Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
It isn't going to get better immediately but give yourself plenty of time, set your expectations accordingly. This is probably a 6 month long pile of s
t that in the not too distant future you will actually have just forgotten about. I remember sitting in my garden looking at the house devoid of children and their belongings thinking how the hell can I stay here and live like this - it was emotionally very consuming and I felt without purpose. It took a while but it really does fade.
Getting some pretty thing over and smashing her through your new bedroom wall will help somewhat... I can vouch for that.
t that in the not too distant future you will actually have just forgotten about. I remember sitting in my garden looking at the house devoid of children and their belongings thinking how the hell can I stay here and live like this - it was emotionally very consuming and I felt without purpose. It took a while but it really does fade.Getting some pretty thing over and smashing her through your new bedroom wall will help somewhat... I can vouch for that.
mr_spock said:
It will certainly be a new feeling to make a decision without automatically being wrong!
I think (but might be wrong) that it was Bernie Eccleston who, upon getting divorced or splitting up with someone said 'Now when I wake up in the morning, it might still be raining, but at least it will no longer be my fault'.Ari said:
I think (but might be wrong) that it was Bernie Eccleston who, upon getting divorced or splitting up with someone said 'Now when I wake up in the morning, it might still be raining, but at least it will no longer be my fault'.
I think so many divorced blokes can take comfort in that phrase![lad]Smash the granny out of a lady, you'll be alright my son! [/lad]
[Adult] Everything takes time. It's going to be really heavy weather until at least until the end of the year - then it's Xmas which will make it worse again! Lean on your friends. They will understand and support you. Drop me a line when you need mate - even a cry for help taking crap to the dump! [/Adult]
[Adult] Everything takes time. It's going to be really heavy weather until at least until the end of the year - then it's Xmas which will make it worse again! Lean on your friends. They will understand and support you. Drop me a line when you need mate - even a cry for help taking crap to the dump! [/Adult]
Thanks all. I'd rather not go into my dating life, but it's going fine. Taking it slow, but I'm happy. Spent the last couple of days starting to get the house sorted, walking the dog and making lists of stuff I have to fix!
I've had online chat with the kids, popped some stuff over to my ex's new place for my son and at least got a long hug at the door (not allowed in!). I miss them terribly, but have had friend's company so it's bearable even if I do get occasionally down for a few moments.
It was nice to wake up without being wrong
I've had online chat with the kids, popped some stuff over to my ex's new place for my son and at least got a long hug at the door (not allowed in!). I miss them terribly, but have had friend's company so it's bearable even if I do get occasionally down for a few moments.
It was nice to wake up without being wrong
The not allowed in thing will ease off with time... I couldn't look at my wife for a number of months and children were handed over at the bottom of my drive. If I'd have gone to her new house with her affair partner stood there grinning I think I'd have been physically sick. My mum took care of handovers for approximately 4 months because I found the prospect of facing her so distressing. At the time I couldn't see how that would ever change.
Yet now 12 months on (with the other out of the picture) we'll happily pop into each other's homes for a cup of tea and a chat whilst handing kids over.
When I look back I can't think of anything more destructive towards the children than that fundamental hostility and unwelcome stance towards one another. I'm just using my own experience as an example to reassure you that that should improve.
Yet now 12 months on (with the other
out of the picture) we'll happily pop into each other's homes for a cup of tea and a chat whilst handing kids over.When I look back I can't think of anything more destructive towards the children than that fundamental hostility and unwelcome stance towards one another. I'm just using my own experience as an example to reassure you that that should improve.
Edited by theboss on Monday 18th September 12:30
mr_spock said:
Thanks all. I'd rather not go into my dating life, but it's going fine. Taking it slow, but I'm happy. Spent the last couple of days starting to get the house sorted, walking the dog and making lists of stuff I have to fix!
I've had online chat with the kids, popped some stuff over to my ex's new place for my son and at least got a long hug at the door (not allowed in!). I miss them terribly, but have had friend's company so it's bearable even if I do get occasionally down for a few moments.
It was nice to wake up without being wrong
It gets better mate. I had to wait at the end of the drive for my ex to bring my daughter to the car as the other bloke didn't want me on his property. Convinced to this day it was for show for the neighbours to try and paint me as the bad guy.I've had online chat with the kids, popped some stuff over to my ex's new place for my son and at least got a long hug at the door (not allowed in!). I miss them terribly, but have had friend's company so it's bearable even if I do get occasionally down for a few moments.
It was nice to wake up without being wrong
That was 12 years ago and the best thing that has happened since was him f***ing off out of my daughter's life. Messed the ex about something chronic (some might say karma, but the knock on effect on my daughter was my concern). Once he was off the scene we got sorted out and have done parent evenings and all the other stuff together for the sake of our daughter
Hi all. Thought I'd check in and offload a bit
Almost a week in my new home. My back is killing me from all the boxes and stuff I've moved, 6 trips to the tip so far from all the crap left by the previous owners. I've ordered new garage doors - priorities, you know - and have cleaned up the worst of the grime. My friend came to stay last weekend and helped me get started. It was nice, it started to feel like I was making a home rather than just somewhere to store stuff.
I saw my son again yesterday, as he was taken ill and ended up in hospital for a couple of nights. His mum didn't seem to think it was worth telling me, I only found out when I texted him to arrange to take him shopping for some Uni stuff. That seemed a bit off. My daughter's coming to stay in a couple of weekends, we can sort out her room and hopefully she'll feel a bit more invested in it.
I've met a few neighbours and people in the village while walking the dog. It's still lonely at times, and I can't get used to deciding where to put things without being told "what have you put that THERE for??"
I still worry about a lot of things, but it's getting better slowly. The distance from mates is a pain, especially with the A1 roadworks shutting it most nights it seems, but that's something I have to put up with.
A couple more days off to sort out some more stuff, then back to work. Hope I can concentrate, it's been difficult over the last 10 months, I need to get my motivation and energy back. The dog may get a lot more walks...
Almost a week in my new home. My back is killing me from all the boxes and stuff I've moved, 6 trips to the tip so far from all the crap left by the previous owners. I've ordered new garage doors - priorities, you know - and have cleaned up the worst of the grime. My friend came to stay last weekend and helped me get started. It was nice, it started to feel like I was making a home rather than just somewhere to store stuff.
I saw my son again yesterday, as he was taken ill and ended up in hospital for a couple of nights. His mum didn't seem to think it was worth telling me, I only found out when I texted him to arrange to take him shopping for some Uni stuff. That seemed a bit off. My daughter's coming to stay in a couple of weekends, we can sort out her room and hopefully she'll feel a bit more invested in it.
I've met a few neighbours and people in the village while walking the dog. It's still lonely at times, and I can't get used to deciding where to put things without being told "what have you put that THERE for??"
I still worry about a lot of things, but it's getting better slowly. The distance from mates is a pain, especially with the A1 roadworks shutting it most nights it seems, but that's something I have to put up with.
A couple more days off to sort out some more stuff, then back to work. Hope I can concentrate, it's been difficult over the last 10 months, I need to get my motivation and energy back. The dog may get a lot more walks...
Fwiw, I found that if you keep focussed on the relationship with / wellbeing of your kids, everything else just slots into place.
Genuinely think my relationship with my lads is stronger now than when I was married. We see each other less so make more effort to communicate, understand, plan stuff, do stuff.
Also it pays to have a good ongoing relationship with your ex if you can. Smile without looking too happy, be polite, be reliable, ask how she is etc. If you have a plan re money / kids still to it and be firm if there's some deal creep, but be flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. Bite your tongue whenever you need and just keep being nice.
Genuinely think my relationship with my lads is stronger now than when I was married. We see each other less so make more effort to communicate, understand, plan stuff, do stuff.
Also it pays to have a good ongoing relationship with your ex if you can. Smile without looking too happy, be polite, be reliable, ask how she is etc. If you have a plan re money / kids still to it and be firm if there's some deal creep, but be flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. Bite your tongue whenever you need and just keep being nice.
Plate spinner said:
Fwiw, I found that if you keep focussed on the relationship with / wellbeing of your kids, everything else just slots into place.
Genuinely think my relationship with my lads is stronger now than when I was married. We see each other less so make more effort to communicate, understand, plan stuff, do stuff.
Also it pays to have a good ongoing relationship with your ex if you can. Smile without looking too happy, be polite, be reliable, ask how she is etc. If you have a plan re money / kids still to it and be firm if there's some deal creep, but be flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. Bite your tongue whenever you need and just keep being nice.
Agreed +1Genuinely think my relationship with my lads is stronger now than when I was married. We see each other less so make more effort to communicate, understand, plan stuff, do stuff.
Also it pays to have a good ongoing relationship with your ex if you can. Smile without looking too happy, be polite, be reliable, ask how she is etc. If you have a plan re money / kids still to it and be firm if there's some deal creep, but be flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. Bite your tongue whenever you need and just keep being nice.
Hi all. Me again. Here I am, a few weeks into my new life, in my new house having taken a week long work trip in the middle just to add to the stress!
I'm discovering the endless botches in the house, which is now draining my energy a bit. My car's gearbox is on its last legs so urgently looking for a new car, but money is tight (my employer owes me a bunch of money which is constantly being delayed - I'm on the board so I know why, can't do much about it). I'm hoping to drag it out for a couple of weeks then part-ex it in a hurry Or I'll have to fix it for about £2K. Anyway, suffice it to say that although I am worried about money, nobody else is spending it for me so at least I have it in my own control. That's a nice feeling.
My daughter spent a weekend with me for the first time, and although I was "dad's taxi" all weekend, going back to our old town (so 80 miles round trip each time) it was lovely to have her. I also have my ex's dog for a week, which is nice too. My son's being a bit odd, I took him to Uni and he seemed OK, but I'm not sure quite where we stand with seeing each other. I guess it will work out.
My ex seems to have calmed down a bit, we've exchanged polite texts and emails for the most part. However, when we see each other at her door (she hasn't come here yet) or speak on the phone she gets shouty. Not at me exactly, more just taking out her frustrations I think. I'm avoiding that kind of contact.
I'm in the early stages of a new relationship too, nothing heavy, but it's nice. I still get bouts of being very down, my mum stuck her oar in by texting my ex and son which really sent me to the depths as it may have caused some upset (and I'm blamed of course), but it should blow over.
I won't say life is easy, but it's a damn sight easier without the constant need to walk on eggshells, being blamed for everything, having to pick up the pieces of every little issue and having little control over my own life.
Good luck to anyone going through the same thing, it's tough, but it does, slowly, get better. Like you all said
I'm discovering the endless botches in the house, which is now draining my energy a bit. My car's gearbox is on its last legs so urgently looking for a new car, but money is tight (my employer owes me a bunch of money which is constantly being delayed - I'm on the board so I know why, can't do much about it). I'm hoping to drag it out for a couple of weeks then part-ex it in a hurry
Or I'll have to fix it for about £2K. Anyway, suffice it to say that although I am worried about money, nobody else is spending it for me so at least I have it in my own control. That's a nice feeling.My daughter spent a weekend with me for the first time, and although I was "dad's taxi" all weekend, going back to our old town (so 80 miles round trip each time) it was lovely to have her. I also have my ex's dog for a week, which is nice too. My son's being a bit odd, I took him to Uni and he seemed OK, but I'm not sure quite where we stand with seeing each other. I guess it will work out.
My ex seems to have calmed down a bit, we've exchanged polite texts and emails for the most part. However, when we see each other at her door (she hasn't come here yet) or speak on the phone she gets shouty. Not at me exactly, more just taking out her frustrations I think. I'm avoiding that kind of contact.
I'm in the early stages of a new relationship too, nothing heavy, but it's nice. I still get bouts of being very down, my mum stuck her oar in by texting my ex and son which really sent me to the depths as it may have caused some upset (and I'm blamed of course), but it should blow over.
I won't say life is easy, but it's a damn sight easier without the constant need to walk on eggshells, being blamed for everything, having to pick up the pieces of every little issue and having little control over my own life.
Good luck to anyone going through the same thing, it's tough, but it does, slowly, get better. Like you all said
johnwilliams77 said:
Good luck Spock - does she still have the golf you were paying for?!
If you're confusing him with me - the answer is yes. I extended the lease until next Summer. I consider it a form of child support and I'd rather see them getting ferried around in something modern and safe. If Spock is also funding a Golf R lease for his ex then I apologise, but I assumed it was directed at me!techiedave said:
Why are you playing dogsitter for the ex ? I'm a little cynical but I suspect you will get manipulated by her along the way
Maybe they still cooperate?My ex has a bigger car than me - I've borrowed it on numerous occasions when needing to shift stuff around.
And maybe he likes the dog?
When my ex is away, I always have the dog if it fits in with my plans. Because I like the dog.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff