Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
funkyrobot said:
Plate spinner said:
Taylor James said:
Robertj21a said:
Plate spinner said:
Robertj21a said:
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?
Well, you need to go through a legal framework. I divorced my ex this way - you write it out in layman’s terms / fill in the boxes and a legal company (probs an under graduate) just does a copy / paste and submits it in the correct format for a judge to sign off. Only works if both parties are aligned though in a ‘non-contested settlement’. Think the service cost about £600 through wikivorce.
Divorce and Consent Order (simple) managed by law firm
Divorce and Consent Order (simple) managed by law firm
This comprehensive service includes both a Divorce and a Consent Order - all fully managed by a professional law firm. The package price is just £299 - which is a saving of £39 compared to buying these two services separately.
Our Price: £299.00
My rationale was simply, if we can’t reach an agreement the pot will end up getting spilt 3 ways rather than 2. And the solicitors won’t be supporting our kids for years to come, we will. So better we find a way to split it between us and us only rather than with 3rd parties.
Call me a cynic, but each solicitors job is to get the best deal for their client. So the longer things go on and the more disagreements we have, the more they work, the more they bill and the smaller the pot we’ve currently got gets.
It’s just logic really.
But needs to both to get that. Sometimes one party just wants to take the other one down. Which is a shame.
Call me a cynic, but each solicitors job is to get the best deal for their client. So the longer things go on and the more disagreements we have, the more they work, the more they bill and the smaller the pot we’ve currently got gets.
It’s just logic really.
But needs to both to get that. Sometimes one party just wants to take the other one down. Which is a shame.
theboss said:
You can, but it’s an absolute minefield for any layperson even if well researched especially if the circumstances are complicated in any way.
What I learned from my own proceedings is that the quality of legal representation varies dramatically, luckily in my favour though obviously at great cost.
The risk representing yourself is that the other side really goes to town with costs, you find yourself up against experienced professionals who know every obscure aspect of the law. If they were all muppets like my ex’s representation it wouldn’t be so bad.
I was told many years ago by a wise old QC that you should only ever employ a lawyer you can't afford.What I learned from my own proceedings is that the quality of legal representation varies dramatically, luckily in my favour though obviously at great cost.
The risk representing yourself is that the other side really goes to town with costs, you find yourself up against experienced professionals who know every obscure aspect of the law. If they were all muppets like my ex’s representation it wouldn’t be so bad.
I must have a charmed life.
First she didn't tell me she didn't love me anymore. We were cruising in my yacht through New Guinea & the Solomon Islands, & got caught in the edge of a cyclone. It was very nasty, but not really life threatening, unless we did something silly.
She said she was too frightened to stay, & flew home to mummy in Sydney Oz. I waited north of the cyclone belt for the end of the season before following by yacht. She had stopped writing by then, so I stayed out in the islands.
The very next communication was 2 years later, telling me I was divorced. It was certainly cheap & easy. I still have no idea of what or how it was done, 45 years ago, & have not spoken to her since.
First she didn't tell me she didn't love me anymore. We were cruising in my yacht through New Guinea & the Solomon Islands, & got caught in the edge of a cyclone. It was very nasty, but not really life threatening, unless we did something silly.
She said she was too frightened to stay, & flew home to mummy in Sydney Oz. I waited north of the cyclone belt for the end of the season before following by yacht. She had stopped writing by then, so I stayed out in the islands.
The very next communication was 2 years later, telling me I was divorced. It was certainly cheap & easy. I still have no idea of what or how it was done, 45 years ago, & have not spoken to her since.
hutchst said:
I was told many years ago by a wise old QC that you should only ever employ a lawyer you can't afford.
Sounds a bit like De Beers coming up with the adverts persuading everyone that they need to spend a months salary (or is it three/six months now) on a diamond engagement ring.Seems like everyone profits out of marriages doesn't it? Us poor mugs just have to keep paying....
Plate spinner said:
funkyrobot said:
Plate spinner said:
Taylor James said:
Robertj21a said:
Plate spinner said:
Robertj21a said:
Hang on, who has said you need a solicitor in order to get divorced ?
Well, you need to go through a legal framework. I divorced my ex this way - you write it out in layman’s terms / fill in the boxes and a legal company (probs an under graduate) just does a copy / paste and submits it in the correct format for a judge to sign off. Only works if both parties are aligned though in a ‘non-contested settlement’. Think the service cost about £600 through wikivorce.
Divorce and Consent Order (simple) managed by law firm
Divorce and Consent Order (simple) managed by law firm
This comprehensive service includes both a Divorce and a Consent Order - all fully managed by a professional law firm. The package price is just £299 - which is a saving of £39 compared to buying these two services separately.
Our Price: £299.00
I was most surprised at how much the court fee was, £550 or something!
Edited by hyphen on Tuesday 3rd September 11:05
hyphen said:
£39 additional isn't much for the divorce application, but it will probably delay submitting it as you will be on some cheap firms backlog. And as it can take a year + from time of submission to actually getting in front of a judge, if you are competent then just do it yourself so it's in the pipeline asap.
I was most surprised at how much the court fee was, £550 or something!
Nah, the whole point of these non-contested services is that neither of you sees a judge, it’s just admin. The only time would be if the consent order looks too weighty one way or the other. And the firm would point that out to you. I was most surprised at how much the court fee was, £550 or something!
Edited by hyphen on Tuesday 3rd September 11:05
Plus they pick a court with the lowest backlog. Ours came through from a town / county neither of us has ever been to. Took a few weeks.
I think the £39 is the saving you make buying the divorce service and consent order together rather than separately.
Plate spinner said:
My rationale was simply, if we can’t reach an agreement the pot will end up getting spilt 3 ways rather than 2.
Try that with a wife that wants 65% of what I consider our marital assets, while having just been given a £300k house by her parents for her new single life, so in reality she gets about 85% of our assets. Don't forget the monthly spousal maintenance she wants as well.Plate spinner said:
FocusRS3 said:
I know of someone that got with a bloke 20 years her senior and preggers in no time.
Soon as kid was born and she'd puffed him in sufficiently she then insisted they got married with no prenup.
She is currently banging some new fellow she met at the park on dog walks and feeding the husband copious amounts of wine hoping that sees him off.
Women- lovely creatures some of them eh ..........
Yeah, but for every ‘lovely’ woman there’s a ‘lovely’ man as well. Some people are just dicks, it’s not a gender thing IMO. Soon as kid was born and she'd puffed him in sufficiently she then insisted they got married with no prenup.
She is currently banging some new fellow she met at the park on dog walks and feeding the husband copious amounts of wine hoping that sees him off.
Women- lovely creatures some of them eh ..........
I’m not cynical of women or of relationships.
But I am cynical of marriage. Ultimately it’s a contract and I’ve now been fully exposed to the small print. So armed with that knowledge, I’d not sign up again. If I wanted kids again though I get how it’s relevant, but I don’t.
I’m still staggered that you need a solicitor to get a divorce but not married.
Edited by Plate spinner on Monday 2nd September 16:21
.
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
xjay1337 said:
It is not clear cut at all but evidence suggests that men are women are inherently different
.
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
I often resolve disputes between the wife and i but never by aggression or violence..
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
Maybe that kind of behaviour is what leads to divorce in the first place .
I know you're not condoning that behaviour just to be clear
FocusRS3 said:
xjay1337 said:
It is not clear cut at all but evidence suggests that men are women are inherently different
.
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
I often resolve disputes between the wife and i but never by aggression or violence..
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
Maybe that kind of behaviour is what leads to divorce in the first place .
I know you're not condoning that behaviour just to be clear
I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers.
Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her. FocusRS3 said:
xjay1337 said:
It is not clear cut at all but evidence suggests that men are women are inherently different
.
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
I often resolve disputes between the wife and i but never by aggression or violence..
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
Maybe that kind of behaviour is what leads to divorce in the first place .
I know you're not condoning that behaviour just to be clear
Women are wired to engineer a satisfactory outcome but using indirect, non-confrontational much longer term methods often involving others.
It’s our lizard brain ancestry; men tend to be physically bigger, women more emotionally intelligent. So together, nature makes us a good team for raising children.
But due to the different conflict resolution methodologies, both sexes are potentially very vulnerable to each other’s tactics.
Anyway, all IMHO.
funkyrobot said:
FocusRS3 said:
xjay1337 said:
It is not clear cut at all but evidence suggests that men are women are inherently different
.
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
I often resolve disputes between the wife and i but never by aggression or violence..
Men are more likely to resolve conflict with aggression and violence.
Women are not wired up in the same way (and thankfully so), often when there is conflict they are more likely to resort to twisting truths and attempting to destroy your reputation and future plans.
Maybe that kind of behaviour is what leads to divorce in the first place .
I know you're not condoning that behaviour just to be clear
I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers.
Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her. I'm not very good at explaining things but what I'm trying to say is that if you are upset with someone, there are ways to deal with that in a number of ways, these go from least aggressive to most aggressive and the way men and women go about this are different due to differences in their brain and their physiology.
i am speaking generally here generally more women are agreeable people than men so are less likely to be physically violent - as such they express their anger in a different way.
for example for most men generally being physically stronger than women , the ultimate threat is physical violence so if you are really, really angry with someone you might say you want to rip their throat out or otherwise cause them physical harm - however a woman in a similar position are more likely yo say something like "I'm going to ruin your life" ................so your escalation of emotion as a male could be like below
1) talking
2) shouting
3) yelling
4) attacking an inanimate object (like punching a wall or table or even squeezing a stress ball)
5) attacking someone
now most of us probably hover around 3 or 4.
Where as for women it's slightly different given their genetic and physical make up they are not likely to escalate to physical violence as a way to get back at someone who they feel has wronged them
for women it would generally be something like
1) talking
2) shouting
3) yelling
4) being emotionally torturous towards you / others around you
5) destroying your reputation
Women generally do not attack physically but they would instead attack using words. quite like in the way that FR explains his wife's actions/words towards him.
It would start with insults / odd behaviour and what could be argued socio or psychopathic behaviour in some scenarios usually towards the direct closest person in this case of FR's wife, it's FR himself.
When it's clear to FR's wife that this is not working or having the desired effect and things do not improve in FR's wife's eyes, then she will start with the 5th step which is to start talking to anyone and everyone she can about what a horrible person / worker / dad you are, this will be to her parents, your parents, anyone whom she has an opportunity to.
Where as perhaps in the dark ages of human history a man would simply physically attack his partner in such a scenario that is rightly not a legal or morally correct thing to do however to attack someone with words and destroy their reputation as a person is a much more grey area both legally and morally and as such in things like break ups and divorce women generally have the upper hand as their brains are better at doing that than men.
funkyrobot said:
I'm the same. If I used aggression or violence I would be in jail by now.
I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers. Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her.
Having had the chat with a number of women about this behaviour, it sounds as if she's menapausal rather than actually wanting divorce.I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers.
Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her. jshell said:
funkyrobot said:
I'm the same. If I used aggression or violence I would be in jail by now.
I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers. Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her.
Having had the chat with a number of women about this behaviour, it sounds as if she's menapausal rather than actually wanting divorce.I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers.
Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her. 
funkyrobot said:
jshell said:
funkyrobot said:
I'm the same. If I used aggression or violence I would be in jail by now.
I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers. Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her.
Having had the chat with a number of women about this behaviour, it sounds as if she's menapausal rather than actually wanting divorce.I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers.
Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her. funkyrobot said:
I'm the same. If I used aggression or violence I would be in jail by now.
I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers. Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her.
Sounds to me like she doesn't want to sell the house - she just wants you out but still paying for it.I don't know if this is unique to my wife, but she seems to thrive on trying to wind me up. I've had a bout of it today already. Calling me hormonal and grumpy just because I said our daughter is being a little bugger this morning.
It's the tone she uses as well. Like a child trying to belittle someone. Weird behaviour. She is after a reaction she won't get.
In other news, I'm off to some estate agents to check out their prices etc. I want the house on the market. We need to clear it up first though and that can only be done when my daughter goes back to school tomorrow. Going to be a busy few weeks.
I'll probably go to the solicitors on Friday. However, I'm wondering if we can do things via the DIY option shown on this thread. Maybe I don't even need to approach a solicitor?
Things in the house are odd. My wife is talking about holidays again. It's as if she thinks we will just carry on with things the way they are. She still thinks I'm going to be her punchbag for the rest of my life.
Funny how when I mention things like the house sale she keeps trying to put it off.
Oh yes, she is annoyed I've locked my devices down with pin numbers.
Had a flippant comment about that earlier. She took my phone yesterday to look at some pictures. When I asked for it back she accused me of trying to hide something from her. You'll find out soon enough when she has to sign the forms with the estate agent that puts it on the market.
Also file for divorce now - it doesn't affect the overall outcome but it will show you're serious and allow you to drive the process forward.
Pay for an hour with a solicitor for advice on how to do this.
xjay1337 said:
I should maybe clarify I am not saying that men do or should beat their wives. Not at all.
I'm not very good at explaining things but what I'm trying to say is that if you are upset with someone, there are ways to deal with that in a number of ways, these go from least aggressive to most aggressive and the way men and women go about this are different due to differences in their brain and their physiology.
i am speaking generally here generally more women are agreeable people than men so are less likely to be physically violent - as such they express their anger in a different way.
for example for most men generally being physically stronger than women , the ultimate threat is physical violence so if you are really, really angry with someone you might say you want to rip their throat out or otherwise cause them physical harm - however a woman in a similar position are more likely yo say something like "I'm going to ruin your life" ................so your escalation of emotion as a male could be like below
1) talking
2) shouting
3) yelling
4) attacking an inanimate object (like punching a wall or table or even squeezing a stress ball)
5) attacking someone
now most of us probably hover around 3 or 4.
Where as for women it's slightly different given their genetic and physical make up they are not likely to escalate to physical violence as a way to get back at someone who they feel has wronged them
for women it would generally be something like
1) talking
2) shouting
3) yelling
4) being emotionally torturous towards you / others around you
5) destroying your reputation
Women generally do not attack physically but they would instead attack using words. quite like in the way that FR explains his wife's actions/words towards him.
It would start with insults / odd behaviour and what could be argued socio or psychopathic behaviour in some scenarios usually towards the direct closest person in this case of FR's wife, it's FR himself.
When it's clear to FR's wife that this is not working or having the desired effect and things do not improve in FR's wife's eyes, then she will start with the 5th step which is to start talking to anyone and everyone she can about what a horrible person / worker / dad you are, this will be to her parents, your parents, anyone whom she has an opportunity to.
Where as perhaps in the dark ages of human history a man would simply physically attack his partner in such a scenario that is rightly not a legal or morally correct thing to do however to attack someone with words and destroy their reputation as a person is a much more grey area both legally and morally and as such in things like break ups and divorce women generally have the upper hand as their brains are better at doing that than men.
What are you talking about? What you’ve observed there is the deranged side of the scale for either side. My OH does not tackle anything with anger and I do not resolve anything by plotting to destroy his reputation. We discuss things like adults who want the best for each other, I mean that’s why we’re together. The scenarios described in this thread are thankfully not the norms, it’s simply wronged people shouting loudest and it happens to be a male dominated forum. I'm not very good at explaining things but what I'm trying to say is that if you are upset with someone, there are ways to deal with that in a number of ways, these go from least aggressive to most aggressive and the way men and women go about this are different due to differences in their brain and their physiology.
i am speaking generally here generally more women are agreeable people than men so are less likely to be physically violent - as such they express their anger in a different way.
for example for most men generally being physically stronger than women , the ultimate threat is physical violence so if you are really, really angry with someone you might say you want to rip their throat out or otherwise cause them physical harm - however a woman in a similar position are more likely yo say something like "I'm going to ruin your life" ................so your escalation of emotion as a male could be like below
1) talking
2) shouting
3) yelling
4) attacking an inanimate object (like punching a wall or table or even squeezing a stress ball)
5) attacking someone
now most of us probably hover around 3 or 4.
Where as for women it's slightly different given their genetic and physical make up they are not likely to escalate to physical violence as a way to get back at someone who they feel has wronged them
for women it would generally be something like
1) talking
2) shouting
3) yelling
4) being emotionally torturous towards you / others around you
5) destroying your reputation
Women generally do not attack physically but they would instead attack using words. quite like in the way that FR explains his wife's actions/words towards him.
It would start with insults / odd behaviour and what could be argued socio or psychopathic behaviour in some scenarios usually towards the direct closest person in this case of FR's wife, it's FR himself.
When it's clear to FR's wife that this is not working or having the desired effect and things do not improve in FR's wife's eyes, then she will start with the 5th step which is to start talking to anyone and everyone she can about what a horrible person / worker / dad you are, this will be to her parents, your parents, anyone whom she has an opportunity to.
Where as perhaps in the dark ages of human history a man would simply physically attack his partner in such a scenario that is rightly not a legal or morally correct thing to do however to attack someone with words and destroy their reputation as a person is a much more grey area both legally and morally and as such in things like break ups and divorce women generally have the upper hand as their brains are better at doing that than men.
I despair. This thread is full of people who have come up against nutters in the process each time. The problem is there are thousands of completely normal women who simply want to crack on get things resolved, just as there are thousands of men who feel the same. I could stereotype about men not wanting to bother parenting, hiding money and generally making the process as painful as possible having been discovered having affairs whilst away for years as that’s the route 3/4 splits I’m aware of are following. However I won’t, because for every a
hole dad there are thousands of normal ones trying incredibly hard. Funkyrobot, clearly things haven’t been great for a while. I’d be sitting down to have an adult discussion about the next steps and documenting the things you discuss, almost with a sort of agenda written out if I were you. That way there’s evidence you’ve approached it maturely and calmly. Then if it’s met with hostility, simply don’t engage and proceed with what you need to do to move forward. Unless of course you actually want to stay together?
guillemot said:
What are you talking about? What you’ve observed there is the deranged side of the scale for either side. My OH does not tackle anything with anger and I do not resolve anything by plotting to destroy his reputation. We discuss things like adults who want the best for each other, I mean that’s why we’re together. The scenarios described in this thread are thankfully not the norms, it’s simply wronged people shouting loudest and it happens to be a male dominated forum.
Because luckily you haven't progressed past point 3 which is an awesome and fortunate place to be.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff