Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[motco]

AppleJuice said:

johnwilliams77 said:

AppleJuice said:

Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"

Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least

*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59

Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'.

Thanks - sadly I can't as she's blocked me across social media.

Sounds as if you really did upset her!

[Robertj21a]

AppleJuice said:

johnwilliams77 said:

AppleJuice said:

Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"

Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least

*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59

Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'.

Thanks - sadly I can't as she's blocked me across social media.

You've just had a lucky escape !

[AppleJuice]

motco said:

AppleJuice said:

johnwilliams77 said:

AppleJuice said:

Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"

Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least

*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59

Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'.

Thanks - sadly I can't as she's blocked me across social media.

Sounds as if you really did upset her!

By asking a simple question. Should I have asked such a question earlier, I wonder...

[dmulally]

AppleJuice said:

motco said:

AppleJuice said:

johnwilliams77 said:

AppleJuice said:

Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"

Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least

*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59

Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'.

Thanks - sadly I can't as she's blocked me across social media.

Sounds as if you really did upset her!

By asking a simple question. Should I have asked such a question earlier, I wonder...

If someone can dump you over a question that doesn't involve her sister, then they have already checked out long ago.

[AppleJuice]

dmulally said:

AppleJuice said:

motco said:

AppleJuice said:

johnwilliams77 said:

AppleJuice said:

Twitter message this afternoon from (now ex-) girlfriend: "I don't think we're going to work so I don't want to be with you any more"

Fair enough (I had asked her a 'tough' question ("Would you like me to behave to you as have just done to me?"))* - it would have been kind to have said so in person, or over the phone, at least

*She repiled "Are you being serious now?" I have been serious since the beginning, dear. If you hadn't managed to work that out, then that is very sad and - if I may say - rather immature. Dodged a bullet there I think. Still hurts, mind.

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 15:59

Write back: 'I am really sorry this is how you feel, I felt like you were the one. All the best to you, I will cherish our time together forever'.

Thanks - sadly I can't as she's blocked me across social media.

Sounds as if you really did upset her!

By asking a simple question. Should I have asked such a question earlier, I wonder...

If someone can dump you over a question that doesn't involve her sister, then they have already checked out long ago.

She regularly asked me to meet her when I was at work - and complained that I was always too busy to see her because of this. I had explained to her on multiple occasions that I work 9-5. When I said last Thursday that I could see her at 5-5:30 at the earliest, she asked "Why are you so busy?" It's as though she hadn't listened to me (or read) previously.

[dmulally]

AppleJuice said:

She regularly asked me to meet her when I was at work - and complained that I was always too busy to see her because of this. I had explained to her on multiple occasions that I work 9-5. When I said last Thursday that I could see her at 5-5:30 at the earliest, she asked "Why are you so busy?" It's as though she hadn't listened to me (or read) previously.

Are you guys in your 20's?

[AppleJuice]

Now, due to me working 'being busy' and not seeing her during this time, she became pissed off. Now, offering her an olive branch (mistake?), I suggested that we could meet on (last) Friday afternoon and talk things through and resolve things - and I apologised that I had pissed her off (even though she knew that I couldn't meet her 9-5).

A few days later, I asked if she forgave me for pissing her off.

Bear in mind that I have previously explained several times why I can't meet her as I'm at work. I have also set an example of forgiving (but not approving of people's stupidity) and loving unconditionally - treating others as you would like to be treated etc. Furthermore, when suggesting a time to meet to discuss things, she said that she was busy and couldn't make certain dates - I asked her her if she now saw the situation that I was in when she wanted to meet me when I was at work. She replied: "I think I do... Please don't make me feel guilty about it."

Back to forgiving. She replied: "I'll have to think about it." She didn't say or message anything afterwards to inform me if she had come to a decision.

Roll forward to today. I asked her in a roundabout way whether or not she had forgiven me - by explaining things from the other party's (my) perspective: "If you had apologised to someone for pissing them off and asked if they forgave you, and they replied "I'll have to think about it" - what would you think?"

She replied that she probably wouldn't be very happy about it, which she believed was the situation that I was in. (This is the impact of your behaviour, dear!) But that some things are harder to forgive than others.

She is 21. She will find throughout her life that there are events that will make me being unable to see her during work seem like child's play to forgive. She may even reflect on her demands to see me 9-5 and think: 'Gosh, I was so self-centred - I didn't consider his needs - I only thought of mine' - then again, she may not. But that is not for me to worry about.

One day she might realise, when she has gone through several more boyfriends who have left because they aren't going to put up with her demands or been dumped because they won't, that it is her behaviour which is the reason for where she is. One day...

I (possibly stupidly, but with the best intentions) offered her the chance to think about things from another person's perspective again. She thanked me for my "generous" offer, but: "I don't think that I'm going to you up on the offer this time. Or at all, actually."
For my own clarification, I asked her if that would apply to anyone who apologised to her for annoying her. She said that yes, it would.

---

Do I now wish that I had asked this type of question sooner? Yes. Do I feel stupid for not doing so? Yes. Do I feel a complete 'tard for ignoring red flags? Yes.

Awaits crucifixion by PH stair-dominators.

[AppleJuice]

dmulally said:

Are you guys in your 20's?

Yes - I know I sound like an arse and younger than that .

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 22:01

[johnwilliams77]

AppleJuice said:

Do I now wish that I had asked this type of question sooner? Yes. Do I feel stupid for not doing so? Yes. Do I feel a complete 'tard for ignoring red flags? Yes.

Awaits crucifixion by PH stair-dominators.

I can't be arsed. That is a little like picking on welshbeef - it just feels wrong

It seems like you have learned the error of your ways and are ready to smash the next one. If she unblocks you/text's you, don't give in!

[MYOB]

I wouldn't have kept asking if she forgave me for not meeting during work! Sound a bit needy on both sides.

[johnwilliams77]

MYOB said:

I wouldn't have kept asking if she forgave me for not meeting during work! Sound a bit needy on both sides.

This. I would be quite alarmed that she cannot understand that fact so I would expect some sort of grovelling/apology for that weirdness.

[AppleJuice]

johnwilliams77 said:

I can't be arsed. That is a little like picking on welshbeef - it just feels wrong

It seems like you have learned the error of your ways and are ready to smash the next one. If she unblocks you/text's you, don't give in!

Thanks - I have learned from this and will be wiser and have more discernment next time.

No worries about giving in! The knowledge that she doesn't forgive or consider other people's situations will make sure of that. Plus, I don't want my children (if I have any) to behave like she does.

MYOB said:

I wouldn't have kept asking if she forgave me for not meeting during work! Sound a bit needy on both sides.

Hold my hands up - yes, I was a little needy. In my defence this has been my first relationship. Lesson learned. I hoped that she might actually see and realise how she had behaved and apologised for doing so. I would have forgiven her - but not approved of her actions - but she missed out on that. Now I realise that it was a complete waste of my time, energy and - sadly - compassion.

Edited by AppleJuice on Sunday 11th November 21:44

[AppleJuice]

johnwilliams77 said:

This. I would be quite alarmed that she cannot understand that fact so I would expect some sort of grovelling/apology for that weirdness.

Ta Sadly no chance of an apology now. I don't think she saw anything wrong or weird with it (not that I'm defending her). When she did see (though I'm now wondering whether she actually did or she was just appeasing me) how her actions impacted others, she whined for me 'not to make her feel guilty about it'

[dmulally]

In the nicest possible way there isn't much use in trying to understand a 21yo.

It is good money after bad even thinking about her. Rub one out and it'll pass quickly enough.

[CharlesdeGaulle]

dmulally said:

In the nicest possible way...

In similar vein, and noting it was his first relationship, I think apple juice came across as a needy whiner, and far too 'forensic' to sustain an adult relationship at the moment. Trying to correct a girlfriend is destined to failure.

[MYOB]

Fair play apple juice. We all live and learn by our experiences. Just don't ask for forgiveness when you haven't done anything wrong. Perhaps in hindsight, a succient apology from you that you couldn't meet would have been sufficient and leave it at that.

But as someone who is divorced, perhaps I'm not the best person to give advice on relationships!

[Toyoda]

This thread should really be for guys who've been married and or had kids with the woman. Not bloody teenage angsty ste. No offence.

[AppleJuice]

Toyoda said:

This thread should really be for guys who've been married and or had kids with the woman. Not bloody teenage angsty ste. No offence.

None taken. I'm not a bloody snowflake. We all start somewhere though and what I'm going through is what most others on here did and learned from in their teenage years. I didn't have such relationships when I was a teenager - I wasn't ready then - and so now I'm going through all of that and learning from it a few years later than most PHers and the majority of the population will have done.

[AppleJuice]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

In similar vein, and noting it was his first relationship, I think apple juice came across as a needy whiner, and far too 'forensic' to sustain an adult relationship at the moment. Trying to correct a girlfriend is destined to failure.

Ta - yes, on reflection I was a bit needy. Not a lot more I can do than learn from that and move on with a wiser head and a thicker spine.

[MYOB]

Toyoda said:

This thread should really be for guys who've been married and or had kids with the woman. Not bloody teenage angsty ste. No offence.

To be fair, the title of this thread doesn't stipulate this. Relationship problems affect everyone of all ages and PH is inclusive and open to all. No offence.