Match.com (Volume 6)

[Fats25]

V6 Pushfit said:

Without bringing the arguments here, JASL hasn’t done anything many of us wouldn’t have done, he’s been misinterpreted by those that want to make it into something it isn’t to turn a routine situation into some scare mongered overblown story. If he needs ‘professional help’ then so do most posters on this thread.
So let’s move on and wish him luck with however it pans out.

Spot on - exactly how I see it.

I don't understand this world of slaughter people on the internet for good intentions, and sharing. Let alone the fear culture - i.e. ending up at trial for passing a girl a love note, and asking advice on an internet forum!

This thread, and the other, has certainly helped me pass the time on this rare quiet time at work

[anonymous-user]

johnwilliams77 said:

Yes, he has
He spoke to her co worker about her - first mistake
He asked her out at work - some people think this is fine, I don’t
Now the worst - he has made plans to ask to speak to her outside to far full reasoning!!! Wtf. Meantalist.

And these things are bad? I mean hello???

[Blown2CV]

it's amazing how polarising this is. Maybe lots of men just aren't that tuned in to what's acceptable and what's not. I guess there have been lots of stories in the media in the last couple of years which would suggest so!

I am hardly a feminist spokesman (as it were) but try and take a balanced view on this...

It's not OK to hassle her after she's said no - however he feels, she will see it as being hassled. It's fairly dodgy to approach her somewhere she cannot get away, especially if she is showing signs of feeling uncomfortable. Doing 'background research' with co-workers could be perceived to be incredibly dodgy, and is also the stupidest bit. Everyone told him not to, but for fks sake if you worked with a girl, someone you in all likelihood knew well, and some bloke twice her age that she apparently didn't know started asking questions, you'd just tell her what had happened and ask her to be careful... maybe notify management, maybe the police.

I did say on the other thread (before it got locked because OP started getting really furious and hurling abuse at people) that OP sounds vulnerable and lacking rational thought or understanding about what's acceptable, and these could be worrying attributes that someone who goes on to do something bad might exhibit.

[anonymous-user]

V6 Pushfit said:

And these things are bad? I mean hello???

I think its more a pattern of behaviour

50 year old bloke fancies checkout girl - fine it happens

Wants to ask her out - brave, but ok

Starts asking her colleagues about her (to the point they apparently feel uncomfortable) - pushing things a bit now

Decides to pass a note - ok, again bold, but will hopefully provide some closure one way or another

After a few hours with no reply, goes to check position of bins - again pushing things, potentially rational act in his head but her colleagues will have seen this

Refuses to wait for any form of reply and goes and speaks to her while she is working - really pushing it now and very uncomfortable for her no doubt

Then talks on here about giving it a couple of weeks and trying again - come on man, take a hint

Starts new thread and when some people give up and try and spell it out immediately escalates to abusive language - now we're fully into creepy territory

[MYOB]

To get this thread back on topic...

I'm divorced but not looking to start dating. In fact, I've never dated before and only got together with girls that were friends.

Curiosity brought me to this thread, and a few people mentioned to others to browse match.com to others, just to see what's out there.

So I created an account, and filtered my search criteria. Well knock me down with a feather. No disrespect but the ladies were not appealing at all. I'm sure there were some lovely ladies there but picking a date on some photos or bio is not for me.

So whilst online dating is not for me and I have deleted my account, I'll continue to pop into this thread to hear how you guys are doing.

I wish JASL luck and hope he and you can move on now. Everyone has said their piece, including me. There are rules here supposedly to prevent abuse, bullying and trolling. They are there for a reason.

[Toyoda]

Blown2CV said:

it's amazing how polarising this is. Maybe lots of men just aren't that tuned in to what's acceptable and what's not. I guess there have been lots of stories in the media in the last couple of years which would suggest so!

I am hardly a feminist spokesman (as it were) but try and take a balanced view on this...

It's not OK to hassle her after she's said no - however he feels, she will see it as being hassled. It's fairly dodgy to approach her somewhere she cannot get away, especially if she is showing signs of feeling uncomfortable. Doing 'background research' with co-workers could be perceived to be incredibly dodgy, and is also the stupidest bit. Everyone told him not to, but for fks sake if you worked with a girl, someone you in all likelihood knew well, and some bloke twice her age that she apparently didn't know started asking questions, you'd just tell her what had happened and ask her to be careful... maybe notify management, maybe the police.

Most people seem to be saying that he should have gone for it. Your opinion that he should never have asked her is the weird one. All this talk of telling management, telling the police, FFS man how does anyone meet anyone these days?! I fully agree once he left her the note that should have been the end of it. He shouldn't have gone back in the day after to front her about it and he certainly shouldn't be antagonizing her by going back again and again, but up to the point he handed her the note it's all regular stuff and how couples have been getting together for years. It's almost sad that you think blokes should be afraid of approaching women, chatting to them and asking them if they'd like a date. As for asking the guy in the store about her I got the impression he kind of half knew him, so asking for a bit of intelligence from a 'mate' (e.g. is she married, kids, ex-husband in prison etc) isn't that unusual.

[Blown2CV]

Toyoda said:

Blown2CV said:

it's amazing how polarising this is. Maybe lots of men just aren't that tuned in to what's acceptable and what's not. I guess there have been lots of stories in the media in the last couple of years which would suggest so!

I am hardly a feminist spokesman (as it were) but try and take a balanced view on this...

It's not OK to hassle her after she's said no - however he feels, she will see it as being hassled. It's fairly dodgy to approach her somewhere she cannot get away, especially if she is showing signs of feeling uncomfortable. Doing 'background research' with co-workers could be perceived to be incredibly dodgy, and is also the stupidest bit. Everyone told him not to, but for fks sake if you worked with a girl, someone you in all likelihood knew well, and some bloke twice her age that she apparently didn't know started asking questions, you'd just tell her what had happened and ask her to be careful... maybe notify management, maybe the police.

Most people seem to be saying that he should have gone for it. Your opinion that he should never have asked her is the weird one. All this talk of telling management, telling the police, FFS man how does anyone meet anyone these days?! I fully agree once he left her the note that should have been the end of it. He shouldn't have gone back in the day after to front her about it and he certainly shouldn't be antagonizing her by going back again and again, but up to the point he handed her the note it's all regular stuff and how couples have been getting together for years. It's almost sad that you think blokes should be afraid of approaching women, chatting to them and asking them if they'd like a date. As for asking the guy in the store about her I got the impression he kind of half knew him, so asking for a bit of intelligence from a 'mate' (e.g. is she married, kids, ex-husband in prison etc) isn't that unusual.

i didn't say he never should have asked, but the amount of stuff he did to flag up to her that he was weird, before he even asked her face to face; yea at that point he shouldn't have asked. I don't think most people were supportive, if you read it all back. Yes in the beginning when he was acting like a teenager about it, but then unfortunately he continued to act like a teenager about it... the type that shoots the school up.

I think if you've read what i said and decided that i am saying guys shouldn't approach girls then you are a fkwit. I am saying that if you knowingly make someone uncomfortable, over and over again... you need someone to stop you.

[mcdjl]

Blown2CV said:

i didn't say he never should have asked, but the amount of stuff he did to flag up to her that he was weird, before he even asked her face to face; yea at that point he shouldn't have asked. I don't think most people were supportive, if you read it all back. Yes in the beginning when he was acting like a teenager about it, but then unfortunately he continued to act like a teenager about it... the type that shoots the school up.

I think if you've read what i said and decided that i am saying guys shouldn't approach girls then you are a fkwit. I am saying that if you knowingly make someone uncomfortable, over and over again... you need someone to stop you.

What ever happens now it has to be on her terms. That is he wants to go out and find out more about her family life/whatever, she has to be the one to suggest it, not him.
If hes in the shop 3 times a day, then yes probably half the staff do recognise/know him (and think him the unemployed weirdo) and now that hes asked one of them out will have decided thats why hes in so often. To some extent the fact that the shop staff know him will mark him out: when i worked in shop we knew the odd balls, working on a till its very easy to go into auto pilot being 'nice' to everyone but paying no attention to them at all- to the point of not recognising friends from the rest of your life while serving them.

[hyphen]

MYOB said:

To get this thread back on topic...

I'm divorced but not looking to start dating. In fact, I've never dated before and only got together with girls that were friends.

Curiosity brought me to this thread, and a few people mentioned to others to browse match.com to others, just to see what's out there.

So I created an account, and filtered my search criteria. Well knock me down with a feather. No disrespect but the ladies were not appealing at all. I'm sure there were some lovely ladies there but picking a date on some photos or bio is not for me.

So whilst online dating is not for me and I have deleted my account, I'll continue to pop into this thread to hear how you guys are doing.

I wish JASL luck and hope he and you can move on now. Everyone has said their piece, including me. There are rules here supposedly to prevent abuse, bullying and trolling. They are there for a reason.

Don't think this is an online only dating thread, it appears to be the forums main general daring thread so stick around. You are allowed to post girls you met in person, at the supermarket till for example.

[Toyoda]

MYOB said:

To get this thread back on topic...

I'm divorced but not looking to start dating. In fact, I've never dated before and only got together with girls that were friends.

Curiosity brought me to this thread, and a few people mentioned to others to browse match.com to others, just to see what's out there.

So I created an account, and filtered my search criteria. Well knock me down with a feather. No disrespect but the ladies were not appealing at all. I'm sure there were some lovely ladies there but picking a date on some photos or bio is not for me.

So whilst online dating is not for me and I have deleted my account, I'll continue to pop into this thread to hear how you guys are doing.

I agree it's about time to get back on topic. I suppose the question to ask you is what wasn't appealing about the ladies? I can appreciate 95% to 99% of them won't appeal, but is there genuinely not a single one on match that at least grabbed your attention? I've only used the free apps but did have a look on Match out of curiosity. It's many of the same faces and so if you're tempted to dip your toe in then I'd say go for Tinder. It's a fallacy that it's only used for hook ups.

[Salmonofdoubt]

Reading it this thread seems a far more general than just online dating thread.

The online part is the easy bit anyway it's making an online connection into something more substantial that's the hard part.

[Lemming Train]

MYOB said:

To get this thread back on topic...

I'm divorced but not looking to start dating. In fact, I've never dated before and only got together with girls that were friends.

Curiosity brought me to this thread, and a few people mentioned to others to browse match.com to others, just to see what's out there.

So I created an account, and filtered my search criteria. Well knock me down with a feather. No disrespect but the ladies were not appealing at all. I'm sure there were some lovely ladies there but picking a date on some photos or bio is not for me.

So whilst online dating is not for me and I have deleted my account, I'll continue to pop into this thread to hear how you guys are doing.

I wish JASL luck and hope he and you can move on now. Everyone has said their piece, including me. There are rules here supposedly to prevent abuse, bullying and trolling. They are there for a reason.

All of the online dating sites have sections for gayers as well so you were a bit too hasty in deleting your account.

[Blown2CV]

Salmonofdoubt said:

Reading it this thread seems a far more general than just online dating thread.

The online part is the easy bit anyway it's making an online connection into something more substantial that's the hard part.

haha... it's mostly about online dating!

[MYOB]

hyphen said:

Don't think this is an online only dating thread, it appears to be the forums main general daring thread so stick around. You are allowed to post girls you met in person, at the supermarket till for example.

Cheers, I will indeed stick around. There are some funny stories in here. I have my groupies thanks, but certainly will not be posting photos!

Toyoda said:

I agree it's about time to get back on topic. I suppose the question to ask you is what wasn't appealing about the ladies? I can appreciate 95% to 99% of them won't appeal, but is there genuinely not a single one on match that at least grabbed your attention? I've only used the free apps but did have a look on Match out of curiosity. It's many of the same faces and so if you're tempted to dip your toe in then I'd say go for Tinder. It's a fallacy that it's only used for hook ups.

There was one lady who was absolutely stunning but she was quite clear she was only looking for a vet or something similar given her interests in horses! At the other end of the spectrum, there was a Les Dawson lookalike. But from looking at the photos and bios, no none of them appealed. However, I would be sure that I would perhaps like more of them were I to meet them face to face and judge on their overall appeal.

[MYOB]

Lemming Train said:

All of the online dating sites have sections for gayers as well so you were a bit too hasty in deleting your account.

You saucy git!

[Toyoda]

MYOB said:

There was one lady who was absolutely stunning but she was quite clear she was only looking for a vet or something similar given her interests in horses! At the other end of the spectrum, there was a Les Dawson lookalike. But from looking at the photos and bios, no none of them appealed. However, I would be sure that I would perhaps like more of them were I to meet them face to face and judge on their overall appeal.

The Les Dawsons do outweigh the vets by a considerable number but there's generally something for everyone.

[Lemming Train]

MYOB said:

Lemming Train said:

All of the online dating sites have sections for gayers as well so you were a bit too hasty in deleting your account.

You saucy git!

I'm only jesting!

[kowalski655]

I went into an Aldi this weekend the attractive young lady on the till was chatty and nice to me, it may be nothing special. But I know what it's like to after a woman at work...at my first job I picked up some of the mail from a box in the office next door and always engineered it that my visits Would "accidentally" be at the same time as a hottie from another office (actually 2 hotties from different offices at different times) so we could chat, but nothing came of it
But JALS should not revisit this with her,he is NOT owed an explanation

[anonymous-user]

kowalski655 said:

But JALS should not revisit this with her,he is NOT owed an explanation

Well I would do. There’s no need to get over excited about it either!

[V8covin]

V6 Pushfit said:

Well I would do. There’s no need to get over excited about it either!

2 people who can't take no for an answer.....leave the poor woman alone !!!