Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
zygalski said:
Just out of interest, those PH'ers who have been through a divorce, learnt the hard way, and since found new love...
At the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?
Surveillance cameras and key loggers. At the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?
theboss said:
Robertj21a said:
The key problem with some of the posts on here is that there's a requirement for both parties to be civil......
No there’s a requirement for FR to be civil and at least see how she reacts. If she can’t have a calm civilised conversation about the co-parenting of her own daughter or what she feels is the fairest distribution of matrimonial assets then FR is buggered at least as having a smooth, relatively quick and inexpensive divorce is concerned.I know this better than anyone because I had an ex from hell which is well documented here in other threads.
George Smiley said:
True but in your case (from memory) didn’t you start dating someone then when your ex worked out things weren’t Rosie with her younger lover that she tried to get back in to your life and you let her?
Unfortunately your thread was pure car crash tv.
It wasn’t quite as simple as that.Unfortunately your thread was pure car crash tv.
Her new cohabiting relationship (with a much older guy) crumbled and after 6 months she was homeless.
I let her back into the spare room for about 4 weeks whilst I helped her rent somewhere.
She hasn’t stayed here since then (nearly 3 years ago), we finalised our divorce and I’ve remarried and wholly moved on.
I lowered my guard which some may feel is a weakness, but faced with a difficult situation I did at the time what I genuinely felt was in the best interests of our children by trying to stabilise their dysfunctional mother despite our personal grievances.
In the longer term everything has worked out perfectly well for it. The inconvenient reality is that the ex will continue to be “in my life” to some extent for the next 8 years in practical and financial terms which is an unfortunate aspect of any effective co-parenting arrangement.
Yes the separation was a car crash and I didn’t post half of it at the time due to the sensitive and legal nature of the situation. The drama was relentless for 6 months and the legals ended up taking 3 years of my life. Whilst it’s 100% behind me, the ex’s life is still a car crash in many ways. All I can do is continue to be there consistently for the children. Nothing she does impacts me directly any more.
Incidentally the older male has remained in her life. I just found out yesterday that he recently physically assaulted her in an aggressive rage. After telling everyone I was an abusive husband when she left, she now gets to experience this in real life. I don’t take pleasure in it and I don’t want my kids anywhere near it. It’d be nice if she finally washed her hands of this destabilising influence and moved on with her life.
Edited by theboss on Monday 2nd September 15:52
Jonno02 said:
She also said to you she can't wait to split up from you, as you were leaving the hotel. Not when you arrived? She's enjoying mini-breaks and no doubt a lot more at your financial (and mental) expense. As soon as the trip is over and she's had her fill, she starts making comments like that again.
Just reminded me of my friends ex, he splurged out for a weekend at a very fancy, very expensive Spa - no expense spared. They got home and she dumped him the same day. Turned out she already had a flat lease set up, and a new man... Kin 'ell!funkyrobot said:
Absolutely lovely, harmonious and fun day today with my little girl. Amazing how well we get on minus the wife.
Will be enquiring with estate agents tomorrow. House is going up for sale as soon as it looks in a saleable condition. My wife wants to wait a bit before moving forward with things. I just want to get started now.
I applied for a full time job near where my parents live. Will see if anything comes from that.
I'm going to get some advice soon, but I'm wondering if it makes sense to get the house sold before divorce proceedings begin.
I was reminded tonight that my wife doesn't trust me. It just came out of the blue and was related to the amount of apples on our lawn from the tree. Absolutely crazy pop at me and from nowhere really. Just gives me more incentive to crack on and get everything sorted.
On what basis? She hates your guts and doesn't want to get the sale started? Does not compute.Will be enquiring with estate agents tomorrow. House is going up for sale as soon as it looks in a saleable condition. My wife wants to wait a bit before moving forward with things. I just want to get started now.
I applied for a full time job near where my parents live. Will see if anything comes from that.
I'm going to get some advice soon, but I'm wondering if it makes sense to get the house sold before divorce proceedings begin.
I was reminded tonight that my wife doesn't trust me. It just came out of the blue and was related to the amount of apples on our lawn from the tree. Absolutely crazy pop at me and from nowhere really. Just gives me more incentive to crack on and get everything sorted.
Well it does compute if she has a plan, which she almost certainly does have, and which you don't yet know.
zygalski said:
Just out of interest, those PH'ers who have been through a divorce, learnt the hard way, and since found new love...
At the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?
No is the simple answerAt the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?
More long winded NO
Because with my first wife I was young (21) only with her for about 18 months and in a way forced to marry because of the RAF and its stupid policy on housing. I was stupid and in love and whilst I had some apprehension before getting married the first time, looking back I saw the signs she was mental before I got married. I should have listen with my head not my heart/cock.
My second wife who I was with for 6 years before we married. We have been together 10 years this December and to this date never had an argument or a cross word with each other. We are so alike. We have the same interests, social interests, sense of humour. I couldn’t ask for a more devoted wife. I know without doubt or hesitation she would do anything for me (legal) be there at the drop of a hat. All things I know my first wife wouldn’t have done.
To sum it up I suppose I was stupid marrying my first wife and paid for it. I was very very cautious and careful before I committed to my second wife so have no need to mistrust her or suspect her of anything so I have no need to film her.
MB140 said:
zygalski said:
Just out of interest, those PH'ers who have been through a divorce, learnt the hard way, and since found new love...
At the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?
No is the simple answerAt the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?
More long winded NO
Because with my first wife I was young (21) only with her for about 18 months and in a way forced to marry because of the RAF and its stupid policy on housing. I was stupid and in love and whilst I had some apprehension before getting married the first time, looking back I saw the signs she was mental before I got married. I should have listen with my head not my heart/cock.
My second wife who I was with for 6 years before we married. We have been together 10 years this December and to this date never had an argument or a cross word with each other. We are so alike. We have the same interests, social interests, sense of humour. I couldn’t ask for a more devoted wife. I know without doubt or hesitation she would do anything for me (legal) be there at the drop of a hat. All things I know my first wife wouldn’t have done.
To sum it up I suppose I was stupid marrying my first wife and paid for it. I was very very cautious and careful before I committed to my second wife so have no need to mistrust her or suspect her of anything so I have no need to film her.
Personally I would do my best to avoid getting married again, feel that it adds needless complication and is a bygone tradition. If a relationship ends, people should just go their own ways, instead of having to go through a divorce process.
hyphen said:
There is a saying that your first wife is your practice wife
Personally I would do my best to avoid getting married again, feel that it adds needless complication and is a bygone tradition. If a relationship ends, people should just go their own ways, instead of having to go through a divorce process.
Agreed. I’m not going to have kids again so there will never be a need to get remarried. Personally I would do my best to avoid getting married again, feel that it adds needless complication and is a bygone tradition. If a relationship ends, people should just go their own ways, instead of having to go through a divorce process.
If I meet someone that really wants to it’ll be a red flag anyway; either they’ll be looking for ‘financial security’ or are too insecure / emotionally needy - neither of which interest me as traits in a life partner.
Some people have said I’m cynical, I can live with that.
Plate spinner said:
Agreed. I’m not going to have kids again so there will never be a need to get remarried.
If I meet someone that really wants to it’ll be a red flag anyway; either they’ll be looking for ‘financial security’ or are too insecure / emotionally needy - neither of which interest me as traits in a life partner.
Some people have said I’m cynical, I can live with that.
I know of someone that got with a bloke 20 years her senior and preggers in no time.If I meet someone that really wants to it’ll be a red flag anyway; either they’ll be looking for ‘financial security’ or are too insecure / emotionally needy - neither of which interest me as traits in a life partner.
Some people have said I’m cynical, I can live with that.
Soon as kid was born and she'd puffed him in sufficiently she then insisted they got married with no prenup.
She is currently banging some new fellow she met at the park on dog walks and feeding the husband copious amounts of wine hoping that sees him off.
Women- lovely creatures some of them eh ..........
FocusRS3 said:
I know of someone that got with a bloke 20 years her senior and preggers in no time.
Soon as kid was born and she'd puffed him in sufficiently she then insisted they got married with no prenup.
She is currently banging some new fellow she met at the park on dog walks and feeding the husband copious amounts of wine hoping that sees him off.
Women- lovely creatures some of them eh ..........
Yeah, but for every ‘lovely’ woman there’s a ‘lovely’ man as well. Some people are just dicks, it’s not a gender thing IMO. Soon as kid was born and she'd puffed him in sufficiently she then insisted they got married with no prenup.
She is currently banging some new fellow she met at the park on dog walks and feeding the husband copious amounts of wine hoping that sees him off.
Women- lovely creatures some of them eh ..........
I’m not cynical of women or of relationships.
But I am cynical of marriage. Ultimately it’s a contract and I’ve now been fully exposed to the small print. So armed with that knowledge, I’d not sign up again. If I wanted kids again though I get how it’s relevant, but I don’t.
I’m still staggered that you need a solicitor to get a divorce but not married.
Edited by Plate spinner on Monday 2nd September 16:21
Plate spinner said:
Yeah, but for every ‘lovely’ woman there’s a ‘lovely’ man as well. Some people are just dicks, it’s not a gender thing IMO.
I’m not cynical of women or of relationships.
But I am cynical of marriage. Ultimately it’s a contract and I’ve now been fully exposed to the small print. So armed with that knowledge, I’d not sign up again. If I wanted kids again though I get how it’s relevant, but I don’t.
I’m still staggered that you need a solicitor to get a divorce but not married.
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?I’m not cynical of women or of relationships.
But I am cynical of marriage. Ultimately it’s a contract and I’ve now been fully exposed to the small print. So armed with that knowledge, I’d not sign up again. If I wanted kids again though I get how it’s relevant, but I don’t.
I’m still staggered that you need a solicitor to get a divorce but not married.
Edited by Plate spinner on Monday 2nd September 16:21
Plate spinner said:
Yeah, but for every ‘lovely’ woman there’s a ‘lovely’ man as well. Some people are just dicks, it’s not a gender thing IMO.
I’m not cynical of women or of relationships.
But I am cynical of marriage. Ultimately it’s a contract and I’ve now been fully exposed to the small print. So armed with that knowledge, I’d not sign up again. If I wanted kids again though I get how it’s relevant, but I don’t.
I’m still staggered that you need a solicitor to get a divorce but not married.
How many men do you know that have given up working and are living a life of leisure financed by their ex-wife?I’m not cynical of women or of relationships.
But I am cynical of marriage. Ultimately it’s a contract and I’ve now been fully exposed to the small print. So armed with that knowledge, I’d not sign up again. If I wanted kids again though I get how it’s relevant, but I don’t.
I’m still staggered that you need a solicitor to get a divorce but not married.
Edited by Plate spinner on Monday 2nd September 16:21
Robertj21a said:
Plate spinner said:
Robertj21a said:
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?
Well, you need to go through a legal framework. Robertj21a said:
Oh, absolutely, but surely you can do it yourself if you want to ?
You can, but it’s an absolute minefield for any layperson even if well researched especially if the circumstances are complicated in any way.What I learned from my own proceedings is that the quality of legal representation varies dramatically, luckily in my favour though obviously at great cost.
The risk representing yourself is that the other side really goes to town with costs, you find yourself up against experienced professionals who know every obscure aspect of the law. If they were all muppets like my ex’s representation it wouldn’t be so bad.
Taylor James said:
Robertj21a said:
Plate spinner said:
Robertj21a said:
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?
Well, you need to go through a legal framework. Taylor James said:
Robertj21a said:
Plate spinner said:
Robertj21a said:
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?
Well, you need to go through a legal framework. I divorced my ex this way - you write it out in layman’s terms / fill in the boxes and a legal company (probs an under graduate) just does a copy / paste and submits it in the correct format for a judge to sign off. Only works if both parties are aligned though in a ‘non-contested settlement’. Think the service cost about £600 through wikivorce.
Plate spinner said:
Taylor James said:
Robertj21a said:
Plate spinner said:
Robertj21a said:
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?
Well, you need to go through a legal framework. I divorced my ex this way - you write it out in layman’s terms / fill in the boxes and a legal company (probs an under graduate) just does a copy / paste and submits it in the correct format for a judge to sign off. Only works if both parties are aligned though in a ‘non-contested settlement’. Think the service cost about £600 through wikivorce.
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