Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[matrignano]

I think I know the answer to this already. but thought I'd check with the wise ones on here.

Have been seeing a girl for about 2 months, I think we both feel strongly for each other but obviously it's very early days.
Unfortunately though she lives at home (which is in another country) and we've only been able to see each other 3 times since meeting, every time long weekends to maximise our time together

We're both pretty pragmatic and, as I expected, the last time we met (one week ago) we had the "where is this going" chat. Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever. We didn't break up, but neither did we agree to commit to trying out the long distance thing, despite my assurances that I would be up for it.
I have quite a few trips planned until January, which she can't/doesn't want to come along to, which I guess make it even more difficult in terms of planning the next time(s) we can be together.

She left Monday last week. We texted all of Monday until bed time. All seemed fine.

Then it started getting quieter, my messages receiving monosyllabic responses, no questions back etc. Last message from her on Sat afternoon, commenting on a pic I sent but with no follow-up questions. I decided not to respond, to see if she would break the silence at some point.

Last night I was trying to catch some sleep but I couldn't as I was thinking about her, so I gave in and texted her saying I was thinking about her and missed her.
Got a reply today along the lines of "oh that's nice of you x".

Now, since I've met her she has always been reserved and fairly inexpressive by text, and even when we meet it takes time for her to "warm up" and feel comfortable with the lovey-dovey stuff.
But her response surprised me as she had no trouble telling me she missed me before. And it pissed me off.

My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is emotionally distancing herself to "protect herself", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me.

Thoughts?

[Davey S2]

Monkeylegend said:

bloomen said:

Monkeylegend said:

What you are basically saying is that men are perfect and women are the only gender to deviate from this level of perfection.

The only reason men are down on women and not men is because the majority of men have relationships with women. If they were gay they would find men just as disappointing and unfathomable as they find women.

I don't think it's much to do with gender. It's just people in general. Many people are defensive, selfish, irrational, incapable of admitting they're wrong or truly considering another and primarily out for themselves and no one else. Once someone stops fulfilling the use they have for them, they're toast.

And comparing a friendship with a man to a relationship with a woman is pointless. Your gruff drinking bud would probably turn into a screeching harpy once you married him. Relationships open up a whole new level of vulnerability and nightmarishness no matter who or what you're in a relationship with.

And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.

Given your comments on here and the neck beard / forex scammers thread are you sure PH is the place for you?

[FocusRS3]

matrignano said:

I think I know the answer to this already. but thought I'd check with the wise ones on here.

Have been seeing a girl for about 2 months, I think we both feel strongly for each other but obviously it's very early days.
Unfortunately though she lives at home (which is in another country) and we've only been able to see each other 3 times since meeting, every time long weekends to maximise our time together

We're both pretty pragmatic and, as I expected, the last time we met (one week ago) we had the "where is this going" chat. Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever. We didn't break up, but neither did we agree to commit to trying out the long distance thing, despite my assurances that I would be up for it.
I have quite a few trips planned until January, which she can't/doesn't want to come along to, which I guess make it even more difficult in terms of planning the next time(s) we can be together.

She left Monday last week. We texted all of Monday until bed time. All seemed fine.

Then it started getting quieter, my messages receiving monosyllabic responses, no questions back etc. Last message from her on Sat afternoon, commenting on a pic I sent but with no follow-up questions. I decided not to respond, to see if she would break the silence at some point.

Last night I was trying to catch some sleep but I couldn't as I was thinking about her, so I gave in and texted her saying I was thinking about her and missed her.
Got a reply today along the lines of "oh that's nice of you x".

Now, since I've met her she has always been reserved and fairly inexpressive by text, and even when we meet it takes time for her to "warm up" and feel comfortable with the lovey-dovey stuff.
But her response surprised me as she had no trouble telling me she missed me before. And it pissed me off.

My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is emotionally distancing herself to "protect herself", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me.

Thoughts?

Yup

[GT03ROB]

matrignano said:

I

Thoughts?

Forget it!

[MYOB]

matrignano said:

I think I know the answer to this already. but thought I'd check with the wise ones on here.

Have been seeing a girl for about 2 months, I think we both feel strongly for each other but obviously it's very early days.
Unfortunately though she lives at home (which is in another country) and we've only been able to see each other 3 times since meeting, every time long weekends to maximise our time together

We're both pretty pragmatic and, as I expected, the last time we met (one week ago) we had the "where is this going" chat. Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever. We didn't break up, but neither did we agree to commit to trying out the long distance thing, despite my assurances that I would be up for it.
I have quite a few trips planned until January, which she can't/doesn't want to come along to, which I guess make it even more difficult in terms of planning the next time(s) we can be together.

She left Monday last week. We texted all of Monday until bed time. All seemed fine.

Then it started getting quieter, my messages receiving monosyllabic responses, no questions back etc. Last message from her on Sat afternoon, commenting on a pic I sent but with no follow-up questions. I decided not to respond, to see if she would break the silence at some point.

Last night I was trying to catch some sleep but I couldn't as I was thinking about her, so I gave in and texted her saying I was thinking about her and missed her.
Got a reply today along the lines of "oh that's nice of you x".

Now, since I've met her she has always been reserved and fairly inexpressive by text, and even when we meet it takes time for her to "warm up" and feel comfortable with the lovey-dovey stuff.
But her response surprised me as she had no trouble telling me she missed me before. And it pissed me off.

My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is emotionally distancing herself to "protect herself", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me.

Thoughts?

First of all, some people here (Toyoda) have suggested only the older folks can use this thread. You might wish to state your age first...

But yeah, this possibly sound like the relationship is breaking down. Long distance relationships are difficult for some.

[singlecoil]

matrignano said:

My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is emotionally distancing herself to "protect herself", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me.

I concur.

She doesn't want to argue about it, she just wants you to fk off quietly.

[matrignano]

MYOB said:

First of all, some people here (Toyoda) have suggested only the older folks can use this thread. You might wish to state your age first...

But yeah, this possibly sound like the relationship is breaking down. Long distance relationships are difficult for some.

Is 35 old enough?

[Frank7]

Monkeylegend said:

And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.

Oh no! Have I become the odd one out again?
Reminds me of the time I had an evening flight home from Atlanta GA, and spent a couple of hours getting wrapped around some Buffalo Trace bourbon in an airport bar.
I managed to walk as straight as possible to the gate, show my boarding pass, walk down the skyway, through the door, turned right, walked past my seat in Comfort +, (Delta’s name for Premium Economy), and into economy, where I brought the line to a halt, as I searched for my seat in the wrong part of the cabin.
A flight attendant fought her way up from the back, took my boarding pass, and said, “Not here sir, you’re in the wrong place.”

[matrignano]

Not what I wanted to hear obviously but yes, it is pretty evident this is the way it's going.

Haven't responded to her "oh that's nice" last text and I don't think I will...
Will delete her number now to save me sending any needy/melodramatic messages next time I'm a bit drunk

[RC1807]

matrignano said:

Not what I wanted to hear obviously but yes, it is pretty evident this is the way it's going.

Haven't responded to her "oh that's nice" last text and I don't think I will...
Will delete her number now to save me sending any needy/melodramatic messages next time I'm a bit drunk

It's 2 months, long distance, seen a few times....
That's a fling, not a torrid or deep and meaningful love affair or relationship.
Move on, sir.

[matrignano]

I think there were genuine feelings on both sides, we both said as such.

Let’s see, maybe I’ll bump into her again at Urban when I come back for Xmas

[xjay1337]

bloomen said:

The only reason men are down on women and not men is because the majority of men have relationships with women. If they were gay they would find men just as disappointing and unfathomable as they find women.

I don't think it's much to do with gender. It's just people in general. Many people are defensive, selfish, irrational, incapable of admitting they're wrong or truly considering another and primarily out for themselves and no one else. Once someone stops fulfilling the use they have for them, they're toast.

And comparing a friendship with a man to a relationship with a woman is pointless. Your gruff drinking bud would probably turn into a screeching harpy once you married him. Relationships open up a whole new level of vulnerability and nightmarishness no matter who or what you're in a relationship with.

Very true!

Monkeylegend said:

Maybe people like you need to take a step back and have a closer look at them selves if you really believe that crap.

What you are basically saying is that men are perfect and women are the only gender to deviate from this level of perfection.

I am not surprised there are so many desperate male posters on here who's only aim is to get as many shags as possible, then cry when they get rejected and don't understand why they can't find that special person for a long term relationship.

Maybe take your brain out of your trousers and you might get somewhere, this is'nt the stone age anymore

I don't think that men are perfect personally

I do however think that generally males are much easier to reason with than females but as mentioned this may change if you got into a relationship with one haha.

[FN2TypeR]

Frank7 said:

Monkeylegend said:

And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.

Oh no! Have I become the odd one out again?
Reminds me of the time I had an evening flight home from Atlanta GA, and spent a couple of hours getting wrapped around some Buffalo Trace bourbon in an airport bar.
I managed to walk as straight as possible to the gate, show my boarding pass, walk down the skyway, through the door, turned right, walked past my seat in Comfort +, (Delta’s name for Premium Economy), and into economy, where I brought the line to a halt, as I searched for my seat in the wrong part of the cabin.
A flight attendant fought her way up from the back, took my boarding pass, and said, “Not here sir, you’re in the wrong place.”

[Gargamel]

FN2TypeR said:

Frank7 said:

Monkeylegend said:

And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.

Oh no! Have I become the odd one out again?
Reminds me of the time I had an evening flight home from Atlanta GA, and spent a couple of hours getting wrapped around some Buffalo Trace bourbon in an airport bar.
I managed to walk as straight as possible to the gate, show my boarding pass, walk down the skyway, through the door, turned right, walked past my seat in Comfort +, (Delta’s name for Premium Economy), and into economy, where I brought the line to a halt, as I searched for my seat in the wrong part of the cabin.
A flight attendant fought her way up from the back, took my boarding pass, and said, “Not here sir, you’re in the wrong place.”

It’s the way he tells them...

To be honest, I have never thought this thread is full of men desperate for a shag [See the Match thread for a comparison]

We have quite a few folk going through tough divorces, break ups and separation, this is really somewhere for s bit of empathy, advice and occasionally a wake up call to change things.

I am not sure this thread should become dating advice... mostly because [see above].

[Gargamel]

To go back somewhat on topic. Trip to the solicitor revealed something I was unaware of.

I agreed sometime ago with my wife, that we would divide the house 50%/50% in the future, and that until the children were out of college, I would pay 50% of the mortgage.

However my solicitor tells me, that it is possible that even 7 years hence. She could go back to court, seeking a variation, claiming hardship. If there was at that point a big delta between my wealth and hers - it is probable the court would use their discretion to vary the 50% split....

Crazy. So what is a current amicable arrangement now, is effective incentivized by the court to become an argument in the future...

Anyone else found a solution, I can’t get a clean break as I am supporting children.

[g3org3y]

Frank7 said:

Monkeylegend said:

And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.

Oh no! Have I become the odd one out again?
Reminds me of the time I had an evening flight home from Atlanta GA, and spent a couple of hours getting wrapped around some Buffalo Trace bourbon in an airport bar.
I managed to walk as straight as possible to the gate, show my boarding pass, walk down the skyway, through the door, turned right, walked past my seat in Comfort +, (Delta’s name for Premium Economy), and into economy, where I brought the line to a halt, as I searched for my seat in the wrong part of the cabin.
A flight attendant fought her way up from the back, took my boarding pass, and said, “Not here sir, you’re in the wrong place.”

[Eddiemunster41]

Hilarious. Not the original thread, that's heart braking (car pun). The last reply still has me laughing

[Frank7]

FN2TypeR said:

Frank7 said:

Monkeylegend said:

And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.

Oh no! Have I become the odd one out again?
Reminds me of the time I had an evening flight home from Atlanta GA, and spent a couple of hours getting wrapped around some Buffalo Trace bourbon in an airport bar.
I managed to walk as straight as possible to the gate, show my boarding pass, walk down the skyway, through the door, turned right, walked past my seat in Comfort +, (Delta’s name for Premium Economy), and into economy, where I brought the line to a halt, as I searched for my seat in the wrong part of the cabin.
A flight attendant fought her way up from the back, took my boarding pass, and said, “Not here sir, you’re in the wrong place.”

I was trying, and maybe miserably failing, to proclaim that I’m not a frustrated male, who has biased views of the opposite sex, in other words, I was in the wrong place being on PH, if it’s populated by frustrated males.

[MYOB]

matrignano said:

Is 35 old enough?

I have not set out any requirements - all are welcomed as far as I'm concerned.

[MontyC]

Gargamel said:

To go back somewhat on topic. Trip to the solicitor revealed something I was unaware of.

I thought soliciting was illegal