Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[FN2TypeR]

Do you sing as you type?

[James2593]

James2593 said:

Over the past month there has been a spattering of texts and "she is always busy" so can't phone. Hmm, funny that.


The worst bit of all is that I gave up a lot for her (See here: http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a... but I don't have an regrets as at the time, I could never see this happening, she was perfect and I would regret it more if we never got together.

The relationship is over, I can't be with someone that fks around with others as she has got what she wanted. The thing that has shocked me, and most of the others posting here, is how sudden it all happens. One day we're having a lovely meal in a restaurant after a day out together then a few weeks later it all falls apart.

I don't think there is anyone else involved, and I don't care if there is. We're no longer together. Period. what happens after that statement is not my problem.

I've snipped the most relevant parts. Since this topic has been bumped, and i've had an amount of beers that will need to be counted on two hands tonight, I will add a sort of conclusion.

She is married, no kids (yet, despite the surgery). She married a handful of months after we split. There's no question about who she was seeing while we were together. Their future is theirs.

I have moved house, seen a few different girls since her, but nothing has materialized from it. Even though I currently live alone, i'm much happier than I was many years ago. I'm a few £k lighter, but what's that in the grand scheme of things?

The blessing is that we had no kids. I understand many of you folks on this thread have kids and I have the most utmost respect for you managing the situation. Have a thumbs up on me. Keep your cool and do what's best for them.


This is mainly a message to those who feel run down, hopeless, despressed. There is a life worth living beyond what you're feeling now. Your situation, be it, 6, 12, 24 months onwards will be fun and worth waiting for. Your kids will enjoy spending time with you, forget the mother, it's about you know. Life can change for the positive just as quickly as it swung towards that negative.

[zygalski]

stuttgartmetal said:

It’s the hatred.

Indeed. That would certainly seem to be the case.

[FocusRS3]

You never know what’s round the corner and I think men will never understand women and visce versa .

I’m very lucky in that the wife and I have each others back always and happily spend more And more time together.
We never take each other for granted and we just have this understanding together I guess .

Once the understanding goes I think that’s when it falls apart and women seem to have an ability to move on and develop a hatred for the now ex. I’ve read this many times .

I find the hatred the weird part

[anonymous-user]

James2593 said:

I've snipped the most relevant parts. Since this topic has been bumped, and i've had an amount of beers that will need to be counted on two hands tonight, I will add a sort of conclusion.

She is married, no kids (yet, despite the surgery). She married a handful of months after we split. There's no question about who she was seeing while we were together. Their future is theirs.

I have moved house, seen a few different girls since her, but nothing has materialized from it. Even though I currently live alone, i'm much happier than I was many years ago. I'm a few £k lighter, but what's that in the grand scheme of things?

The blessing is that we had no kids. I understand many of you folks on this thread have kids and I have the most utmost respect for you managing the situation. Have a thumbs up on me. Keep your cool and do what's best for them.


This is mainly a message to those who feel run down, hopeless, despressed. There is a life worth living beyond what you're feeling now. Your situation, be it, 6, 12, 24 months onwards will be fun and worth waiting for. Your kids will enjoy spending time with you, forget the mother, it's about you know. Life can change for the positive just as quickly as it swung towards that negative.

Great post, and surprisingly articulate if you had consumed more than a few beers.

I admire your pragmatism, and it's refreshing not to see some jaded stereotypical moaning and ranting.

A positive attitude, even in the most difficult of situations, typically leads to a more positive outcome than would have been the case otherwise.

[Joey Ramone]

amare32 said:

I wish you all the best and if you get married, let's hope you won't be another bloke who will come back here telling us how you thought you found the unicorn only for things to turn sour.

For many people, getting married or having kids of not the ultimate end game. I'm happy to be the cool uncle to my niece and nephew who is 3 years and 6 months old - I cannot wait to spoil them and watch them grow up..take them to do cool things, teach them play tennis, go karting etc. Just because I don't want kids of my own doesn't make me less of a person to those who does.

I was the same as you. 43 years old, no kids, no desire to ever have them, a very healthy income, and a flock of nieces, nephews and Godchildren to spoil. The i left my partner for a woman with a very young child. To say that being a parent has been a wonderful revelation is understating it. No amount of money, no car, no holiday comes close to the feelings of joy and happiness that little girl gives me every day.

[FocusRS3]

Joey Ramone said:

I was the same as you. 43 years old, no kids, no desire to ever have them, a very healthy income, and a flock of nieces, nephews and Godchildren to spoil. The i left my partner for a woman with a very young child. To say that being a parent has been a wonderful revelation is understating it. No amount of money, no car, no holiday comes close to the feelings of joy and happiness that little girl gives me every day.

Good post and well done you.

Is the childs father still involved in her life too?

I ask as i have a pal that after many years of problems has now reached some middle ground with his ex and access to his kids. He has since had another with his new partner who also has one of her own. They treat each child as their own too which is great to see

[Symptomless Coma]

Just a quick question; if I put adultery as the reason for divorce could she object and cancel the divorce?

She’s move moved in with him, so I’m disinclined to use intolerant / unreasonable behaviour.

[randlemarcus]

Symptomless Coma said:

Just a quick question; if I put adultery as the reason for divorce could she object and cancel the divorce?

She’s move moved in with him, so I’m disinclined to use intolerant / unreasonable behaviour.

My understanding was that adultery still requires evidential proof. If you are able to have any sort of civilised discussion, probably best agree the grounds beforehand, or go with the unreasonable thing.

[hyphen]

She can object, but don't think she can cancel the divorce as such, however it may mean you have to prove the adultery if she denies it though.

[theboss]

hyphen said:

She can object, but don't think she can cancel the divorce as such, however it may mean you have to prove the adultery if she denies it though.

She could deny it and as above, it requires 'evidence' of some form. I was intrigued by this because short of including a covertly recorded video of the act or submitting gusset scrapings for DNA analysis I can't think how one could actually prove anything. I had hotel receipts but it could have been a twin room, your honour....

In any case my ex demanded that I didn't divorce her on the grounds of adultery so it must carry some stigma in spite of her shameless conduct. Therefore I filed on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour citing that she was in a sexual relationship - and since separation had begun co-habiting - with another man. We managed to use the word 'sexual' about 3 times just to make a point.

If one really wants to open a can of worms you can name the other person as a co-respondent but its really not recommended.

Edited by theboss on Tuesday 17th April 11:17

[Symptomless Coma]

I would have thought that the fact she’s living with him would be enough evidence. The divorce papers also allow me to claim costs from the respondent. Could she reject that too? Do I still need to pay as well, just claim it back?

[Gargamel]

Symptomless Coma said:

Just a quick question; if I put adultery as the reason for divorce could she object and cancel the divorce?

She’s move moved in with him, so I’m disinclined to use intolerant / unreasonable behaviour.

she could contest the divorce, but not cancel it.

However these days citing adultery is seen as antagonistic and therefore rarely done. I guess you need to look at your motivation and what you want to achieve.

[illmonkey]

Please be diligent in your forms and answers chaps. I'm assistanting someone who's been through a rather tough time, with their relationship, including adultry on their partners side. The court has denied the divorce 3 times, and that's after several statements of truth surrounding the relationship and what the adultry actually was (without going into details, it's not plesent).

It's all been signed by both sides, who are agreeing too. I find it so fustrating to think the court feel it fair to deny a divorce after both sides agree on everything, and there is adultry in the mix. Also, no kids or money to even be considered. Just issue the damn thing!

Edited by illmonkey on Tuesday 17th April 11:37

[hyphen]

What were the reasons for denial each time?

[illmonkey]

hyphen said:

What were the reasons for denial each time?

It's all around living arrangements. The court feel it right to assume that no one would live together after a breakup, whilst looking for separate accommodation, so didn't believe them.

1 of the denials was down to a date error (2016 rather than 2017 written), which is fair enough. But the response letter contained 5 spelling mistakes and a date error of their own! It's such an archaic process, 2 people clearly want to get divorced, there is nothing to split etc, just let them

Oh, and 2 days after the agreed split, they socialised together, that wasn't taken well either.

[motco]

Gargamel said:

However these days citing adultery is seen as antagonistic and therefore rarely done.

As if one's spouse committing adultery isn't antagonistic!

[theboss]

I'm just in the process of applying for my decree absolute 18 months after the decree nisi was issued. We didn't attempt to reconcile in that time but I did let her stay in the former marital home for 5 weeks between her affair partner kicking her out of the love nest and being able to secure an appropriate rental for her. I've avoided doing this any sooner because frankly I've sought to avoid the financial settlement process having been left financially and emotionally drained by the whole separation.

Apparently I have to state that we lived together under the same roof for 5 weeks albeit in separate rooms so I now wonder if the court will accept this. They also need confirmation that she hasn't had any more children since the decree nisi.

Of course now financial settlement is imminent, she suddenly knows all about her 'rights' and 'entitlements' and it looks as though after 18 months of peace and co-operation, the gloves are back on.

[MYOB]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Yep, agree with this. It doesn't mean anything and will not affect the outcome of any settlements. The only thing it will affect is pride.

[Frank7]

randlemarcus said:

My understanding was that adultery still requires evidential proof. If you are able to have any sort of civilised discussion, probably best agree the grounds beforehand, or go with the unreasonable thing.

When my first wife and I divorced, all totally my fault, I’d walked into a bar, saw this vision, and was struck by “un coup de foudre.”
I rented an apartment, and the vision moved in with me, swiftly followed by my wife starting divorce proceedings.
One evening the buzzer rang, and a guy stood there, he said, “I work for the solicitor who’s handling this for your wife, it will all go smoother and quicker, if you both agree to sign a statement that you have committed adultery with the co-respondent, if you don’t, it means that we’ll employ an investigator, who’ll follow you around, getting photos of the two of you together, not in bed, but in circumstances that are obvious that you’re in a loving relationship, it’s up to you.”
I said, “Where do we sign?”
It all went smoothly after that, turned up at the Family Division of the High Court in the Strand WC2, they ordered me to pay £XX per month to my ex for her and my two boys, I agreed, end of story, or so I thought.
Eight years later, my inamorata fell for someone else, and it was “Goodnight Vienna.”
Live by the sword, die by the sword, I hollowly told myself, while my insides churned like frozen jelly.