list of what she had in her freezer. I picked something out, she made about the hour long drive down with a freezer bag, cooked us dinner stayed night complete filth and went the next day.
Sounds like a dream date!One that sticks in my mind is a girl messaged me ginge, skinny but with a face only a mother could love we got chatting asked what I was doing that evening, I said no plans probably get a takeout as hadn’t been shopping. She then asked me if I wanted dinner and proceeded to read out a list of what she had in her freezer. I picked something out, she made about the hour long drive down with a freezer bag, cooked us dinner stayed night complete filth and went the next day.
MontyC said:
Just wondered has anyone ever had any strange dates?
One that sticks in my mind is a girl messaged me ginge, skinny but with a face only a mother could love we got chatting asked what I was doing that evening, I said no plans probably get a takeout as hadn’t been shopping. She then asked me if I wanted dinner and proceeded to read out a list of what she had in her freezer. I picked something out, she made about the hour long drive down with a freezer bag, cooked us dinner stayed night complete filth and went the next day.
Links? One that sticks in my mind is a girl messaged me ginge, skinny but with a face only a mother could love we got chatting asked what I was doing that evening, I said no plans probably get a takeout as hadn’t been shopping. She then asked me if I wanted dinner and proceeded to read out a list of what she had in her freezer. I picked something out, she made about the hour long drive down with a freezer bag, cooked us dinner stayed night complete filth and went the next day.
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
I'd post a photo of myself here but I don't think I could take you all taking the piss.
To think it's bulls
t is quite disheartening if I'm honest though...
I did mention, I've not went after women I'd say are extremely attractive, but to be fair, I've spoken to the whole range you've listed there, and the same results, time after time after time.
To cover the rude part of things; I speak to people, very much, how I'd want to be spoken to myself, so no, I'm not rude in the slightest, especially the fact that some of the tinder matches I've had, within being matched, and seeing the message, they've sent me a message involving what I've mentioned earlier, how can that be, me being rude?
It's like playing a game, I'm not invited to.
Sigh!
so would you feel more comfortable knowing it was a personality catastrophe or an unfixable ugliness issue?To think it's bulls
t is quite disheartening if I'm honest though...I did mention, I've not went after women I'd say are extremely attractive, but to be fair, I've spoken to the whole range you've listed there, and the same results, time after time after time.
To cover the rude part of things; I speak to people, very much, how I'd want to be spoken to myself, so no, I'm not rude in the slightest, especially the fact that some of the tinder matches I've had, within being matched, and seeing the message, they've sent me a message involving what I've mentioned earlier, how can that be, me being rude?
It's like playing a game, I'm not invited to.
Sigh!
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
Right then chaps, what the fk am I doing so wrong or more so how the fk do I make things better?
To make a long story short, the very few matches/replies I get always and I mean always end up with me being told how unattractive I am
This has happened all my life and I'm at the end of believing it will change, I know somebody will take the piss even on here or even doubt what I'm saying is true, but look at my post count, I'm not trolling
From Tinder - Match - in person, the same st happens, even with them both set as far possibly possible, I should also add I'm "only" 23, I'm forever reading on here about various people going on many dates with various different women, how the fk do you do manage that?
Whilst everybody I know is having children or getting engaged, I'm just wondering if there's anybody who is just nice enough to look past my face, I've fked it completely.
Some interesting and funny stories on here though, thanks for the laughs.
Dude, at 23 you're young, just relax a bit maybe. If you're in a rush or a bit desperate then you might be sending out the wrong vibes. k am I doing so wrong or more so how the fk do I make things better? To make a long story short, the very few matches/replies I get always and I mean always end up with me being told how unattractive I am
This has happened all my life and I'm at the end of believing it will change, I know somebody will take the piss even on here or even doubt what I'm saying is true, but look at my post count, I'm not trolling
From Tinder - Match - in person, the same s
t happens, even with them both set as far possibly possible, I should also add I'm "only" 23, I'm forever reading on here about various people going on many dates with various different women, how the fk do you do manage that? Whilst everybody I know is having children or getting engaged, I'm just wondering if there's anybody who is just nice enough to look past my face, I've f
ked it completely. Some interesting and funny stories on here though, thanks for the laughs.
Just focus on being confident and happy in your own skin - maybe hit the gym, get a trendy haircut, buy some new threads and just enjoy hanging out with your mates and not actively trying to pull for a while.
Maybe go travel a bit whilst you're single and your mates are getting hooked up - have some adventures, get some cool / amusing / interesting stories under your belt. Plus travelling on your own can be a great way for all of us to build further resilience / confidence / social mingling skills.
IME it's a weird phenomenon that women are often intrigued and attracted to the happy, confident guy who's seen a bit of the world and doesn't really seem to be checking out every girl in the place...
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
Whilst everybody I know is having children or getting engaged
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
I should also add I'm "only" 23
In a hurry much?!
If the women you are messaging are picking up on even a fraction of the 'eagerness' (I dislike the word desperation) that your post on here conveys, and women seem pretty attuned to it, then I am not surprised you are struggling.
Exactly as Plate Spinner said above- slow down! Get comfy in your own skin fist. Do whatever it takes to build some confidence in yourself (gym / new clothes / travel)- whatever works for you.
No woman is going to want to go out with a guy who is that self-depreciating (in a non-funny way). It smacks of massive insecurity and neediness- which women will pick up on and will make them run a mile.
I've always had the opinion that someone generally isn't ready for a relationship until they are happy being by themselves. Otherwise there is always a danger that the individual thinks a relationship will be the answer to their happiness/satisfaction issues, which means they are not going to be bringing a whole lot to the table in terms of attracting a partner...
Think of it like this- if you approach dating with the attitude and self-assessment that you are not particularly attractive (attractiveness is not just appearance), why would a woman want to make the effort to try and prove you wrong? You might not think you are giving off these signals, but your posts on here are screaming it loud & clear- therefore I bet the women you are messaging are having no problem whatsoever picking up on it.
Confidence / self-esteem is key. Self-loathing / neediness are dating suicide.
Take some time out to focus on improving that first and foremost, and then come back to the dating game- you'll find everything infinitely easier.
Squirrelofwoe said:
In a hurry much?!
She's got 3 or 4 of her friends who are all shacked up (married), and 2 or 3 others as well as one of her sisters who have kid(s) and they are all under the age of 25.
There is a huge social pressure to have lots of children and get married. I think it's s
t, personally, I don't understand the big rush. xjay1337 said:
Squirrelofwoe said:
In a hurry much?!
She's got 3 or 4 of her friends who are all shacked up (married), and 2 or 3 others as well as one of her sisters who have kid(s) and they are all under the age of 25.
There is a huge social pressure to have lots of children and get married. I think it's s
t, personally, I don't understand the big rush. Not sure where you are living, but in London there are plenty of people who are 30 and still not married / with children. A lot of people spend their 20's focused on career, dating, travel, friends, getting an independent footing on the housing ladder etc
There's no right or wrong about it.
I remember being 25 and thinking after a long relationship, it was over, I wasn't going to meet anyone etc.
I'm 32 now, and had a couple of relationships since.
Last one broke my heart, but I've done my best to just be me, be happy and enjoy life.
I wouldn't have thought at 25, I'd be where I am now, and I have no regrets. I now work in the video games industry, drive a C63, passed my test and bought a Ducati, and generally love doing new things, visiting places, and staying out doing what I want, and I'm in great shape from the gym.
Right now, I'm happy, content, and enjoy being in my own skin. I can feel that the less desperate/sad/insecure I feel, the more I seem to radiate to the opposite sex. It's only now that I seem to have plenty of avenues to explore (of which I have definitely walked a couple!), and it's in my hands. That feeling of control, happiness, security and confidence is something I lacked after my last relationship.
It just takes time.
Change your image, buy a motorbike, do something you've always wanted to do, grow your hair, grow a beard, go and visit some cool places, and just enjoy the ride. Life is there for living. It's a huge cliche, but who's happier? The guy moping at home doing nothing about it, or the guy going out and scaring himself a little?
Basically do something, don't do nothing.
I'm 32 now, and had a couple of relationships since.
Last one broke my heart, but I've done my best to just be me, be happy and enjoy life.
I wouldn't have thought at 25, I'd be where I am now, and I have no regrets. I now work in the video games industry, drive a C63, passed my test and bought a Ducati, and generally love doing new things, visiting places, and staying out doing what I want, and I'm in great shape from the gym.
Right now, I'm happy, content, and enjoy being in my own skin. I can feel that the less desperate/sad/insecure I feel, the more I seem to radiate to the opposite sex. It's only now that I seem to have plenty of avenues to explore (of which I have definitely walked a couple!), and it's in my hands. That feeling of control, happiness, security and confidence is something I lacked after my last relationship.
It just takes time.
Change your image, buy a motorbike, do something you've always wanted to do, grow your hair, grow a beard, go and visit some cool places, and just enjoy the ride. Life is there for living. It's a huge cliche, but who's happier? The guy moping at home doing nothing about it, or the guy going out and scaring himself a little?
Basically do something, don't do nothing.
garylythgoe said:
I remember being 25 and thinking after a long relationship, it was over, I wasn't going to meet anyone etc.
I'm 32 now, and had a couple of relationships since.
Last one broke my heart, but I've done my best to just be me, be happy and enjoy life.
I wouldn't have thought at 25, I'd be where I am now, and I have no regrets.
I'm 32 now, and had a couple of relationships since.
Last one broke my heart, but I've done my best to just be me, be happy and enjoy life.
I wouldn't have thought at 25, I'd be where I am now, and I have no regrets.
I know some people do the whole married-with-kids thing in their early 20's these days, but in my opinion I don't think a lot of people really know themselves properly and know what they want from life until their late 20's / early 30's. People tend to do so much growing up in through their 20's that I find it surprising that so many people are ready to make life-long commitments only a year or so out of their teens.
Case in point is a mate who met his girlfriend at 17, got married at 22, kids at 27, and then divorced at 31 after his wife decided one day that she didn't love him anymore. It turned his world upside down at first but a couple of years later and he admits it was the right thing to happen as they had matured into completely different people. They are both now with new partners and couldn't be happier.
I think back to how I was in my early 20's it borderline scares me how immature I still was in certain ways!
I couldn't imagine being 'tied' into a relationship because of a decision I had made back before I'd had a chance to properly grow up. My girlfriend recently turned 30 and despite the usual stigma about reaching such a milestone she openly admitted she wouldn't want to go back to the person she was in her early 20's!Obviously different people mature quicker than others, but I'm glad I got to spend my 20's making mistakes and therefore gaining a ton of life experience without any real lasting consequences. I now feel pretty grown up (TVR-aside), a couple of weeks ago we even put up a bloody hanging-basket on the front of the house!
I guess if anything, what I'm trying to say is don't make any life-long decisions until you own a hanging basket...
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
I'd post a photo of myself here but I don't think I could take you all taking the piss.
To think it's bullst is quite disheartening if I'm honest though...
I did mention, I've not went after women I'd say are extremely attractive, but to be fair, I've spoken to the whole range you've listed there, and the same results, time after time after time.
To cover the rude part of things; I speak to people, very much, how I'd want to be spoken to myself, so no, I'm not rude in the slightest, especially the fact that some of the tinder matches I've had, within being matched, and seeing the message, they've sent me a message involving what I've mentioned earlier, how can that be, me being rude?
It's like playing a game, I'm not invited to.
Sigh!
Maybe the pictures you're using are not very flattering?To think it's bulls
t is quite disheartening if I'm honest though...I did mention, I've not went after women I'd say are extremely attractive, but to be fair, I've spoken to the whole range you've listed there, and the same results, time after time after time.
To cover the rude part of things; I speak to people, very much, how I'd want to be spoken to myself, so no, I'm not rude in the slightest, especially the fact that some of the tinder matches I've had, within being matched, and seeing the message, they've sent me a message involving what I've mentioned earlier, how can that be, me being rude?
It's like playing a game, I'm not invited to.
Sigh!
If the camera is right in you face with a flash more powerful than the sun, then chances are this could be the problem.
moneymakestheworldgoaround said:
I'd post a photo of myself here but I don't think I could take you all taking the piss.
To think it's bullst is quite disheartening if I'm honest though...
I did mention, I've not went after women I'd say are extremely attractive, but to be fair, I've spoken to the whole range you've listed there, and the same results, time after time after time.
To cover the rude part of things; I speak to people, very much, how I'd want to be spoken to myself, so no, I'm not rude in the slightest, especially the fact that some of the tinder matches I've had, within being matched, and seeing the message, they've sent me a message involving what I've mentioned earlier, how can that be, me being rude?
It's like playing a game, I'm not invited to.
Sigh!
That's fair enough - I wouldn't post a photo on here either!To think it's bulls
t is quite disheartening if I'm honest though...I did mention, I've not went after women I'd say are extremely attractive, but to be fair, I've spoken to the whole range you've listed there, and the same results, time after time after time.
To cover the rude part of things; I speak to people, very much, how I'd want to be spoken to myself, so no, I'm not rude in the slightest, especially the fact that some of the tinder matches I've had, within being matched, and seeing the message, they've sent me a message involving what I've mentioned earlier, how can that be, me being rude?
It's like playing a game, I'm not invited to.
Sigh!
I split from my g/f of 3 years a few months ago and have had a bit of success on Tinder since then.
A few tips I have for you:
- Make sure your photos are half decent and have at least a few up (smiling face shot, full body shot, travel shot, suit shot to give you some ideas). If you don't want to post a photo up then ask a friend to review your photos. If you haven't got enough good photos then go out and get some. Avoid group photos unless it's clear which one is you.
- I'd keep the bio short, sweet, funny and unique. There are some good (and some bad) tips to be found with a bit of googling. Read them and see what might work for you. "Likes cars, pizza and films" is probably worse than writing nothing at all - it's boring.
- Not sure what you're using for a conversation starter - but I normally pick something out from their photos or bio to get started. If they've not given you much to go on then send a funny GIF.
- See if you have any friends (male or female) that would go in a Tinder group with you. Might help you get more matches and some conversation practice if nothing else.
- Change your hair and clothes if if they're likely to be a turn off
- Avoid talking about previous relationships (or lack of)
- Avoid talking about marriage, kids etc.
- Be honest and be yourself.
- It sounds like you have low self-esteem so try to improve it perhaps by reading or having some counselling/therapy.
- You could pay for premium so you can hide your age and change your location. It's quite expensive for me so I didn't bother but a younger friend of mine had much cheaper subscription options. There's no point until you've sorted the photos etc. though!
petrolbloke said:
...
Good advice - so many of the female profiles say something like "Please read my profile before messaging me!" - but I suspect 95% of guys just send a message based on pics. If you say something that actually indicates you read the profile, I think it helps (I always read the profile anyway since I'm not interested in dating somebody who's completely different from what I want no matter how hot they are).- Not sure what you're using for a conversation starter - but I normally pick something out from their photos or bio to get started. If they've not given you much to go on then send a funny GIF.
The girl I've been seeing for a few weeks now had a minimum height requirement - which I didn't quite meet. My first message to her basically admitted I didn't quite meet it, and then suggested why she should date me anyway. Turned out that a LOT of guys outright lie about their height - and she only finds out when she meets them - so I scored points for addressing it head on at the very start. Ironically, she's convinced I am actually that height anyway and that I'm selling myself short (literally).
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