Match.com (Volume 6)

[Shnozz]

Vaud said:

Condi said:

I would love to contribute, but a move with work to some unGodly part of the world mean my sexual activity is limited to a high speed internet connection and the very occasional friend with benefits when Im nearer home.

Your profile says Yorkshire... It's not that bad!

Quite the contrary. A county where t'women do t'chasing. Fill thy boots.

[Condi]

Shnozz said:

Vaud said:

Condi said:

I would love to contribute, but a move with work to some unGodly part of the world mean my sexual activity is limited to a high speed internet connection and the very occasional friend with benefits when Im nearer home.

Your profile says Yorkshire... It's not that bad!

Quite the contrary. A county where t'women do t'chasing. Fill thy boots.

Oh, no... Yorkshire is Gods Own County, where I am now is a long way north from there.

[Vaud]

Oh no. Northumberland?

[Condi]

Vaud said:

Oh no. Northumberland?

Scotland.... and quite far beyond the border!

[Plate spinner]

SpeckledJim said:

Charlie1986 said:

Blown2CV said:

Charlie1986 said:

I think I’ll give up after this weekend

Meet up have a lovely evening where it was both enjoyed ( well I think). Yet today no reply to a call or a text.

Problem is we both have engagements with other friends this month! Maybe I could use the sickness excuse and get out of the engagement ??

you're being ghosted.

She can crack on. She texted this morning saying she had a hangover as she was out with friends hence not replying. So it’s up to her as I’ve deleted the number so can’t even if I wanted to text her back. Next Friday may be fun but it’s a large group and I’ll be able to avoid her if necessary

Sure you’re not being a bit sensitive? Take the high road. It’s supposed to be lasses who count hours.

Indeed...

If she’s text back then the door is half open.

If you like her, go for it and play the game.

If you don’t, go for it anyway knowing she could well become your ‘back up’ option.

Seriously, I’m not sure what you have to lose.

[kowalski655]

Condi said:

Vaud said:

Oh no. Northumberland?

Scotland.... and quite far beyond the border!

Are the women that far North of the Wall THAT bad?

Quite possibly

[mjb1]

I've been single for a bit over 3 years now, apart from a bit of fun with a couple of women (both people I already knew, rather than complete strangers). One was a highly Christian bunny boiler, openly desperate for marriage and kids (I'm not closed to the idea, but definitely not with her), and frankly the whole thing felt far too risky, like a shotgun wedding was going to be the outcome.

The other one is a complete enigma to me - I still have no idea if she ever actually liked me at all, if she was just trying to make her ex jealous, or if she's just an absolute monster for cock. It's probably almost worthy of a thread on it's own, and I'll try not to get too carried away with it here, but the gist of it is that she was my ex's best friend, and we started seeing each other off the back of my ex suggesting we all have a threesome! She's all over me for 2 weeks at a time, and we get on amazingly, can't quite explain why, we just work well together.

But then she goes cold and eventually I find out that she's gone back to sleeping with her ex from several years ago (it's just sex apparently, even though she still has feelings for him). But all the time she's constantly messaging me keeping leading me on, playing down what she's actually up to with her ex. She'll have him round to hers for the evening, then sit there on her phone all night messaging back and forth with me, regularly bhing about him too, tells me she'd rather be with me (total opposite of her actions). Obviously, she doesn't mention that she's with him, I just figure it out because the only time she stops messaging me (for 30 minutes or so) is while they're at it, and then she's literally straight back to messaging me after. She makes out that it's just a convenience thing with him - not a problem having him round her place overnight with their kids in the house, but she doesn't want them to see other men in her bed (even though our kids are all good friends so her's know me pretty well already). He's got it easy - regular sex on tap with her, and she has their kids full time, while he's off playing the field too. I'm coming to the conclusion that she's just a cock hungry nimpho, and will get it anywhere/anyway she can, without having any emotional connection to anyone. Only reason I kept going back was that she was like an oasis in the middle of a desert, that and she's pretty filthy in bed.

Anyway, back on topic. I've never had any success at meeting women - literally all of my previous relationships have started off as people I'm already friends with one way or another (as per both examples above). Seems no one actually fancies me until they get to know me quite well, which isn't much good when it comes to online dating. And all of them made the first move, not one would I have considered getting involved with until they did. So I've set myself a new rule - I'm not just going to go along with anything in future, there has so be some sort of physical attraction too. I really don't think I have particularly high standards, so it shouldn't be that hard?

I've lost a lot of weight recently, and I'm pretty fit, although certainly not a 'roided up gym maniac by any means. But I'm about as ugly as it's possible to be with having a recognised physical defect, so even the best photo's of me are probably off putting, but that's just a representation of reality! So far I've tried tinder, POF, zoosk and Elite singles (all unpaid).

I've got so far with tinder that I just get a blank screen and it tells me there are no more potential matches - try again later. Then one or two come up (sometimes ones that I've seen before), before saying I've exhausted them all again. Now I'm swiping right on pretty much anything that looks vaguely human, so I guess this must mean that literally everyone has swiped left on me? I appreciate that Tinder is primarily about looks, so maybe ugly blokes just have zero chance on there? One of my mates, who's been a semi recluse for the last 3 years and constantly saying he's not interested in meeting women, has suddenly found himself a new bird with zero effort at all. Via tinder apparently, she matched and started messaging him, and now he's practically fighting her off! I suppose he's fairly good looking though.

POF, there seem to be some reasonable looking/sounding women on there, I just haven't started hitting them all up with messages yet (mainly down to lack of confidence I guess). zoosk, seems a bit like a cross between tinder and pof, but you can only start a conversation if you're a paid member. And I suspect that a lot of the women's profiles are ghost ones - people who've stopped using it months/years ago, but never deleted their profile. At least on POF it tells you who's been online recently. Elite Singles is offering me practically no matches in my geographic location (I'm pretty rural), have to expand the search radius to 100 miles to get anything. All the women that I've spoken to (including my ex) have all said that they're constantly getting loads of matches and messages on tinder, zoosk, POF and elsewhere. Seems they have to put in zero effort, just put up some filtered selfies.

Any tips, other sites that are any good (I don't mind paying for a subscription if it will actually help)? Or should I give up with the online thing? Spent most of my life accepting that I'm physically unattractive, and don't have a personality that makes up for it. So now it's just getting me that actively looking for someone online is reinforcing my lack of confidence. I'm happy with every other aspect of my life, apart from being single.

[feef]

In recent weeks, I've come to realise that I'm probably not interested in a relationship at all.

I've deleted all my accounts bar Tinder and Bumble, and all they really serve is as idle 'amusement', mainly because I can't genuinely swipe right without there being something that attracts me, and in general there isn't much unless I cast my net in excess of maybe 50 miles, which is less than practical.

It's a plethora of snapchat filters, duckfaces, 'tick-box lifestyle' photos and not, on the face of it at least, a lot of individualism, ambition or anything interesting going on, either that or heaps of baggage.. and while I've got my own fair share of baggage, there's still a limit.

Jaded? Perhaps I am.

Picky? Why shouldn't I be... I've been single for 7 years, I'm 45 next month and I'm tired of games. I genuinely think I'm just going to stay on my own and deal with the occasional feelings of loneliness. It's not like I've nothing to occupy me or I have a boring life, indeed, part of the reason I'm single it most likely down to not having enough time to go out there and socialise in areas which are more likely to be popular with women. I'll stick with my skiing, trail-running, petrol-headery and other things that I enjoy and just live life rather than waste time chasing after a thought that I don't really feel will benefit me that much now.

[putonghua73]

feef said:

Jaded? Perhaps I am.

Picky? Why shouldn't I be... I've been single for 7 years, I'm 45 next month and I'm tired of games

Couple of observations:

1. Your post sounds jaded
2. If you have been activately dating for 7 years and are still single then either your technique is horribly wrong, you have unrealistic expectations, or have just finished Skyrim
3. Online dating results in diminishing returns in your late 30s and beyond

'Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.', ...

I met my partner 6 years ago after on/off online dating over the years, and between relationships. I met her how I met almost of my previous relationships via language / activity exchange i.e. in a non-dating context. Whilst there were moments I did enjoy online dating, those moments were brief - it never really worked out for me. I fully admit that I'm picky i.e. I recently spent 2 minutes flicking left through my friend's Tinder results, and not once ever thought about flicking right - I simply handed the phone back, bored, and was really, really glad that I do not have to put up with that st anymore.

If online dating is not working for all, I'd suspend / delete all of my profiles and focus my energies on other parts of my life for the time being - but put time aside to put yourself in social situations e.g. Meet-Up activities, etc where you can meet women in a non-dating context. It's also much better for your mental health.

If you want instant gratification / teenage kicks (not actual teenage kicks), then Tinder is where the action is. There are other more adult apps, but let's not dredge those at this time. If you want something more meaningful, then ditch the dating apps and go back to basics i.e. meeting people [women] in a relaxed social situation.

You also need a certain amount of introspection and [female] perspective to provide indications on what you are doing that may unintentionally be putting people off i.e. the way that you dress, body language and signals - eye contact or lack thereof, defensive body posture, vocal tone, etc - and whether you are creating an opening for anyone to display interest.

[FN2TypeR]

kowalski655 said:

Condi said:

Vaud said:

Oh no. Northumberland?

Scotland.... and quite far beyond the border!

Are the women that far North of the Wall THAT bad?

Quite possibly

She's inhumane, blue and might be some sort of zombie type creature but she's still a better prospect than my ex girlfriend.

[feef]

putonghua73 said:

feef said:

Jaded? Perhaps I am.

Picky? Why shouldn't I be... I've been single for 7 years, I'm 45 next month and I'm tired of games

Couple of observations:

1. Your post sounds jaded
2. If you have been activately dating for 7 years and are still single then either your technique is horribly wrong, you have unrealistic expectations, or have just finished Skyrim
3. Online dating results in diminishing returns in your late 30s and beyond

'Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.', ...

I met my partner 6 years ago after on/off online dating over the years, and between relationships. I met her how I met almost of my previous relationships via language / activity exchange i.e. in a non-dating context. Whilst there were moments I did enjoy online dating, those moments were brief - it never really worked out for me. I fully admit that I'm picky i.e. I recently spent 2 minutes flicking left through my friend's Tinder results, and not once ever thought about flicking right - I simply handed the phone back, bored, and was really, really glad that I do not have to put up with that st anymore.

If online dating is not working for all, I'd suspend / delete all of my profiles and focus my energies on other parts of my life for the time being - but put time aside to put yourself in social situations e.g. Meet-Up activities, etc where you can meet women in a non-dating context. It's also much better for your mental health.

If you want instant gratification / teenage kicks (not actual teenage kicks), then Tinder is where the action is. There are other more adult apps, but let's not dredge those at this time. If you want something more meaningful, then ditch the dating apps and go back to basics i.e. meeting people [women] in a relaxed social situation.

You also need a certain amount of introspection and [female] perspective to provide indications on what you are doing that may unintentionally be putting people off i.e. the way that you dress, body language and signals - eye contact or lack thereof, defensive body posture, vocal tone, etc - and whether you are creating an opening for anyone to display interest.

I've not been 'actively dating' as such for those 7 years... my lifestyle doesn't really lend itself to those relaxed social environments where I might meet women, and I think it's that realisation that I've come to terms with.

Realistically, I don't want to change my lifestyle and/or social life for the sole purpose of meeting someone. That doesn't mean it wouldn't change IF I met someone.

I'm not looking for just 'kicks' either, and I've been down the rabbit-hole with some of those other apps, and found the whole thing rather empty and disappointing.

In terms of what does put off many of those that I have spoken to, met and dated on occasion, it boils down to 2 major factors:

1 : Apparently they have decided that I don't have enough time for a relationship due to all my activities, hobbies and whatnot.

2 : I'm good friends with my ex/son's mother. We run a business together and I see her most days. Despite not being together, we try and operate as some form of family for the sake of him. She's since got married and has another child with her husband, so it's not like there's any 'threat', but that relationship tends to put the vast majority off.

[hyphen]

putonghua73 said:

. I met her how I met almost of my previous relationships via language / activity exchange

You mean those gumtree/craigs list type of ads? Good work!

[Blown2CV]

feef said:

putonghua73 said:

feef said:

Jaded? Perhaps I am.

Picky? Why shouldn't I be... I've been single for 7 years, I'm 45 next month and I'm tired of games

Couple of observations:

1. Your post sounds jaded
2. If you have been activately dating for 7 years and are still single then either your technique is horribly wrong, you have unrealistic expectations, or have just finished Skyrim
3. Online dating results in diminishing returns in your late 30s and beyond

'Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.', ...

I met my partner 6 years ago after on/off online dating over the years, and between relationships. I met her how I met almost of my previous relationships via language / activity exchange i.e. in a non-dating context. Whilst there were moments I did enjoy online dating, those moments were brief - it never really worked out for me. I fully admit that I'm picky i.e. I recently spent 2 minutes flicking left through my friend's Tinder results, and not once ever thought about flicking right - I simply handed the phone back, bored, and was really, really glad that I do not have to put up with that st anymore.

If online dating is not working for all, I'd suspend / delete all of my profiles and focus my energies on other parts of my life for the time being - but put time aside to put yourself in social situations e.g. Meet-Up activities, etc where you can meet women in a non-dating context. It's also much better for your mental health.

If you want instant gratification / teenage kicks (not actual teenage kicks), then Tinder is where the action is. There are other more adult apps, but let's not dredge those at this time. If you want something more meaningful, then ditch the dating apps and go back to basics i.e. meeting people [women] in a relaxed social situation.

You also need a certain amount of introspection and [female] perspective to provide indications on what you are doing that may unintentionally be putting people off i.e. the way that you dress, body language and signals - eye contact or lack thereof, defensive body posture, vocal tone, etc - and whether you are creating an opening for anyone to display interest.

I've not been 'actively dating' as such for those 7 years... my lifestyle doesn't really lend itself to those relaxed social environments where I might meet women, and I think it's that realisation that I've come to terms with.

Realistically, I don't want to change my lifestyle and/or social life for the sole purpose of meeting someone. That doesn't mean it wouldn't change IF I met someone.

I'm not looking for just 'kicks' either, and I've been down the rabbit-hole with some of those other apps, and found the whole thing rather empty and disappointing.

In terms of what does put off many of those that I have spoken to, met and dated on occasion, it boils down to 2 major factors:

1 : Apparently they have decided that I don't have enough time for a relationship due to all my activities, hobbies and whatnot.

2 : I'm good friends with my ex/son's mother. We run a business together and I see her most days. Despite not being together, we try and operate as some form of family for the sake of him. She's since got married and has another child with her husband, so it's not like there's any 'threat', but that relationship tends to put the vast majority off.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you know relationships aren't just about what you want, don't you? There is another person who wants things too? Some of the things you've said above would just make a woman walk.

[CharlesdeGaulle]

mjb1 said:

... I'm physically unattractive, and don't have a personality that makes up for it. So now it's just getting me that actively looking for someone online is reinforcing my lack of confidence. I'm happy with every other aspect of my life, apart from being single.

Yours was an interesting post.

It's undoubtedly hard to overcome ugliness, and I guess that not having a personality that makes up for it means that you're essentially 'normal'. That's both a strength and a weakness; most people are 'normal'. If you look around at women, many of them are not conventionally pretty or beautiful, but many can make themselves attractive. You probably can too, probably not through make-up, lingerie and heels (although don't knock it until you've tried it!) but by being nicely dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered and interesting.

As people have said to others, perhaps avoid internet dating where looks trump all, and instead get yourself into situations that are 'normal' and where you meet people without it being obviously a dating market. If you have success with the women that know you, you need to concentrate on that space. The fact that you're largely content with your life is a good sign, and that confidence and being comfortable in your own skin will be very obvious to others. Good luck!

[SpeckledJim]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

Yours was an interesting post.

It's undoubtedly hard to overcome ugliness, and I guess that not having a personality that makes up for it means that you're essentially 'normal'. That's both a strength and a weakness; most people are 'normal'. If you look around at women, many of them are not conventionally pretty or beautiful, but many can make themselves attractive. You probably can too, probably not through make-up, lingerie and heels (although don't knock it until you've tried it!) but by being nicely dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered and interesting.

As people have said to others, perhaps avoid internet dating where looks trump all, and instead get yourself into situations that are 'normal' and where you meet people without it being obviously a dating market. If you have success with the women that know you, you need to concentrate on that space. The fact that you're largely content with your life is a good sign, and that confidence and being comfortable in your own skin will be very obvious to others. Good luck!

Don't forget 'rich'. Rich is a belter. So I read.

[Plate spinner]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

mjb1 said:

... I'm physically unattractive, and don't have a personality that makes up for it. So now it's just getting me that actively looking for someone online is reinforcing my lack of confidence. I'm happy with every other aspect of my life, apart from being single.

Yours was an interesting post.

It's undoubtedly hard to overcome ugliness, and I guess that not having a personality that makes up for it means that you're essentially 'normal'. That's both a strength and a weakness; most people are 'normal'. If you look around at women, many of them are not conventionally pretty or beautiful, but many can make themselves attractive. You probably can too, probably not through make-up, lingerie and heels (although don't knock it until you've tried it!) but by being nicely dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered and interesting.

As people have said to others, perhaps avoid internet dating where looks trump all, and instead get yourself into situations that are 'normal' and where you meet people without it being obviously a dating market. If you have success with the women that know you, you need to concentrate on that space. The fact that you're largely content with your life is a good sign, and that confidence and being comfortable in your own skin will be very obvious to others. Good luck!

Focus on what you’ve got, not what you’ve not.

There’s someone for everyone and if you’re a nice guy, there’s a nice girl out there.

One of my old school friends never did great with girls when we were young, in actual fact he was awful - by his own admission he’s quiet and has zero chat. Now though his wife is fit, intelligent and witty - and talks enough for both of them. She loves him... she says because he’s the only guy that really listened to her. He says he loves her because she’s got great norks and talks for him so he doesn’t have to bother. They were friends for years before getting together.

So get involved with new sports, social groups, volunteering etc. Leave the apps alone maybe. Just get out there and be you.

[mjb1]

Plate spinner said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

mjb1 said:

... I'm physically unattractive, and don't have a personality that makes up for it. So now it's just getting me that actively looking for someone online is reinforcing my lack of confidence. I'm happy with every other aspect of my life, apart from being single.

Yours was an interesting post.

It's undoubtedly hard to overcome ugliness, and I guess that not having a personality that makes up for it means that you're essentially 'normal'. That's both a strength and a weakness; most people are 'normal'. If you look around at women, many of them are not conventionally pretty or beautiful, but many can make themselves attractive. You probably can too, probably not through make-up, lingerie and heels (although don't knock it until you've tried it!) but by being nicely dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered and interesting.

As people have said to others, perhaps avoid internet dating where looks trump all, and instead get yourself into situations that are 'normal' and where you meet people without it being obviously a dating market. If you have success with the women that know you, you need to concentrate on that space. The fact that you're largely content with your life is a good sign, and that confidence and being comfortable in your own skin will be very obvious to others. Good luck!

Focus on what you’ve got, not what you’ve not.

There’s someone for everyone and if you’re a nice guy, there’s a nice girl out there.

One of my old school friends never did great with girls when we were young, in actual fact he was awful - by his own admission he’s quiet and has zero chat. Now though his wife is fit, intelligent and witty - and talks enough for both of them. She loves him... she says because he’s the only guy that really listened to her. He says he loves her because she’s got great norks and talks for him so he doesn’t have to bother. They were friends for years before getting together.

So get involved with new sports, social groups, volunteering etc. Leave the apps alone maybe. Just get out there and be you.

I get what you're saying, and I've always taken the laid back approach to relationships - never been the one to make the first move or pushed for anything. And when I was younger, I used to think the old one day I'll just meet someone and click. But I'm almost 40 and that's never happened, and now I'm left thinking that if I just 'play it cool' and keep waiting to meet someone, the next 20 years could go the same way, and I then I'll be 60 and still lonely, or settle with a woman that I don't really like. Which is why I thought I should probably be a bit more proactive about it, hence trying the dating sites.

Most of my hobbies and sports are highly male orientated, so I almost never meet women than way. Not really sure it's a good idea to take up other hobbies just to try and meet women? I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone (most of them are related in some way!). I go out for a beer most weekends (just a couple, I don't drink to excess any more), every time with a bit of optimism that I might meet someone single and interested in me.So I do try to be optimistic rather than defeatist, but I just seem to be setting myself up to always go home disappointed.

but most of the people I associate with when out for a drink are women. I just seem to get on with them better (purely as friends) - all the younger blokes are total lads, and the older ones I don't seem to have anything in common with. Some of them have been giving me a fair bit of advice on online dating, but I've just realised that my whole approach has been more like a woman would, and it works totally differently for men. The just sign up to a dating site and get inundated with male attention without making any real effort. The women are so totally overwhelmed with messages from random blokes that they never browse/search the profiles, they just work through their stacked out in boxes. Trying to explain to them how it works from the male perspective is a bit of an eye opener for them I think.

I feel like I need to get out there and meet women that are actually looking for something themselves, mainly to try and work out what I actually want in a partner. I've never really considered that before, only what I think they need or I can offer them. I'm also aware that I'm a very independent person (possibly just what happens being single so long). On the one hand I'm lonely and want someone to share my life with, but on the other, I like my own space and I'm not really sure how I'd feel living with a partner. Trying to meet a woman who matches that is even more difficult! Maybe I'd be better off just aiming for casual arrangements rather than a meaningful relationship anyway.

[Condi]

For a lot of people Tinder et al are not the best places for a relationship.

Go to the pay sites and you'll find more people looking for more what you're after. Ideally, the more specialist and niche the better.

[JuniorD]

Gretchen said:

keirik said:

Gretchen said:

/sigh. I love and loath this thread.

‘All women are Unicorn Hunters’ - Not in my case. It’s been said, by a man, that I don’t need a man in my life. And that’s a problem for men. I’m savvy and skilled enough to do things for myself. Obviously there leaves an intimate part, but that been filled for the past five years by a ‘friend with benefits’. So it’s not a unicorn I hunt it’s an equal. And that’s rarer.

You're skilled and can do everything you might need a man for but you sleep with a friemd, and wonder why you can't get a partner?

So look at it the other way, someone is looking for a girl/woman but the one he finds is totally independent and is shagging someone on the side. Why would they bother chasing you?

Serious question, not judging your choices, but if you want a normal relationship a partner needs to feel they can contribute, so in your case what would that be?

At which point have I said I can’t get a partner? Think you’ve taken that the wrong way. I used the above as an counter example. I’m not looking and my ‘friend’ was someone who filled a gap when there was one to fill. I certainly don’t want to be chased!

Define ‘normal’? One thing I won’t ever do is live a ‘normal’ or conventional life. It isn’t me. Ergo I can’t answer your question.

If you don't mind me asking, what do you look for in a "friend with benefits", criteria wise?

And why is your "friend with benefits" not more than just a friend with benefits.

[feef]

Blown2CV said:

feef said:

putonghua73 said:

feef said:

Jaded? Perhaps I am.

Picky? Why shouldn't I be... I've been single for 7 years, I'm 45 next month and I'm tired of games

Couple of observations:

1. Your post sounds jaded
2. If you have been activately dating for 7 years and are still single then either your technique is horribly wrong, you have unrealistic expectations, or have just finished Skyrim
3. Online dating results in diminishing returns in your late 30s and beyond

'Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.', ...

I met my partner 6 years ago after on/off online dating over the years, and between relationships. I met her how I met almost of my previous relationships via language / activity exchange i.e. in a non-dating context. Whilst there were moments I did enjoy online dating, those moments were brief - it never really worked out for me. I fully admit that I'm picky i.e. I recently spent 2 minutes flicking left through my friend's Tinder results, and not once ever thought about flicking right - I simply handed the phone back, bored, and was really, really glad that I do not have to put up with that st anymore.

If online dating is not working for all, I'd suspend / delete all of my profiles and focus my energies on other parts of my life for the time being - but put time aside to put yourself in social situations e.g. Meet-Up activities, etc where you can meet women in a non-dating context. It's also much better for your mental health.

If you want instant gratification / teenage kicks (not actual teenage kicks), then Tinder is where the action is. There are other more adult apps, but let's not dredge those at this time. If you want something more meaningful, then ditch the dating apps and go back to basics i.e. meeting people [women] in a relaxed social situation.

You also need a certain amount of introspection and [female] perspective to provide indications on what you are doing that may unintentionally be putting people off i.e. the way that you dress, body language and signals - eye contact or lack thereof, defensive body posture, vocal tone, etc - and whether you are creating an opening for anyone to display interest.

I've not been 'actively dating' as such for those 7 years... my lifestyle doesn't really lend itself to those relaxed social environments where I might meet women, and I think it's that realisation that I've come to terms with.

Realistically, I don't want to change my lifestyle and/or social life for the sole purpose of meeting someone. That doesn't mean it wouldn't change IF I met someone.

I'm not looking for just 'kicks' either, and I've been down the rabbit-hole with some of those other apps, and found the whole thing rather empty and disappointing.

In terms of what does put off many of those that I have spoken to, met and dated on occasion, it boils down to 2 major factors:

1 : Apparently they have decided that I don't have enough time for a relationship due to all my activities, hobbies and whatnot.

2 : I'm good friends with my ex/son's mother. We run a business together and I see her most days. Despite not being together, we try and operate as some form of family for the sake of him. She's since got married and has another child with her husband, so it's not like there's any 'threat', but that relationship tends to put the vast majority off.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you know relationships aren't just about what you want, don't you? There is another person who wants things too? Some of the things you've said above would just make a woman walk.

I think my point was missed... it's not that I don't have time for a relationship, I certainly would have time, and make time for the right person.

I know it's very much a two way street, I just feel that I'm not even getting a look in as to what they want when I'm being dismissed out of hand due to assumptions about my time and prejudice against my familial circumstances.