Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
kapiteinlangzaam said:
Alright, got my first Tinder date lined up for Friday.
Wondering if my organs might get harvested.
Also, f
k, talking to people, looking interested etc. Forgotten how to do that after 10yrs. Gonna take some concentration 
Good luck, interested to hear how it goes. Not the gory details Wondering if my organs might get harvested.
Also, f
k, talking to people, looking interested etc. Forgotten how to do that after 10yrs. Gonna take some concentration 
just how hard it is getting back into the saddle of dating again. Must say I find the idea quite daunting having been in this relationship for 22 years.
antspants said:
kapiteinlangzaam said:
Alright, got my first Tinder date lined up for Friday.
Wondering if my organs might get harvested.
Also, fk, talking to people, looking interested etc. Forgotten how to do that after 10yrs. Gonna take some concentration
Good luck, interested to hear how it goes. Not the gory details Wondering if my organs might get harvested.
Also, f
k, talking to people, looking interested etc. Forgotten how to do that after 10yrs. Gonna take some concentration just how hard it is getting back into the saddle of dating again. Must say I find the idea quite daunting having been in this relationship for 22 years.
So if they've already liked your picture, and you look like your picture, take protection, you're banging her
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
The Selfish Gene said:
assuming he hasn't lied it will go well (if he wants sex) as Tinder is 100% about pulling.
So if they've already liked your picture, and you look like your picture, take protection, you're banging her
So if they've already liked your picture, and you look like your picture, take protection, you're banging her
Romance is alive and well again on this thread !
OP, my first Date from being back in the saddle so to speak was one of those 'don't over think it' things. The flap of what to wear etc soon got parked when I simply realised that actually this day and age its about being yourself. in your gear you are comfortable in. And being honest.
If it is not going to work, you're best being polite throughout and letting her (assuming it is a her, right ?
) know. We are not getting any younger and fortunately I've found that being candid about it all is best - hell I've even managed to say it as pillow talk and we both agreed that whilst its not the long term answer / relationship "why not once again as we are here and naked after all"
I remember a mate at work who bless him had lost his wife, and walked from one online date in to to a relationship after another because he didn't have the heart to say "Nope, you're not for me"
Don't use free shag apps and expect a wife of any standard to emerge.
Eharmony, Inner Circle etc etc are the way forward if you want a girl to not shag you, and cost you a few hundred quid in the process via some nice dinners. You may get romance there tho!
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
POF to be fair has been a mixed smorgasbord of 'ready to bang on arrival' to 'long term prospects' and all in between...
is POF a pay one?They seem to range in my experience from Tinder (bottom end) to Inner Circle (top end)
I've been on Inner Circle for awhile for extra curricula - I'd say my hit rate is 1 a month, average 3 dates per shag ratio
Tinder when I used it (I was younger so we need to factor that) was 4 out of 5 first dates were shag on average 1.2 dates per shag ratio
Eharmony weirdly was the highest - with a month experiment (as a bet) and it was 100% first date to shag ratio. Again though, younger and probably chose more wisely. That was only limited by how much money I wanted to spend on the first date budget - it gets expensive , drinks and dinner 10 nights a month
80quattro said:
Thank you for the heads up. Fortunately we were unmarried. Additionally, I was totally straight with my solicitors who consequently got her to sign three separate documents stating she was happy with the offer and understood she had been recommended to take legal advice and decided against it.
That's the same way my lawyer dealt with it. And, as she was living in Scotland he also advised her that she could get legal aid if she was in any financial difficulty. Although he did tell me as an aside that, as she was still spending £800 a month of my money on a personal BUPA plan for herself so she wouldn't have to wait in the queue at the doctor's, she might struggle to qualify.I am expecting her to apply to have the agreement squashed as soon as the three years of spousal maintenance that I've agreed to comes to an end, but I've been advised that she'll be laughed out of court.
I don't know how anyone affords it.
It took me years to save up to buy a house. To give it away, and other elements of savings etc.
I'd be so depressed that it was all wasted like that.
Hence have never been, and will never get married.
Stupid question alert - but genuine one.
When a man knows he is about to become unstuck - why doesn't he just offload the cash, either buy an expensive car and then give it to a mate (trusted mate)
There must be a million ways to hide money and valuables?
Granted a jointly owed house is an issue, of course - but for everything else - surely you can just make it all vanish and go get it later?
It took me years to save up to buy a house. To give it away, and other elements of savings etc.
I'd be so depressed that it was all wasted like that.
Hence have never been, and will never get married.
Stupid question alert - but genuine one.
When a man knows he is about to become unstuck - why doesn't he just offload the cash, either buy an expensive car and then give it to a mate (trusted mate)
There must be a million ways to hide money and valuables?
Granted a jointly owed house is an issue, of course - but for everything else - surely you can just make it all vanish and go get it later?
hutchst said:
80quattro said:
Thank you for the heads up. Fortunately we were unmarried. Additionally, I was totally straight with my solicitors who consequently got her to sign three separate documents stating she was happy with the offer and understood she had been recommended to take legal advice and decided against it.
That's the same way my lawyer dealt with it. And, as she was living in Scotland he also advised her that she could get legal aid if she was in any financial difficulty. Although he did tell me as an aside that, as she was still spending £800 a month of my money on a personal BUPA plan for herself so she wouldn't have to wait in the queue at the doctor's, she might struggle to qualify.I am expecting her to apply to have the agreement squashed as soon as the three years of spousal maintenance that I've agreed to comes to an end, but I've been advised that she'll be laughed out of court.
)The Selfish Gene said:
I don't know how anyone affords it.
It took me years to save up to buy a house. To give it away, and other elements of savings etc.
I'd be so depressed that it was all wasted like that.
Hence have never been, and will never get married.
Stupid question alert - but genuine one.
When a man knows he is about to become unstuck - why doesn't he just offload the cash, either buy an expensive car and then give it to a mate (trusted mate)
There must be a million ways to hide money and valuables?
Granted a jointly owed house is an issue, of course - but for everything else - surely you can just make it all vanish and go get it later?
Username is apt....It took me years to save up to buy a house. To give it away, and other elements of savings etc.
I'd be so depressed that it was all wasted like that.
Hence have never been, and will never get married.
Stupid question alert - but genuine one.
When a man knows he is about to become unstuck - why doesn't he just offload the cash, either buy an expensive car and then give it to a mate (trusted mate)
There must be a million ways to hide money and valuables?
Granted a jointly owed house is an issue, of course - but for everything else - surely you can just make it all vanish and go get it later?
Mostly because whether I am happy with the outcome or not, fact is she is bringing up my three kids, most of the time. Do I want my kids to live somewhere worse? Not be able to afford nice things?
No, so I pay.
I suppose if I had a pile of money I might feel the need to defend it more, But after 20 years together, I do see that there has to be a mechanism for a division of the combined wealth.
The Selfish Gene said:
yeah understand up to a point when there are kids involved - hence why I wouldn't have kids either.
Thanks for the username is apt comment it was chosen for a reason.
One very short life, I won't waste a second an a malicious woman, mother of my kids or otherwise.
Probably missed a smiley or two there. Thanks for the username is apt comment it was chosen for a reason.
One very short life, I won't waste a second an a malicious woman, mother of my kids or otherwise.
I guess one thing most of us on this thread have in common, is at the end. I found out I had not been married to the person I thought I was.
So very very different in reality to my perception.
So whilst I agree about the element of malice, I think a number of us would say we just didn’t know u til it was way too late !
Gargamel said:
Probably missed a smiley or two there.
I guess one thing most of us on this thread have in common, is at the end. I found out I had not been married to the person I thought I was.
So very very different in reality to my perception.
So whilst I agree about the element of malice, I think a number of us would say we just didn’t know u til it was way too late !
I guess one thing most of us on this thread have in common, is at the end. I found out I had not been married to the person I thought I was.
So very very different in reality to my perception.
So whilst I agree about the element of malice, I think a number of us would say we just didn’t know u til it was way too late !
oh yeah for sure, I wasn't being judgemental at all in any way.I guess I went the other way - I just assumed they were all bad, and didn't risk it.
It's easy to sit here now and be thankful I didn't get fleeced, but I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there that have very happy marriages and arent' going to get fleeced.
For me, I just didn't want to risk it. I worked so hard to get anywhere the thought of losing it all is horrendous.
It is easy for me though, as I don't get particularly attached to women and I don't like children
Gargamel said:
The Selfish Gene said:
I don't know how anyone affords it.
It took me years to save up to buy a house. To give it away, and other elements of savings etc.
I'd be so depressed that it was all wasted like that.
Hence have never been, and will never get married.
Stupid question alert - but genuine one.
When a man knows he is about to become unstuck - why doesn't he just offload the cash, either buy an expensive car and then give it to a mate (trusted mate)
There must be a million ways to hide money and valuables?
Granted a jointly owed house is an issue, of course - but for everything else - surely you can just make it all vanish and go get it later?
Username is apt....It took me years to save up to buy a house. To give it away, and other elements of savings etc.
I'd be so depressed that it was all wasted like that.
Hence have never been, and will never get married.
Stupid question alert - but genuine one.
When a man knows he is about to become unstuck - why doesn't he just offload the cash, either buy an expensive car and then give it to a mate (trusted mate)
There must be a million ways to hide money and valuables?
Granted a jointly owed house is an issue, of course - but for everything else - surely you can just make it all vanish and go get it later?
Mostly because whether I am happy with the outcome or not, fact is she is bringing up my three kids, most of the time. Do I want my kids to live somewhere worse? Not be able to afford nice things?
No, so I pay.
I suppose if I had a pile of money I might feel the need to defend it more, But after 20 years together, I do see that there has to be a mechanism for a division of the combined wealth.
Plus, as a mate said to me back then “She was always going to outlive you and end up with it all anyway. At least this way you can chose how to waste at least some of it without getting any earache”.
How I genuinely laughed into my glass of beer / tears that night when he said it, whilst ordering some shots
New to this thread...
Had a very messy break up from the wife, kids involved etc, and am really really struggling with life.
How does the ‘if you can’t get over one get under one’ theory pan out... and when’s a good time to crack on?
I can’t seem to mentally move past the ex, but have to accept its over. So will a few meaningless bangs, or short term fk buddies help?
Had a very messy break up from the wife, kids involved etc, and am really really struggling with life.
How does the ‘if you can’t get over one get under one’ theory pan out... and when’s a good time to crack on?
I can’t seem to mentally move past the ex, but have to accept its over. So will a few meaningless bangs, or short term f
k buddies help? anonymous said:
[redacted]
I would agree with that.Booze and birds will only mask the issue and not allow you to deal with it, as well as leaving you feeling cold. Find new/old hobbies, find some sport(s)/fitness, make new friends, do some new experiences, book some holidays, find yourself and find your new self. You'll have moved on by then. Then fill your boots as a new person.
Shnozz said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I would agree with that.Booze and birds will only mask the issue and not allow you to deal with it, as well as leaving you feeling cold. Find new/old hobbies, find some sport(s)/fitness, make new friends, do some new experiences, book some holidays, find yourself and find your new self. You'll have moved on by then. Then fill your boots as a new person.
t. I'm working on dealing with that now and I'm happier and I feel better than I have done in quite some time. I look better too although there's still a way to go on that front, a pity that I had to let my standards slip quite so far for me to realise that I needed to crack on with life but hey ho.
Casual sex is pretty good, I'm sure that we can all agree, but it's not the be all and end all, you need to be happy with yourself, who you are and where you are first and foremost, everything else will fall in to place after that IMO.
Chaps, this is not a tale of my own as Lady F remains bamboozled with rohypnol and thus hopelessly in love with me, when she can remember who she is (reminds me, I need to top up my supply), but a cautionary tale from a visit to a dear friend on Sunday.
My friend turned 40 and, desperate to be a Dad, re-kindled a romance with a former girlfriend. My friend is a successful chap, with a heart of gold. His last girlfriend refused to move out of his house and instead of playing it the way normal people would have, he gave her £15k to disappear and leave him alone. Which she did, the thieving strumpet.
Anyway, fast forward to today. He is married. With two adorable children. And his wife is an absolute piece of work. I observed the following on Sunday!
- screaming at him (who was making lunch and taking care of the baby) to come and mind their 3 year old, as she was busy having "me time" (guzzling wine and telling my bemused wife about how she was feeling ill)
- making the comment "oh, I don't really bother looking at what things cost" (she earns precisely zero, and had absolutely no prospects before my friend married her)
- telling me that no way could my friend join me alone at the weekend, as she needed her time off and he had to mind the kids (she doesn't work, they have a housekeeper, and he works 12 hour days during the week)
- regaling us with "funny" stories about how bad my friend's cooking is (she doesn't, and can't cook. He does it all, including making lunch for them before he heads to the office).
- How she refused to speak to him when he bought his Porsche (£8k worth of 2004 Boxster), because it is such a "waste of money". She was wearing Jimmy Choos at the time, and drinking a £60 bottle of wine.
For god's sake people. Do not compromise, and recognise the signs before you commit. My friend was a total idiot. And for the record, most of my friends are married to lovely people. This one won't end well, though.
A PHer I know asked me, after meeting Lady F, why I married someone like her, as opposed to a very obvious, blonde sidepiece (the type I used to love dating). He was surprised, given my past endeavours, that she a) had a career, b) has two masters degrees and c) is not a stripper lookalike who wanders around in a miniskirt and heels all day long.
Simple - I fell in love with my wife because she is understated, classy, cares not a fig for material stuff, has her own brain/career, and is the kindest, most generous person I have ever met. She loves to party, but isn't a wreckhead. She is affectionate and warm, without being emotionally unstable. She understand the value of money as she has worked for it. I won't talk about bedroom stuff in detail, but I have not compromised (and neither has she)
Make proper choices, gentlemen.
And if you don't, make sure you're handy with a chainsaw and a shovel. There are some absolute car crashes out there and this thread proves that they stay with you for a long, long time, even after you manage to disentangle yourself.
I do of course tell Lady F that if she ever does become a mentalist, she'll be fertilising the fruit trees. Keeps things clear.
My friend turned 40 and, desperate to be a Dad, re-kindled a romance with a former girlfriend. My friend is a successful chap, with a heart of gold. His last girlfriend refused to move out of his house and instead of playing it the way normal people would have, he gave her £15k to disappear and leave him alone. Which she did, the thieving strumpet.
Anyway, fast forward to today. He is married. With two adorable children. And his wife is an absolute piece of work. I observed the following on Sunday!
- screaming at him (who was making lunch and taking care of the baby) to come and mind their 3 year old, as she was busy having "me time" (guzzling wine and telling my bemused wife about how she was feeling ill)
- making the comment "oh, I don't really bother looking at what things cost" (she earns precisely zero, and had absolutely no prospects before my friend married her)
- telling me that no way could my friend join me alone at the weekend, as she needed her time off and he had to mind the kids (she doesn't work, they have a housekeeper, and he works 12 hour days during the week)
- regaling us with "funny" stories about how bad my friend's cooking is (she doesn't, and can't cook. He does it all, including making lunch for them before he heads to the office).
- How she refused to speak to him when he bought his Porsche (£8k worth of 2004 Boxster), because it is such a "waste of money". She was wearing Jimmy Choos at the time, and drinking a £60 bottle of wine.
For god's sake people. Do not compromise, and recognise the signs before you commit. My friend was a total idiot. And for the record, most of my friends are married to lovely people. This one won't end well, though.
A PHer I know asked me, after meeting Lady F, why I married someone like her, as opposed to a very obvious, blonde sidepiece (the type I used to love dating). He was surprised, given my past endeavours, that she a) had a career, b) has two masters degrees and c) is not a stripper lookalike who wanders around in a miniskirt and heels all day long.
Simple - I fell in love with my wife because she is understated, classy, cares not a fig for material stuff, has her own brain/career, and is the kindest, most generous person I have ever met. She loves to party, but isn't a wreckhead. She is affectionate and warm, without being emotionally unstable. She understand the value of money as she has worked for it. I won't talk about bedroom stuff in detail, but I have not compromised (and neither has she)
Make proper choices, gentlemen.
And if you don't, make sure you're handy with a chainsaw and a shovel. There are some absolute car crashes out there and this thread proves that they stay with you for a long, long time, even after you manage to disentangle yourself.
I do of course tell Lady F that if she ever does become a mentalist, she'll be fertilising the fruit trees. Keeps things clear.
Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 17th October 14:02
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