Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
SpunkyGlory said:
Sorry, but the whole "treat them mean, keep them keen" is just b
ks.
I didn't say that, or anything like it.ks. SpunkyGlory said:
Women want a man who they are attracted to, who makes them laugh, who has good future prospects. Not one who tries to play the game. If they like you, they like you, simple as that.
Agreed, so why bother with fancy effort?SpunkyGlory said:
Don't be a generic munter who dresses like st, has st chat, does generic first dates, and women will come back each time and appreciate that you put effort into the dates. Every girl I've taken out in the last 6 months I've told I don't just want to go for a drink and would rather do an activity for the first date, and every single one has said they much prefer that.
Out of the three I did a picnic thing for I went on to date all 3. I always make a cocky claim to any new girl that I'll give them the best first date they've ever had, and they're normally suitably impressed.
And then what happens? Do you get laid? Start a relationship?t, has st chat, does generic first dates, and women will come back each time and appreciate that you put effort into the dates. Every girl I've taken out in the last 6 months I've told I don't just want to go for a drink and would rather do an activity for the first date, and every single one has said they much prefer that. Out of the three I did a picnic thing for I went on to date all 3. I always make a cocky claim to any new girl that I'll give them the best first date they've ever had, and they're normally suitably impressed.
Those to me are the two end goals here. If you don't get either they weren't impressed, no matter how you dress it up.
technodup said:
SpunkyGlory said:
Sorry, but the whole "treat them mean, keep them keen" is just bks.
I didn't say that, or anything like it.ks. I didn't say you did, it was more what Joey was insinuating, I just got my quotes wrong.
SpunkyGlory said:
Women want a man who they are attracted to, who makes them laugh, who has good future prospects. Not one who tries to play the game. If they like you, they like you, simple as that.
Agreed, so why bother with fancy effort?Firstly it makes them feel special, it's a more fun date for me, and it helps set one apart. There's a difference between not having to make an effort, and not wanting to.
SpunkyGlory said:
Don't be a generic munter who dresses like st, has st chat, does generic first dates, and women will come back each time and appreciate that you put effort into the dates. Every girl I've taken out in the last 6 months I've told I don't just want to go for a drink and would rather do an activity for the first date, and every single one has said they much prefer that.
Out of the three I did a picnic thing for I went on to date all 3. I always make a cocky claim to any new girl that I'll give them the best first date they've ever had, and they're normally suitably impressed.
And then what happens? Do you get laid? Start a relationship?t, has st chat, does generic first dates, and women will come back each time and appreciate that you put effort into the dates. Every girl I've taken out in the last 6 months I've told I don't just want to go for a drink and would rather do an activity for the first date, and every single one has said they much prefer that. Out of the three I did a picnic thing for I went on to date all 3. I always make a cocky claim to any new girl that I'll give them the best first date they've ever had, and they're normally suitably impressed.
Those to me are the two end goals here. If you don't get either they weren't impressed, no matter how you dress it up.
Different things obviously work for different people. I like the chase, and I like having fun dates with beautiful women, so I'd rather put some effort in. If a drink works for you, or a meal, or a trip to a museum or whatever it may be then crack on.
EFA: the last girl I dated and didn't sleep with was the Muslim woman I mentioned on here previously. She didn't believe in sex before marriage. In fact the last message I received from her simply read "FYI you are a d
head".I am sure we have all had internet dates where you turn up, see a woman standing around akwardly and think "I hope to god that isn't her" at the exact point she realises it is you. If you have gone to all the effort of a boating trip/picnic/expensive meal you are going to pretty upset at this point. If you have merely gone out for a drink you can have a couple of drinks and make your excuses and leave.
The majority of women on dating websites have old/filtered/photo shopped/professional/one in 1000 photos they look good on a night out type photos which look nothing like they do in real life. Do you really want to go to lots of effort on every date just incase she does actually look like her photos?
Also I must have been doing internet dating wrong as it seemed to be go out for a few drinks on a Friday/Saturday night. If you get on have something to eat and then usually end up staying the night at their place. Occasionally they would ask you to pick them up from their house and usually you wouldn't actually end up going out that night.........
I found that plate spinning dating worked for me, it wasn't anything planned it just happened that way. The more women you are dating at once the easier it gets to date other women at the same time. If you don't give them attention for a while they drop away but there are always new women on the horizon to replace them. You then don't intentionally "treat em mean, keep em keen" it's just you will naturally lose interest in some of them and start ignoring them. If the woman is not bothered she will also stop messaging you, if she likes you then this will cause her to try even harder to get your attention.
As I said earlier, be honest about dating other women. Believe it or not some women just want to meet up for dinner and be ragged senseless once a month.
Obviously my experience is all rubbish and from reading this thread it is clear that women need to be taken on expensive and impressive dates before they will sleep with you after the third or fourth date.
The majority of women on dating websites have old/filtered/photo shopped/professional/one in 1000 photos they look good on a night out type photos which look nothing like they do in real life. Do you really want to go to lots of effort on every date just incase she does actually look like her photos?
Also I must have been doing internet dating wrong as it seemed to be go out for a few drinks on a Friday/Saturday night. If you get on have something to eat and then usually end up staying the night at their place. Occasionally they would ask you to pick them up from their house and usually you wouldn't actually end up going out that night.........
I found that plate spinning dating worked for me, it wasn't anything planned it just happened that way. The more women you are dating at once the easier it gets to date other women at the same time. If you don't give them attention for a while they drop away but there are always new women on the horizon to replace them. You then don't intentionally "treat em mean, keep em keen" it's just you will naturally lose interest in some of them and start ignoring them. If the woman is not bothered she will also stop messaging you, if she likes you then this will cause her to try even harder to get your attention.
As I said earlier, be honest about dating other women. Believe it or not some women just want to meet up for dinner and be ragged senseless once a month.
Obviously my experience is all rubbish and from reading this thread it is clear that women need to be taken on expensive and impressive dates before they will sleep with you after the third or fourth date.
Joey Deacon said:
I am sure we have all had internet dates where you turn up, see a woman standing around akwardly and think "I hope to god that isn't her" at the exact point she realises it is you. If you have gone to all the effort of a boating trip/picnic/expensive meal you are going to pretty upset at this point. If you have merely gone out for a drink you can have a couple of drinks and make your excuses and leave.
All fair points.I think we're probably coming at it from different angles as the majority of people I date I've asked out in real life so I'm already past this awkward stage of wondering if they'll look the same.
If you're unsure about the person then perhaps a simple drink is the best way.
Plate spinner said:
Blown2CV said:
don't invest so much time and effort in planning an amazing first date. You don't know them at all! They might be a swamp donkey or a dhead. Save it for 3rd or 4th date if it all goes well, don't blow your load all at once otherwise you'll have nowhere to go. Save yourself some money and thinking time, as you may end up having lots of 1st dates before you get a 2nd, or before you want a 2nd. Women are not expecting all that - they won't be blown away by how amazing you are - they will think you're a weirdo for doing so much for someone you barely know in the slightest yet. You will come across as someone that gets overly attached too early. Just fking calm down.
Agreed, plus I got an interesting insight from a female friend about early dating scenarios...head. Save it for 3rd or 4th date if it all goes well, don't blow your load all at once otherwise you'll have nowhere to go. Save yourself some money and thinking time, as you may end up having lots of 1st dates before you get a 2nd, or before you want a 2nd. Women are not expecting all that - they won't be blown away by how amazing you are - they will think you're a weirdo for doing so much for someone you barely know in the slightest yet. You will come across as someone that gets overly attached too early. Just fking calm down.A) If she thinks she might like the guy, it's all about getting to know the guy, that simple. Coffee, drink in the pub, walk along the beach, that sort of thing it doesn't matter. The location is not really that important and she'll not want to do an activity - she wants to talk. You are effectively being weighed up for your future potential. To lay on too much of an activity distracts from getting to know you and will seem a bit full on.
B) She is bored and / or knows she's good looking and wants to go somewhere interesting and have a guy pay for it (because 'first date'). This is common behaviour in 'serial daters' and / or women who see a relationship as a means to improve their social / financial footings. They'll often recount to friends a memory of a restaurant / bar / activity they did, but the guy she did it with is 'some guy, can't remember who now'. And even if she does then turn out to like you, you've set the marker down early as paying / treating her, which again some women will like / aim for. Also makes it tough for the guy to revert backwards to a walk through the park and some pub grub on the way back to yours / hers.
So the advice I got given was:
Be wary of anyone that wants to do something in particular on a first date because it's likely the activity is more appealing to them than you are
Don't shell out on fancy dates until you are sleeping with each other and even then, keep an eye that she is treating you back.
Any women that doesn't offer to go halves on early date costs or seems offended when you suggest / jokes that you're tight, write them off quickly and move on unless you want to start an expensive relationship.
I thought it sound, if slightly cynical advice.
Also if she is texting on her phone during the date she is arranging to hook up with one of her "friends with benefits" after your date. That's right, you spent £100 to get a peck on the cheek, this guy is going to get sex with zero effort whatsoever.
As I said, don't be that guy.
SpunkyGlory said:
I can't remember the last time I didn't sleep with a girl I dated. And usually they could progress to a relationship if I didn't have my own issues that results in me breaking things off
Different things obviously work for different people. I like the chase, and I like having fun dates with beautiful women, so I'd rather put some effort in. If a drink works for you, or a meal, or a trip to a museum or whatever it may be then crack on.
Fair do's. I think my approach is possibly borne out of the fact I am completely comfortable with my life the way it is, and I have no real desire to change it much. That said if the right woman comes along that could all change. I can genuinely take it or leave it, which similar to having several options on the go gives a certain confidence and takes the pressure off, which I guess comes across somewhere along the line. Different things obviously work for different people. I like the chase, and I like having fun dates with beautiful women, so I'd rather put some effort in. If a drink works for you, or a meal, or a trip to a museum or whatever it may be then crack on.
And as I write this one of the ones who binned me off is back asking am I missing her...
These "mega" first dates are a bit desperado in my book. It sends an immediate message that they are there to be won over and you are the one who has to jump the hurdles to make that happen. You are not the prize, they are. First date, 1hr time limit in you head (if you hit it off and its longer, fine) or slot it between other appointments. It's not about where you go, it's about conveying that you have plenty going on, your time is valuable, and that you are careful how you spend it. A 1hr date where you are relaxed, funny and interesting is far better than a drawn out 3/4hr enterprise designed to "woo" them. At least this has been my experience and its generally worked pretty good.
slipstream 1985 said:
If every guy just blanket stopped sending messages on pof, tinder match etc i wonder how that would change things.
quite! No wonder there's such distrust to start with, because of all that st. And it happens on FB, insta and everywhere else as well...well just because! It's tiring.Dating apps could create some sort of algorithm I suppose.
Ari said:
slipstream 1985 said:
If every guy just blanket stopped sending messages on pof, tinder match etc i wonder how that would change things.
You should definitely try organising that. 
Then you should move on to getting everyone to boycott one brand of petrol on one specific day.
Halb said:
Ari said:
slipstream 1985 said:
If every guy just blanket stopped sending messages on pof, tinder match etc i wonder how that would change things.
You should definitely try organising that. Then you should move on to getting everyone to boycott one brand of petrol on one specific day.
SpydieNut said:
Back on this after 4 years - is it just me, or is Tinder no longer any use unless you pay?
I’m on POF and Bumble - any other free ones any use?
Cheers
Badoo isn't too bad, they even have a 'live' bit on there so you get to see a person on video, be warned though...99% of the women who go live look nthing like their photos I’m on POF and Bumble - any other free ones any use?
Cheers
SpydieNut said:
ok - fair enough. let me rephrase then. which are worth spending on? Unless you're up for shagging the dregs.
It's all about the profile imo. And your coupon obviously.
amazes me the amount of people that will gladly 'invest' £££ in taking out the town bikes 4 nights a week but balk at the idea of like a fiver a month to access vaguely decent women. Nah mate I'm takin out Kayla from PoF tonight we're going spoons and then bingo and then i've got her a bottle of 20/20 and we're off out on the boating lake.
Just deleted my pof account, sometimes you just have to realise that you are not in the right place to date someone and they all want perfection, and the majority of women simply want an easy life and a boring man, they perceive men who have any issues as a bad thing, no matter if it is as simple as work, or anything they might be dealing with too.
Sometimes you have to just admit you are better off being single.
I am not interested in sex as most men seem to be, never have been, it has always been a rather disappointing activity with every woman I have ever been with, so that obviously tends to put an end to relationships anyway after time.
And despite feeling a longing for something, I have finally realised it is simply a form of loneliness, nothing more.
I have been unhappy for quite a few years, and this does not translate to a positive attitude when trying to date people, you can try all you like, but being unhappy comes out eventually.
Time to just forget about, like a lot of things in my life, it will NEVER happen, so just forget it and move on.
Sometimes you have to just admit you are better off being single.
I am not interested in sex as most men seem to be, never have been, it has always been a rather disappointing activity with every woman I have ever been with, so that obviously tends to put an end to relationships anyway after time.
And despite feeling a longing for something, I have finally realised it is simply a form of loneliness, nothing more.
I have been unhappy for quite a few years, and this does not translate to a positive attitude when trying to date people, you can try all you like, but being unhappy comes out eventually.
Time to just forget about, like a lot of things in my life, it will NEVER happen, so just forget it and move on.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff