Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
theboss said:
The final 'piss boiler' is that having myself suffered quite a major health degradation just a few weeks before she jumped (or was pushed, depending how you look at it), it appears she is now clinging onto the prospect of me pursuing quite a major medical negligence claim and being awarded personal damages. She wants to cash in on the fact that I have to live with spinal cord injury for the rest of my life, despite leaving me for dead when the injury occured. She was even screwing the guy whilst my mum babysat thinking she was visiting me in hospital
Absolutely outrageous, that's a whole other level of nastiness 
I would hope she doesn't get a penny.
g3org3y said:
Absolutely outrageous, that's a whole other level of nastiness
I would hope she doesn't get a penny.
In a few years time you’ll get to read all about it in the daily mail, most likely. I’m just not sure who will be stood there cross-armed and scowling at having lost - me or her.I would hope she doesn't get a penny.
theboss said:
The final 'piss boiler' is that having myself suffered quite a major health degradation just a few weeks before she jumped (or was pushed, depending how you look at it), it appears she is now clinging onto the prospect of me pursuing quite a major medical negligence claim and being awarded personal damages. She wants to cash in on the fact that I have to live with spinal cord injury for the rest of my life, despite leaving me for dead when the injury occured.
WTF is that all about? I had something similar with an ex years ago. I had a cancer scare and she ran to the computer to google it. That was nice of her. It wasn't until she showed me information on what a "carer" gets for benefits that it clicked. She had already planned her paid for holiday around the country knowing full well I'd be stuck at home getting treatment. Edited by theboss on Thursday 11th October 17:22
She ended up leaving me for her ex husband because he offered her money to give it another go. I didn't find that out until years later though.
SpeckledJim said:
Not to minimise the rest of your post, but this could be the best bit of the whole thing. Mav'n'Goose back on the scene.
ETA, poor choice of Mav'n'Goose. Goose was married. Del&Rodney? Nope.
Chandler&Joey?
ETA, poor choice of Mav'n'Goose. Goose was married. Del&Rodney? Nope.
Chandler&Joey?
Edited by SpeckledJim on Thursday 11th October 15:22
not sure which ones we are but there's actually 3 of us, close mates and all splitting up within a few months of each other. Social life will be fine which is a bit of a relief because you do wonder if you're each going to be splitting night's out with your mutual couple friends.
Telling my son last night was probably one of the toughest heart breaking things I've ever had to do 
We did it together, and he held it together quite well to begin with. He's like me he tends to keep everything inside, but as soon as we said he didn't need to be brave or strong he started crying which set both of us off. Whoever it was that said previously that you'll know as you're hugging as a family that it will be the last time was spot on!
My wife also managed to set me off big time, by trying to explain that although it's sad it will get easier, and likened it to how I've dealt with my mum dying last year. Talk about saying the wrong thing, all I could think about then was how much I wanted to talk to my mum which set me off and then them
Anyway, we've explained what the plan is. My wife found a flat on Friday, we paid a deposit on it and it's available from mid-Nov. Although when his mum mentioned living in a flat he looked a bit downcast, the fact it's in the same village where a lot of his his mates live is a huge positive and cheered him up. We also showed him some photos of it, he knows where it is and actually perked up once he saw the interior shots. It's smaller than he's used to, but it's almost brand new so nice inside.
I think he's ignoring it all a bit now, told me he wasn't thinking about it. However he's understandably very sensitive and cried this morning over a very slight reprimand from his mum, something that normally he'd have probably just rolled his eyes about. But he's at least got about 6 weeks before the move happens to get his head around the situation, and we need to be very aware of how sensitive he will be. Difficult, because we want things to be as normal as possible, which means not giving him a free ride behaviour wise, but also not upsetting him unnecessarily.
I'd be interested though to hear from others as to the emotional swings their kids have gone through once the news has been announced just so we can keep an eye out for any signs. We've told him to ask any questions he wants and if he feels the need to scream and shout at us to feel free
In terms of other stuff, we're getting some plastering and decorating done next week and can then get a couple of valuations to agree a price for the house. Only outstanding thing is agreeing a value for the contents which hopefully shouldn't be too difficult. I think we'll leave the conversation about divorcing until everything else is in place, however I'm keen not to just leave that one unanswered, there's no point in delaying once we've agreed finances imo.
We did it together, and he held it together quite well to begin with. He's like me he tends to keep everything inside, but as soon as we said he didn't need to be brave or strong he started crying which set both of us off. Whoever it was that said previously that you'll know as you're hugging as a family that it will be the last time was spot on!
My wife also managed to set me off big time, by trying to explain that although it's sad it will get easier, and likened it to how I've dealt with my mum dying last year. Talk about saying the wrong thing, all I could think about then was how much I wanted to talk to my mum which set me off and then them
Anyway, we've explained what the plan is. My wife found a flat on Friday, we paid a deposit on it and it's available from mid-Nov. Although when his mum mentioned living in a flat he looked a bit downcast, the fact it's in the same village where a lot of his his mates live is a huge positive and cheered him up. We also showed him some photos of it, he knows where it is and actually perked up once he saw the interior shots. It's smaller than he's used to, but it's almost brand new so nice inside.
I think he's ignoring it all a bit now, told me he wasn't thinking about it. However he's understandably very sensitive and cried this morning over a very slight reprimand from his mum, something that normally he'd have probably just rolled his eyes about. But he's at least got about 6 weeks before the move happens to get his head around the situation, and we need to be very aware of how sensitive he will be. Difficult, because we want things to be as normal as possible, which means not giving him a free ride behaviour wise, but also not upsetting him unnecessarily.
I'd be interested though to hear from others as to the emotional swings their kids have gone through once the news has been announced just so we can keep an eye out for any signs. We've told him to ask any questions he wants and if he feels the need to scream and shout at us to feel free
In terms of other stuff, we're getting some plastering and decorating done next week and can then get a couple of valuations to agree a price for the house. Only outstanding thing is agreeing a value for the contents which hopefully shouldn't be too difficult. I think we'll leave the conversation about divorcing until everything else is in place, however I'm keen not to just leave that one unanswered, there's no point in delaying once we've agreed finances imo.
I had a dream just last night about how things should have gone in my divorce 6 years ago, rather than how it actually happened, it never really leaves you.
Just as a heads up,you do realise that whatever you agree regarding finances at this stage is not worth the paper its written on? only until you have started the divorce proceedings and then reached nisi can a judge rubber stamp any financial agreement making it legally binding. Up until then its all based purely on trust, something which more often than not goes out of the window once you actually part ways.
Always have this in the back of your mind however amicable things may be.
Just as a heads up,you do realise that whatever you agree regarding finances at this stage is not worth the paper its written on? only until you have started the divorce proceedings and then reached nisi can a judge rubber stamp any financial agreement making it legally binding. Up until then its all based purely on trust, something which more often than not goes out of the window once you actually part ways.
Always have this in the back of your mind however amicable things may be.
Yes I know I'm taking a risk not getting the divorce finalised before she leaves, however suggesting previously that the two things should happen in parallel made her extremely suspicious that I had an ulterior motive which I don't. I know there's many that have been burnt taking a similar route however I need to trust her and vice versa to ensure this remains as amicable and smooth a transition for our son. Will I be getting told "I told you so" in a few months time, maybe but I don't really see any other way at the moment.
It is an arse about face way of doing things having to get divorced first then legally settling finances, when often its the financial split that is the first thing all parties need to be aware of in order for them to be able to plan to go forward.
Divorce is like selling a house, its a s
t system, when you are going through it you cannot believe how it all works then when you are the other side you forget about how crap the process is, until the next time!
Divorce is like selling a house, its a s
t system, when you are going through it you cannot believe how it all works then when you are the other side you forget about how crap the process is, until the next time!Edited by PAUL500 on Sunday 14th October 20:12
antspants said:
Telling my son last night was probably one of the toughest heart breaking things I've ever had to do
Sounded really tough. An amicable relationship between divorcing parents must be a massive positive for him versus a pair at each other's throats.
Does your son have any friends in his class who are going through (or have been through) the same?
Robertj21a said:
I think guys (in general) are happy to just let everything happen, without too much effort on their part. It's usually far easier to just agree with SWMBO than to try to argue anything [the woman always wants to win, regardless of whether right or wrong]. The women often want to keep improving and/or changing things and while that's quite understandable it doesn't always fit in with the guy's more laid back [lazy ?] lifestyle. It will erupt sooner or later and only then will the guy realise that he should have made far more effort.
This is very true.I was married for 18 years and have had 4 or five c2 year relationships post divorce all attractive intelligent 'professional' women with little or no baggage late 30s early 40s not live together relationships but seeing each other most part/whole weekends and twice a week together with great holidays UK and abroad.
The perfect life for me I guess also for them confirmed at the time.
But in each and every case the woman has wanted to change the goal posts things to move on buy a different property move in together nest build progress however you want to dress it up whereas I have been 100% happy to live for the moment having a great stress free life also having time for myself and other things too.
This has caused the relationship to end in each case.
Can understand a woman's perspective of wanting to change things for improvement but I think many want to change things for changes sake when the reality is they are just fine left as they are.
Edited by av185 on Sunday 14th October 20:41
g3org3y said:
Does your son have any friends in his class who are going through (or have been through) the same?
Not going through currently I don't think but he has got friends whose parents have split. We told him to talk to them about it if he wants, but also explained he may get varying responses depending on how amicable the separations were and that just because one person has experienced a bad split or doesn't see one of their parents much doesn't mean the same for him. Tbh I think he's more concerned about getting upset in front of his mates so I don't think he'll talk about it straight away.
av185 said:
Robertj21a said:
I think guys (in general) are happy to just let everything happen, without too much effort on their part. It's usually far easier to just agree with SWMBO than to try to argue anything [the woman always wants to win, regardless of whether right or wrong]. The women often want to keep improving and/or changing things and while that's quite understandable it doesn't always fit in with the guy's more laid back [lazy ?] lifestyle. It will erupt sooner or later and only then will the guy realise that he should have made far more effort.
This is very true.I was married for 18 years and have had 4 or five c2 year relationships post divorce all attractive intelligent 'professional' women with little or no baggage late 30s early 40s not live together relationships but seeing each other most part/whole weekends and twice a week together with great holidays UK and abroad.
The perfect life for me I guess also for them confirmed at the time.
But in each and every case the woman has wanted to change the goal posts things to move on buy a different property move in together nest build progress however you want to dress it up whereas I have been 100% happy to live for the moment having a great stress free life also having time for myself and other things too.
This has caused the relationship to end in each case.
Can understand a woman's perspective of wanting to change things for improvement but I think many want to change things for changes sake when the reality is they are just fine left as they are.
Edited by av185 on Sunday 14th October 20:41
Men are, as you also confirm, more likely to be quite happy to maintain a comfortable status quo once they have a good relationship.
Robertj21a said:
To be fair to the women out there, I think it's just a natural thing for them - a desire for a progression to something more to their personal liking. That's why it comes over that women usually attempt to 'change' their man over a period of time.
Men are, as you also confirm, more likely to be quite happy to maintain a comfortable status quo once they have a good relationship.
Women marry men, expecting to change them. Men marry women expecting them to stay the same. Both are disappointed. Men are, as you also confirm, more likely to be quite happy to maintain a comfortable status quo once they have a good relationship.
hutchst said:
80quattro said:
I've held off posting details of what happened to me over the last two years, as I didn't want to tempt fate. I'm mostly through the other side now though which is a huge relief !
So two years ago, my now ex GF(we were together for almost 17 years, and have two sons who are now 14 and 15) told me she had met someone and was moving out. Bullstted massively by saying she had met the guy recently, but it had actually been going on for 18 months. He left his wife and two sons, and they rented a place together 5 mins from me. She found out two weeks later that going out on the odd date with someone is quite different to living with someone.... as he dumped her. I only used the word 'karma' once 
She never once talked to me about being unhappy, and we were still shagging regularly. I had no idea, and I'll probably hold that against her for a long time. Our sons have been fine about the whole thing, and what pisses them off more than anything else is who's house the Xbox controller is in.
She began privately renting straight after the guy dumped her, and blew all her savings, maxed out her overdraft and credit card as I used to pay most of the bills when we were together. We had a joint mortgage that I've just transferred into my name and paid her out - with quite a percentage of it clearing her debts. Fortunately, she didn't take legal advice, and we agreed a property value ourselves. When my lender then had it valued as part of my mortgage application, i may have kept quiet about the £35k difference
Recently, I have been shagging my way around Northamptonshire's single 30 and 40 something ladies whilst avoiding any level of commitment for the time being. The last two years have been fairly awful for numerous reasons and its just starting to come good.
If I might suggest a word of caution here, but the lack of independent legal advice could leave your wife with an opportunity to go back to court and get the agreement set aside. I have heard that courts are receptive to such applications if it seems that the wife got a raw deal without independent advice. Tread carefully.So two years ago, my now ex GF(we were together for almost 17 years, and have two sons who are now 14 and 15) told me she had met someone and was moving out. Bulls
tted massively by saying she had met the guy recently, but it had actually been going on for 18 months. He left his wife and two sons, and they rented a place together 5 mins from me. She found out two weeks later that going out on the odd date with someone is quite different to living with someone.... as he dumped her. I only used the word 'karma' once She never once talked to me about being unhappy, and we were still shagging regularly. I had no idea, and I'll probably hold that against her for a long time. Our sons have been fine about the whole thing, and what pisses them off more than anything else is who's house the Xbox controller is in.
She began privately renting straight after the guy dumped her, and blew all her savings, maxed out her overdraft and credit card as I used to pay most of the bills when we were together. We had a joint mortgage that I've just transferred into my name and paid her out - with quite a percentage of it clearing her debts. Fortunately, she didn't take legal advice, and we agreed a property value ourselves. When my lender then had it valued as part of my mortgage application, i may have kept quiet about the £35k difference
Recently, I have been shagging my way around Northamptonshire's single 30 and 40 something ladies whilst avoiding any level of commitment for the time being. The last two years have been fairly awful for numerous reasons and its just starting to come good.
80quattro said:
Thank you for the heads up. Fortunately we were unmarried. Additionally, I was totally straight with my solicitors who consequently got her to sign three separate documents stating she was happy with the offer and understood she had been recommended to take legal advice and decided against it.
Living together long term, presumably joint house purchase, kids. Genuine question - Is there actually a material difference vs being married? All the snippets I read in the news regarding the rights of cohabiting couples seem to indicate the gap is closing but i'm admittedly ignorant of the specifics.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff