Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Frank7 said:
Johnniem said:
Leonard Stanley said:
Frank, John, I feel for you both. It’s a horrible path which we’re about to go down but it’s been a long time coming.
Every point in the process seemingly has a cliche attached to it but we’ve been holding on for the kids for far too long. They’re 10 and 14 which may make it easy in some ways, but tougher in others.
The kids need to see how healthy relationships work and not witness emotional trench warfare.
I think you have settled it in your head because of 'emotional trench warfare' LS. I had none of that, I was simply walking away from a lovely lady and two lovely children, for another lovely lady (who also came with two children - which made the guilt tenfold!). As I have said, I have now been remarried for almost 16 years (it took around 7 years before I could consider it) and we have had a lovely like together but nothing can get me back the days and events that I missed; the laughter, the tears; the holidays; the road trips etc etc. I am grateful that my ex was/is a truly spectacular person and did not wish to punish me for my errant ways. We both just protected our children as best we could. I implore you to do just that. Forget the wars and arguments and join together in making sure that the kids are well protected and loved. Put them first and all will be well. If you are due to have them for a period of time then have them, don't make other arrangements. Be accommodating of your ex and each others lives. We all have challenges. Also, make sure you always pay her any agreed maintenance on time. I could go on for ever so I apologise for the lecture; it was not meant to be one but I have had much experience.Every point in the process seemingly has a cliche attached to it but we’ve been holding on for the kids for far too long. They’re 10 and 14 which may make it easy in some ways, but tougher in others.
The kids need to see how healthy relationships work and not witness emotional trench warfare.
JM
here could benefit from our collective wisdom, or collective dumbness, take your pick.
News from today, £11k Thailand family Xmas holiday cancelled. We’ll get 50% back.
Brutal, but decisions have consequences as ph schools us all only too well.
Frank7 said:
There’s no “good” time of the year for it Leonard, even after we’d tried to assure them that we loved them, would always love them, and things would just be a little different, but dad would still come by, and take them to the zoo, and the movies etc., both grandmas and grandpas would still be around, and they loved them too, you could see the concern on their faces.
When I went to the door to go back to the flat I’d rented, my younger son, almost 4, clung to my legs, sobbing his heart out, “Don’t go daddy, please.”
Around 47 years later, I still don’t want to think about it, it was all my fault, but the pain is still there.
Good to see you have thought to include both grandmas and grandpas in your post, for very few posters seem to show any thoughts for their parents when splitting up with their partners. As a grandpa myself, with two adult children, and hopefully in happy marriages, the thought of losing access to our grandchildren, would cause myself and my wife unimaginable grief.When I went to the door to go back to the flat I’d rented, my younger son, almost 4, clung to my legs, sobbing his heart out, “Don’t go daddy, please.”
Around 47 years later, I still don’t want to think about it, it was all my fault, but the pain is still there.
Wings said:
Good to see you have thought to include both grandmas and grandpas in your post, for very few posters seem to show any thoughts for their parents when splitting up with their partners. As a grandpa myself, with two adult children, and hopefully in happy marriages, the thought of losing access to our grandchildren, would cause myself and my wife unimaginable grief.
Your point is well made sir, when I decided that I HAD to leave the marital home, as I was hopelessly smitten by my Polish girl, she was still living with her parents.I couldn’t move into the small apartment I’d rented for another two days, so I went to my mother’s place, and asked if I could crash there for one night, two tops.
She said, which was completely out of character for her, “You can fu*k off and find a hotel for a couple of nights, and if my grandsons suffer over this, and I can’t see them because of you, don’t ever knock at my door again.”
Frank7 said:
Your point is well made sir, when I decided that I HAD to leave the marital home, as I was hopelessly smitten by my Polish girl, she was still living with her parents.
I couldn’t move into the small apartment I’d rented for another two days, so I went to my mother’s place, and asked if I could crash there for one night, two tops.
She said, which was completely out of character for her, “You can fu*k off and find a hotel for a couple of nights, and if my grandsons suffer over this, and I can’t see them because of you, don’t ever knock at my door again.”
I couldn’t move into the small apartment I’d rented for another two days, so I went to my mother’s place, and asked if I could crash there for one night, two tops.
She said, which was completely out of character for her, “You can fu*k off and find a hotel for a couple of nights, and if my grandsons suffer over this, and I can’t see them because of you, don’t ever knock at my door again.”
Charmer.johnwilliams77 said:
Frank7 said:
Your point is well made sir, when I decided that I HAD to leave the marital home, as I was hopelessly smitten by my Polish girl, she was still living with her parents.
I couldn’t move into the small apartment I’d rented for another two days, so I went to my mother’s place, and asked if I could crash there for one night, two tops.
She said, which was completely out of character for her, “You can fu*k off and find a hotel for a couple of nights, and if my grandsons suffer over this, and I can’t see them because of you, don’t ever knock at my door again.”
I couldn’t move into the small apartment I’d rented for another two days, so I went to my mother’s place, and asked if I could crash there for one night, two tops.
She said, which was completely out of character for her, “You can fu*k off and find a hotel for a couple of nights, and if my grandsons suffer over this, and I can’t see them because of you, don’t ever knock at my door again.”
Charmer.Frank7 said:
I know that you’re not being super serious john, by the emoji, but I did say that it was completely out of character for her, and believe me, anyone would be ar*ehole lucky to have had a mother like her.
Well, that would be the last she would get anything from me if my mother spoke to me like that.johnwilliams77 said:
Frank7 said:
I know that you’re not being super serious john, by the emoji, but I did say that it was completely out of character for her, and believe me, anyone would be ar*ehole lucky to have had a mother like her.
Well, that would be the last she would get anything from me if my mother spoke to me like that.I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
Frank7 said:
I don’t think that you WANT to get it john, do you?
I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
That’s nice I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
Frank7 said:
I don’t think that you WANT to get it john, do you?
I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
...and in the same circumstances I could see my mum doing exactly the same thing. She gave me a subtle telling off a few years back with words to the effect of "Don't lose this one like the last one".I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
johnwilliams77 said:
Frank7 said:
I don’t think that you WANT to get it john, do you?
I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
That’s nice I was replying, and agreeing, with Wings post about Grandparents being devastated if through their son or daughter’s divorce, it led to them not seeing their grandchildren.
My mother normally wouldn’t have said, “Oh sod it”, if she’d sliced her thumb off in the kitchen, but I turned up, mooching for a bed, and I was the possible architect of her losing her only grandchildren.
She gave me both barrels, and I deserved them both.
I loved her then, and I loved her until the day she died.
Johnniem said:
Leonard Stanley said:
Frank, John, I feel for you both. It’s a horrible path which we’re about to go down but it’s been a long time coming.
Every point in the process seemingly has a cliche attached to it but we’ve been holding on for the kids for far too long. They’re 10 and 14 which may make it easy in some ways, but tougher in others.
The kids need to see how healthy relationships work and not witness emotional trench warfare.
I think you have settled it in your head because of 'emotional trench warfare' LS. I had none of that, I was simply walking away from a lovely lady and two lovely children, for another lovely lady (who also came with two children - which made the guilt tenfold!). As I have said, I have now been remarried for almost 16 years (it took around 7 years before I could consider it) and we have had a lovely like together but nothing can get me back the days and events that I missed; the laughter, the tears; the holidays; the road trips etc etc. I am grateful that my ex was/is a truly spectacular person and did not wish to punish me for my errant ways. We both just protected our children as best we could. I implore you to do just that. Forget the wars and arguments and join together in making sure that the kids are well protected and loved. Put them first and all will be well. If you are due to have them for a period of time then have them, don't make other arrangements. Be accommodating of your ex and each others lives. We all have challenges. Also, make sure you always pay her any agreed maintenance on time. I could go on for ever so I apologise for the lecture; it was not meant to be one but I have had much experience.Every point in the process seemingly has a cliche attached to it but we’ve been holding on for the kids for far too long. They’re 10 and 14 which may make it easy in some ways, but tougher in others.
The kids need to see how healthy relationships work and not witness emotional trench warfare.
JM
Looking at them doing routine things in the hours before, knowing what was about to hit them was awful.
Am hoping the other half remains reasonable as she was great today, in terms of her interaction with the kids anyway.
Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"
Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least
*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.
Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least
*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.
Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59
AppleJuice said:
Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"
Fair enough - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone at least
Was this a private message or a tweet visible to all!?Fair enough - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone at least
Monkeylegend said:
AppleJuice said:
g3org3y said:
Was this a private message or a tweet visible to all!?
Private message, fortunatelyMick Dundee said:
Nah - - back there, if you got a problem, you tell Wally. And he tells everyone in town... brings it out in the open... no more problem.
Been married to one for six years, which is twice as long as I managed with a Brit. She's funny, intelligent, level headed and far better than me in every way.
Not a single hair left - just two (tiny) plums... AppleJuice said:
Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"
Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least
*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.
Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'. Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least
*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.
Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59
johnwilliams77 said:
AppleJuice said:
Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"
Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least
*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.
Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'. Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least
*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.
Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59
- sadly I can't as she's blocked me across social media.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff