Match.com (Volume 6)

[ChocolateFrog]

30 is around the peak for men I think, especially if you're well sorted career wise and have minimal baggage.

I wouldn't worry too much, I think women can sense desperation. The most success I've had has always been when I wasn't really looking.

My advice would be to try and find some more gender neutral hobbies or interests but without the explicit aim of bedding one of them and see what happens.

[ChocolateFrog]

Pebbles167 said:

Ok, time for my go.

Started dating a girl in January for a few weeks. We got on well, but it fell apart as she didn't feel ready. It hurt, but I moved on.

She got back in touch in June, apologised, and we've been going ever since. She's a really really nice girl. Very pretty, outgoing etc. I rarely fall in love, and never this fast but I fell for her quite quickly and despite her being argumentative when drunk, I did just think it was the alcohol, and for the most part i was as happy as hell until September. Thats when it became more apparent that she has some real insecurities (who doesn't). But with her it's like she's constantly wanting to have a little bit of an argument, and is always expecting me to leave her. I have to walk on eggshells not to upset her. Of course I'm not perfect. I get grumpy days and seem distant, but I explained that i just get like that in the week. I'm still nice to her, just not all over her.

Sadly today that might have proven to be a self fulfilling prophecy. I got up early to watch the F1. In hindsight I probably should have told her what I was doing, but to me it was no big deal. Got back in bed after, and when I woke up there was a cold vibe and even though we had a day out planned, she didn't talk for the next hour, save one word answers. I told her over breakfast that over the last few weeks, I'd been thinking of where this was going and admitted I didn't know if there was a decent future to the relationship. She said she agreed but it was clear that my words were a surprise. She then said that she thought things were Ok, and then started crying and asked me for a hug which i gave, whilst feeling incredibly awkward. Me and her both have a daughter (6 & 8) and they were playing in the garden, so I gave it 10 minutes, collected my kid and left saying we should speak another time.

As a history, I've been here before a few times recently and so I've had time to think about it all. One such occasion was when I didn't text her back for 6 hours when she had a bad day (I was asleep after a nightshift and was too tired to respond) which made her think it was over, another was when I got my days mixed up and double booked so I couldn't see her, she again thought it was over.

If it was short lived it wouldn't be such an issue, but she cries and stays emotional for hours, and she gets so upset, it makes me feel so sorry for her, and I feel like st. I don't want to be the one that does this to her. I feel like she could do with someone a bit more emotional or something. I don't really care for the public affection which she likes, and while I think it's important to talk about feelings, I can't deal with a breakdown every week.

Could use a decent PH slap in the face to snap me out of it, as I'm sure I'll need to get back on POF soon!

Edited by Pebbles167 on Sunday 8th October 14:47

As harsh as it sounds, and maybe I am a tt but life is too short, move on.

[PAUL500]

shirt said:

PAUL500 said:

L555 BAT

If its any consolation, your experience is pretty much the norm for men with net dating, even the good looking ones.

No it's not, far from it. It's the norm for men on volume 6 of the ph match thread, but not the population at large.

My write up is based on many many people I know who have tried net dating outside of PH trust me, it is very much the norm.

I had a date recently with a girl and she was telling me she wrote a profile on match for a good looking younger male friend of hers who did not have the confidence to give it a try himself, she was even sending out the first messages for him, she could not believe how virtually ignored all those messages were. They looked at his profile, so were subscribed, but never replied, I told her "welcome to our world!!

[Driver101]

Rather than putting so much effort into all your dating sites and profiles why not try getting out and about?

Won't women on the sites notice you constantly editing and changing yoir profile and getting the impression something isn't right?

[shirt]

PAUL500 said:

shirt said:

PAUL500 said:

L555 BAT

If its any consolation, your experience is pretty much the norm for men with net dating, even the good looking ones.

No it's not, far from it. It's the norm for men on volume 6 of the ph match thread, but not the population at large.

My write up is based on many many people I know who have tried net dating outside of PH trust me, it is very much the norm.

I had a date recently with a girl and she was telling me she wrote a profile on match for a good looking younger male friend of hers who did not have the confidence to give it a try himself, she was even sending out the first messages for him, she could not believe how virtually ignored all those messages were. They looked at his profile, so were subscribed, but never replied, I told her "welcome to our world!!

Mine is based on personal experience and those of people I know who use/have used internet dating.

I'm no pretty boy but have decent chat. It's not difficult to get dates unless you either have a face only your mother could love or the social skills of Alan partridge.

[Nuclear Skip]

L555BAT said:

Just turned 30 and things have never been more hopeless.

Almost no matches on Tinder, and most of those don't reply to messages. Been on it most of last two years, but only a few months of this year after the price went up from £3.10 to £12.43. Now it's gone up again to £18.49. I could easily afford that, and would bear it if I had some success. I've tried so many different things. Tested my photos on Photofeeler, all of them get >80% for trustworthy/smart, and I only put up those with attractiveness scoring of 65-75% (didn't get any higher). Tried different spellings of my name as the correct one might suggest I'm foreign. Listed/not listed my education and job. No description, short light hearted description, long description. Re-registered without Facebook so the pages I liked don't show up. Swiped right only on people I thought might swipe right on me, swiped right on everyone (after starting with a new account), using super likes on average girls with things in common. Distance within 5, 10, 15, 25 miles (live in a big city). Tried different cities around the country.

I've been on POF on and off since around 2012, no success there either. It's free but writing a message takes more time than a swipe. Must have messaged over a thousand on there by now. Even tried messaging unattractive women or those with children to see if they'd reply. All the effort of good photos, texts, thoughtful unique messages comes to nothing. Briefly tried Badoo, similar experience. Bumble also, no matches. Match isn't popular around here, and last time I looked it was £30 a month.

2 dates this year, 3 last year, one or two a year before that. Half I thought went well, but the women never think the same.

Aside from online, I don't have much chances to meet women. Always been the case, male dominated professional job, male dominated education subjects, male dominated interests, and my friendship groups over the years have just never seemed to have women around. Friends all live in different cities and have wives/kids now.

I'm not attractive, though I was quite happy with the scores I got on Photofeeler above. I've sorted out smart clothes and tidy hair, but I still get skin spots despite my efforts and have quite visible pores. Compared to colleagues, I think my facial features might make me look poor/lower class. The hair is starting to go bald on top but it's not yet visible unless looking down on it. I'm quite a small guy 5 foot 8 and 65kg, though I am quite fit (run 10k). Not muscular and even at my weight I do have a belly. Quite a gutteral accent. Reasonably confident with most things but I am an introvert.

I'm reasonably successful (perhaps not by PH standards), my income is in the top 5% of this country and I have around 3 times my net yearly income in assets. Live in a nice flat in reasonably nice area, have a nice but 10 year old car, and travel a bit both for work and holidays.

This is getting me down a bit now, and it's only going to get harder. My motivation in life is waning, and it's starting to drag down my previously high motivation in areas like work. I'm getting to be quite cynical and negative internally. Less good/undamaged/without kids women around. I see so many other people happy and getting what they want, whatever their flaws. I've spent so many years alone, had so many good experiences and been through some tough things without anybody to share with. I fear it's become too late, that I've become too set in my ways and burned/jaded by my experience.

Is there any way to turn this around?

I’m 36 and was in exactly the same position up until about 12 months ago.
Then after another failed stint of seeing someone I just decided to give up & accept that some people in this life are terminally single and I’m one of them.
I’m successful in other areas of my life (mainly work) so I should be happy for what I have and not sad for what I don’t

[Noodle1982]

Pebbles167 said:

Sadly today that might have proven to be a self fulfilling prophecy. I got up early to watch the F1. In hindsight I probably should have told her what I was doing, but to me it was no big deal. Got back in bed after, and when I woke up there was a cold vibe and even though we had a day out planned, she didn't talk for the next hour, save one word answers. I told her over breakfast that over the last few weeks, I'd been thinking of where this was going and admitted I didn't know if there was a decent future to the relationship. She said she agreed but it was clear that my words were a surprise. She then said that she thought things were Ok, and then started crying and asked me for a hug which i gave, whilst feeling incredibly awkward.

Edited by Pebbles167 on Sunday 8th October 14:47

Replace the F1 with a 6 Nations rugby match and that is an identical situation to what i was in a couple of years back.

Long story short, she had borderline personality disorder. I had a lucky escape.

[Condi]

shirt said:

Mine is based on personal experience and those of people I know who use/have used internet dating.

I'm no pretty boy but have decent chat. It's not difficult to get dates unless you either have a face only your mother could love or the social skills of Alan partridge.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer...

My success on tinder is limited - not that I've had no success, but in person I do very well for myself, whereas on tinder it's much more fickle. My mate, however, who was useless with women, did quite well on tinder. 70% of what you say is non verbal - ie the tone of voice, the smile, the eye contact, etc, and you simply can't replace that on the internet. It may be simply some people prefer to flirt like that, and those subtleties come across in person, whereas others are happier trying cheeky lines and being a bit more imaginative or forward on text? I've always found my smile and ability to read a person has done me well, but on tinder my success rate is much lower.

Who knows, but from my experience, to say it's easy to get dates unless 'you have a face only a mother could love or the social skills of Alan partridge' is wrong. Just some people do better in different situations.




The bloke who was complaining about his lack of success online - you are aware there are women offline too?? Like real ones, in cafes, bars, nightclubs, social societies, gyms etc all up and down the country, why not try meeting them there?

[overunder12g]

Condi.....
Spot on !

[Gretchen]

Majority of posters said:

Success...

Can you define this?


You’re all living happily ever after, loved up, with ‘the one’.


Or


Sex.



PS I’m a woman and this is a trap.

[Pebbles167]

Noodle1982 said:

Replace the F1 with a 6 Nations rugby match and that is an identical situation to what i was in a couple of years back.

Long story short, she had borderline personality disorder. I had a lucky escape.

Lucky escape indeed. I don't think She has anything that bad here, but plenty emotional.

We had a text chat and it's over. Just messaged me complaining how I removed all our Facebook history and pictures. Not very tactful of me, granted. But it had to be done.

Tonight scores around a 6/10 on my sad scale, with 1 being equivalent to forgetting to put my bins out, and 10 being equal to migrating to Syria.

Which reminds me, better out the bins out.

Edited by Pebbles167 on Monday 9th October 00:57

[Condi]

Gretchen said:

Majority of posters said:

Success...

Can you define this?


You’re all living happily ever after, loved up, with ‘the one’.


Or


Sex.



PS I’m a woman and this is a trap.

Surely success is whatever you want it to be? Some people will be looking for the one, others are happier with a more easy come easy go attitude. That will change over time as circumstances change. There are situations, male and female, when all you need is a kiss and a cuddle, there are times you need a good shag, and there are times you want a deep emotianonal connection or someone just to be there. 'Miss right' and 'miss right now' if you will.

Eventually everybody wants the one I believe, but some people take longer to find it or are less compromising than others. One thing is for sure and that's if you don't try you'll never succeed, for most people that means it's a numbers game until you find what you're after.

[mcdjl]

Gretchen said:

Can you define this?


You’re all living happily ever after, loved up, with ‘the one’.


Or


Sex.


PS I’m a woman and this is a trap.

I think success of any kind in on line dating is person and location dependant. I live in a medium town within 15miles of three cities. My search area will cover bits of them. Yet if u go visit my parents in London and set my search radius to under 2 miles I'll get way more views / matches for exactly the same profile/chat.
Ps ultimately success would be meeting the one, however in between that happening, sometimes a response feels like success, other times a date that wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped feels like a lose.

[Shore]

Peebles167 she sounds like a nightmare. Although it doesn't feel like it the now but in the long run you done the right thing. She was not the woman to do your ironing and make your dinners. Pick yourself back up and get back on it.

I've had a couple of dates recently and ended up calling one of them fat because she misled me with her pictures. Harsh I know but I'm not there to make friends.

[johnwilliams77]

Shore said:

Peebles167 she sounds like a nightmare. Although it doesn't feel like it the now but in the long run you done the right thing. She was not the woman to do your ironing and make your dinners. Pick yourself back up and get back on it.

I've had a couple of dates recently and ended up calling one of them fat because she misled me with her pictures. Harsh I know but I'm not there to make friends.

Wow - you seem like a proper prick.

[thainy77]

Shore said:

Peebles167 she sounds like a nightmare. Although it doesn't feel like it the now but in the long run you done the right thing. She was not the woman to do your ironing and make your dinners. Pick yourself back up and get back on it.

I've had a couple of dates recently and ended up calling one of them fat because she misled me with her pictures. Harsh I know but I'm not there to make friends.

This st wasn't funny in the 80's and guess what, it still isn't.

[trackdemon]

johnwilliams77 said:

Shore said:

ended up calling one of them fat because she misled me with her pictures. Harsh I know but I'm not there to make friends.

Wow - you seem like a proper prick.

Because of this bit?

[Pebbles167]

Shore said:

Peebles167 she sounds like a nightmare. Although it doesn't feel like it the now but in the long run you done the right thing. She was not the woman to do your ironing and make your dinners. Pick yourself back up and get back on it.

I've had a couple of dates recently and ended up calling one of them fat because she misled me with her pictures. Harsh I know but I'm not there to make friends.

Wow. Not sure what to say to that! Thanks

Either way, I'm fine. I've had breakups before, and unlike when I was in my early 20's, I can deal with it now.

Got a date in the bag, and only been on POF a few hours. Strange.

[moanthebairns]

L555BAT said:

Just turned 30 and things have never been more hopeless.

Almost no matches on Tinder, and most of those don't reply to messages. Been on it most of last two years, but only a few months of this year after the price went up from £3.10 to £12.43. Now it's gone up again to £18.49. I could easily afford that, and would bear it if I had some success. I've tried so many different things. Tested my photos on Photofeeler, all of them get >80% for trustworthy/smart, and I only put up those with attractiveness scoring of 65-75% (didn't get any higher). Tried different spellings of my name as the correct one might suggest I'm foreign. Listed/not listed my education and job. No description, short light hearted description, long description. Re-registered without Facebook so the pages I liked don't show up. Swiped right only on people I thought might swipe right on me, swiped right on everyone (after starting with a new account), using super likes on average girls with things in common. Distance within 5, 10, 15, 25 miles (live in a big city). Tried different cities around the country.

I've been on POF on and off since around 2012, no success there either. It's free but writing a message takes more time than a swipe. Must have messaged over a thousand on there by now. Even tried messaging unattractive women or those with children to see if they'd reply. All the effort of good photos, texts, thoughtful unique messages comes to nothing. Briefly tried Badoo, similar experience. Bumble also, no matches. Match isn't popular around here, and last time I looked it was £30 a month.

2 dates this year, 3 last year, one or two a year before that. Half I thought went well, but the women never think the same.

Aside from online, I don't have much chances to meet women. Always been the case, male dominated professional job, male dominated education subjects, male dominated interests, and my friendship groups over the years have just never seemed to have women around. Friends all live in different cities and have wives/kids now.

I'm not attractive, though I was quite happy with the scores I got on Photofeeler above. I've sorted out smart clothes and tidy hair, but I still get skin spots despite my efforts and have quite visible pores. Compared to colleagues, I think my facial features might make me look poor/lower class. The hair is starting to go bald on top but it's not yet visible unless looking down on it. I'm quite a small guy 5 foot 8 and 65kg, though I am quite fit (run 10k). Not muscular and even at my weight I do have a belly. Quite a gutteral accent. Reasonably confident with most things but I am an introvert.

I'm reasonably successful (perhaps not by PH standards), my income is in the top 5% of this country and I have around 3 times my net yearly income in assets. Live in a nice flat in reasonably nice area, have a nice but 10 year old car, and travel a bit both for work and holidays.

This is getting me down a bit now, and it's only going to get harder. My motivation in life is waning, and it's starting to drag down my previously high motivation in areas like work. I'm getting to be quite cynical and negative internally. Less good/undamaged/without kids women around. I see so many other people happy and getting what they want, whatever their flaws. I've spent so many years alone, had so many good experiences and been through some tough things without anybody to share with. I fear it's become too late, that I've become too set in my ways and burned/jaded by my experience.

Is there any way to turn this around?

My mate was in the same predicament as you a few years ago but didn't seem to have as much going for him as you do. No job, not brad pit but not Peter Beardsley either. He would message everything on it, signed up to match, pof. He said he spent about 12 hours a day on it. At the time he had a mental illness and he's still not the full shilling but found someone, eventually after a year. It did change him for the better.

What are you sending in your first message? He told me some of the st he was sending, he tried personal first messages, hey hows you right up to rambling on like a fking melon.

Are you funny or even remotely funny? More importantly can you make women laugh? Looks do matter there has to be some attraction, money and independence helps you to do stuff with a woman you wish to date but in some cases could be a negative. These can be overlooked generally, however your fked if you can't make a woman laugh or at least hold a decent conversation with them.

[Pebbles167]

moanthebairns said:

Are you funny or even remotely funny? More importantly can you make women laugh? Looks do matter there has to be some attraction, money and independence helps you to do stuff with a woman you wish to date but in some cases could be a negative. These can be overlooked generally, however your fked if you can't make a woman laugh or at least hold a decent conversation with them.

Decent summary here. If you can't do it, learn.