Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[johnwilliams77]

Has your Dad ever wondered why he has to get divorced so often?

And just explain the last bit: he spends 3 months a year with his ex?

[MB140]

antspants said:

Quick question for those who are now divorced... if my wife and I agree how to split our finances as we seperate, can a court change that agreement say 12 months down the line even if we are still in agreement and have split the assets accordingly?

As I've mentioned we're trying to enable our split to happen quickly so we can move on with our lives, which means she has found a new rented flat and I'm remortgaging to release equity. My concern is that should she walk away with 50% of equity, savings etc, when it comes to divorcing in the months that follow could a court rule that there is more to pay even if she's not asking for it?

I know I'm applying a large element of trust in my wife as we seperate that she's not going to change her mind about what we've agreed, but assuming that's well founded are there any other factors to consider.

When my wife an I divorced (10 years ago), we got a finacial separation order. My understanding is once that’s signed by both and stamped by the court then that’s it. You can win the lottery and there’s not a thing she can do about it. Infact she tried and the court said no.

[Toyoda]

johnwilliams77 said:

Has your Dad ever wondered why he has to get divorced so often?

And just explain the last bit: he spends 3 months a year with his ex?

The man says it's a threesome. I also struggle to understand those who remarry multiple times. By all means keep on shacking up with different women as life goes on, but why the need to marry each one? He's obviously not daft if he insists on prenups and can enforce them, but why go through the hassle when marriage is unnecessary, and given his form very likely not to go the distance.

[Coolbanana]

johnwilliams77 said:

Has your Dad ever wondered why he has to get divorced so often?

And just explain the last bit: he spends 3 months a year with his ex?

Ok...

He is a Neanderthal. Treats women as 'his' and very 1950's - he is the breadwinner, the 'little woman' lives in the kitchen. He really shouldn't get married but he is in love with the idea of marriage. He is an extrovert - a fairly wealthy one too and decent looking. He will have a date lined up literally within an hour or two of any major argument. Yes, cheating is not an issue for him.

He shouldn't get married, but my opinion means not a jot, he will do as he wants. His 2nd wife lives here in Portugal - he visits for 3 months of every year with his 5th wife. They spend it together; she virtually moves in with them! It is quite bizarre, he swans about with a woman on each arm, the quintessential English Colonialist-type with his women...

He wants to be waited on, cooked for, cared for and entertained...does he actually love his wives? Yes, I think he actually does. Does he respect them as much as he should? Not in the slightest.

No, I do not approve. But it is his Life and he lives it on his terms.

[FocusRS3]

[quote=Coolbanana]


Ok...

He is a Neanderthal. Treats women as 'his' and very 1950's - he is the breadwinner, the 'little woman' lives in the kitchen. He really shouldn't get married but he is in love with the idea of marriage. He is an extrovert - a fairly wealthy one too and decent looking. He will have a date lined up literally within an hour or two of any major argument. Yes, cheating is not an issue for him.

He shouldn't get married, but my opinion means not a jot, he will do as he wants. His 2nd wife lives here in Portugal - he visits for 3 months of every year with his 5th wife. They spend it together; she virtually moves in with them! It is quite bizarre, he swans about with a woman on each arm, the quintessential English Colonialist-type with his women...

He wants to be waited on, cooked for, cared for and entertained...does he actually love his wives? Yes, I think he actually does. Does he respect them as much as he should? Not in the slightest.

No, I do not approve. But it is his Life and he lives it on his terms.
[

Each to their own and if the females are happy with the relationship fair enough.

That at least clarifies the 'threesome' comment

[av185]

Coolbanana said:

johnwilliams77 said:

Has your Dad ever wondered why he has to get divorced so often?

And just explain the last bit: he spends 3 months a year with his ex?

Ok...

He is a Neanderthal. Treats women as 'his' and very 1950's - he is the breadwinner, the 'little woman' lives in the kitchen. He really shouldn't get married but he is in love with the idea of marriage. He is an extrovert - a fairly wealthy one too and decent looking. He will have a date lined up literally within an hour or two of any major argument. Yes, cheating is not an issue for him.

He shouldn't get married, but my opinion means not a jot, he will do as he wants. His 2nd wife lives here in Portugal - he visits for 3 months of every year with his 5th wife. They spend it together; she virtually moves in with them! It is quite bizarre, he swans about with a woman on each arm, the quintessential English Colonialist-type with his women...

He wants to be waited on, cooked for, cared for and entertained...does he actually love his wives? Yes, I think he actually does. Does he respect them as much as he should? Not in the slightest.

No, I do not approve. But it is his Life and he lives it on his terms.

Sounds like your father has the perfect life.

[antspants]

CastroSays said:

You know antspants, I can't help reading your posts without thinking you've already got a bit on the side, or at least lined up and waiting in the wings.

Even with a kid, you just cannot get out of there fast enough can you?

I wonder if your wife had also picked up on this and that's what has set this train of events in motion........

So please either come clean or at least lay off the application for sainthood that you seem to be trying so hard to show on here.

Edited by CastroSays on Tuesday 23 October 02:04

Not sure why I feel the need to explain, I generally do my utmost to avoid engaging with people who I think are wkers in day to day life, however...

No I do not have a bit on the side, nor anybody lined up, I have been faithful for the 22 years we've been together. Am I now thinking about some meaningless sex with other women, fking right I am I haven't had said sex for months. Will I do that before she's moved out, no I won't. Do I want to get involved in another relationship straight away, god no.

Am I desperate to get out as fast as I can, no but nor do WE see the point in prolonging things unnecessarily when our marriage is beyond repair. Both want to make a fresh start and move on, we're not getting any younger.

Not sure how anything I've said is me applying for sainthood. I'm trying to protect myself financially, whilst also making sure the split of finances is fair. At the centre of this is my son who is the priority for both us, and is front and centre for every decision we make, which is why your 2nd sentence is below the belt imo.

Maybe I'll be back in 12 months time mentally broken and destitute, having been a torn a new one by my bitter ex-wife, and cheesed off with the lack of interest on Tinder. Perhaps then my posting style will be more to your liking.

To others who've provided constructive responses, thanks.

[classicaholic]

I did a deal with my ex that was very reasonable on both sides and on the day we went in front of a judge to discuss the FDA, she and her lawyer hit me with a massive claim and I didn't have chance to object - I thought it was going to be a rubber stamping occasion and didn't have a lawyer - BIG MISTAKE. It cost me an extra 1/2 million!
NEVER TRUST YOUR EX, WOMEN ARE NOT RATIONAL!

[Dakkon]

dmulally said:

The Selfish Gene said:

I think this is my favourite thread for awhile, as I was always thinking I was a bit of a freak, turns out i'm not the only freak around.

It's such an amazing feeling to be this free constantly.

This morning I was planning my around the world trip on the new motorbike - it's a big plan and will require some saving, but I have no ties and that's dream come true stuff for me.

If New Zealand is on the cards then let me know. Have a workshop and a bed on my farm no worries.

There are some amazing roads in NZ to ride around, beautiful country

[anonymous-user]

antspants said:

Quick question for those who are now divorced... if my wife and I agree how to split our finances as we seperate, can a court change that agreement say 12 months down the line even if we are still in agreement and have split the assets accordingly?

As I've mentioned we're trying to enable our split to happen quickly so we can move on with our lives, which means she has found a new rented flat and I'm remortgaging to release equity. My concern is that should she walk away with 50% of equity, savings etc, when it comes to divorcing in the months that follow could a court rule that there is more to pay even if she's not asking for it?

I know I'm applying a large element of trust in my wife as we seperate that she's not going to change her mind about what we've agreed, but assuming that's well founded are there any other factors to consider.

Personally I think you would be crazy to do this with a verbal agreement.

I don't understand why you have not started divorce proceedings as it will include ancillary relief.

Doing it the other way round (i.e agreeing finances and then getting divorce) is madness.

Otherwise this is going to come back and bite you when she has spent all the money, As you can see below, the courts can only make a consent order legally binding if you have started the divorce paperwork.

Making your agreement legally binding

You need to get a solicitor to draft a ‘consent order’ and ask a court to approve it - this makes it legally binding.

A consent order is a legal document that confirms your agreement. It explains how you’re going to divide up assets like:

money
property
savings
investments
It can also include arrangements for maintenance payments, including child maintenance.

Deadlines for making a consent order
You can ask the court to approve your consent order if both of the following apply:

you’ve started the paperwork to divorce or end your civil partnership
you have not yet applied for the final legal document to end the relationship
The final legal document is the:

decree absolute if you’re divorcing
final order if you’re ending a civil partnership

Edited by anonymous-user on Tuesday 23 October 12:03

[Adam B]

Coolbanana said:

I used to think along the same lines as you...

Deliberately never got involved with anyone, didn't want kids, enjoyed my freedom to do as I wished.

Then I met my wife, who was considerably wealthier than me

Life is great, whats wrong with you lot?

Sorry for paraphrasing, but this thread wouldn't exist if people had all married someone and got a big payout when divorcing

[hutchst]

Joey Deacon said:

Doing it the other way round (i.e agreeing finances and then getting divorce) is madness.

Edited by Joey Deacon on Tuesday 23 October 12:03

If you don't mind me asking, why do you say this? Having now been divorced twice, once under Scots law and once English, the system in Scotland is far, far better quicker cheaper and less acrimonious. But it is a mandatory requirement under the Scottish simplified divorce procedure that both parties reach financial settlement, sign and lodge at the court before starting divorces proceedings.

It is most certainly not madness.

[anonymous-user]

hutchst said:

Joey Deacon said:

Doing it the other way round (i.e agreeing finances and then getting divorce) is madness.

Edited by anonymous-user on Tuesday 23 October 12:03

If you don't mind me asking, why do you say this? Having now been divorced twice, once under Scots law and once English, the system in Scotland is far, far better quicker cheaper and less acrimonious. But it is a mandatory requirement under the Scottish simplified divorce procedure that both parties reach financial settlement, sign and lodge at the court before starting divorces proceedings.

It is most certainly not madness.

Not madness if you live in Scotland.

But I assume he lives in the UK, where the opposite is true,

[hutchst]

OK you lost me. But never mind, let's leave it there.

[hutchst]

olly22n said:

If you agree on finances in England, BEFORE you start the divorce, the judge can overturn it.

So you can pay her half, and then potentially half again.

Are you sure? Certainly, you could pay her some, and then end up paying her some more. The same COULD happen in Scotland.

But if you do it properly and honestly, and give her what she's entitled to, it won't.

[mr_spock]

IANAL etc., but if you informally (i.e. not signed off in court) give her half, she spends it all and gets into debt, your assets could still be taken as joint assets, then you offset liabilities (the Form E part of the process) and you get to pay her more.

[NDA]

You could get a separation agreement. Were a court to be involved later, it would be taken into consideration.

[hyphen]

olly22n said:

If you agree on finances in England, BEFORE you start the divorce, the judge can overturn it.

So you can pay her half, and then potentially half again.

Whats the definition of start the divorce? Just filiing it or when acknowledged as recieved, or something else.

[anonymous-user]

hyphen said:

olly22n said:

If you agree on finances in England, BEFORE you start the divorce, the judge can overturn it.

So you can pay her half, and then potentially half again.

Whats the definition of start the divorce? Just filiing it or when acknowledged as recieved, or something else.

I would assume it is when the courts confirm they have validated the supplied divorce documentation. Basically you need to fill in the paperwork with your wedding certificate and a cheque for £550 and send it to the courts. They will then check all documentation and if it is filled in correctly send a copy to both parties. I assume at this point the process is started.

[hutchst]

Assumptions are one thing, but reality is often different. The agreement I signed in Scotland starts off in the preamble (and I paraphrase here) that the parties have been living separately since ........ and have agreed to divorce. So the agreement is part of the divorce proceedings, followed by the decree.