Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Monkeylegend said:
And the fact that PH is mostly populated by frustrated males many of which are pretty biased in the views of the opposite sex.
I used this forum fairly often, and as one of those (sometimes frustrated) males I would naturally empathise with my fellow posters on here.However, a couple of weeks ago I was googling something and accidentally wandered into a problem-page type thing on the Mumsnet forum. And clicked on a thread. Then another. Then another.
I'm still having a read when I'm bored or on the bog. It's eye-opening stuff. On the one hand, there are threads from very genuinely distressed ladies whose husbands have been doing the dirt on them and treating them like absolute crap, with children involved and police and all manner of nastiness. And on the other hand there are numerous male-hating types on there who simply want us wiped off the face of the Earth for every minor transgression. "My husband didn't call me today at work" - "Dump him! Divorce him! He's cheating on you! Take him for everything he has, the w@nker!!!!"
In some ways with a 95% female base, it's the polar opposite of this forum. I'd still say it's worth a read, even if just for all males to get some balanced views and perspective.
Leonard Stanley said:
Well I am the latest addition to this thread, happy to start a new one if you guys prefer though.
I’ll spare you the details, at least for now.
It’s a mutual thing, pretty much.
I’m about to break the golden rule and move out of the house . Atmosphere is toxic, kids are suffering. I’ll rent (for now).
One question, where I’d be really grateful of some advice - could somebody recommend a family lawyer in the south please? (Berkshire, Hampshire would be ideal).
Thanks, chaps.
Charles Hoile in NewburyI’ll spare you the details, at least for now.
It’s a mutual thing, pretty much.
I’m about to break the golden rule and move out of the house . Atmosphere is toxic, kids are suffering. I’ll rent (for now).
One question, where I’d be really grateful of some advice - could somebody recommend a family lawyer in the south please? (Berkshire, Hampshire would be ideal).
Thanks, chaps.
Edited by Leonard Stanley on Monday 5th November 15:14
Busterhighmen said:
Leonard Stanley said:
Well I am the latest addition to this thread, happy to start a new one if you guys prefer though.
I’ll spare you the details, at least for now.
It’s a mutual thing, pretty much.
I’m about to break the golden rule and move out of the house . Atmosphere is toxic, kids are suffering. I’ll rent (for now).
One question, where I’d be really grateful of some advice - could somebody recommend a family lawyer in the south please? (Berkshire, Hampshire would be ideal).
Thanks, chaps.
Charles Hoile in NewburyI’ll spare you the details, at least for now.
It’s a mutual thing, pretty much.
I’m about to break the golden rule and move out of the house . Atmosphere is toxic, kids are suffering. I’ll rent (for now).
One question, where I’d be really grateful of some advice - could somebody recommend a family lawyer in the south please? (Berkshire, Hampshire would be ideal).
Thanks, chaps.
Edited by Leonard Stanley on Monday 5th November 15:14
Grim.
MYOB said:
First of all, some people here (Toyoda) have suggested only the older folks can use this thread. You might wish to state your age first...
But yeah, this possibly sound like the relationship is breaking down. Long distance relationships are difficult for some.
Dig all you want pal but this poster starts by saying he's known the girl all of 2 months. How that fits the thread title is beyond me. Maybe love at first sight!But yeah, this possibly sound like the relationship is breaking down. Long distance relationships are difficult for some.
carguy45 said:
I used this forum fairly often, and as one of those (sometimes frustrated) males I would naturally empathise with my fellow posters on here.
However, a couple of weeks ago I was googling something and accidentally wandered into a problem-page type thing on the Mumsnet forum. And clicked on a thread. Then another. Then another.
I'm still having a read when I'm bored or on the bog. It's eye-opening stuff. On the one hand, there are threads from very genuinely distressed ladies whose husbands have been doing the dirt on them and treating them like absolute crap, with children involved and police and all manner of nastiness. And on the other hand there are numerous male-hating types on there who simply want us wiped off the face of the Earth for every minor transgression. "My husband didn't call me today at work" - "Dump him! Divorce him! He's cheating on you! Take him for everything he has, the w@nker!!!!"
In some ways with a 95% female base, it's the polar opposite of this forum. I'd still say it's worth a read, even if just for all males to get some balanced views and perspective.
The relationships forum on Mumsnet is a scary, scary place. As you say some genuinely harrowing stories but quite a lot of "get your ducks in a row", "take copies of all financial details" over the smallest of things. If I'm feeling in a happy place I just read it for a while and end up wondering how men and women ever stay together.However, a couple of weeks ago I was googling something and accidentally wandered into a problem-page type thing on the Mumsnet forum. And clicked on a thread. Then another. Then another.
I'm still having a read when I'm bored or on the bog. It's eye-opening stuff. On the one hand, there are threads from very genuinely distressed ladies whose husbands have been doing the dirt on them and treating them like absolute crap, with children involved and police and all manner of nastiness. And on the other hand there are numerous male-hating types on there who simply want us wiped off the face of the Earth for every minor transgression. "My husband didn't call me today at work" - "Dump him! Divorce him! He's cheating on you! Take him for everything he has, the w@nker!!!!"
In some ways with a 95% female base, it's the polar opposite of this forum. I'd still say it's worth a read, even if just for all males to get some balanced views and perspective.
As shown by the evidence over the past few pages, several PHers seem to be offended by my postings and age. I'll respectfully raise the vintage of the average poster on this thread to suit. Toodle-loo.
ETA: No offence meant, just recognition that I've disrupted the thread equilibrium
ETA: No offence meant, just recognition that I've disrupted the thread equilibrium
Edited by AppleJuice on Monday 12th November 21:54
AppleJuice said:
As shown by the evidence over the past few pages, several PHers seem to be offended by my postings and age. I'll respectfully raise the vintage of the average poster on this thread to suit. Toodle-loo.
If I may make a suggestion, if you decide to leave a thread it's best to just stop posting on it rather than announce your intention to leave.Gargamel said:
To go back somewhat on topic. Trip to the solicitor revealed something I was unaware of.
I agreed sometime ago with my wife, that we would divide the house 50%/50% in the future, and that until the children were out of college, I would pay 50% of the mortgage.
However my solicitor tells me, that it is possible that even 7 years hence. She could go back to court, seeking a variation, claiming hardship. If there was at that point a big delta between my wealth and hers - it is probable the court would use their discretion to vary the 50% split....
Crazy. So what is a current amicable arrangement now, is effective incentivized by the court to become an argument in the future...
Anyone else found a solution, I can’t get a clean break as I am supporting children.
Yup, that could happen. Also, if you buy your own property but support her home for x years via a mesher order, you could be hit with CGT for the additional value to house might make since drawing up the agreement. I agreed sometime ago with my wife, that we would divide the house 50%/50% in the future, and that until the children were out of college, I would pay 50% of the mortgage.
However my solicitor tells me, that it is possible that even 7 years hence. She could go back to court, seeking a variation, claiming hardship. If there was at that point a big delta between my wealth and hers - it is probable the court would use their discretion to vary the 50% split....
Crazy. So what is a current amicable arrangement now, is effective incentivized by the court to become an argument in the future...
Anyone else found a solution, I can’t get a clean break as I am supporting children.
The safest bet is a clean break where you divide assets now and pay ongoing maintenance online with your earnings. If not possible, then you have to rely on her goodwill. The court won’t proactively look to change anything in your current financial order, but may reopen it one party claims circumstances have changed dramatically. Then it’s down to whoever is in the chair that day...
MYOB said:
Oh, there's a time-frame criteria as well? 
I was that poster. Sorry, I didn’t know there was a minimum time limit.Was just seeking some advice from seasoned professionals, despite the short timeframe I am taken by this girl and it hurts.
for your own amusement, I invite you to check the mumsnet forums, where I posted the same thing and got much more compassionate responses! Albeit the same answer ultimately...
bloomen said:
The only reason men are down on women and not men is because the majority of men have relationships with women. If they were gay they would find men just as disappointing and unfathomable as they find women.
mmm not sure about this. I find men to generally be more direct than women. There is also much less societal influence on gay relationships so the dynamics of them are more organic.Of course they might still find men just as disappointing, but not unfathomable I would say.
Gargamel said:
To go back somewhat on topic. Trip to the solicitor revealed something I was unaware of.
I agreed sometime ago with my wife, that we would divide the house 50%/50% in the future, and that until the children were out of college, I would pay 50% of the mortgage.
However my solicitor tells me, that it is possible that even 7 years hence. She could go back to court, seeking a variation, claiming hardship. If there was at that point a big delta between my wealth and hers - it is probable the court would use their discretion to vary the 50% split....
Crazy. So what is a current amicable arrangement now, is effective incentivized by the court to become an argument in the future...
Anyone else found a solution, I can’t get a clean break as I am supporting children.
Just make sure you have less wealth than she does (coke and hookers etc), then you can ask for a variation in your favour! I agreed sometime ago with my wife, that we would divide the house 50%/50% in the future, and that until the children were out of college, I would pay 50% of the mortgage.
However my solicitor tells me, that it is possible that even 7 years hence. She could go back to court, seeking a variation, claiming hardship. If there was at that point a big delta between my wealth and hers - it is probable the court would use their discretion to vary the 50% split....
Crazy. So what is a current amicable arrangement now, is effective incentivized by the court to become an argument in the future...
Anyone else found a solution, I can’t get a clean break as I am supporting children.
matrignano said:
MYOB said:
Oh, there's a time-frame criteria as well?
I was that poster. Sorry, I didn’t know there was a minimum time limit.Was just seeking some advice from seasoned professionals, despite the short timeframe I am taken by this girl and it hurts.
for your own amusement, I invite you to check the mumsnet forums, where I posted the same thing and got much more compassionate responses! Albeit the same answer ultimately...
Gargamel said:
Anyone else found a solution, I can’t get a clean break as I am supporting children.
I did one earlier this year (Scots law) that included for immediate payments of joint liquid cash and division of marital assets, future support payments (how much, date payable, how long and when they will finish) and disposing of a major asset (house currently let to tenants), (how and when it will be sold, who decides which offers to accept, who pays the costs up until sale and how the net proceeds are calculated and divvied up).I took in depth legal advice at the start, and we (ex- and I) agreed all of the issues ourselves (all by email, we never spoke because I think that is dangerous). Then the settlement details passed back to my lawyer to draw up for signature.
FWIW I gave her more than the minimum entitlement under every head, because I wanted it settled quickly and permanently, without the risk that you now allude to that it might be opened up by a court at some future time. I also didn't require her to disclose her assets, even though I discovered during my own homework to wrap up our joint financial affairs that she had secret bank accounts and credit cards that I didn't know anything about. I have absolutely no doubt she would have lied through her teeth if I had pushed that point.
If you're ready to move on, bite the bullet and don't try to do anything that you would be embarrassed to read about in tomorrow's papers. That's my advice and it worked for me.
I don't know if a similar approach is possible in England, if that's where you are, but it should be.
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