Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
I think if you have done any sort of online dating then you have loads of stories.
I was messaging a woman on POF who pretty quickly asked me to phone her and we arranged to meetup that night. Date went well, she was not bad looking and told me she had split with her ex the month before. She also made it pretty clear what she wanted and asked if I would drive her home.....
She directs me to where she lives and we park the car a minutes walk from her flat. We get in, she lets her dress drop to the floor and says this is all yours. We do the deed and she asks me if I wanted to stay, I have work the next day so I make my excuses and begin to get ready to leave. As I am getting dressed we chat and she reveals to me that her ex threatened to throw acid in her face if she dated anyone else.
It's around 2:30AM by this point, I have no idea where I am and I have a minutes walk to the car. I seriously expected a baseball bat around the head as I opened the front door and ran to the car.
I was messaging a woman on POF who pretty quickly asked me to phone her and we arranged to meetup that night. Date went well, she was not bad looking and told me she had split with her ex the month before. She also made it pretty clear what she wanted and asked if I would drive her home.....
She directs me to where she lives and we park the car a minutes walk from her flat. We get in, she lets her dress drop to the floor and says this is all yours. We do the deed and she asks me if I wanted to stay, I have work the next day so I make my excuses and begin to get ready to leave. As I am getting dressed we chat and she reveals to me that her ex threatened to throw acid in her face if she dated anyone else.
It's around 2:30AM by this point, I have no idea where I am and I have a minutes walk to the car. I seriously expected a baseball bat around the head as I opened the front door and ran to the car.
IrateNinja said:
There have been a couple of women who were keen for me to help out enacting a rape fantasy with them. One of whom I'd met approx 2 hours earlier in a s
thole Bristol nightclub when I was in my late teens
Met a few like that on POF as well. One wanted me to come over to her place and force myself on her against the wall in the hallway while she struggled. Another one I had seen a few times bought flimsy clothing that she wanted me to rip off her while I pinned her down.thole Bristol nightclub when I was in my late teensAnother one had separated from her husband, but apparently he still occasionally popped in for sex in the front room on a Friday night on his way home from a night out and left.
We were just hooking up, but she had told him all about me and what we got up to. One thing I have not mentioned yet is that she lived in Aldershot in the Army accommodation and he had failed the SAS training but was looking to apply again soon.
She was very keen on inviting him over for a 3some while I was there. Didn't go ahead with it.
I also later found out that her and her ex used to go dogging around the area.
feef said:
Only 'horror' story I can think of was a lass who made the trip to see me after we'd been chatting online for a while...
She arrived with an overnight bag and a mouth full of black stumps... It was only after I'd made my excuses and cut the evening short that I reviewed her photos and realised that there wasn't a single pic with her mouth open, even the smiles were closed lips.
Also known as 'a pan of burnt chips' or 'Queen Mum smile'.She arrived with an overnight bag and a mouth full of black stumps... It was only after I'd made my excuses and cut the evening short that I reviewed her photos and realised that there wasn't a single pic with her mouth open, even the smiles were closed lips.
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Well ? Did you with Kate?
No mate, the look on her face when I asked 'is Kate in' was enough to realise that even if I'd wanted to it was never ever ever going to happen. (The suspension was never the same on the bike afterwards, and I even broke down on the M56 trying to get home again after returning her home.)Ahhh, the memories, that super cute little diddy goth with hair the same colour as GPO phone box, where DID she go?
Kids now a days haven't got a f**king clue how much effort was required to 'chase' girls back then.
Getting busted by your parents for running up a huge phone bill, then hanging around in a call box trying to get through to the 'one' but only ever talking to her Dad. 'No she's not here.' and trying again ten minutes later - 'but I'm running out of 10ps here!'
I have so many stories of failed conquests in Leeds I should probably write a book.
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Anyone for a squirter story ? I'm scared / scarred by it.
Personally that stuff doesn't bother me at all, it's just bodies doing what bodies do. I was always more than keen to get involved.
Plenty of dirty dits going back years.
Posted this before on here I think. Got chatting to a 45+ blond gym bunny on PoF back when Pof was fun, free & basic as they come. First contact from her was about 1pm. By 3pm i was round her place, having had my balls gargled in the hallway of her house as soon as i got through the door I then pounded the hell out of her pelvis on the bottom two stairs in the hallway. Very sexually aggressive woman & bloody good fun. Never knew her name, she booted me out of the house almost straight after the couple of hours of rolling around. Hallway only room in the house that i saw. Proper filth. Good lass.
Way back in the late 80's/early 90's i was collared while home on weekends leave from across the water by some tidy trim lass in a local rock/metal club i used to frequent. After going back to hers with a mate of mine & her mate who got at it in the next room we were having lots of fun when, at about 3am, there was knock at the front door & a loud whisper through the letter box from some bloke calling, 'Sharon, Sharon'/ It was the boyfriend of the lass under me who kept quiet until he fecked off. Me, on the other hand was halfway out of the bedroom window with my gear under one arm & a shoe in my mouth about to jump when she pulled me back in for some more humpty dumpty. It was about this time that she kindly asked me not to unload in her as she wasn't on the pill or anything. I didn't mention i'd already dolloped a couple of scrotums full of myself, although i wonder how she didn't realise or if was just a st shag!!
In the morning she wanted my home tel no, which i gave her although in a slightly different numerical sequence than it should have been. The simple reason for doing this was that she was carving my number into her arm with the blade of a knife - the feckin physco bh.
All was well & good until that stebag of a mate of mine decided to bang her mate again a week later & then gave this girl my real number when she told him she'd been unable to get hold of me. Tw@t.
Posted this before on here I think. Got chatting to a 45+ blond gym bunny on PoF back when Pof was fun, free & basic as they come. First contact from her was about 1pm. By 3pm i was round her place, having had my balls gargled in the hallway of her house as soon as i got through the door I then pounded the hell out of her pelvis on the bottom two stairs in the hallway. Very sexually aggressive woman & bloody good fun. Never knew her name, she booted me out of the house almost straight after the couple of hours of rolling around. Hallway only room in the house that i saw. Proper filth. Good lass.
Way back in the late 80's/early 90's i was collared while home on weekends leave from across the water by some tidy trim lass in a local rock/metal club i used to frequent. After going back to hers with a mate of mine & her mate who got at it in the next room we were having lots of fun when, at about 3am, there was knock at the front door & a loud whisper through the letter box from some bloke calling, 'Sharon, Sharon'/ It was the boyfriend of the lass under me who kept quiet until he fecked off. Me, on the other hand was halfway out of the bedroom window with my gear under one arm & a shoe in my mouth about to jump when she pulled me back in for some more humpty dumpty. It was about this time that she kindly asked me not to unload in her as she wasn't on the pill or anything. I didn't mention i'd already dolloped a couple of scrotums full of myself, although i wonder how she didn't realise or if was just a s
t shag!!In the morning she wanted my home tel no, which i gave her although in a slightly different numerical sequence than it should have been. The simple reason for doing this was that she was carving my number into her arm with the blade of a knife - the feckin physco b
h.All was well & good until that s
tebag of a mate of mine decided to bang her mate again a week later & then gave this girl my real number when she told him she'd been unable to get hold of me. Tw@t.xjay1337 said:
Jesus christ, sounds more like an attempted kidnapping.
I got kidnapped once...When I was about 18 or 20 I worked in a nightclub on the bar. It was a good laugh actually, but I was a real wimp back then when it came to not wanting to hurt people. Way worse than I am now! There was a girl who worked there and she was nice. Really nice. I liked her. But she had this mate, who had a thing for me and would come and stand by my bar all night trying to talk to me.
She wasn't a looker. Nice enough girl, but not for me. So I end up talking to the nice one one night and she's like yeah come back to mine we'll get pissed etc. I'm thinking great, here's my chance! Her mate obviously tags along and at some point during the taxi journey, hot girl says "oh actually I'm tired, I'm just gonna go home to bed, but you two should go back to hers and have a drink".
I'd been set up! I didn't have a f
king clue where I was. So I ended up at this girl's house where, to cut a long story short, I let her give me a blowjob but somehow managed to get out of having sex with her. My memory is very hazy on this one and I can't actually remember what I said or did to avoid it but it was a close shave!The joys of online dating
The weirdest story I ever had was back in my early 20s, when online dating was just coming out, an 18 year old lady started messaging me regarding meeting up , only issue was there was no photo.....her name was Sarah...alarm bells...
..On the plus side, she was messaging me begging me to be her "first". More alarm bells were ringing, but after a dry patch I gave her a call to ascertain that it was at least a female I was texting, after surprisingly hearing a female voice, we agreed to meet later in the week @ Putney station flower stall.
I got there early and got a good stalking viewpoint, the plan being that if I didnt like the look of her I could do a runner, unfortunately she knew what I looked like and had done the same and got there even earlier...As soon as I peeked round the postbox I felt a tap on my shoulder and she said hello....
On the plus side she was female and the correct age (if not older - which is a good thing) on the minus, she was a size 20 + and then some. I like the curvier lady, but blimey she was very big.
This is when it gets odd....she grabbed my hand and went "come on my dad is waiting round the corner" (PANNIC) ..she then led me to a Fiat Punto waiting on double yellows and introduced me to a man in his late 60s , who was her father, I then had to get into the back of a tiny punto and was driven down a few miles of back streets to their house. It was a three door so I couldn't even do a runner at the lights (MORE PANIC)
We then turn up at a nice looking suburban house, where Sarah lived with her retired pensioner parents, I get led up the garden path where she tells me "my mum has dinner ready for us". I then get into the house and sure enough in their small kitchen there is dinner ready, comprising of fish fingers (the irony) , chips and peas. The parents then join us for our first date meal and the four of us tuck in round a small square table eating a dinner fit for a 10 year old child. The parents then speak to me like they have been waiting all their life to meet me wanting to know all about me. To their credit they were lovely people, but it was bloody odd , however I took it as a challenge and parleyed up my life story and was as polite as one could be. I didnt even know their daughters surname and knew at best 2 things about their daughter, but I blagged it like a good'un
Following the fish fingers, we had some rice pudding , before Sarah and I parted upstairs to her room...Where she slammed the door shut , ripped off her clothes and demanded I take her cherry...by now it was like a weird dream, so just cracked on and did it. After a few hours of "fun" the poor girl could walk even less than she could before. I then told her "I needed to get the last tube home" (it was 7pm...) and went to leave, she said "of course Ive had what I wanted....my dad will will take you back to the station" So downstairs I trot to find her parents eagerly awaiting our arrival, where her mother made me a sandwich and back in the Punto to Putney tube station we go, where I chatted to her dad about the state of UK cricket., something I knew bugger all about but blagged it.
I stayed in touch with Sarah and every once in a while I'd pop over hers on a Friday night and repeat the above, word for word, except in addition to fish fingers occasionally Id have sausages or polonaise waiting for me on the table, as soon as dinner was eaten, we would retreat upstairs where she would just rip our clothes off and demand 3+ hours of debauchery before a lift back to the tube station from her father and the customary chat about cricket.
A few years passed following our last meeting and she emailed me to tell me that she had now got married (confirmed by FB) but was still up for "meeting up" but I had nightmares of turning up at her new house only for her husband to be waiting there to cook me dinner .
The weirdest story I ever had was back in my early 20s, when online dating was just coming out, an 18 year old lady started messaging me regarding meeting up , only issue was there was no photo.....her name was Sarah...alarm bells...
..On the plus side, she was messaging me begging me to be her "first". More alarm bells were ringing, but after a dry patch I gave her a call to ascertain that it was at least a female I was texting, after surprisingly hearing a female voice, we agreed to meet later in the week @ Putney station flower stall.
I got there early and got a good stalking viewpoint, the plan being that if I didnt like the look of her I could do a runner, unfortunately she knew what I looked like and had done the same and got there even earlier...As soon as I peeked round the postbox I felt a tap on my shoulder and she said hello....
On the plus side she was female and the correct age (if not older - which is a good thing) on the minus, she was a size 20 + and then some. I like the curvier lady, but blimey she was very big.
This is when it gets odd....she grabbed my hand and went "come on my dad is waiting round the corner" (PANNIC) ..she then led me to a Fiat Punto waiting on double yellows and introduced me to a man in his late 60s , who was her father, I then had to get into the back of a tiny punto and was driven down a few miles of back streets to their house. It was a three door so I couldn't even do a runner at the lights (MORE PANIC)
We then turn up at a nice looking suburban house, where Sarah lived with her retired pensioner parents, I get led up the garden path where she tells me "my mum has dinner ready for us". I then get into the house and sure enough in their small kitchen there is dinner ready, comprising of fish fingers (the irony) , chips and peas. The parents then join us for our first date meal and the four of us tuck in round a small square table eating a dinner fit for a 10 year old child. The parents then speak to me like they have been waiting all their life to meet me wanting to know all about me. To their credit they were lovely people, but it was bloody odd , however I took it as a challenge and parleyed up my life story and was as polite as one could be. I didnt even know their daughters surname and knew at best 2 things about their daughter, but I blagged it like a good'un
Following the fish fingers, we had some rice pudding , before Sarah and I parted upstairs to her room...Where she slammed the door shut , ripped off her clothes and demanded I take her cherry...by now it was like a weird dream, so just cracked on and did it. After a few hours of "fun" the poor girl could walk even less than she could before. I then told her "I needed to get the last tube home" (it was 7pm...) and went to leave, she said "of course Ive had what I wanted....my dad will will take you back to the station" So downstairs I trot to find her parents eagerly awaiting our arrival, where her mother made me a sandwich and back in the Punto to Putney tube station we go, where I chatted to her dad about the state of UK cricket., something I knew bugger all about but blagged it.
I stayed in touch with Sarah and every once in a while I'd pop over hers on a Friday night and repeat the above, word for word, except in addition to fish fingers occasionally Id have sausages or polonaise waiting for me on the table, as soon as dinner was eaten, we would retreat upstairs where she would just rip our clothes off and demand 3+ hours of debauchery before a lift back to the tube station from her father and the customary chat about cricket.
A few years passed following our last meeting and she emailed me to tell me that she had now got married (confirmed by FB) but was still up for "meeting up" but I had nightmares of turning up at her new house only for her husband to be waiting there to cook me dinner .
PH Delivers.
TwistingMyMelon said:
A few years passed following our last meeting and she emailed me to tell me that she had now got married (confirmed by FB) but was still up for "meeting up" but I had nightmares of turning up at her new house only for her husband to be waiting there to cook me dinner .
Amazing 
OK, so next up was my mate's ex. Not online dating as such but as we got talking again via WhatsApp I'm counting it. This was the point when I realised I was really on a path of destruction this year.
So I always thought she was quite nice. Bit older than me. They'd split up and the way she was talking, he was the worst person on earth and had treated her terribly. We got friendly and I was enjoying spending a bit of time with her to be honest. She is really nice. So I took her on a night out, and we had a really good laugh. Nothing happened, but as two people who were single and had been on our own a few months it was nice to spend some time with someone and have a bit of fun. She has a few medical issues that had seen her pretty much become a recluse by that point and I got her out of the house and reminded her that she can go out and have fun and it was nice knowing that.
We went out again, but to the cinema and she was basically cuddled up to me through the movie. Had some drinks after, and ended up back at hers. She let me sleep in her bed with her and I remembered back to a time that happened years ago and me not having the bottle try anything on. The girl from that situation is still a good friend and she said something along the lines of a woman doesn't let you into her bed unless she wants you to try it on usually.
So I went for it.
This started a bit of a thing and was a lot of fun. I got my mojo back and she enjoyed being hammered as much as I enjoyed hammering her. I felt guilty, but not as much as I could have since her and my mate were dead and buried and she hated him and all the stty stuff he said and did.
I had a holiday coming up and I told her I didn't see it going that far purely because I do want to settle down and have kids and her being a bit older would make that difficult and I wouldn't want to put that sort of pressure on someone, especially having been through almost the exact same thing with my ex.
So we had a goodbye bang and off I went.
Her and my mate are now back together...
So I always thought she was quite nice. Bit older than me. They'd split up and the way she was talking, he was the worst person on earth and had treated her terribly. We got friendly and I was enjoying spending a bit of time with her to be honest. She is really nice. So I took her on a night out, and we had a really good laugh. Nothing happened, but as two people who were single and had been on our own a few months it was nice to spend some time with someone and have a bit of fun. She has a few medical issues that had seen her pretty much become a recluse by that point and I got her out of the house and reminded her that she can go out and have fun and it was nice knowing that.
We went out again, but to the cinema and she was basically cuddled up to me through the movie. Had some drinks after, and ended up back at hers. She let me sleep in her bed with her and I remembered back to a time that happened years ago and me not having the bottle try anything on. The girl from that situation is still a good friend and she said something along the lines of a woman doesn't let you into her bed unless she wants you to try it on usually.
So I went for it.
This started a bit of a thing and was a lot of fun. I got my mojo back and she enjoyed being hammered as much as I enjoyed hammering her. I felt guilty, but not as much as I could have since her and my mate were dead and buried and she hated him and all the s
tty stuff he said and did. I had a holiday coming up and I told her I didn't see it going that far purely because I do want to settle down and have kids and her being a bit older would make that difficult and I wouldn't want to put that sort of pressure on someone, especially having been through almost the exact same thing with my ex.
So we had a goodbye bang and off I went.
Her and my mate are now back together...
Just remembered another one, few years ago I was working abroad for a few months and was house sharing with an older woman from work. I was on Tinder out of Boredom and got chatting to a woman a few years older than me who offered to pick me up and take me out Saturday night. I had already had another date on the Friday with someone else so was massively hung over that evening. Anyway, we went out, I had a few soft drinks, some food but was seriously flagging so she offered to take me home. I sneaked her in incase my housemate was about, went to my room where she proceeded to give me a blowjob and then went home.
Her story was that she was divorced, but living with her brother and I couldn't go back to her place. We messaged in the week and she suggested she book a hotel Friday night and we meetup again. Turns out the hotel is across the road from where I am living, literally 1 minute away and all week she is sending me pictures and dirty messages.
So it gets to Friday, I get home from work, shower, get changed and walk the 200 yards to the hotel. She answers the door in her underwear and we are literally having sex five minutes later. As soon as I finish I realise that I don't actually like her that much and all I can think about is leaving and going back to my house. I don't even want to talk to her so I suggest we put the TV on and we watch it for a while. She then suggests I give her a massage which I really don't want to do and I definitely do not want to have sex with her again. I ended up giving her a half arsed massage and then eventually just fell asleep. Next morning was akward, I literally had my shower, thanked her for the evening and blocked her number as I was crossing the road back to my house.
I only realised later that there was a very high percentage chance she was married, hence the dodgy hotel.......
Her story was that she was divorced, but living with her brother and I couldn't go back to her place. We messaged in the week and she suggested she book a hotel Friday night and we meetup again. Turns out the hotel is across the road from where I am living, literally 1 minute away and all week she is sending me pictures and dirty messages.
So it gets to Friday, I get home from work, shower, get changed and walk the 200 yards to the hotel. She answers the door in her underwear and we are literally having sex five minutes later. As soon as I finish I realise that I don't actually like her that much and all I can think about is leaving and going back to my house. I don't even want to talk to her so I suggest we put the TV on and we watch it for a while. She then suggests I give her a massage which I really don't want to do and I definitely do not want to have sex with her again. I ended up giving her a half arsed massage and then eventually just fell asleep. Next morning was akward, I literally had my shower, thanked her for the evening and blocked her number as I was crossing the road back to my house.
I only realised later that there was a very high percentage chance she was married, hence the dodgy hotel.......
TwistingMyMelon said:
The joys of online dating
The weirdest story I ever had was back in my early 20s, when online dating was just coming out, an 18 year old lady started messaging me regarding meeting up , only issue was there was no photo.....her name was Sarah...alarm bells...
..On the plus side, she was messaging me begging me to be her "first". More alarm bells were ringing, but after a dry patch I gave her a call to ascertain that it was at least a female I was texting, after surprisingly hearing a female voice, we agreed to meet later in the week @ Putney station flower stall.
I got there early and got a good stalking viewpoint, the plan being that if I didnt like the look of her I could do a runner, unfortunately she knew what I looked like and had done the same and got there even earlier...As soon as I peeked round the postbox I felt a tap on my shoulder and she said hello....
On the plus side she was female and the correct age (if not older - which is a good thing) on the minus, she was a size 20 + and then some. I like the curvier lady, but blimey she was very big.
This is when it gets odd....she grabbed my hand and went "come on my dad is waiting round the corner" (PANNIC) ..she then led me to a Fiat Punto waiting on double yellows and introduced me to a man in his late 60s , who was her father, I then had to get into the back of a tiny punto and was driven down a few miles of back streets to their house. It was a three door so I couldn't even do a runner at the lights (MORE PANIC)
We then turn up at a nice looking suburban house, where Sarah lived with her retired pensioner parents, I get led up the garden path where she tells me "my mum has dinner ready for us". I then get into the house and sure enough in their small kitchen there is dinner ready, comprising of fish fingers (the irony) , chips and peas. The parents then join us for our first date meal and the four of us tuck in round a small square table eating a dinner fit for a 10 year old child. The parents then speak to me like they have been waiting all their life to meet me wanting to know all about me. To their credit they were lovely people, but it was bloody odd , however I took it as a challenge and parleyed up my life story and was as polite as one could be. I didnt even know their daughters surname and knew at best 2 things about their daughter, but I blagged it like a good'un
Following the fish fingers, we had some rice pudding , before Sarah and I parted upstairs to her room...Where she slammed the door shut , ripped off her clothes and demanded I take her cherry...by now it was like a weird dream, so just cracked on and did it. After a few hours of "fun" the poor girl could walk even less than she could before. I then told her "I needed to get the last tube home" (it was 7pm...) and went to leave, she said "of course Ive had what I wanted....my dad will will take you back to the station" So downstairs I trot to find her parents eagerly awaiting our arrival, where her mother made me a sandwich and back in the Punto to Putney tube station we go, where I chatted to her dad about the state of UK cricket., something I knew bugger all about but blagged it.
I stayed in touch with Sarah and every once in a while I'd pop over hers on a Friday night and repeat the above, word for word, except in addition to fish fingers occasionally Id have sausages or polonaise waiting for me on the table, as soon as dinner was eaten, we would retreat upstairs where she would just rip our clothes off and demand 3+ hours of debauchery before a lift back to the tube station from her father and the customary chat about cricket.
A few years passed following our last meeting and she emailed me to tell me that she had now got married (confirmed by FB) but was still up for "meeting up" but I had nightmares of turning up at her new house only for her husband to be waiting there to cook me dinner .
The weirdest story I ever had was back in my early 20s, when online dating was just coming out, an 18 year old lady started messaging me regarding meeting up , only issue was there was no photo.....her name was Sarah...alarm bells...
..On the plus side, she was messaging me begging me to be her "first". More alarm bells were ringing, but after a dry patch I gave her a call to ascertain that it was at least a female I was texting, after surprisingly hearing a female voice, we agreed to meet later in the week @ Putney station flower stall.
I got there early and got a good stalking viewpoint, the plan being that if I didnt like the look of her I could do a runner, unfortunately she knew what I looked like and had done the same and got there even earlier...As soon as I peeked round the postbox I felt a tap on my shoulder and she said hello....
On the plus side she was female and the correct age (if not older - which is a good thing) on the minus, she was a size 20 + and then some. I like the curvier lady, but blimey she was very big.
This is when it gets odd....she grabbed my hand and went "come on my dad is waiting round the corner" (PANNIC) ..she then led me to a Fiat Punto waiting on double yellows and introduced me to a man in his late 60s , who was her father, I then had to get into the back of a tiny punto and was driven down a few miles of back streets to their house. It was a three door so I couldn't even do a runner at the lights (MORE PANIC)
We then turn up at a nice looking suburban house, where Sarah lived with her retired pensioner parents, I get led up the garden path where she tells me "my mum has dinner ready for us". I then get into the house and sure enough in their small kitchen there is dinner ready, comprising of fish fingers (the irony) , chips and peas. The parents then join us for our first date meal and the four of us tuck in round a small square table eating a dinner fit for a 10 year old child. The parents then speak to me like they have been waiting all their life to meet me wanting to know all about me. To their credit they were lovely people, but it was bloody odd , however I took it as a challenge and parleyed up my life story and was as polite as one could be. I didnt even know their daughters surname and knew at best 2 things about their daughter, but I blagged it like a good'un
Following the fish fingers, we had some rice pudding , before Sarah and I parted upstairs to her room...Where she slammed the door shut , ripped off her clothes and demanded I take her cherry...by now it was like a weird dream, so just cracked on and did it. After a few hours of "fun" the poor girl could walk even less than she could before. I then told her "I needed to get the last tube home" (it was 7pm...) and went to leave, she said "of course Ive had what I wanted....my dad will will take you back to the station" So downstairs I trot to find her parents eagerly awaiting our arrival, where her mother made me a sandwich and back in the Punto to Putney tube station we go, where I chatted to her dad about the state of UK cricket., something I knew bugger all about but blagged it.
I stayed in touch with Sarah and every once in a while I'd pop over hers on a Friday night and repeat the above, word for word, except in addition to fish fingers occasionally Id have sausages or polonaise waiting for me on the table, as soon as dinner was eaten, we would retreat upstairs where she would just rip our clothes off and demand 3+ hours of debauchery before a lift back to the tube station from her father and the customary chat about cricket.
A few years passed following our last meeting and she emailed me to tell me that she had now got married (confirmed by FB) but was still up for "meeting up" but I had nightmares of turning up at her new house only for her husband to be waiting there to cook me dinner .
Had a cake and got to eat a sandwich too. The dream.
This was a PoF/Match combo.
Going back about 6 years. Met a swedish lass on Match. Blond, quite fit 34" long legs/ Fabularse as they say. At the same time I link up with a Kiwi on PoF who moved here fair time previous - loved her mountain climbing in the Alps & Pyrenees so moved permanently.
I'd been out on a couple of dates with both of them over a 2 week period. Slight issue in that they lived about 2 miles away from each other.
The second weekend of knocking around with them off & on, i was feeling a bit ill with a sore throat. Turned out I caught it off the Swede but thats another story ..
Back to the weekend in question. I was due to go out on the Fri eve with the Kiwi lass but bailed due to feeling so st. Thought I'd swerve her anyway with a view to chinning her off & deciding to give things a proper chance with the viking. Big fookin mistake as it happens. She takes the Fri date cancellation ok, I settle down to sipping lempsips & sucking lozenges in front of a movie. About an hour later, knock at the door. FFS who the feck is this. Open door its our mountaineering fan.
I've come to nurse you, you sounded really ill & down.
Hey ho, fair enough. Fook it. Ended up perking up a bit & smashing her all over the living room. She stays over that night & we hang around together in my gaff on the Saturday. Meanwhile I'm texting Miss long legs with a view to still seeing her as arranged for dinner on the Sunday night. Saturday turns into a pretty much non stop session of debauchery which was good fun inc where i was able to punt her out of the house for an hour to go & do my shopping for me. She was more than happy to do so, i then relaxed, did the S's & had a chat on the phone to the other bird to firm up the next nights outing. Happy days.
Kiwi comes back with all my stuff & happily packs it away for me bless her. I then pack it away in her again. She was a pretty cracking shag tbh, not as pretty as the other one but fairs fair & she went like a train plus squirted a bit which was fun.
She ends up staying the Saturday night too & by this time I'm starting to feel a bit 'cramped' despite the mammoth amounts of blowjobs i'm getting & the recent late afternoon excursion into her first fisting session that she loved. By the time Sunday morning comes I'm utterly fooking theaders & in need of a rest not least cos my spuds are starting to dry up & i'm getting to the point i'm spaffing nothing more than the equivalent of a sparrows tear.
We get towards lunchtime & i'm starting to forcibly say to her you've got to go & let me get some rest cos otherwise I won't be well enough to got to work tomorrow. She see's her arse a bit at this but by 5pm she's finally out the door & gone. Thank god for that I can' get sorted & ready for this hot date although i was hoping i wasn't going to have to knob her too.
Almost as soon as the door has smacked her on the arse on her way out my phone vibrates at me that our swedish friend must change the time of our meet up bringing it forward nearly an hour. Oh balls. That leaves me less than an hour to sort myself out & get over to hers to pick her up. Luckily I was driving an Exige S2 then - the supercharged version, so i knew I could screw the nut on it & give myself a few minutes to play with. Still meant that i had no time to shower after being thrown around my own house all weekend so by the time i was climbing into the swedish lass's bed to measure the length of those delicious long legs by using my tongue my nether regions were still covered with the dried remnants of some Kiwi squirty juice.
I did end of giving the other one the 'sorry its not you its me' speech & dated the mental cow from Karlstadt for about 8 months. Big mistake as it happens, the anti-Semitic freak.
Going back about 6 years. Met a swedish lass on Match. Blond, quite fit 34" long legs/ Fabularse as they say. At the same time I link up with a Kiwi on PoF who moved here fair time previous - loved her mountain climbing in the Alps & Pyrenees so moved permanently.
I'd been out on a couple of dates with both of them over a 2 week period. Slight issue in that they lived about 2 miles away from each other.
The second weekend of knocking around with them off & on, i was feeling a bit ill with a sore throat. Turned out I caught it off the Swede but thats another story ..
Back to the weekend in question. I was due to go out on the Fri eve with the Kiwi lass but bailed due to feeling so s
t. Thought I'd swerve her anyway with a view to chinning her off & deciding to give things a proper chance with the viking. Big fookin mistake as it happens. She takes the Fri date cancellation ok, I settle down to sipping lempsips & sucking lozenges in front of a movie. About an hour later, knock at the door. FFS who the feck is this. Open door its our mountaineering fan. I've come to nurse you, you sounded really ill & down.
Hey ho, fair enough. Fook it. Ended up perking up a bit & smashing her all over the living room. She stays over that night & we hang around together in my gaff on the Saturday. Meanwhile I'm texting Miss long legs with a view to still seeing her as arranged for dinner on the Sunday night. Saturday turns into a pretty much non stop session of debauchery which was good fun inc where i was able to punt her out of the house for an hour to go & do my shopping for me. She was more than happy to do so, i then relaxed, did the S's & had a chat on the phone to the other bird to firm up the next nights outing. Happy days.
Kiwi comes back with all my stuff & happily packs it away for me bless her. I then pack it away in her again. She was a pretty cracking shag tbh, not as pretty as the other one but fairs fair & she went like a train plus squirted a bit which was fun.
She ends up staying the Saturday night too & by this time I'm starting to feel a bit 'cramped' despite the mammoth amounts of blowjobs i'm getting & the recent late afternoon excursion into her first fisting session that she loved. By the time Sunday morning comes I'm utterly fooking theaders & in need of a rest not least cos my spuds are starting to dry up & i'm getting to the point i'm spaffing nothing more than the equivalent of a sparrows tear.
We get towards lunchtime & i'm starting to forcibly say to her you've got to go & let me get some rest cos otherwise I won't be well enough to got to work tomorrow. She see's her arse a bit at this but by 5pm she's finally out the door & gone. Thank god for that I can' get sorted & ready for this hot date although i was hoping i wasn't going to have to knob her too.
Almost as soon as the door has smacked her on the arse on her way out my phone vibrates at me that our swedish friend must change the time of our meet up bringing it forward nearly an hour. Oh balls. That leaves me less than an hour to sort myself out & get over to hers to pick her up. Luckily I was driving an Exige S2 then - the supercharged version, so i knew I could screw the nut on it & give myself a few minutes to play with. Still meant that i had no time to shower after being thrown around my own house all weekend so by the time i was climbing into the swedish lass's bed to measure the length of those delicious long legs by using my tongue my nether regions were still covered with the dried remnants of some Kiwi squirty juice.
I did end of giving the other one the 'sorry its not you its me' speech & dated the mental cow from Karlstadt for about 8 months. Big mistake as it happens, the anti-Semitic freak.
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