Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
moanthebairns said:
Ilovejapcrap said:
putonghua73 said:
Internet dating never really worked out for me. I met my partner (and previous partners) on Gumtree
Gumtree ?
The messages I received were in response to selling fancy ladies shoes...hyphen said:
More confusing is that he lives in Brighton and doesn't play up the sea aspect.
Make it appear like you live near the beach (even if don't live anywhere near it) by writing how often you go there, also pics in a beachfront cafe or bar, or sitting on those pebbles would be good too. And if you have the body for it, one after a swim or doing a wateesport. And in the marina.
Every paper posts pics of Brighton beach at any glimmer of sun, that s
t sells!
Pics wise- the one with the girl, know you say otherwise but with heads touching, she looks like the one that got away... Have you not got one with her out and about, full length.
I would ditch the one where you are in the blue sky alone. delete the one where you are just sitting, And the cufflink one. Both weird.
Also are you after an action chick to join you on skydiving adventures? As those who are not into the thrill seeking side will assume so and be put of.
Good points, need some more photos and taking a load whenever I go out now so should improve over time. Beach photos next time the suns out! Make it appear like you live near the beach (even if don't live anywhere near it
) by writing how often you go there, also pics in a beachfront cafe or bar, or sitting on those pebbles would be good too. And if you have the body for it, one after a swim or doing a wateesport. And in the marina.Every paper posts pics of Brighton beach at any glimmer of sun, that s
t sells!Pics wise- the one with the girl, know you say otherwise but with heads touching, she looks like the one that got away... Have you not got one with her out and about, full length.
I would ditch the one where you are in the blue sky alone. delete the one where you are just sitting, And the cufflink one. Both weird.
Also are you after an action chick to join you on skydiving adventures? As those who are not into the thrill seeking side will assume so and be put of.
Edited by hyphen on Tuesday 26th March 06:48
Thanks for all the proof reading, whacked that together when I'd got back after a few drinks!
I like that advice. Typical do people ask the person out for a drink etc straight away or after a few days? It feels as if I need to ask a few questions before asking them out. Asking straight away can be intimidating but does show your alpha side. Decisions, decisions.
technodup said:
on't ask questions.
Seriously. I ask a bare minimum because it just gets into a tennis situation, back and forth. Functional but not much else. Unless it's a deal breaker as to whether you want to meet or not e.g. height, kids or whatever I'd forget the interview stuff and just let it flow. It'll all come out anyway.
You like the look of her, she likes the look of you. Whether she's been in her job 5 years or 10, or prefers swimming to running doesn't matter. At all. The conversation (imo) should be light hearted, fun, cheeky... it's about selling yourself (as in being a normal human being capable of banter/chat/smalltalk) rather than going all forensic on her.
I had one do the while interview question routine with me and it was pretty off-putting. She was also the one that cut me zero slack for not messaging the week my dad died so I think my senses were right.
Seriously. I ask a bare minimum because it just gets into a tennis situation, back and forth. Functional but not much else. Unless it's a deal breaker as to whether you want to meet or not e.g. height, kids or whatever I'd forget the interview stuff and just let it flow. It'll all come out anyway.
You like the look of her, she likes the look of you. Whether she's been in her job 5 years or 10, or prefers swimming to running doesn't matter. At all. The conversation (imo) should be light hearted, fun, cheeky... it's about selling yourself (as in being a normal human being capable of banter/chat/smalltalk) rather than going all forensic on her.
I had one do the while interview question routine with me and it was pretty off-putting. She was also the one that cut me zero slack for not messaging the week my dad died so I think my senses were right.
Vyse said:
I like that advice. Typical do people ask the person out for a drink etc straight away or after a few days? It feels as if I need to ask a few questions before asking them out. Asking straight away can be intimidating but does show your alpha side. Decisions, decisions.
Just see how the conversation flows. The girl I started chatting to last night was a continuous conversation for a couple of hours. I then said I was going to bed - she told me I should have asked her on a date first. Of course when I did she then said no (it has been a fairly jokey / insulting conversation both ways). We chatted on the phone today, and arranged a date after that.I've been on dating sites before, usually chat for a few days but depends how it goes. And depends on the people - some want your life history first. Some think they need to know as soon as possible if there is a spark and then move on if not.
This is from talking to a mate about his experiences......it easier that way 
He said that : -
Dating sites aren't too difficult. He isn't the prettiest so has to choosy over his photos!
Just being honest on the profile works well, no BS about jobs, cars or holidays.....fire the mails off and if any replies come in be Mr Ultra Polite and show impeccable manners and good humour in your reply.....he said it goes down very well as it's unusual these days. It seems that by the 2nd mail many guys start asking questions re the lingerie the woman may currently be wearing....and no, I'm not joking....or should I say he isn't. The manners and his decorum very soon make him stand out from the majority on such sites.
Never push for a 1st date, it just puts them under pressure, just keep chatting with those manners and the humour and let them ask you out.
Any dates just keep the same impeccable manners and good humour, stay off more than one drink, just have soda water or similar. Listen to her story instead of giving her yours and boring her to death, listening works. The woman is usually amazed she has a date with a guy with old fashioned manners and decorum and a 2nd date is usually a given. By this the time of that 2nd date arrives, she has normally changed the context of any message to a much more suggestive content...follow suit BUT don't drop those manners!
2nd date time comes and by the end of the night it can be like wrestling with an octopus....they usually just want to bed him as his manners and decorum make him seem a good catch.
He started on various dating sites in 2003, listened to what women told re their experiences with guys being rude and complete arses. He tailored his approach to suit and has had tremendous success over the years.
He's no spring chicken nowadays yet still has a high success rate.
Maybe worth following his advice?
He said that : -
Dating sites aren't too difficult. He isn't the prettiest so has to choosy over his photos!
Just being honest on the profile works well, no BS about jobs, cars or holidays.....fire the mails off and if any replies come in be Mr Ultra Polite and show impeccable manners and good humour in your reply.....he said it goes down very well as it's unusual these days. It seems that by the 2nd mail many guys start asking questions re the lingerie the woman may currently be wearing....and no, I'm not joking....or should I say he isn't. The manners and his decorum very soon make him stand out from the majority on such sites.
Never push for a 1st date, it just puts them under pressure, just keep chatting with those manners and the humour and let them ask you out.
Any dates just keep the same impeccable manners and good humour, stay off more than one drink, just have soda water or similar. Listen to her story instead of giving her yours and boring her to death, listening works. The woman is usually amazed she has a date with a guy with old fashioned manners and decorum and a 2nd date is usually a given. By this the time of that 2nd date arrives, she has normally changed the context of any message to a much more suggestive content...follow suit BUT don't drop those manners!
2nd date time comes and by the end of the night it can be like wrestling with an octopus....they usually just want to bed him as his manners and decorum make him seem a good catch.
He started on various dating sites in 2003, listened to what women told re their experiences with guys being rude and complete arses. He tailored his approach to suit and has had tremendous success over the years.
He's no spring chicken nowadays yet still has a high success rate.
Maybe worth following his advice?
Edited by moktabe on Wednesday 27th March 19:50
Edited by moktabe on Wednesday 27th March 19:55
Vyse said:
I like that advice. Typical do people ask the person out for a drink etc straight away or after a few days? It feels as if I need to ask a few questions before asking them out. Asking straight away can be intimidating but does show your alpha side. Decisions, decisions.
I just checked my last/current one. Asked on day 2 after she had been hinting. I'd sent 43 messages to that point, only two questions, one being where do you stay, because I'm a lazy bd and can't be arsed with distance. (Plus staying fairly local reduces the need for a million questions as you'll usually have something/places in common).I'd say that was fairly typical for me. Asking too early looks a bit desperate, but taking too long they think you're either attached/messing about/not interested/whatever.
The guy above's advice is pretty sound too. Simplified it's just 'don't be a dick'.
ETA I was taught in sales not to ask a question you don't know the answer to. The same applies here. If you do the chat bit right it'll be pretty obvious when you can ask the big question and get the answer you want.
Edited by technodup on Thursday 28th March 08:49
moktabe said:
This is from talking to a mate about his experiences......it easier that way
He said that : -
Dating sites aren't too difficult. He isn't the prettiest so has to choosy over his photos!
Just being honest on the profile works well, no BS about jobs, cars or holidays.....fire the mails off and if any replies come in be Mr Ultra Polite and show impeccable manners and good humour in your reply.....he said it goes down very well as it's unusual these days. It seems that by the 2nd mail many guys start asking questions re the lingerie the woman may currently be wearing....and no, I'm not joking....or should I say he isn't. The manners and his decorum very soon make him stand out from the majority on such sites.
Never push for a 1st date, it just puts them under pressure, just keep chatting with those manners and the humour and let them ask you out.
Any dates just keep the same impeccable manners and good humour, stay off more than one drink, just have soda water or similar. Listen to her story instead of giving her yours and boring her to death, listening works. The woman is usually amazed she has a date with a guy with old fashioned manners and decorum and a 2nd date is usually a given. By this the time of that 2nd date arrives, she has normally changed the context of any message to a much more suggestive content...follow suit BUT don't drop those manners!
2nd date time comes and by the end of the night it can be like wrestling with an octopus....they usually just want to bed him as his manners and decorum make him seem a good catch.
He started on various dating sites in 2003, listened to what women told re their experiences with guys being rude and complete arses. He tailored his approach to suit and has had tremendous success over the years.
He's no spring chicken nowadays yet still has a high success rate.
Maybe worth following his advice?
OMFG. I dip into this thread sometimes for a laugh and jesus, this fella needs to save some pussy for the rest of us. He said that : -
Dating sites aren't too difficult. He isn't the prettiest so has to choosy over his photos!
Just being honest on the profile works well, no BS about jobs, cars or holidays.....fire the mails off and if any replies come in be Mr Ultra Polite and show impeccable manners and good humour in your reply.....he said it goes down very well as it's unusual these days. It seems that by the 2nd mail many guys start asking questions re the lingerie the woman may currently be wearing....and no, I'm not joking....or should I say he isn't. The manners and his decorum very soon make him stand out from the majority on such sites.
Never push for a 1st date, it just puts them under pressure, just keep chatting with those manners and the humour and let them ask you out.
Any dates just keep the same impeccable manners and good humour, stay off more than one drink, just have soda water or similar. Listen to her story instead of giving her yours and boring her to death, listening works. The woman is usually amazed she has a date with a guy with old fashioned manners and decorum and a 2nd date is usually a given. By this the time of that 2nd date arrives, she has normally changed the context of any message to a much more suggestive content...follow suit BUT don't drop those manners!
2nd date time comes and by the end of the night it can be like wrestling with an octopus....they usually just want to bed him as his manners and decorum make him seem a good catch.
He started on various dating sites in 2003, listened to what women told re their experiences with guys being rude and complete arses. He tailored his approach to suit and has had tremendous success over the years.
He's no spring chicken nowadays yet still has a high success rate.
Maybe worth following his advice?
Edited by moktabe on Wednesday 27th March 19:50
Edited by moktabe on Wednesday 27th March 19:55
Tell me, does he wear his fedora on the first date? I can see why it'd guarantee his 2nd date.
Jesus, I need to take a walk...
technodup said:
Vyse said:
I like that advice. Typical do people ask the person out for a drink etc straight away or after a few days? It feels as if I need to ask a few questions before asking them out. Asking straight away can be intimidating but does show your alpha side. Decisions, decisions.
I just checked my last/current one. Asked on day 2 after she had been hinting. I'd sent 43 messages to that point, only two questions, one being where do you stay, because I'm a lazy bd and can't be arsed with distance. (Plus staying fairly local reduces the need for a million questions as you'll usually have something/places in common).I'd say that was fairly typical for me. Asking too early looks a bit desperate, but taking too long they think you're either attached/messing about/not interested/whatever.
The guy above's advice is pretty sound too. Simplified it's just 'don't be a dick'.
ETA I was taught in sales not to ask a question you don't know the answer to. The same applies here. If you do the chat bit right it'll be pretty obvious when you can ask the big question and get the answer you want.
Edited by technodup on Thursday 28th March 08:49
Someone on here had mentioned getting professional shots taken. Loads of fake profiles on POF (from a woman's point I have not searched the fake wifies) and lots have posed looking photo's so women are on the look out for that. I generally give a few hours before reply. Last night a guy messaged me and even I knew I would be punching above my weight there so gave it a while. His Scotland profile then changed to Manchester so someone was bored.
We'll she hasn't replied back in 24 hours, so looks like she isn't interested. Good practice I suppose. Am off on holiday soon for a few weeks so in a way it might be pointless chatting to any girls at the moment. She did say she didn't have a job at present, can't cook or drive. So it was probably for the best.
Vyse said:
We'll she hasn't replied back in 24 hours, so looks like she isn't interested. Good practice I suppose. Am off on holiday soon for a few weeks so in a way it might be pointless chatting to any girls at the moment. She did say she didn't have a job at present, can't cook or drive. So it was probably for the best.
Why pointless? You still have to live your life so having a holiday booked shouldn't matter, chat on and if you meet then great, gives you someone to look forward to coming home to if it progresses. But yes, no job and driving would kill progress for me. I'll be abroad for 5 weeks, others probably could be I couldn't text someone for 5 weeks without asking them out. Even though I've only been the online dating thing for a few days am learning a lot.
EL11SEG said:
Why pointless? You still have to live your life so having a holiday booked shouldn't matter, chat on and if you meet then great, gives you someone to look forward to coming home to if it progresses. But yes, no job and driving would kill progress for me.
EL11SEG said:
I would say if you are speaking to someone on day one and you message the next day and get replies then why not ask. Nothing ventured and all that. I personally am happy with just a coffee. It's more relaxed and you are not stuck with someone for hours on end.
Someone on here had mentioned getting professional shots taken. Loads of fake profiles on POF (from a woman's point I have not searched the fake wifies) and lots have posed looking photo's so women are on the look out for that. I generally give a few hours before reply. Last night a guy messaged me and even I knew I would be punching above my weight there so gave it a while. His Scotland profile then changed to Manchester so someone was bored.
My experience has been to ask for a date reasonably quickly. Same day if chat is going well or the next day. Meet up for a coffee or maybe lunch nothing more. Then take it from there. As someone said the real date is the 2nd one.Someone on here had mentioned getting professional shots taken. Loads of fake profiles on POF (from a woman's point I have not searched the fake wifies) and lots have posed looking photo's so women are on the look out for that. I generally give a few hours before reply. Last night a guy messaged me and even I knew I would be punching above my weight there so gave it a while. His Scotland profile then changed to Manchester so someone was bored.
It was me planning to do some professional shots. Took on board what was said (especially from the ladies) and so I am just borrowing my mates DSLR and tripod and doing them myself.
Vyse said:
I'll be abroad for 5 weeks, others probably could be I couldn't text someone for 5 weeks without asking them out. Even though I've only been the online dating thing for a few days am learning a lot.
Couple of points:EL11SEG said:
Why pointless? You still have to live your life so having a holiday booked shouldn't matter, chat on and if you meet then great, gives you someone to look forward to coming home to if it progresses. But yes, no job and driving would kill progress for me.
- numbers game, numbers game, numbers game. Did I - and others - state it's a numbers game? My reply response was generally between 33% - 20% (1 in 3 to 1 in 5 - your mileage may vary) - extrapolate real life experiences and you've pretty much got your general response rate
- the immediacy afforded by online dating gives unrealistic expectations i.e. starring at your device, willing a response. As a general rule, no response within 48 hours equates to no interest (see above - it's a numbers game)
- the fact that you stuggled with small-talk may suggest either lack of experience with this medium, or incompatibility i.e. nothing in her profile triggered a hook for you to latch on. If you are struggling for a hook either your game is sub-par or their profile struggles to excite you (I've experienced both in the past)
- send out initial emails to your short-list. Keep them one paragraph max, and try to create a hook from their profile instead of "Hey baby!" (unless you look like Ryan Gosling)
- do not fall for a profile - try and make sure that you have multiple options on the go. Do not fall into the trap of restricting early - there will be a natural attrition (ghosting), unless you look like Ryan Gosling
EL11SEG is absolutely right - live your life. The holiday provides a hook for potential dates to expand the conversation.
Tinder was a game-changer in cutting straight to the chase i.e. predicated on profile picture. You *really* need to make sure that your profile picture and initial bio (keep it positive, succinct and create a hook) are on point. Also, friends have used Tinder whilst on holiday to 'good' effect ('weekend romance').
Now get out there, get in there, and report back (with pics or GTFO)
antspants said:
Talking to one of the girls at work, apparently plenty of women are working to a set of online dating rules, one of which is don't look too available/desperate/lonely ie. wait a bit before texting back.
Or she's talking to half a dozen people simultaneously, and you're queuing behind 5 before you get a reply
Or actually she's just doing stuff round the house and looking at her phone periodically. Naively I like to think the best of people and assume they're not playing games. I'm probably not built for this, and will just get spat out the other side an emotional wreck!
haha. More like "talking to a load of tragic men on PH it seems that they don't seem to understand the words they say and the image they put forward of themselves actually has a material impact, especially when women field 500 message a day from thirsty dicks such as themselves"Or she's talking to half a dozen people simultaneously, and you're queuing behind 5 before you get a reply
Or actually she's just doing stuff round the house and looking at her phone periodically. Naively I like to think the best of people and assume they're not playing games. I'm probably not built for this, and will just get spat out the other side an emotional wreck!
technodup said:
Vyse said:
Am pretty bad at small talk, that I can admit. We've chatted about our backgrounds a little. But not sure what else I can ask her, any tips.
Don't ask questions.Seriously. I ask a bare minimum because it just gets into a tennis situation, back and forth. Functional but not much else. Unless it's a deal breaker as to whether you want to meet or not e.g. height, kids or whatever I'd forget the interview stuff and just let it flow. It'll all come out anyway.
You like the look of her, she likes the look of you. Whether she's been in her job 5 years or 10, or prefers swimming to running doesn't matter. At all. The conversation (imo) should be light hearted, fun, cheeky... it's about selling yourself (as in being a normal human being capable of banter/chat/smalltalk) rather than going all forensic on her.
I had one do the while interview question routine with me and it was pretty off-putting. She was also the one that cut me zero slack for not messaging the week my dad died so I think my senses were right.
technodup said:
Blown2CV said:
Many women will write off men that don't ask them anything.
I wasn't looking for advice.Gretchen said:
technodup said:
wasn't looking for advice.
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