Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Fermit and Sarah said:
I can imagine, it is shameless behaviour. I wouldn't blame you for contacting one of the gutter rags afterwards, it would be no less than she deserves. IANAL but I can't see how she would be granted any of it, but the putting you through yet another battle is bad enough!
Just make sure that any/all mutual friends get the low down on her wicked games. Not that I can imagine she has many of sqaid friends left.
She will have her own loyal little sisterhood of bitter and twisted benefit mums, plus her partner and a few relatives who are all equally toxic, who probably reassure her she is entitled to every penny she can get.Just make sure that any/all mutual friends get the low down on her wicked games. Not that I can imagine she has many of sqaid friends left.
She won't have any automatic entitlement to the money but in the absence of a prior clean break, the family court can, and will, raid 'personal assets' to satisfy evidenced needs of the ex and particularly any dependent children.
She is therefore milking the 'resident parent' card for all its worth, as well as disability given that our older daughter is autistic.
No doubt she'll be telling everyone who cares to listen how disgusting I am for not wanting to support my children to the best of my ability, yet I have them every weekend and occasional weekdays and holidays, in addition to holding down a demanding full time job with genuine physical disability.
She's just a hateful little wretch who wants to carry on living a middle income stay-at-home-mum lifestyle and will do everything she can to protect the position she has carved for herself.
The sad thing is, the kids can and will continue to read the situation. They are only too aware of the escalating hostility between us and its incredibly destructive for them. I personally think they will hang her later in life, if she does get a chunk of money only for them to have to witness me struggling with real care needs in the distant future.
Joey Deacon said:
2)If you earn a normal salary then you are screwed. The wife will not be able to take on the mortgage herself so you will have to remain named on the mortgage. This means when you see a mortgage broker about the possibility of getting another mortgage they will laugh once you explain the situation and how much you are spending in Alimony/child support/mortgage payments.
Your options are then live with your parents or rent a crappy flat. If you decide to rent a flat you will get a two bedroom one for when the children come over to stay. Except you will soon realise that they don't want to share a bedroom in your crappy flat when they can stay in their own bedrooms.
If you are in group 2 then you have my sympathies, been there and got the T shirt. I was lucky in that my ex wife remarried and her new husband did the right thing and bought me out and took over the mortgage. Honestly I could kiss him for that.
Bingo, another home run Joey... Your options are then live with your parents or rent a crappy flat. If you decide to rent a flat you will get a two bedroom one for when the children come over to stay. Except you will soon realise that they don't want to share a bedroom in your crappy flat when they can stay in their own bedrooms.
If you are in group 2 then you have my sympathies, been there and got the T shirt. I was lucky in that my ex wife remarried and her new husband did the right thing and bought me out and took over the mortgage. Honestly I could kiss him for that.
It is super tough after 15 odd years of coming home to a family, kids, dogs and yes a list of things to do and more than you'd like. But most of us would take that any day after a couple of nights in a small flat by yourself... I quite literally wanted to spoon my own eyeballs out.
Anyway, I took a 3rd option, its not for everyone. I moved out of the country. I still pay the same in maintenance, but I avoid the whole crappy flat situation, I have the kids for holidays and can afford a nice place. (Thank you Swiss taxation)
I miss the kids, but overall I make it work and I think they prefer the routine at home, with quality time away with me.
Gargamel said:
Bingo, another home run Joey...
It is super tough after 15 odd years of coming home to a family, kids, dogs and yes a list of things to do and more than you'd like. But most of us would take that any day after a couple of nights in a small flat by yourself... I quite literally wanted to spoon my own eyeballs out.
Anyway, I took a 3rd option, its not for everyone. I moved out of the country. I still pay the same in maintenance, but I avoid the whole crappy flat situation, I have the kids for holidays and can afford a nice place. (Thank you Swiss taxation)
I miss the kids, but overall I make it work and I think they prefer the routine at home, with quality time away with me.
Is maintenance purely by agreement or 'enforced' in some way by the Swiss authorities?It is super tough after 15 odd years of coming home to a family, kids, dogs and yes a list of things to do and more than you'd like. But most of us would take that any day after a couple of nights in a small flat by yourself... I quite literally wanted to spoon my own eyeballs out.
Anyway, I took a 3rd option, its not for everyone. I moved out of the country. I still pay the same in maintenance, but I avoid the whole crappy flat situation, I have the kids for holidays and can afford a nice place. (Thank you Swiss taxation)
I miss the kids, but overall I make it work and I think they prefer the routine at home, with quality time away with me.
theboss said:
Fermit and Sarah said:
I can imagine, it is shameless behaviour. I wouldn't blame you for contacting one of the gutter rags afterwards, it would be no less than she deserves. IANAL but I can't see how she would be granted any of it, but the putting you through yet another battle is bad enough!
Just make sure that any/all mutual friends get the low down on her wicked games. Not that I can imagine she has many of sqaid friends left.
She will have her own loyal little sisterhood of bitter and twisted benefit mums, plus her partner and a few relatives who are all equally toxic, who probably reassure her she is entitled to every penny she can get.Just make sure that any/all mutual friends get the low down on her wicked games. Not that I can imagine she has many of sqaid friends left.
She won't have any automatic entitlement to the money but in the absence of a prior clean break, the family court can, and will, raid 'personal assets' to satisfy evidenced needs of the ex and particularly any dependent children.
She is therefore milking the 'resident parent' card for all its worth, as well as disability given that our older daughter is autistic.
No doubt she'll be telling everyone who cares to listen how disgusting I am for not wanting to support my children to the best of my ability, yet I have them every weekend and occasional weekdays and holidays, in addition to holding down a demanding full time job with genuine physical disability.
She's just a hateful little wretch who wants to carry on living a middle income stay-at-home-mum lifestyle and will do everything she can to protect the position she has carved for herself.
The sad thing is, the kids can and will continue to read the situation. They are only too aware of the escalating hostility between us and its incredibly destructive for them. I personally think they will hang her later in life, if she does get a chunk of money only for them to have to witness me struggling with real care needs in the distant future.
theboss said:
Is maintenance purely by agreement or 'enforced' in some way by the Swiss authorities?
I did vaguely toy with the idea of divorcing my UK base ex - via the Swiss courts - just for s
ts and giggles. But it seemed unnecessarily vindictive, and of not much benefit. Therefore my maintenance is via the UK system, (actually an informal agreement with my ex) We are a couple of years on now, I have filed formally for divorce, we are finalising the FCO now and hopefully it will all be done soon.
My ex is a sensible, level headed person and we have so far been relatively amicable. I hope I am not in for any dramas now the home straight is coming up. It's been of benefit not to have pushed for an early divorce, takes the emotion out of it a little I think. I feel more ready to move on now, and neither of us are using the financial situation to punch the other.
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
- lets be honest* ...... everyone is different. Joey Deacon, I can see you are bitter and embattled. But everyone has to find their own path. Starting the journey aggressively may not be prudent.....
But I was lucky, I still had three years of thinking I would never get a mortgage or be able to afford my own place. When most men get hit with the "I am not happy", "I need space" , "I love you, i'm just not in love with" speech they are blindsided and don't know what is going on. I am just trying to warn them of what the possible outcome could be.
Just don't get married in the first place and then you don't have to go through this anyway.
zubzob said:
Sorry for the slight derail, but I'm having a kid with a partner, we are not married. Paid 50% each for the house at every turn. But I'm guessing despite not being married, it's basically the same risks, maybe not pensions and that kind of thing, but housing and savings etc?
I think you'd be surprised what can be at risk.RC1807 said:
I think you'd be surprised what can be at risk.
My ex wife was trying to get me to pay maintenance on two step kids. Even though they both had fathers that were alive and paying her. fking . At least I never got lumbered with that. It’s truly amazing what they can get out of you if there vindictive enough. Blood out of a stone is an understatement. I have since remarried to a women who makes a s
t load more than me. Neither of us want kids but I think if I was in some of the situations I hear about on here. Then I would be off. Out the country. I would see the kids are supported but all these woman that never lift a finger and have to keep themselves in the manner there accustom too. Get fking accustom to working like every other mug has too. 
RC1807 said:
I think you'd be surprised what can be at risk.
Nah.Being unmarried is much faster and smoother than married. All there is at sake is 50% of assests and child maintenance.
If one is brutal enough, won’t even be 50% of assets and then the w
e can find someone else to pay for the kids if you haven’t got accessJob jobbed
Note: it very much depends on the ex’s approach to life, mine is a freeloader who demanded I pay 1k a month child maintenance and take responsibility while she goes off banging her hole elsewhere.
Edited by kOi12 on Wednesday 7th November 18:50
kOi12 said:
Nah.
Being unmarried is much faster and smoother than married. All there is at sake is 50% of assests and child maintenance.
If one is brutal enough, won’t even be 50% of assets and then the we can find someone else to pay for the kids if you haven’t got access
Job jobbed
Note: it very much depends on the ex’s approach to life, mine is a freeloader who demanded I pay 1k a month child maintenance and take responsibility while she goes off banging her hole elsewhere.
Bitter, much?Being unmarried is much faster and smoother than married. All there is at sake is 50% of assests and child maintenance.
If one is brutal enough, won’t even be 50% of assets and then the w
e can find someone else to pay for the kids if you haven’t got accessJob jobbed
Note: it very much depends on the ex’s approach to life, mine is a freeloader who demanded I pay 1k a month child maintenance and take responsibility while she goes off banging her hole elsewhere.
Edited by kOi12 on Wednesday 7th November 18:50
johnwilliams77 said:
Bitter, much?
Nah laughing at the ex if I’m honest. I am better off without a freeloader and she is the one stuck with the kids. Just saying it is much easier to get rid of an ex if not married and significantly cheaper. I kept my house and everything
P.s I am not bitter, I got away Scot free if I am honest but it does take balls if one wants to go down that route.
Hasbeen said:
In Australia 2 years of a de facto arrangement gives the woman the same entitlements as a wife.
Being an aussie I was always under this impression too. As soon as anything to do with kids or property get involved then it's up to the best lawyer. In regards to property that doesn't just mean purchasing either. As I found out the hard way they can make designs on pretty much anything they feel entitled to under this clause regardless of the truth. The cynic in me thinks the reason she had her mail diverted to my place well before even discussing moving in was to better her case for my assets. Not because she was worried somebody was stealing her mail.
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