Match.com (Volume 6)

[Thankyou4calling]

Morning all. I’ll see if I can add to proceedings with a recent escapade.

I’d been seeing a girl off POF for a month, getting on great.

I had a previously booked trip to Dubai all paid for that I’d booked earlier in the year but that relationship had gone south so I suggested this lass join me, alas she couldn’t so I was resigned to going alone.

Obviously I was still active on line and 10 days before the trip connected with another, met at a bar, said that I was going to Dubai and jokingly asked if she was up for it. She was!

Meanwhile I’d been setting up a date with a girl IN Dubai.

So I had my month long romance staying home, a girl I’d met once going with me and another to see out there.

So out we went, having a great trip. I’m spending time sending updates back to the UK and entertaining my travelling companion who is 30 years my junior!

Last night of the trip and she is going to see a freind ( she says) I seize the opportunity to set up a date with the girl who lives in Dubai. Go and collect her and we get on great.

We drink, eat and back to the suite for some fun, at the moment of truth the door opens and in comes my travelling companion.

She barely batted an eyelid and proceeded to go on the balcony and put pictures on Instagram as 22 year olds do.

The Dubai lady was a bit put out to say the least but within 5 mins the two of them were like old pals leaving me to wonder WTF, watch TV and try and concoct a scenario where we could all be cuddled up!

Alas that didn’t happen. I took the Dubai girl home in the hotel car, returned to the suite and back to the UK the next day to my month relationship.

Never contacted either of the victims again.

Edited by Thankyou4calling on Saturday 27th October 10:28

[ruggedscotty]

Soooooooooo

1. stop thinking with the little man and start being a man.

2. not every girl is a goal

3. just friends ? Nah you wont take that one to bed. plenty of friends in life you need to cultivate and grow the relationship if its to be more than friends. Ya wont get ought if ya don't invest.

4. loose the gut

5. develop interests outside of football - believe me women just go along with it.

6. don't go shopping, you will be seen as soft sap tagging on carrying their bags and living in hope for a fumble, only fumble ya will get is fumbling to get the car keys out without dropping the bags.

7. learn to cook

8. learn to tidy

9. learn to iron

10. respect a woman as a person not as a conquest

11. read up on what woman want in the bed room, or anywhere else to tell you the truth - don't be such a borning tt.

12. know the signs and know when to quit and more on, time is limited, don't waste it on no hopers.

[V8covin]

Thankyou4calling said:

Morning all. I’ll see if I can add to proceedings with a recent escapade.

I’d been seeing a girl off POF for a month, getting on great.

I had a previously booked trip to Dubai all paid for that I’d booked earlier in the year but that relationship had gone south so I suggested this lass join me, alas she couldn’t so I was resigned to going alone.

Obviously I was still active on line and 10 days before the trip connected with another, met at a bar, said that I was going to Dubai and jokingly asked if she was up for it. She was!

Meanwhile I’d been setting up a date with a girl IN Dubai.

So I had my month long romance staying home, a girl I’d met once going with me and another to see out there.

So out we went, having a great trip. I’m spending time sending updates back to the UK and entertaining my travelling companion who is 30 years my junior!

Last night of the trip and she is going to see a freind ( she says) I seize the opportunity to set up a date with the girl who lives in Dubai. Go and collect her and we get on great.

We drink, eat and back to the suite for some fun, at the moment of truth the door opens and in comes my travelling companion.

She barely batted an eyelid and proceeded to go on the balcony and put pictures on Instagram as 22 year olds do.

The Dubai lady was a bit put out to say the least but within 5 mins the two of them were like old pals leaving me to wonder WTF, watch TV and try and concoct a scenario where we could all be cuddled up!

Alas that didn’t happen. I took the Dubai girl home in the hotel car, returned to the suite and back to the UK the next day to my month relationship.

Never contacted either of the victims again.

Edited by Thankyou4calling on Saturday 27th October 10:28

Given that pof rules stop you messaging someone more than 14yrs your junior how did a 52yr old cop off with a 22yr old ?
Sounds like bks to me.
Plus if you'd been seeing someone for a month and it was going well why would you OBVIOUSLY still be searching out other women ? You're 52 not 18

[Thankyou4calling]

I met the 22 year old on Tinder. You can put any age range you like.

If you think it’s bks fine. There will be plenty on here who have done such, perhaps not you though.

As for still trying with others. Yes I do, and again it’s pretty normal stuff.

The downside is it’s very stressful and expensive juggling all your contacts.

[Lemming Train]

ruggedscotty said:

Soooooooooo

1. stop thinking with the little man and start being a man.

2. not every girl is a goal

3. just friends ? Nah you wont take that one to bed. plenty of friends in life you need to cultivate and grow the relationship if its to be more than friends. Ya wont get ought if ya don't invest.

4. loose the gut

5. develop interests outside of football - believe me women just go along with it.

6. don't go shopping, you will be seen as soft sap tagging on carrying their bags and living in hope for a fumble, only fumble ya will get is fumbling to get the car keys out without dropping the bags.

7. learn to cook

8. learn to tidy

9. learn to iron

10. respect a woman as a person not as a conquest

11. read up on what woman want in the bed room, or anywhere else to tell you the truth - don't be such a borning tt.

12. know the signs and know when to quit and more on, time is limited, don't waste it on no hopers.

Heading for the nearest high bridge is starting to look positively attractive!

[FN2TypeR]

#7 is a winner in my book. You're hamstringing yourself if you can't cook a decent meal, they'll just assume that you're used to your mother doing it and assume that you're a sad sack/loser

[mjb1]

gregs656 said:

mjb1 said:

Oh great, I'm 5'7" and a 2 or 3 at best, definitely feel like giving up now!

I'm 5'7" too. I've never thought of my self as 'only' 5'7" though!

You need a serious self confidence boost.

Me neither, but it seems many women desire/demand see any man under 6ft as short. Seen no end of profiles where they say they specify a minimum height, and often they're not even tall themselves. I doubt it'd be well received if I put on my profile that I won't date a woman with a less than a D cup!

And yes, I definitely need a confidence boost somehow. I think a fair bit of it is in my head. Just no idea how to do that, certainly finding that the online dating thing is knocking my confidence as well. Almost tempted to ask my GP for anti depressants or something. I've always been dead against anything like that, but it seems every woman I know is on them!

I've slimmed down and toned up a fair bit recently. There's still room for improvement, but I'm now a shape that I'd consider above average. Others asked about money, and I'm doing ok for myself (run my own ltd company, have some nice but not excessively expensive cars etc), but I'm not the type to go flashing cash around either.

[Condi]

Thankyou4calling said:

Obviously I was still active on line and 10 days before the trip connected with another, met at a bar, said that I was going to Dubai and jokingly asked if she was up for it. She was!

a girl I’d met once going with me.

entertaining my travelling companion who is 30 years my junior!

Returned to the suite and back to the UK the next day to my month relationship.

Never contacted either of the victims again.

So you took a 22 year old to Dubai, having only met her 10 days earlier, and then afterwards never talk to her again?

Firstly, I dont know many 22 year olds who would be interested in someone 30 years older, unless you are Johnny Depp or Danial Craig, and secondly why wouldnt you stay in touch? Or was she only after the free holiday?

A bit odd tbh.

[Blown2CV]

nah it's fking weird.

[Condi]

olly22n said:

Sounds perfectly plausible to me. I’m 34 and have dated a 21/23/24 and 26 year old in the past year. Lots of things nowadays start and finish very quickly.

Maybe you only know 22 year olds that aren’t interested in you? Thousands of early twenties girls out there who’ll only date guys over thirty/forty, daddy issues and younger guys are fking immature.

There is a big difference between dating someone 10 years younger than you, and taking someone you've only just met and 30 years younger away to Dubai then never speaking to them again.


Was that nuance lost on you?

[g3org3y]

mjb1 said:

gregs656 said:

mjb1 said:

Oh great, I'm 5'7" and a 2 or 3 at best, definitely feel like giving up now!

I'm 5'7" too. I've never thought of my self as 'only' 5'7" though!

You need a serious self confidence boost.

Me neither, but it seems many women desire/demand see any man under 6ft as short. Seen no end of profiles where they say they specify a minimum height, and often they're not even tall themselves. I doubt it'd be well received if I put on my profile that I won't date a woman with a less than a D cup!

And yes, I definitely need a confidence boost somehow. I think a fair bit of it is in my head. Just no idea how to do that, certainly finding that the online dating thing is knocking my confidence as well. Almost tempted to ask my GP for anti depressants or something. I've always been dead against anything like that, but it seems every woman I know is on them!

I've slimmed down and toned up a fair bit recently. There's still room for improvement, but I'm now a shape that I'd consider above average. Others asked about money, and I'm doing ok for myself (run my own ltd company, have some nice but not excessively expensive cars etc), but I'm not the type to go flashing cash around either.

I agree, it sounds like you're struggling badly with self confidence, especially to only rate yourself a 2 or 3.

I would avoid antidepressants in your case, they are unlikely to help (and may cause undesirable side effects). What about some form of CBT to work on your self esteem?

[Condi]

olly22n said:

Did you see the bit where I referenced early twenties and forties?

Or was that nuance lost on you?

I'm confused, but whatever. Lets not derail the tread.

[Toyoda]

I can't believe the fella hasn't had a single match. I'd be deleting and reinstalling the app. Would also say to stay off the drugs, prescription or otherwise. Just match then smash your way through a couple of heifers for a confidence boost. Onwards and upwards.

[mjb1]

g3org3y said:

mjb1 said:

gregs656 said:

mjb1 said:

Oh great, I'm 5'7" and a 2 or 3 at best, definitely feel like giving up now!

I'm 5'7" too. I've never thought of my self as 'only' 5'7" though!

You need a serious self confidence boost.

Me neither, but it seems many women desire/demand see any man under 6ft as short. Seen no end of profiles where they say they specify a minimum height, and often they're not even tall themselves. I doubt it'd be well received if I put on my profile that I won't date a woman with a less than a D cup!

And yes, I definitely need a confidence boost somehow. I think a fair bit of it is in my head. Just no idea how to do that, certainly finding that the online dating thing is knocking my confidence as well. Almost tempted to ask my GP for anti depressants or something. I've always been dead against anything like that, but it seems every woman I know is on them!

I've slimmed down and toned up a fair bit recently. There's still room for improvement, but I'm now a shape that I'd consider above average. Others asked about money, and I'm doing ok for myself (run my own ltd company, have some nice but not excessively expensive cars etc), but I'm not the type to go flashing cash around either.

I agree, it sounds like you're struggling badly with self confidence, especially to only rate yourself a 2 or 3.

I would avoid antidepressants in your case, they are unlikely to help (and may cause undesirable side effects). What about some form of CBT to work on your self esteem?

Yeah, I've avoided medicating so far, don't believe in anti depressants. It's only in the last 6 months I started to consider a ytgi g wrong with my mental health. Already self referred myself and been put on an online CBT course. Not helping so far though.

Toyoda said:

I can't believe the fella hasn't had a single match. I'd be deleting and reinstalling the app. Would also say to stay off the drugs, prescription or otherwise. Just match then smash your way through a couple of heifers for a confidence boost. Onwards and upwards.

It's true, I really haven't. That was my thinking too, aim and start low, anything would give me a confidence boost right now. Deactivated my profile, clearly tinder wasn't working for me. Pretty sure the app itself was behaving, everything seemed to be doing what it was supposed to, just no matches.

[g3org3y]

The CBT may help but IME face to face is vastly superior to any online course.

A few successful dates will do more for your self confidence and establish a virtuous circle better than any CBT.

mjb1 said:

It's true, I really haven't. That was my thinking too, aim and start low, anything would give me a confidence boost right now. Deactivated my profile, clearly tinder wasn't working for me. Pretty sure the app itself was behaving, everything seemed to be doing what it was supposed to, just no matches.

Tinder etc can be brutal if you don't match up (or at least don't present yourself) to the 'standards' these women desire. Being bombarded with messages daily means they can be picky despite themselves being nothing special.

[mcdjl]

mjb1 said:

It's true, I really haven't. That was my thinking too, aim and start low, anything would give me a confidence boost right now. Deactivated my profile, clearly tinder wasn't working for me. Pretty sure the app itself was behaving, everything seemed to be doing what it was supposed to, just no matches.

If the apps are making you feel worse, get off them. Have you joined any clubs, running etc that women do? Take yourself along to a dance class thing ceroc, love to dance (or something) or even go horse riding. Say is a dare from a mate and they want evidence want photos of you there....

[Toyoda]

g3org3y said:

A few successful dates will do more for your self confidence and establish a virtuous circle better than CBT.

Agreed. CBT may have its uses but you can't beat getting back out there. Likewise spending a fortune of an hourly rate for "talking therapy" with a psychologist could be better spent on self improvement and on dates.

I'm told the women can be more forthcoming on POF than tinder so may be have a try on there.

And paddy, a belated thanks for your spennymoor story and that gem of a bird in peterlee. East of the county is best avoided.

[Blown2CV]

i don't understand how someone can get no matches on tinder. Surely something going wrong?

[FN2TypeR]

That profile has to be a piss take, right?

[g3org3y]

mcdjl said:

If the apps are making you feel worse, get off them. Have you joined any clubs, running etc that women do? Take yourself along to a dance class thing ceroc, love to dance (or something) or even go horse riding. Say is a dare from a mate and they want evidence want photos of you there....

I think that's good advice.

Tinder/POF 'dating' isn't real life dating. If it's going well, it's a confidence boost. If it's going badly, it's only going to make you feel rejected and worse.

Get yourself out there, speaking to women (not work colleagues) in social situations. Dress well, smell good and you'll get compliments to boost your confidence without the romantic pressure of a date. Plus, you might meet women you actually like. When you're comfortable speaking to women, you'll come across as more confident.

Toyoda said:

g3org3y said:

A few successful dates will do more for your self confidence and establish a virtuous circle better than CBT.

Agreed. CBT may have its uses but you can't beat getting back out there. Likewise spending a fortune of an hourly rate for "talking therapy" with a psychologist could be better spent on self improvement and on dates.

No doubt.