Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
menousername said:
Apologies for the question if it upsets anyone but have read this thread front to back with much interest
Something I wondered of those that have been through some truly rough times
In retrospect, looking back to happier times earlier on in your relationships, were there any signs that they might not be "the one"? Were the happier times really as happy as your thought?
For the ones cheated on I dont mean were there instances where you thought it was already happening etc. What I mean is was it a full on U-turn and before then you were both 100% into the relationship and the change was just completely unexpected or was there any element of taking it to the next step because it had been a few years and perhaps you btoh werent really into it but you did it anyway, etc?
At the time when it happened to me, I can honestly say I didn't notice any signs. He was very clever at covering up his tracks, would always leave his phone on the side unattended, didn't seem to be sneaking off anywhere, hadn't changed the way he was towards me. Something I wondered of those that have been through some truly rough times
In retrospect, looking back to happier times earlier on in your relationships, were there any signs that they might not be "the one"? Were the happier times really as happy as your thought?
For the ones cheated on I dont mean were there instances where you thought it was already happening etc. What I mean is was it a full on U-turn and before then you were both 100% into the relationship and the change was just completely unexpected or was there any element of taking it to the next step because it had been a few years and perhaps you btoh werent really into it but you did it anyway, etc?
Ultimately the woman he had an affair with was a work colleague and so most of it was conducted at work and at her house. He went to the gym everyday after work so he stopped going there and went to hers instead but obviously I still assumed he was at the gym.
There was only a couple of things in hindsight that I thought were odd, but even to this day I would still say there were no signs that he was cheating.
So not just snakes with tits, men can be equally as callous.
Thought I'd pop in here again. Moving house in a few days, surrounded by boxes. Mostly we've divided things amicably, although there's still quite a lot of aggression coming at me. Kids are coping fairly well.
I'm not really looking forward to being on my own, but I have various friends coming round in the first few days which will be nice, and have made contact with some local PHers too who I hope to meet.
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
I'm not really looking forward to being on my own, but I have various friends coming round in the first few days which will be nice, and have made contact with some local PHers too who I hope to meet.
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
mr_spock said:
Thought I'd pop in here again. Moving house in a few days, surrounded by boxes. Mostly we've divided things amicably, although there's still quite a lot of aggression coming at me. Kids are coping fairly well.
I'm not really looking forward to being on my own, but I have various friends coming round in the first few days which will be nice, and have made contact with some local PHers too who I hope to meet.
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
You will take ages to regain all your confidence but it will returnI'm not really looking forward to being on my own, but I have various friends coming round in the first few days which will be nice, and have made contact with some local PHers too who I hope to meet.
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
Just please don't question yourself so much. My wife saw this thread and said the following
manipulating soul destroying cow
I don't think she meant you !
techiedave said:
mr_spock said:
Thought I'd pop in here again. Moving house in a few days, surrounded by boxes. Mostly we've divided things amicably, although there's still quite a lot of aggression coming at me. Kids are coping fairly well.
I'm not really looking forward to being on my own, but I have various friends coming round in the first few days which will be nice, and have made contact with some local PHers too who I hope to meet.
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
You will take ages to regain all your confidence but it will returnI'm not really looking forward to being on my own, but I have various friends coming round in the first few days which will be nice, and have made contact with some local PHers too who I hope to meet.
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
Just please don't question yourself so much. My wife saw this thread and said the following
manipulating soul destroying cow
I don't think she meant you !
I found a couple of Michael Neill videos - his ideas about how the mind projects feelings into consciousness - really helpful. I'm feeling pretty good overall as it goes.
Tell your wife I said "hi", and to remember that good people make mistakes and it's part of what makes them the person they are. Then hug each other. Love and companionship are wonderful things, with the right person!
99% of my stuff just left on a moving lorry. Just a couple of beds, some cleaning stuff, the fridge and my car to go tomorrow. One more sleep 
I feel a bit strange. Good strange, but strange nonetheless. I never liked this house much, and I'm glad to be seeing the back of the nastiness (which continues - being asked for help in the form of an insult is.. interesting). I'll miss the casual interaction with the kids rather a lot though. I will not miss the constant heavy rock music - even the dog is growling at it now.
I feel a bit strange. Good strange, but strange nonetheless. I never liked this house much, and I'm glad to be seeing the back of the nastiness (which continues - being asked for help in the form of an insult is.. interesting). I'll miss the casual interaction with the kids rather a lot though. I will not miss the constant heavy rock music - even the dog is growling at it now.
mr_spock said:
99% of my stuff just left on a moving lorry. Just a couple of beds, some cleaning stuff, the fridge and my car to go tomorrow. One more sleep
I feel a bit strange. Good strange, but strange nonetheless. I never liked this house much, and I'm glad to be seeing the back of the nastiness (which continues - being asked for help in the form of an insult is.. interesting). I'll miss the casual interaction with the kids rather a lot though. I will not miss the constant heavy rock music - even the dog is growling at it now.
Had to read that twice for a moment I thought some travellers had rocked upI feel a bit strange. Good strange, but strange nonetheless. I never liked this house much, and I'm glad to be seeing the back of the nastiness (which continues - being asked for help in the form of an insult is.. interesting). I'll miss the casual interaction with the kids rather a lot though. I will not miss the constant heavy rock music - even the dog is growling at it now.
You've only got to do all sh t once.
Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
stuttgartmetal said:
You've only got to do all sh t once.
Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
That's a poem. sChrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
t, bitter poetry, but a form of poetry nonetheless. CharlesdeGaulle said:
stuttgartmetal said:
You've only got to do all sh t once.
Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
That's a poem. sChrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
t, bitter poetry, but a form of poetry nonetheless. stuttgartmetal said:
You've only got to do all sh t once.
Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
I'd love to get Christmas and Birthday cards from you Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
stuttgartmetal said:
You've only got to do all sh t once.
Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
Are the next few lines.... Chrimbo deccos
Start again
You'll only feel gutted looking at them
She'll j
Use feel hate
Let her have the hate
It never goes out of them.
The spiteful mess they end up
Man haters
Move on
Everyday it gets easier
The further you get from it, it gets easier.
The thing is, when you're in these relationships you're up too close
You can't see it properly
You can't see what they are doing
How they treat you.
After a while you get perspective
You process it all
You see it for what it was, and what they were really like
One day you'll think of her and feel revulsion.
It'll happen.
You'll see her and wonder wtf you saw in her
You move on.
Dry yer eyes mate,
I know it's hard to take
But her mind has been made up.
Plenty more fish
in the sea
I wrote a long post and PH threw me out. Oh well.
Move was traumatic. Seeing the kids go off without me, with my son particularly looking so sad, killed me. Lots of problems with car transport, movers running out of time. My car is tool long to shut the garage door so it's not secure, and the ****ing previous owners left loads of their crap - much much more than agreed - so I can't get to most of my garage stuff. My furniture doesn't fit, not helped by my ex dumping some wardrobes on me that she decided she didn't want at the last minute. I miss our second dog, my kids crap around the place, even clearing up after them. I have no purpose. I won't see my son for a week, and my daughter for up to a month due to school and social activities.
I'm working through address change forms for all and sundry, so keeping busy, and my friend is coming to see me this afternoon, but being surrounded by my life in boxes, with reminders of my family everywhere, is almost unbearable.
Don1 texted me earlier which gave me a lift (thanks mate!) but I feel lonely and isolated, not the least of which is in my head.
I'm sure it will get better in time.
Oh, and I don't hate my ex. I'm disappointed at what happened, distressed at what it's done to the kids, and confused about what I'm here for now. Empty nest syndrome I suppose, just a bit early.
Move was traumatic. Seeing the kids go off without me, with my son particularly looking so sad, killed me. Lots of problems with car transport, movers running out of time. My car is tool long to shut the garage door so it's not secure, and the ****ing previous owners left loads of their crap - much much more than agreed - so I can't get to most of my garage stuff. My furniture doesn't fit, not helped by my ex dumping some wardrobes on me that she decided she didn't want at the last minute. I miss our second dog, my kids crap around the place, even clearing up after them. I have no purpose. I won't see my son for a week, and my daughter for up to a month due to school and social activities.
I'm working through address change forms for all and sundry, so keeping busy, and my friend is coming to see me this afternoon, but being surrounded by my life in boxes, with reminders of my family everywhere, is almost unbearable.
Don1 texted me earlier which gave me a lift (thanks mate!) but I feel lonely and isolated, not the least of which is in my head.
I'm sure it will get better in time.
Oh, and I don't hate my ex. I'm disappointed at what happened, distressed at what it's done to the kids, and confused about what I'm here for now. Empty nest syndrome I suppose, just a bit early.
Better still, do both, one after the other. Bit of exercise followed by a bit of guilt free drinking and socialising.
Chat to a few people at your new local, tell them you've just moved there (hold off any sob story re reasons) and enjoy a few beers. Repeat tomorrow for a few hours as you watch the football.
Chat to a few people at your new local, tell them you've just moved there (hold off any sob story re reasons) and enjoy a few beers. Repeat tomorrow for a few hours as you watch the football.
AndStilliRise said:
Join a gym or a running club. Will be good to get out of the house.
No I walked the dog and met some other dog walkers - I find that's the best way for me to meet people. I'll go with my friend to the pub tonight and see what that's like. When I have some time I plan to start aikido again and join a local club. I'm still in my various bands, and will not be short of people to spend time with.
But they're not my kids, they're not there when I get up the morning and to say goodnight to. That's what's getting me.
I'm dealing with the house stuff ok, I've already booked a window company and garage door company to come out. Will keep going until the little money I have runs out
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