Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
Goodness me. Your post comes across as so negative and lacking confidence. All this: 'I won't impress anyone', 'suppose I should join a group' - you're just looking for issues. You're over thinking it and it seems the lack of dates his hurt you. Try and brush it off and get out there and talk to people, it will get easier and eventually someone for you (even a date) will come along.
johnwilliams77 said:
You're over thinking it
Very much this - just relax dude!Get your inner confidence sorted and things will just flow. The women-folk can spot a lack of self confidence a mile off, and I'm told they don't find it attractive in a bloke they don't yet know.
So ignore them for a while, work on sorting you <Oprah mode> and in no time you'll be fending them off with a s
tty stick. johnwilliams77 said:
Goodness me. Your post comes across as so negative and lacking confidence. All this: 'I won't impress anyone', 'suppose I should join a group' - you're just looking for issues. You're over thinking it and it seems the lack of dates his hurt you. Try and brush it off and get out there and talk to people, it will get easier and eventually someone for you (even a date) will come along.
This. Reading your replies you even state around your running interest ‘that you don’t really enjoy it’.
As a woman, I’m thinking (reading) you’re not really going to enjoy ‘me’ so why should ‘I’ put any effort in to replying.
Given we are fortunate to have a lady post here and a few other posters saying the same I can quite safely say: if you have interests in order to be interesting to someone.
Interests (sports, are a good but not essential), hill walking, photography etc is also fine should give you confidence from speaking to people, getting better at something and if it's a sport your physical appearance often improves. Don't stress and enjoy, life is for living.
Interests (sports, are a good but not essential), hill walking, photography etc is also fine should give you confidence from speaking to people, getting better at something and if it's a sport your physical appearance often improves. Don't stress and enjoy, life is for living.
johnwilliams77 said:
Given we are fortunate to have a lady post here...
I wouldn’t go that far 
I think it passion, everything you’ve written (L555BAT) seems to lack passion.
Whether you’re passionate about running, your car, work or your cat, it doesn’t matter, it’s a talking point and shows you’re committed and interested and, passionate. I haven’t got that so far from you?
L555BAT said:
Condi said:
<snip>
The bloke who was complaining about his lack of success online - you are aware there are women offline too?? Like real ones, in cafes, bars, nightclubs, social societies, gyms etc all up and down the country, why not try meeting them there?
Probably creepy to approach women in cafes (unless they like you, then it's considered confident). Bars, night clubs are pretty hard with all their friends around and it's hard to have a conversation - also being short doesn't help here. Social societies, not tried one of those since uni. I used to gym, I compare very badly to the other guys in there so never bothered trying.The bloke who was complaining about his lack of success online - you are aware there are women offline too?? Like real ones, in cafes, bars, nightclubs, social societies, gyms etc all up and down the country, why not try meeting them there?
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Find a hobby so you have something to talk about. Double points if that is a mixed sex hobby.
Learn to be outgoing and talk to people without nessisarily trying to get into their knickers.
Go to the gym - it will make you feel better if nothing else.
Try not to be so negative - positive people are more fun to be around and that in itself is attractive.
L555BAT said:
There may well be something wrong with me, I do often think. Something I don't notice. Online, can't see it being anything other than the way I look. Nobody has said anything.
Next step looks like it should be find some interest group then.
It's just your frame of mind. Next step looks like it should be find some interest group then.
I was in a relationship from first week of uni until 2 years ago (18-33). Now I'm royally f
ked. I missed out on the 'game'. Any further relationships will be a product of pure chance unless I change my frame of mind. It seems to me that the same applies to you.johnwilliams77 said:
Goodness me. Your post comes across as so negative and lacking confidence. All this: 'I won't impress anyone', 'suppose I should join a group' - you're just looking for issues. You're over thinking it and it seems the lack of dates his hurt you. Try and brush it off and get out there and talk to people, it will get easier and eventually someone for you (even a date) will come along.
L555BAT, this /\/\/\/\As said, I'm far from a top runner... what I do though is turn up and get involved, chat to people, go to socials; basically see it as a chance to showcase yourself to a whole new audience.
After my last split I've pulled back a bit from my main club and been out with a couple of other groups, I've clicked with a girl from one, as friends but a little more for now. From the other group, things are developing via text with another girl. I'm not pushing or hanging my hat on either, just seeing where they go. Your activity of choice doesn't need to be running though, but I think something sport related is a good shout - it's that sense of belonging to the same club or team which means you're starting from a position of having something pretty emotive in common.
That's the other thing, once you have their interest pricked then it's a case of being friendly and chatty, but not too keen.. let them lead, if the conversation drops off, let it, they'll often come back a day or two later with something fresh to say and you're off again.
I'm not that experienced with the online chat, but I suspect it's the same. Don't be too keen. A girl might be interested, but busy and lets the conversation go a bit quiet. She might have every intention of picking it back up, but if she logs in to find half a dozen messages of increasing desperation from you then it's going to raise a red flag. Not saying you do that, just something to avoid.
coanda said:
It's just your frame of mind.
I was in a relationship from first week of uni until 2 years ago (18-33). Now I'm royally fked. I missed out on the 'game'. Any further relationships will be a product of pure chance unless I change my frame of mind. It seems to me that the same applies to you.
In my experience entirely the opposite applies. I spent the majority of 18 - 33 in relationships (multiple but very little time playing the field) and found that at 33> you are taking candy off a baby. More confidence, maturity, grown into your looks, money in your pocket, at ease with yourself and others. I was in a relationship from first week of uni until 2 years ago (18-33). Now I'm royally f
ked. I missed out on the 'game'. Any further relationships will be a product of pure chance unless I change my frame of mind. It seems to me that the same applies to you.To feel you are somehow at a disadvantage is the polar opposite of the reality I suspect.
Shnozz said:
In my experience entirely the opposite applies. I spent the majority of 18 - 33 in relationships (multiple but very little time playing the field) and found that at 33> you are taking candy off a baby. More confidence, maturity, grown into your looks, money in your pocket, at ease with yourself and others.
To feel you are somehow at a disadvantage is the polar opposite of the reality I suspect.
One might feel that way because when you're 18-25 you are in 'prime slamming zone' i.e. that's the age group of most of the girls I would imagine on a average Saturday night out. Of course, there are plenty available from 25-45, but probably less (kids, married, settled).To feel you are somehow at a disadvantage is the polar opposite of the reality I suspect.
Shnozz said:
coanda said:
It's just your frame of mind.
I was in a relationship from first week of uni until 2 years ago (18-33). Now I'm royally fked. I missed out on the 'game'. Any further relationships will be a product of pure chance unless I change my frame of mind. It seems to me that the same applies to you.
In my experience entirely the opposite applies. I spent the majority of 18 - 33 in relationships (multiple but very little time playing the field) and found that at 33> you are taking candy off a baby. More confidence, maturity, grown into your looks, money in your pocket, at ease with yourself and others. I was in a relationship from first week of uni until 2 years ago (18-33). Now I'm royally f
ked. I missed out on the 'game'. Any further relationships will be a product of pure chance unless I change my frame of mind. It seems to me that the same applies to you.To feel you are somehow at a disadvantage is the polar opposite of the reality I suspect.
Shnozz said:
coanda said:
Your reality and my reality can be quite far apart, and both can be valid. Again, its a frame of mind thing.
Absolutely my friend. And the wonderful part about frame of mind is that its a changeable, intangible thing that you could change overnight at no cost. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff