Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[xjay1337]

Monkeylegend said:

One thing this thread teaches you his how skewed peoples views can become to the point where they think every female is a snake and every male has been taken advantage of and treated very badly by said female.

It's not all true, there are some male snakes out there as well, the only difference being they don't have tits.

I don't think that's strictly true. There have been numerous occasions on here where men have acted inappropriately and been called out for it, with sometimes hilarious results.

The issue is generally for most men who are married and have children the woman gets fed up of hubby working 80 hour weeks, so not much time together, rather than be loyal and work together as a team, without even telling the hubby that they are unhappy, start talking and having coffees with a guy they used to go to school with.

Then one day coffee turns into dinner. Dinner turns into the "oh I really shouldn't come back to yours" speech, turns into "oops my legs fell open and a penis entered me".

This turns into wifey feeling all loved, wanted and needed. While husband has no idea, or a quiet suspicion but trusts his partner. Wife decides she wants a divorce, or rather turns off all her attention and care towards the hubby until the hubby calls it quits. Next up comes 2 years of legal battles and threats, usually from wifey, about taking the children away, hubby generally ends up in a rented 1 bed terraced flat where as wifey gets the family home or at least a huge chunk of it financially.

There are some awful women. But yes, there are some awful men. We just hear more about the awful women as we are a male-dominated forum. I'm sure on Mumsnet it would be opposite.

But I tend to think men GENERALLY are more upfront (in no means all cases) and generally don't swing from "branch to branch" so to speak and tend to be less manipulative. Notice I said generally. It's even in caps, look.

I'm on my 5th serious relationship.
In all but one (in which I ended it), all my other partners called it quits and all of them had another bloke lined up.

1 - left me to go back to her ex who she "couldn't get over" (totally out of the blue)
2 - after a year of emotional abuse when we broke up, got with my mate in less than a week and had also in all likelyhood cheated on me with her ex during our relationship.
3 - not really a serious relationship but she cut off all contact and when she met another guy (she was a bit mental and had a kid and was 20, what was I thinking??)
4 - I broke up with her, had no-one else waiting in the wings.
5- current relationship started a few weeks after the previous one had ended.

Now I can certainly imagine a certain level of cynicism from men who are older than me and have had far worse experiences from me.
I don't think women are SWT, far from it.
I'm in my mid 20s, settled with an excellent woman, we will have children and will get married one day. But I am very aware of the fact it can easily go tits up and if it does and we are married then it could go wrong very quickly and I can't say that I haven't been warned.

[Tyre Tread]

Monkeylegend said:

One thing this thread teaches you his how skewed peoples views can become to the point where they think every female is a snake and every male has been taken advantage of and treated very badly by said female.

It's not all true, there are some male snakes out there as well, the only difference being they don't ALL have tits.

FTFY

[anonymous-user]

singlecoil said:

It all depends. I've noticed that when a woman hooks up with an older bloke who already has children, the most important thing in her life becomes to have at least one herself. It's absolutely vital from her POV because of the very strong position it puts her in further down the road.

A friend of mine got divorced in his 40s, he already had two teenage children and told me there is no way he would ever have any more. He then met a woman who was in her early 30s and surprise, surprise he ended up having two children with her. I lost contact with him a while ago so I have no idea if they are still together.

Guy I worked with in his early 50s had a vasectomy reversed so he could have children with his wife (again in her early 30s). Have to say I think he is crazy as he was so certain he didn't want any more he had a vesectomy. Imagine having teenage children at home when you are in your 70s.

In my experience when women in their 30s get with older men they always have a severe case of baby rabies and want to be pregnant as soon as possible.

[Monkeylegend]

xjay1337 said:

Monkeylegend said:

One thing this thread teaches you his how skewed peoples views can become to the point where they think every female is a snake and every male has been taken advantage of and treated very badly by said female.

It's not all true, there are some male snakes out there as well, the only difference being they don't have tits.

I don't think that's strictly true. There have been numerous occasions on here where men have acted inappropriately and been called out for it, with sometimes hilarious results.

The issue is generally for most men who are married and have children the woman gets fed up of hubby working 80 hour weeks, so not much time together, rather than be loyal and work together as a team, without even telling the hubby that they are unhappy, start talking and having coffees with a guy they used to go to school with.

Then one day coffee turns into dinner. Dinner turns into the "oh I really shouldn't come back to yours" speech, turns into "oops my legs fell open and a penis entered me".

This turns into wifey feeling all loved, wanted and needed. While husband has no idea, or a quiet suspicion but trusts his partner. Wife decides she wants a divorce, or rather turns off all her attention and care towards the hubby until the hubby calls it quits. Next up comes 2 years of legal battles and threats, usually from wifey, about taking the children away, hubby generally ends up in a rented 1 bed terraced flat where as wifey gets the family home or at least a huge chunk of it financially.

There are some awful women. But yes, there are some awful men. We just hear more about the awful women as we are a male-dominated forum. I'm sure on Mumsnet it would be opposite.

But I tend to think men GENERALLY are more upfront (in no means all cases) and generally don't swing from "branch to branch" so to speak and tend to be less manipulative. Notice I said generally. It's even in caps, look.

I'm on my 5th serious relationship.
In all but one (in which I ended it), all my other partners called it quits and all of them had another bloke lined up.

1 - left me to go back to her ex who she "couldn't get over" (totally out of the blue)
2 - after a year of emotional abuse when we broke up, got with my mate in less than a week and had also in all likelyhood cheated on me with her ex during our relationship.
3 - not really a serious relationship but she cut off all contact and when she met another guy (she was a bit mental and had a kid and was 20, what was I thinking??)
4 - I broke up with her, had no-one else waiting in the wings.
5- current relationship started a few weeks after the previous one had ended.

Now I can certainly imagine a certain level of cynicism from men who are older than me and have had far worse experiences from me.
I don't think women are SWT, far from it.
I'm in my mid 20s, settled with an excellent woman, we will have children and will get married one day. But I am very aware of the fact it can easily go tits up and if it does and we are married then it could go wrong very quickly and I can't say that I haven't been warned.

What I am saying "between the lines" is that a lot of the posters who have gone or are going through a divorce 'separation are understandably maybe feeling very bitter, but their views are skewed by this and not all women are as they think they are.

Maybe some of them need to stand back and think their situations through a bit more objectively, difficult I know, I have been divorced twice, and maybe ask themselves if there is even a tiny bit of their behaviour that has contributed toward their situation.

Reading some of the very bitter, one sided comments posted you would think they are whiter than white and it is 100% the females fault which is patently not the case.

Nothing so blind as those that don't want to see

[Monkeylegend]

Tyre Tread said:

Monkeylegend said:

One thing this thread teaches you his how skewed peoples views can become to the point where they think every female is a snake and every male has been taken advantage of and treated very badly by said female.

It's not all true, there are some male snakes out there as well, the only difference being they don't ALL have man boobs

FTFY

FTFY

[anonymous-user]

xjay1337 said:

The issue is generally for most men who are married and have children the woman gets fed up of hubby working 80 hour weeks, so not much time together, rather than be loyal and work together as a team, without even telling the hubby that they are unhappy, start talking and having coffees with a guy they used to go to school with.

Then one day coffee turns into dinner. Dinner turns into the "oh I really shouldn't come back to yours" speech, turns into "oops my legs fell open and a penis entered me".

This turns into wifey feeling all loved, wanted and needed. While husband has no idea, or a quiet suspicion but trusts his partner. Wife decides she wants a divorce, or rather turns off all her attention and care towards the hubby until the hubby calls it quits. Next up comes 2 years of legal battles and threats, usually from wifey, about taking the children away, hubby generally ends up in a rented 1 bed terraced flat where as wifey gets the family home or at least a huge chunk of it financially.

Change 1 bedroom flat to parents house and you have totally described my situation, even down to a guy she used to go to school with. Again I was suspicious but trusted her but looking back it was textbook.

[singlecoil]

Joey Deacon said:

Guy I worked with in his early 50s had a vasectomy reversed so he could have children with his wife (again in her early 30s). Have to say I think he is crazy as he was so certain he didn't want any more he had a vasectomy. Imagine having teenage children at home when you are in your 70s.

As my mother used to say, there's no fool like an old fool. I've seen several examples of it.

[jdw100]

Joey Deacon said:

A friend of mine got divorced in his 40s, he already had two teenage children and told me there is no way he would ever have any more. He then met a woman who was in her early 30s and surprise, surprise he ended up having two children with her. I lost contact with him a while ago so I have no idea if they are still together.

Guy I worked with in his early 50s had a vasectomy reversed so he could have children with his wife (again in her early 30s). Have to say I think he is crazy as he was so certain he didn't want any more he had a vesectomy. Imagine having teenage children at home when you are in your 70s.

In my experience when women in their 30s get with older men they always have a severe case of baby rabies and want to be pregnant as soon as possible.

I'm 50 soon and have a kid on the way.

Neither myself or my wife work - I retired a couple of years ago.

This means we will both be at home for the kid(s) when they are growing up. No worries about having to sort out child care or going into work on 2 hours sleep etc.

I wasn't ready to have a child earlier but now I am. Several of my friends are in the same position and are enjoying it already or are really looking forward to the arrival.

I can't wait.

[xjay1337]

Monkeylegend said:

What I am saying "between the lines" is that a lot of the posters who have gone or are going through a divorce 'separation are understandably maybe feeling very bitter, but their views are skewed by this and not all women are as they think they are.

Maybe some of them need to stand back and think their situations through a bit more objectively, difficult I know, I have been divorced twice, and maybe ask themselves if there is even a tiny bit of their behaviour that has contributed toward their situation.

Reading some of the very bitter, one sided comments posted you would think they are whiter than white and it is 100% the females fault which is patently not the case.

Nothing so blind as those that don't want to see

That is true. It is very easy to abolish self-blame. Realising your own faults and accepting them, and trying to not make those same mistakes again is an important part of moving on and entering into a better relationship. I would certainly say from relationships 2 and 4 (in my list) I realised some mistakes I personally made and have hopefully made myself a more rounder (certainly fatter) person that I was before those relationships.

[Monkeylegend]

xjay1337 said:

Monkeylegend said:

What I am saying "between the lines" is that a lot of the posters who have gone or are going through a divorce 'separation are understandably maybe feeling very bitter, but their views are skewed by this and not all women are as they think they are.

Maybe some of them need to stand back and think their situations through a bit more objectively, difficult I know, I have been divorced twice, and maybe ask themselves if there is even a tiny bit of their behaviour that has contributed toward their situation.

Reading some of the very bitter, one sided comments posted you would think they are whiter than white and it is 100% the females fault which is patently not the case.

Nothing so blind as those that don't want to see

That is true. It is very easy to abolish self-blame. Realising your own faults and accepting them, and trying to not make those same mistakes again is an important part of moving on and entering into a better relationship. I would certainly say from relationships 2 and 4 (in my list) I realised some mistakes I personally made and have hopefully made myself a more rounder (certainly fatter) person that I was before those relationships.

I know I have changed to the point where if I had been like I am now maybe neither of my marriages would have failed.

I wouldn't want to change anything though, I am still together after 17 years with my partner, a record for me, and she isn't in it for the money

[Frank7]

singlecoil said:

It all depends. I've noticed that when a woman hooks up with an older bloke who already has children, the most important thing in her life becomes to have at least one herself. It's absolutely vital from her POV because of the very strong position it puts her in further down the road.

Although I can see the advantages in that for a woman, there will always be the exception to the rule.
At 41, divorced with two children, I met a 22 y.o. quite intelligent woman, and was struck with what my French relatives call, "un coup de foudre."
After a few months, as it became patently obvious to both of us that this was no flash in the pan, I suggested that maybe she might like to move in with me.
During the period of time that she was deciding what to do, we went to Lille for a long weekend, as I wanted her to meet a couple of my cousins, and I told her there that even although I thought that the sun shone out of her eyes, I'd been relatively poor while my kids were young, but after my divorce I'd eventually become a bit more than solvent, and I knew which I preferred.
To that end I said that more children were well and truly out for me, but I could understand perfectly that at 22, children were more than likely to be part of her future plans.
I said, "If that's what you want Nicky, walk away and don't look back,
I'll understand, it will break my heart, but I'll understand, it's your call."
Fortunately, as far as I was concerned she made the right choice, and we're still together over 30 years later, but boy, does she make a fuss over my grandkids.

Edited by Frank7 on Tuesday 25th July 14:10

[anonymous-user]

Frank7 said:

At 41, divorced with two children, I met a 22 y.o. quite intelligent woman, and was struck with what my French relatives call, "un coup de foudre."

That's a much better expression than my mates use - they say " struck"

[Shnozz]

Frank7 said:

At 41, divorced with two children, I met a 22 y.o. quite intelligent woman, and was struck with what my French relatives call, "un coup de foudre."

Fair play.

Gives some support to the advice, "talk to Frank".

[Frank7]

desolate said:

Frank7 said:

At 41, divorced with two children, I met a 22 y.o. quite intelligent woman, and was struck with what my French relatives call, "un coup de foudre."

That's a much better expression than my mates use - they say " struck"

Désolée, desolate, (see what I did there?), but your friends are only half right.
I've been c**t struck since I was about 13, but that was the first time that I'd been struck by un coup de foudre.

[stuttgartmetal]

Spock
Let her have the lot
Take your music first.

[mr_spock]

She's actually being very decent. We've agreed on most stuff, it'll be the sentimental stuff which will be harder, but we'll get through it.

[mr_spock]

We're exchanging on the house this morning after lots of the usual messing about on completion dates, moving company booked, now the packing starts. I had a few days away with the kids too, which went well although it was very odd not having her along.

About 6 weeks to go... and then I'll start a "How do I make this house prettier" thread!

[Plate spinner]

mr_spock said:

About 6 weeks to go... and then I'll start a "How do I make this house prettier" thread!

Good luck mate. Personally I quite liked sorting my place out. I like clean lines and minimal clutter - so this is what I have!
Also bought some artwork the other day - it's good not having to call someone first, see what they think, send a picture, be told 'well, it doesn't go with anything else, but I guess if you like it then I'll learn to live with it...'

It's now simple - I like that, I can afford it, it would look good in my dining room, here's my credit card

My ex did all of the house decor stuff and to be fair she seemed to have good taste. So I felt a bit nervous at first flying solo - I'd never really paid much attention to these sorts of decisions, I was simply the manual labour end of the operation.
On seeing my place now, people have said 'yes, this is very you'. Perfect, I'll take that as a compliment (I think!)

Edited by Plate spinner on Friday 28th July 10:15

[designforlife]

Unfortunately my brother heard these very words from his wife of 6 years last week.

He's 30, shes 27, and they have a 2 year old kid and a house.

I'm gutted for him, as in my experience, once a woman has emotionally checked out like this, there's no real going back.

It's been his only serious relationship and the poor guy just isn't emotionally equipped for this.

[xjay1337]

designforlife said:

Unfortunately my brother heard these very words from his wife of 6 years last week.

He's 30, shes 27, and they have a 2 year old kid and a house.

I'm gutted for him, as in my experience, once a woman has emotionally checked out like this, there's no real going back.

It's been his only serious relationship and the poor guy just isn't emotionally equipped for this.

Horrible. Get him to sign up on here!