Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[theboss]

rich1231 said:

Hmm, reminds me of a late friend who passed 5 years ago. He was in hospital following a heart issue and awaiting a transplant. Whilst he was waiting, his wife moved his best friend into their house. Their son was there during this as well. She then went into the hospital and told him. She didn't visit or allow the son to see his father again. He had a transplant but sadly died during rehabilitation. I will never forget how callous the witch and the best friend were.

Absolutely sick. I hope that lad was old enough to realise what was happening and punishes his mother accordingly.

Obviously I'm much luckier because death wasn't a prospect but it was certainly an 'hour of need' facing debilitating disability (spinal cord injury). Her callousness wasn't characterised so much in negligence but pure selfishness - my mother recalls realising something was seriously wrong in our marriage for the first time, when I was actually undergoing spinal surgery and my ex was in a complete flap in the hospital coffee shop saying "how can this be happening to me".

Edited by theboss on Tuesday 17th April 20:13

[hyphen]

theboss said:

Absolutely sick.

Obviously I'm much luckier because death wasn't a prospect but it was certainly an 'hour of need' facing debilitating disability (spinal cord injury). Her callousness wasn't characterised so much in negligence but pure selfishness - my mother recalls realising something was seriously wrong in our marriage for the first time, when I was actually undergoing spinal surgery and my ex was in a complete flap in the hospital coffee shop saying "how can this be happening to me".

Did you not realise what she was like when you met her? In her dealing with others, she surely showed the same attitude?

Also maybe an idea to keep taking cash out from ATM and buying stuff that holds its value and can be re-sold.. That way if she does come back for more later then at least the cash amount she can grab is low.

Wouldn't the 'full and final' clause (not sure what the term is) of a divorce make it so she couldn't return though.

[theboss]

hyphen said:

Did you not realise what she was like when you met her? In her dealing with others, she surely showed the same attitude?

Also maybe an idea to keep taking cash out from ATM and buying stuff that holds its value and can be re-sold.. That way if she does come back for more later then at least the cash amount she can grab is low.

Wouldn't the 'full and final' clause (not sure what the term is) of a divorce make it so she couldn't return though.

She never once exhibited any of these traits - the only 'negative' I would tar her with, is that she always seemed to take a lot of good fortune for granted, often berating me for 'working too much' when I was trying to provide the best I could for my family whilst having no appreciation of the relatively good standard of living we achieved as a young family, what with her not having to work. She always seemed to be comparing me to her older middle class friends who were at much later stages in their working lives, when I was in my twenties / early thirties and working flat out. She had a warped lack of perspective and seemed ungrateful to some of my relatives. The guy she ran off with is 18 years older than me and she was wooed by the family holidays 5 times a year and outwardly affluent lifestyle despite the fact that it was all shown to be a total facade when his divorce went through. On the positive she had a strong sense of family values and was a good mother when the kids were young, which I admired.

I need to get her to agree to a financial settlement which forms a consent order which will be binding on her. She may still try coming back in the future (assuming I get any money) and claim that she has a need and the court may choose to award her something - as stated previously she will use our disabled child as a long-term crutch. My biggest hope is that she re-marries (or dies, to put it bluntly) as this will eliminate any prospect of a future financial claim on me.

[Plate spinner]

Symptomless Coma said:

Just a quick question; if I put adultery as the reason for divorce could she object and cancel the divorce?

She’s move moved in with him, so I’m disinclined to use intolerant / unreasonable behaviour.

Might feel better in the short term, but It’s probably not worth it in the grand scheme of things.

[otherman]

Plate spinner said:

Might feel better in the short term, but It’s probably not worth it in the grand scheme of things.

Indeed it isn't. Bite your tongue now and get yourself divorced as painlessly as possible. Tell her what you really think only when this process is complete.

[Plate spinner]

otherman said:

Plate spinner said:

Might feel better in the short term, but It’s probably not worth it in the grand scheme of things.

Indeed it isn't. Bite your tongue now and get yourself divorced as painlessly as possible. Tell her what you really think only when this process is complete.

And even then you’re probably better served by just never talking to her again beyond smiles and conversational pleasantries when the need arises. Why empower her by showing you’re hurt?

Living well is the best revenge, as once said by George Herbert.

Edited by Plate spinner on Wednesday 18th April 06:05

[MYOB]

hyphen said:

Flanders. said:

Just had a similar bombshell from my Mrs (no kids fortunately)

I think it’s down to her depression but she won’t listen so I’m sat at home on my own wondering where the hell it all went wrong.

Still could be worse I’m sure..

Sorry to hear.

What happened?

Yes, sorry to hear this too. Do you think there's a chance you both could save the marriage?

[defblade]

Frank7 said:

Inamorata is Italian for female lover, and the crooner Dean Martin had a hit with a song, titled Inamorata, many years ago, and my old Dad often used the word, hence it came into my mind as a better word than girlfriend.

I know this word from a very different song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvwLomeLNAo
(Utterly SFW, or anywhere else, by the way)

[Gargamel]

theboss said:

She never once exhibited any of these traits - the only 'negative' I would tar her with, is that she always seemed to take a lot of good fortune for granted, often berating me for 'working too much' when I was trying to provide the best I could for my family whilst having no appreciation of the relatively good standard of living we achieved as a young family, what with her not having to work. She always seemed to be comparing me to her older middle class friends who were at much later stages in their working lives, when I was in my twenties / early thirties and working flat out. She had a warped lack of perspective and seemed ungrateful to some of my relatives. The guy she ran off with is 18 years older than me and she was wooed by the family holidays 5 times a year and outwardly affluent lifestyle despite the fact that it was all shown to be a total facade when his divorce went through. On the positive she had a strong sense of family values and was a good mother when the kids were young, which I admired.

I need to get her to agree to a financial settlement which forms a consent order which will be binding on her. She may still try coming back in the future (assuming I get any money) and claim that she has a need and the court may choose to award her something - as stated previously she will use our disabled child as a long-term crutch. My biggest hope is that she re-marries (or dies, to put it bluntly) as this will eliminate any prospect of a future financial claim on me.

I would rather assume that any medical compensation you may be due, would be very much recompence for your individual pain and suffering, or to provide for future costs.

I would guess that could be set aside by the court as not part of the marital assets. Of course if the compensation is for loss of earnings, then it may be different.

Perhaps I am mistaken but after two years can you make an application for divorce even if contested. ?

[PAUL500]

I seem to recall a divorce case where the guy had a fairly recent big payout over historic sexual abuse against him when he was a lad and the wife went after that and was given a significant share, truly wrong on all levels

[theboss]

I believe payments for damages and future care needs can be protected but that loss of future earnings are vulnerable to such a claim. This is significant for me because what will distinguish my claim from any others of the same nature is my relatively high income and young age.

The thought of her capitalising on the discomfort I will experience every hour of every day for the rest of my life is so horrifying, I’d be tempted to try and blow the lot on coke and hookers before she can even get a court hearing.

[Du1point8]

PAUL500 said:

I seem to recall a divorce case where the guy had a fairly recent big payout over historic sexual abuse against him when he was a lad and the wife went after that and was given a significant share, truly wrong on all levels

This is the one to which you refer to:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4701776/Ma...

[WinstonWolf]

otherman said:

Plate spinner said:

Might feel better in the short term, but It’s probably not worth it in the grand scheme of things.

Indeed it isn't. Bite your tongue now and get yourself divorced as painlessly as possible. Tell her what you really think only when this process is complete.

From personal experience I'd wait longer. I waited sixteen years to tell me ex what I really thought of her, that's a bloody long time to bite your tongue

Once the kids are eighteen your ex will have no legal power over you...

[theboss]

I won’t ever need to say much to my ex.

Her own childrens’ bitter disppointment and loss of any respect and confidence in her is worse than anything I can ever say to her.

[Robertj21a]

Flanders. said:

Just had a similar bombshell from my Mrs (no kids fortunately)

I think it’s down to her depression but she won’t listen so I’m sat at home on my own wondering where the hell it all went wrong.

Still could be worse I’m sure..

She won't listen - she won't talk - but you can guarantee it will all be your fault regardless !

[Stratton oakmont]

Fckitdriveon said:

As far as I m concerned she forgave any support over and above what your child(s) need when she ran off with another fella.

I said this to my now ex and all i get is "we are just going round in circles" and "it's not about me" absolute snake.

Robertj21a said:

She won't listen - she won't talk - but you can guarantee it will all be your fault regardless !

This. Even now i am being made out to feel it's all my fault yet she was the one who lied for 2 months whilst seeing another bloke.

[FN2TypeR]

Flanders. said:

Just had a similar bombshell from my Mrs (no kids fortunately)

I think it’s down to her depression but she won’t listen so I’m sat at home on my own wondering where the hell it all went wrong.

Still could be worse I’m sure..

No small mercy if this thread is anything to go by!

Thankfully we didn't have any either!

[anonymous-user]

I hadn't heard the expression "snake with tits" until I started reading PH.

I have bought my Mrs one of these.

[Pat H]

desolate said:

I hadn't heard the expression "snake with tits" until I started reading PH.

I have bought my Mrs one of these.

Isn't that a cross between The Cat in The Hat and a crap mermaid?

[TwigtheWonderkid]

desolate said:

I hadn't heard the expression "snake with tits" until I started reading PH.

I have bought my Mrs one of these.

That's not a snake with tits, it's a woman with a bit of snake for legs.

PH....hybrids matter.