Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
theboss said:
Plate spinner said:
True.
I'm going through that process now. Divorce and Consent Order agreed, just waiting for the stamp. So building s new life for myself that I never thought I'd bring doing.
It's actually quite an interesting / scary process deciding what your own brand of happiness is in order to pursue it.
Maybe I'm alone here, but having spent 15 years 'providing' by doing a job I don't love and getting home to an increasingly loveless marriage, it was all to easy to just manage life one week at a time. Eat, work, sleep, repeat.
When first asked 'forget the providing role, park your kids for a moment, ignore material possessions - what do you really want out of your life to be happy?' I have to admit to just sitting there a bit blank...
I'm not saying you turn your back on all the things above, but finding out what really makes you happy is important and for many, not as easy as first thought.
The journey is enlightening, challenging and exciting in equal measure though. Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, sometimes these things (and let's face it, divorce is a life changing event) can force you to look at yourself, really look at who you are, in a way that you wouldn't otherwise have had to do.
I haven't found the key to happiness yet, but I'll write a book and offer a PH discount when I do
Try and smile guys and remember we're here for a good time not a long time. When your number comes up, the size of your house is unlikely to be one of memories that flashes before your eyes.
Great post. I'm in exactly the same situation in terms of having put the worst of it all behind me and now completely re-evaluating life and what I gain from it. I've got into a fitness regime for the first time in my life and I'm doing my grade 8 piano exam in a few weeks time, just two things which were on the back burner for years. I'm off on a jaunt to Prague in the M5 later this week and then stopping at a stag at the ring on the way back, and I don't have to stop and seek anyone else's approval. I feel much more secure about myself than I have for a long time. Like somebody said, its almost like being 18 all over again - free as a bird, and skint! (another solicitor bill just hit the mat)I'm going through that process now. Divorce and Consent Order agreed, just waiting for the stamp. So building s new life for myself that I never thought I'd bring doing.
It's actually quite an interesting / scary process deciding what your own brand of happiness is in order to pursue it.
Maybe I'm alone here, but having spent 15 years 'providing' by doing a job I don't love and getting home to an increasingly loveless marriage, it was all to easy to just manage life one week at a time. Eat, work, sleep, repeat.
When first asked 'forget the providing role, park your kids for a moment, ignore material possessions - what do you really want out of your life to be happy?' I have to admit to just sitting there a bit blank...
I'm not saying you turn your back on all the things above, but finding out what really makes you happy is important and for many, not as easy as first thought.
The journey is enlightening, challenging and exciting in equal measure though. Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, sometimes these things (and let's face it, divorce is a life changing event) can force you to look at yourself, really look at who you are, in a way that you wouldn't otherwise have had to do.
I haven't found the key to happiness yet, but I'll write a book and offer a PH discount when I do
Try and smile guys and remember we're here for a good time not a long time. When your number comes up, the size of your house is unlikely to be one of memories that flashes before your eyes.
techiedave said:
theboss said:
Plate spinner said:
True.
I'm going through that process now. Divorce and Consent Order agreed, just waiting for the stamp. So building s new life for myself that I never thought I'd bring doing.
It's actually quite an interesting / scary process deciding what your own brand of happiness is in order to pursue it.
Maybe I'm alone here, but having spent 15 years 'providing' by doing a job I don't love and getting home to an increasingly loveless marriage, it was all to easy to just manage life one week at a time. Eat, work, sleep, repeat.
When first asked 'forget the providing role, park your kids for a moment, ignore material possessions - what do you really want out of your life to be happy?' I have to admit to just sitting there a bit blank...
I'm not saying you turn your back on all the things above, but finding out what really makes you happy is important and for many, not as easy as first thought.
The journey is enlightening, challenging and exciting in equal measure though. Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, sometimes these things (and let's face it, divorce is a life changing event) can force you to look at yourself, really look at who you are, in a way that you wouldn't otherwise have had to do.
I haven't found the key to happiness yet, but I'll write a book and offer a PH discount when I do
Try and smile guys and remember we're here for a good time not a long time. When your number comes up, the size of your house is unlikely to be one of memories that flashes before your eyes.
Great post. I'm in exactly the same situation in terms of having put the worst of it all behind me and now completely re-evaluating life and what I gain from it. I've got into a fitness regime for the first time in my life and I'm doing my grade 8 piano exam in a few weeks time, just two things which were on the back burner for years. I'm off on a jaunt to Prague in the M5 later this week and then stopping at a stag at the ring on the way back, and I don't have to stop and seek anyone else's approval. I feel much more secure about myself than I have for a long time. Like somebody said, its almost like being 18 all over again - free as a bird, and skint! (another solicitor bill just hit the mat)I'm going through that process now. Divorce and Consent Order agreed, just waiting for the stamp. So building s new life for myself that I never thought I'd bring doing.
It's actually quite an interesting / scary process deciding what your own brand of happiness is in order to pursue it.
Maybe I'm alone here, but having spent 15 years 'providing' by doing a job I don't love and getting home to an increasingly loveless marriage, it was all to easy to just manage life one week at a time. Eat, work, sleep, repeat.
When first asked 'forget the providing role, park your kids for a moment, ignore material possessions - what do you really want out of your life to be happy?' I have to admit to just sitting there a bit blank...
I'm not saying you turn your back on all the things above, but finding out what really makes you happy is important and for many, not as easy as first thought.
The journey is enlightening, challenging and exciting in equal measure though. Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, sometimes these things (and let's face it, divorce is a life changing event) can force you to look at yourself, really look at who you are, in a way that you wouldn't otherwise have had to do.
I haven't found the key to happiness yet, but I'll write a book and offer a PH discount when I do
Try and smile guys and remember we're here for a good time not a long time. When your number comes up, the size of your house is unlikely to be one of memories that flashes before your eyes.
t - I will be performing intermittent self catheterisation and bowel irrigation routinely for the rest of my life. That does impact one's social life to some extent, and means I have to plan my movements with accessibility of bathrooms in mind, but I'm determined to live as close to normal a life as possible. Thanks for asking.Edited by theboss on Sunday 4th June 22:41
theboss said:
Yes and no. Since the spinal emergency which unfolded 5 weeks before my thread commenced, I have been left with Cauda Equina Syndrome. My mobility is much better than it was a year ago, and exercises are helping build strength and improve balance (parts of my feet and toes are numb and paralysed). The more serious but less visible problems, however, are permanent neurogenic bladder and bowel dysfunctions which in laymans terms means I can't piss or st - I will be performing intermittent self catheterisation and bowel irrigation routinely for the rest of my life. That does impact one's social life to some extent, and means I have to plan my movements with accessibility of bathrooms in mind, but I'm determined to live as close to normal a life as possible. Thanks for asking.
Sorry to hear that take care always t - I will be performing intermittent self catheterisation and bowel irrigation routinely for the rest of my life. That does impact one's social life to some extent, and means I have to plan my movements with accessibility of bathrooms in mind, but I'm determined to live as close to normal a life as possible. Thanks for asking.Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 4th June 22:41
N-TY4C said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Change it and put it in your son's name. It does matter.aaron_2000 said:
Look on the plus side, you have the mid 20's rebound lass and the rebound car to look forward to 
Life's too short, we're all done when we're dead so why bother living like we already are?
This! (please dont put me on the cringe thread!) Life's too short, we're all done when we're dead so why bother living like we already are? Currently going though very similar, chin up.
So, as the dust settles a bit, it is all becoming a little clearer with a way forward almost in sight
I (against the best advice on here) have got a room at work which I will be in mon-fri.
With regards to the family home, she is taking over the mortgage next month, but my name will remain and she assures me that it remains 50/50 ownership regardless of contributions for at least until the government equity loan becomes payable in 2 years time.
She has not got a malicious bone in her body, and in spite of everything I do not want to hang her out to dry, and I trust that she will stick by this verbal agreement, however my concern is that she could be swayed by outside influence (new bf). I think I need some sort of legally binding contract of everything we have discussed.
I've submitted my application for a house today and will find out in 3 weeks if I have been successful, until then I need to continue the uncomfortable current situation of floating between the house and work address.
A big thank you to everyone on here who has helped me with words of advice and support (and if any of you in the SW know any single ladies to take my mind off things it would probably help..............)
I (against the best advice on here) have got a room at work which I will be in mon-fri.
With regards to the family home, she is taking over the mortgage next month, but my name will remain and she assures me that it remains 50/50 ownership regardless of contributions for at least until the government equity loan becomes payable in 2 years time.
She has not got a malicious bone in her body, and in spite of everything I do not want to hang her out to dry, and I trust that she will stick by this verbal agreement, however my concern is that she could be swayed by outside influence (new bf). I think I need some sort of legally binding contract of everything we have discussed.
I've submitted my application for a house today and will find out in 3 weeks if I have been successful, until then I need to continue the uncomfortable current situation of floating between the house and work address.
A big thank you to everyone on here who has helped me with words of advice and support (and if any of you in the SW know any single ladies to take my mind off things it would probably help..............)
SpaceRanger said:
Coincidentally I have been suffering acute Sciatica for the last few weeks as well.
The normal painkillers are beginning to become less effective and I am waking up at 4am every day in pain.
This is making things even worse.
Regarding the split, I took some advice from my brother who said I should stay in the house as long as possible and let her force the issue i.e. petition for divorce ( unreasonable behaviour?). This should force her to confront the reality of the situation and either buy me out of the house or we sell up and both downsize.
She could play the emotional abuse card and get a court order to get me out. Don't know what my options would be.
I had sciatica for 4 months beforehand. The onset of CES came literally overnight, and a misdiagnosis at A&E meant that serious nerve damage was crystallised and irreversible 48 hours later when the seriousness was eventually recognised with an emergency MRI and surgery following very rapidly.The normal painkillers are beginning to become less effective and I am waking up at 4am every day in pain.
This is making things even worse.
Regarding the split, I took some advice from my brother who said I should stay in the house as long as possible and let her force the issue i.e. petition for divorce ( unreasonable behaviour?). This should force her to confront the reality of the situation and either buy me out of the house or we sell up and both downsize.
She could play the emotional abuse card and get a court order to get me out. Don't know what my options would be.
Anyone suffering from sciatica should famialirise themselves with the classic CES red flag symptoms - the chances are minimal, but if it happens you need to recognise the seriousness.
The abuse card is played all too often - I was definitely baited into arguments as we were separating - you have to resist, don't even raise your voice. I phoned the police non-emergency number ahead, explained the potential for a domestic (especially if the new boyfriend turned up to "help" her move out) and also explained that I was medically vulnerable and concerned about an orchestrated attempt to have me ousted. It wanted to pre-emptively put my concerns on police record just incase anything kicked off.
Spaceranger said,
"Coincidentally I have been suffering acute Sciatica for the last few weeks as well.
The normal painkillers are beginning to become less effective and I am waking up at 4am every day in pain.
This is making things even worse."
Get a back swing unit. This will swing you upside down, which stretches your back, opening the vertebra & releasing pinched nerves,
I was a virtual cripple, unable to do anything much, including sleep, until I got one of these. Being head down does give me a head ache fairly quickly, so I did not do it for long at any one time, just a few minutes a few times a day.
Over 3 months this completely cured my problem. If I lift something heavy, & twist to hand it to someone, the pain is back instantly, but a few days on my back swing device fixes me again.
It has done so much good that I haven't had to use it for almost a year at the moment. I couldn't recommend anything as highly as I do the back swing device for Sciatica.
"Coincidentally I have been suffering acute Sciatica for the last few weeks as well.
The normal painkillers are beginning to become less effective and I am waking up at 4am every day in pain.
This is making things even worse."
Get a back swing unit. This will swing you upside down, which stretches your back, opening the vertebra & releasing pinched nerves,
I was a virtual cripple, unable to do anything much, including sleep, until I got one of these. Being head down does give me a head ache fairly quickly, so I did not do it for long at any one time, just a few minutes a few times a day.
Over 3 months this completely cured my problem. If I lift something heavy, & twist to hand it to someone, the pain is back instantly, but a few days on my back swing device fixes me again.
It has done so much good that I haven't had to use it for almost a year at the moment. I couldn't recommend anything as highly as I do the back swing device for Sciatica.
SpaceRanger said:
TheDrBrian said:
I'm going to be honest you guys aren't selling me on this wife and kids stuff, I'm still leaning toward this cars and flying thing instead.
To be honest our marriage was fairly happy for about 15 years. It is only in the last year that the subtle warning signs appeared e.g. big arguments over trivial things, spending all her time on social media, going drinking with other divorcees.Maybe I grew complacent and didn't work on it. Her main complaint was that I was too confrontational with two of our daughters. I don't think that that is a justifiable reason. She is 8 years younger than me and perhaps thought I was becoming a grumpy old man
It's easy to say 'she was this that and the other / it was her fault / I'll never trust women again / I'm going to live a simple life and avoid them for ever / etc etc'. I actually went through that phase for a bit.
But have decided that going forward you can actually use all of the that useful information you've learnt to spot things, make proactive interventions quicker and importantly look at my own behaviours with a more critical eye.
Weirdly, if I meet the right person, my divorce might actually make it a better relationship.
So when things are really working out with Kelly Brook, I'll be sure to thank my ex for the hard-won life skills
SpaceRanger said:
Coincidentally I have been suffering acute Sciatica for the last few weeks as well.
The normal painkillers are beginning to become less effective and I am waking up at 4am every day in pain.
This is making things even worse.
Regarding the split, I took some advice from my brother who said I should stay in the house as long as possible and let her force the issue i.e. petition for divorce ( unreasonable behaviour?). This should force her to confront the reality of the situation and either buy me out of the house or we sell up and both downsize.
She could play the emotional abuse card and get a court order to get me out. Don't know what my options would be.
Having been there with the sciatica, the thing that worked for me (herniated L4 L5, partial discectomy &decompression) was acupuncture. The normal painkillers are beginning to become less effective and I am waking up at 4am every day in pain.
This is making things even worse.
Regarding the split, I took some advice from my brother who said I should stay in the house as long as possible and let her force the issue i.e. petition for divorce ( unreasonable behaviour?). This should force her to confront the reality of the situation and either buy me out of the house or we sell up and both downsize.
She could play the emotional abuse card and get a court order to get me out. Don't know what my options would be.
Didn't believe it could help but it did!!
I was on 400mg of tramadol and 150mg of amitriptyline for the pain, and having someone jab needles into me sorted it out.
I was shocked, so don't discount it as an option!!
Plate spinner said:
It's actually quite an interesting / scary process deciding what your own brand of happiness is in order to pursue it.
I'm going back a whole page to quote the p-spinner. This is exactly what I found. My reason for splitting up was so that I could be me. I was really missing it. Now I'm back in dirty rock venues talking to the bands and managers and working out my own way into the scene. I gave it up to be married and now I'm back on the trail. But each to his own. It's called the meaning of life.anonymous said:
[redacted]
Tonker you can attach a Spousal Bypass Trust to your pension/ DIS Nomination. It cuts her out and importantly it completely removes any control from her. Your son is beneficiary and you appoint trustees on your "side". The cow won't see a penny. It also protects against her remarrying and passing it in to new daddy and his kids.PM me and I'll ping you a suitable draft and notes.
I haven't posted on here in a while, but I can agree that the meaning of life, is finding the key to your happiness.
It's only really now that it's starting to sink in, I can do what I want, when I want, how I want.
I've passed my motorbike test and bought a Ducati. I've been to New York on my own. I'm going mountain biking in the alps next month for a week to do the Megavalanche racing event. I don't feel guilty staying up and playing video games. I don't care that I watch all sessions of the F1 weekend. I sometimes eat steak 3 times a week, and no-one is there to complain.
I still feel resentment and bitterness, but ultimately they don't make me happy, so it isn't long until I'm doing things which make me happy again.
I've gone through a huge learning process with friends too, working out who are my real friends, and who are not. It's been a very good process of late.
I still have down days, but they are less and less.
Chin up, and keep marching forward!
It's only really now that it's starting to sink in, I can do what I want, when I want, how I want.
I've passed my motorbike test and bought a Ducati. I've been to New York on my own. I'm going mountain biking in the alps next month for a week to do the Megavalanche racing event. I don't feel guilty staying up and playing video games. I don't care that I watch all sessions of the F1 weekend. I sometimes eat steak 3 times a week, and no-one is there to complain.
I still feel resentment and bitterness, but ultimately they don't make me happy, so it isn't long until I'm doing things which make me happy again.
I've gone through a huge learning process with friends too, working out who are my real friends, and who are not. It's been a very good process of late.
I still have down days, but they are less and less.
Chin up, and keep marching forward!
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