Match.com (Volume 6)

[Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah]

xjay1337 said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

Blimey Fermit, you don't look anything like I imagined from your posts!

I know, great norks.

Well, I may be biased, but they are

[andy-xr]

xjay1337 said:

Funny isn't it. My Mrs loves to fart around me. The whole "awkward" phase at the beginning makes me laugh.

But as said, some people (men and women) find certain things gross / unappealing.

Mine doesnt appear to be shy about it either, but there was a period of time when we got together where we'd be polite and perhaps save that moment for when we're a bit more familiar. Also at that point, we spent time getting to know each other a little more by asking questions on a range of topics with an interest in the answer.

[Dagnir]

Pebbles167 said:

For the first time in 5 years I have a steady girlfriend instead of a fling. Met on POF, going well after 3 months, kids get on well, she's pretty, intelligent and we genuinely get on really well

Bit of a drama queen (hard young life, depression, drugs, etc) and likes to go off on left wing rants a bit, but i can deal with that, since she's nice really.

Only problem is she turns into a tt when she's drunk. Im fine drinking, occasionally I'm even up for a bit of dancing, but she just goes off and does whatever she wants to do, refuses to listen to what me or anyone else in the group wants to do, walks off, and then usually gets stty on the way home and starts a one way argument. (my ex wife was like this, and we never got over it) I'm pretty laid back these days and so i don't i dont let her draw me into it, mainly because I'm not even cross with her, I've usually had a good night and just want to go home and have sex! But she insists on being a pain. Usually about a load of bks too, other girls, my ex etc. Screams of insecurity.

I do like her, but i've said Its getting annoying. She's apologetic when sober, but in future I'm just going to tell her to drink with her friends and not involve me. This early into a relationship I don't feel like she should be trying to cause trouble. I wouldn't do it to her.

Just thought I'd share that, in case anyone has dealt with similar?

Not being able to go out for drinks and have fun with my bird would be a deal breaker for me. What's the point of a relationship if you cant have fun with one another?!?

This is regardless of the reason btw...

[SpeckledJim]

Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:

xjay1337 said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

Blimey Fermit, you don't look anything like I imagined from your posts!

I know, great norks.

Well, I may be biased, but they are

And that bloke you're standing next to seems pretty pleased as well.

[designforlife]

Moving in with my gf this weekend, we met on tinder back at the start of the year...totally unexpected on both sides, She's been a huge breath of fresh air and restored a lot of lost faith for me.

A little story that helps seperate "the one" from the rest-

2 weekends ago we went over to bristol for my younger brothers surprise 30th camp out/bbq/drinkfest.

We had a great time, but as we started drinking at 4, and I hadnt eaten, i succumbed rather spectacularly to the effects of a litre bottle of sailor jerry around 9pm (maybe).

The gf carried me to the bathroom, looked after me, then half dragged/carried me to the tent and put me to bed (she was pretty wrecked by this point). She then checked on me every half hour for the rest of the night before flopping beside me in the small hours.

In the morning, she didn't give me a hard time in the slightest, made sure i was doing alright, got me a tea and water etc. Then she got up, played with the kids and chatted to people...i was still nowhere near fit to move but could hear her from the tent...she really put herself out there, made an effort with everyone, and was basically utterly fantastic, i apologised numerous times for putting her through it the night before, and she wasn't having any of it, was glad to look after me as she knew i'd do the same for her.

Once i surfaced and started packing up, i had maybe 5 or 6 of the party guests/friends/family come up and tell me how great she was and how much they liked her.

I knew she was a keeper before all this, but times like that really cement it.

[Blown2CV]

Zoon said:

Shore said:

One that likes housework is a bonus.

Do they exist?

weirdly, yes.

[Pebbles167]

Dagnir said:

Not being able to go out for drinks and have fun with my bird would be a deal breaker for me. What's the point of a relationship if you cant have fun with one another?!?

This is regardless of the reason btw...

We go out and have fun all the time. It's just the alcohol that seems to be the issue. I'll see how it all pans out.

designforlife said:

*about his decent gilfriend*

Good on her. If I did something like that with my ex she'd have gone mad, blanked everyone and left as soon as possible.

Sounds like you do have yourself a keeper

Edited by Pebbles167 on Friday 25th August 09:27

[Shore]

Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:

To give a little hope to all you Match peeps. I met Sarah 3.5 years ago, after she winked me on Match. I initially rebuffed her, saying, 'you're lovely, just my type, but you're just too far away' (London her, me Notts) She persisted, and the rest as they say is history.

We got married last Thursday, I love this girl. See, Match can sometimes yield results !

Excellent stuff just shows you it can happen. My cousin has also just married a guy she met off match.

[Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah]

Shore said:

Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:

To give a little hope to all you Match peeps. I met Sarah 3.5 years ago, after she winked me on Match. I initially rebuffed her, saying, 'you're lovely, just my type, but you're just too far away' (London her, me Notts) She persisted, and the rest as they say is history.

We got married last Thursday, I love this girl. See, Match can sometimes yield results !

Excellent stuff just shows you it can happen. My cousin has also just married a guy she met off match.

What is even more great timing is that when she winked me, it was my last night subscribed, and I'd made a decision to not renew. I'd had enough of it all. Within 24 hours we had each others mobiles, a week later we met at Leicester for food and a film, and a week after that we started the trips of me to her or her to me M1/M25 or M25/M1. 6 months later house bought together, 3.5 years later married. Happy times!

[Shore]

One week later since my disastrous date I have been speaking to another girl and have asked her out. She seems a lot more outgoing and fun compared to the other girl. We are meeting up on Friday and will go for a few drinks. I will be on the bottles this time and soft drinks ??. She lives 15 miles away which works better for me. She also messages me a lot more which gives me a positive vibe. We shall see how I get on and I'll report back.

[KAgantua]

SpeckledJim said:

ShyTallKnight said:

mjb1 said:

A single mother with a 5 year old child is always going to have a fair amount of other priorities though, you've got to expect that when dating someone with young kids. I can't stand it when they bleat on about their kids on their dating profiles, making a point about how darling child will always come first - I'd fully expect them to put their kids first, the fact that they think they need to point it out is off putting in itself. You do sound like you'd be better off dating women who don't have young kids though, which is fair enough really - if you're not feeling paternal enough to have kids of your own, you're hardly likely to want to get involved heavily with someone else's.

Having said that, I'm in a similar position, dating a single mother of a 5 year old. As the dad has never really been around (sounds like a total and utter waste of space, but I am aware I'm only hearing one side of things), and the lady I'm seeing hasn't had another relationship since, the only situation the child knows is just the two of them as a family unit. Child is obviously used to being the centre of undivided attention, and it shows massively - she absolutely can't handle it when I'm around, has her mum wrapped around her little finger. And that's made more difficult by the fact that mum won't let the child out of her sight, they're together 24/7/365, so opportunity to see each other is rather strained, only time is evenings after daughter has gone to bed. And always at her house.

Don't get me wrong, I have kids of my own, but shared care between me and my ex, so I have child free time to do dating/socialising, general adult stuff. Yet, when my kids are in my care, of course they are my absolute priority. And maybe it's because I have more than one child, and I give them a bit more space/independence, so they are not anywhere near as clingy as the this lady's only child.

This relationship started as friends with benefits arrangement, she wanted more, but I've really tried to explain that I don't. I went along with it for a while, thinking maybe my feelings would warm more towards her, but they haven't, and now I feel like I'm trying to force something that isn't really there. We've been seeing each other on and off for about a year, and now I'm pretty sure that if my feelings were going to develop they would have by now. I've tried to end it a few times, and every time she restarts chatting again after a few weeks of radio silence. I keep interpreting that as wanting to be friends (which I'd be happy with), but then I realise she thinks we're trying to rekindle the relationship. I've tried every polite (and some less polite) excuses to end it, but she just blames all the issues in our relationship on my ex, and she thinks I need saving from my past. Yes, the ex has been a bit of a trouble causer/problem, but I see that as more a bit of trivial (and inevitable) baggage due to having kids together, rather than a fundamental problem to our relationship (which she seems oblivious to or in denial about).

Every time things go quiet between us (for 2 to 3 weeks) after an disagreement/falling out, I feel a bit of relief that it's over. But she just won't let go. I wouldn't say I'm treating her badly (she goes quiet on me, not like I just ignore her messages for weeks!), but I'd really expect a girl to get the message that it isn't working, especially after I've spelled it out several times. So I'm finding it very difficult to 'be cruel to be kind', I've tried so hard to be polite about it, and she just bounces back. If I have to reason it out in cold hard facts, I know she's going to be really hurt by it.

I guess a wider thought is - what do single parents want/expect from dating/new relationships? As a dad who has his kids half the week, I've got the other half free to socialise/date without the baggage on show. I do tend to compartmentalise my life quite a bit anyway- family, friends, hobbies, all usually kept quite separate with no real overlap. Am I being overly optimistic in hoping to meet someone I have things in common with (so who's likely to have kids of her own), and be able to get to know them in a mainly child free setting? I don't want to introduce a new lady to my kids unless the relationship is a bit established and has some mileage in it.

In all honesty, I'd be quite happy to keep that situation going for a good while - we each have our separate family lives, and fitted around that, time together to do things as a couple. But it feels like that's the opposite of what most single mothers want (unless their kids are teenage or older, and that generally makes those ladies a bit old for me, at late 30's myself), the advertise that they want a man to come into their lives and take on their kids with full commitment, and almost sound like they're expecting that from the outset. I'm quite happy to date someone and work around our kid's commitments, without either of us jumping into the step parent role. But maybe I'm being optimistic?

Are you me..?? Echoes pretty much my experiences. Not easy at times.

OP: I'm dumping you.

Girlfriend: No you're not.

OP: Ok.

[Condi]

Can I ask how someone knows they've found 'the one'?

I seem to be dating, and then running away from, some lovely women who would make fantastic wives, and inevitably regret it a few weeks/months later. Maybe im holding out for something which doesnt exist, although just as likely is being scared of commitment.

[Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah]

Condi said:

Can I ask how someone knows they've found 'the one'?

I seem to be dating, and then running away from, some lovely women who would make fantastic wives, and inevitably regret it a few weeks/months later. Maybe im holding out for something which doesnt exist, although just as likely is being scared of commitment.

Firstly, you have to acknowledge that perfect doesn't exist. In society today everyone wants the next better thing.

IMO for a relationship to work there are four cornerstones. Miss or lose anyone and it won't work. Friendship, passion, trust, and respect.

Ask yourself a few questions when working out if someone is the one.
Can you see yourself having children with them? (if you want children that is)
Could you see yourself likely to cheat on them?
Are they considerate and supportive of you?
Do you fancy them rotten?
Would you trust them with your PIN code for your bank card?
If you called them up in trouble at 3am would they be on it?

I think in your own mind you know. Also, with Sarah, for the first time with any girl I have a real feeling of 'team' about us.

[Shore]

Condi said:

Can I ask how someone knows they've found 'the one'?

I seem to be dating, and then running away from, some lovely women who would make fantastic wives, and inevitably regret it a few weeks/months later. Maybe im holding out for something which doesnt exist, although just as likely is being scared of commitment.

It's hard. You really need to get to know someone properly and then go from there. I went with a girl on POF who was nice initially but the more I got to know her I decided that she was not the sort of person I would want anything to do with. If you see potential give them a chance.

[Condi]

Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:

Firstly, you have to acknowledge that perfect doesn't exist. In society today everyone wants the next better thing.

IMO for a relationship to work there are four cornerstones. Miss or lose anyone and it won't work. Friendship, passion, trust, and respect.

Ask yourself a few questions when working out if someone is the one.
Can you see yourself having children with them? (if you want children that is)
Could you see yourself likely to cheat on them?
Are they considerate and supportive of you?
Do you fancy them rotten?
Would you trust them with your PIN code for your bank card?
If you called them up in trouble at 3am would they be on it?

I think in your own mind you know. Also, with Sarah, for the first time with any girl I have a real feeling of 'team' about us.

Hmm, thanks.

Seems Ive just not found the right girl yet then. Not sure how some people find the 'right' one at 18, or 1st or 2nd girlfriend and manage to get all that, whereas some others can look for years and years and not find what they are looking for.

[Angrybiker]

Shore said:

Condi said:

Can I ask how someone knows they've found 'the one'?

I seem to be dating, and then running away from, some lovely women who would make fantastic wives, and inevitably regret it a few weeks/months later. Maybe im holding out for something which doesnt exist, although just as likely is being scared of commitment.

It's hard. You really need to get to know someone properly and then go from there. I went with a girl on POF who was nice initially but the more I got to know her I decided that she was not the sort of person I would want anything to do with. If you see potential give them a chance.

You also need a heavy dose of slapping ones-self in the face. It gets addictive and ever more obsessive to search for the perfection that exists only as a short term illusion (in a lot of cases the 'she's perfect' initially results from just infatuation, which eventually dies). Forget infatuation, focus on the practical elements. She's not going to be perfect at all. The only question is can you live with the imperfections and could you practically live together (this is a bit of a guess too and will take constant work). And when assessing her imperfection do that in the context that you're not exactly perfect either!

There are a few things I would change in my soon to be Mrs.; but I wouldn't even think about trading them for the qualities that she has.

[Angrybiker]

Condi said:

Hmm, thanks.

Seems Ive just not found the right girl yet then. Not sure how some people find the 'right' one at 18, or 1st or 2nd girlfriend and manage to get all that, whereas some others can look for years and years and not find what they are looking for.

I have a theory about this. The main ingredients for success in marriage is (according to various articles and wisdom from the Oldies) is patience, tolerance and forgiveness. The way partners feel about each other changes significantly again and again over time so that feeling of total love will likely change over time. This means it basically comes down a decision that you're going to stick with it and work through it.
Which means that:
- Of the kids getting married early, that some may be consciously or unconsciously be bearing this in mind; or that they just came to that realisation or that they by chance had these characteristics (but the divorce statistics seem to be bearing out that mostly they are wrong and making decisions based on initial feelings with little thought given to considerations of longevity)
- Of the people in their 40s who are still searching - that they have either been very unlucky or that they are still clinging onto the hope that some overwhelming and everlasting feeling of love will come along; or their bad experiences cloud their judgement of new people on the scene; and of course as you get older you get more set in your ways and more independent anyway and that doesn't help.

I'm sure there are plentiful 'exceptions that prove the rule' here; and I could just be old and cynical; but that's what I think.

[SpeckledJim]

Condi said:

Hmm, thanks.

Seems Ive just not found the right girl yet then. Not sure how some people find the 'right' one at 18, or 1st or 2nd girlfriend and manage to get all that, whereas some others can look for years and years and not find what they are looking for.

These are lucky people. It's a similar sort of luck to those people who always knew what they wanted to do for a career from an early age, and then just went and did it, with no doubt or hesitation.

As to looking for years and years and not find what they are looking for - there's a chance that's just purely unlucky, but more likely that they're looking in the wrong place, or in the wrong way, or looking for something unrealistically specific.

Or (harsh but true) they might just be a bit creepy. There's always that.

[Harry H]

Pebbles167 said:

Only problem is she turns into a tt when she's drunk. Im fine drinking, occasionally I'm even up for a bit of dancing, but she just goes off and does whatever she wants to do, refuses to listen to what me or anyone else in the group wants to do, walks off, and then usually gets stty on the way home and starts a one way argument. (my ex wife was like this, and we never got over it) I'm pretty laid back these days and so i don't i dont let her draw me into it, mainly because I'm not even cross with her, I've usually had a good night and just want to go home and have sex! But she insists on being a pain. Usually about a load of bks too, other girls, my ex etc. Screams of insecurity.

I do like her, but i've said Its getting annoying. She's apologetic when sober, but in future I'm just going to tell her to drink with her friends and not involve me. This early into a relationship I don't feel like she should be trying to cause trouble. I wouldn't do it to her.

Just thought I'd share that, in case anyone has dealt with similar?

My wife used to behave like that, even down to the walking off bit, until we connected it with the wine. Specifically white wine. I think it's the female equivalent of the wife beater Stella.

She's a happy sexy drunk on pretty much anything other than white wine. Give her a bottle of Chardonnay and she turns into a right nutter.

[SpeckledJim]

Harry H said:

My wife used to behave like that, even down to the walking off bit, until we connected it with the wine. Specifically white wine. I think it's the female equivalent of the wife beater Stella.

She's a happy sexy drunk on pretty much anything other than white wine. Give her a bottle of Chardonnay and she turns into a right nutter.

There's nothing psychoactive in white wine except alcohol. And there's alcohol in everything. If she's gone berserk on white wine, it's because she's told herself that her behaviour is the fault of the wine, not herself.

It's an excuse, not a cause.

Like those girls who say "I always go crazy on vodka!". No love, it's just that you drink vodka when you're in the mood to go crazy.