Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Joey Deacon said:
FNG said:
More seriously, some of the stories on this thread make for sober reading.
I am largely sticking around for the kids sake now; don't have anything like the healthy relationship with my wife that I did before kids; don't get any headspace or time of my own, and that's not a lockdown thing; and can't get her to return to work even though we continue to spend more than I earn and have sold all our assets (apart from the house) over the last 5 years.
She's not looking around for anyone else, seemingly happy with the world she's arranged - but I am very much relegated to the role of sole provider. Whether all the rest comes in due course is something we will have to wait and see about.
I wouldn't be 100% sure on that one, I suspect the situation suits her for now. I am largely sticking around for the kids sake now; don't have anything like the healthy relationship with my wife that I did before kids; don't get any headspace or time of my own, and that's not a lockdown thing; and can't get her to return to work even though we continue to spend more than I earn and have sold all our assets (apart from the house) over the last 5 years.
She's not looking around for anyone else, seemingly happy with the world she's arranged - but I am very much relegated to the role of sole provider. Whether all the rest comes in due course is something we will have to wait and see about.
FNG said:
Psycho Warren said:
FNG said:
and can't get her to return to work even though we continue to spend more than I earn and have sold all our assets (apart from the house) over the last 5 years.
If the kids are at school and she is able to work, if she knows the difficult financial position yet still won't work, then she's the problem. If you did split and have no assets, she will have to work like it or not.
FNG said:
Ive thought about the snip. Only reason against is that we are no longer intimate so why would I need to.
In this situation it is not that she doesn't want to have sex, it's just she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. If you are no longer intimate then I suspect she has at least started to check out of the relationship. From that point on it is just a matter of time before the need to "find myself" starts and you eventually get the "I need space", "I love you, I'm just not in love with you anymore" conversation.As you say, sobering stuff and no man thinks it will ever happen to him.
I actually led the charge when I was furloughed in April and lost 10kg but then went back to work and put it all back on. She kept going.
Lack of intimacy is understandable when we are both 30kg overweight. Now one of us still is, the other... isn’t!
Time will tell, as I say. I worked out a few years ago that I don’t want the kids to be in a single parent family growing up. More accurately I’ve come to realise I don’t want them in that situation on my conscience. If the marriage ended it wouldn’t be because of me, but if it came to pass I wouldn’t be devastated. Perhaps not a healthy position to take, I don’t know, but it feels important to me that I’m not the kind of bloke who f
ks off and leaves the wife to raise the kids. Munter said:
Sounds like coercive control to me.
Does she unreasonably do any of these. If so, start keeping a diary online someplace, where she can't destroy it:
Isolating a person from their friends and family
Depriving them of their basic needs
Monitoring their time
Monitoring a person via online communication tools or using spyware
Taking control over aspects of their everyday life, such as where they can go, who they can see, what to wear and when they can sleep
Depriving them access to support services, such as specialist support or medical services
Repeatedly putting them down such as telling them they are worthless
Enforcing rules and activity which humiliate, degrade or dehumanise the victim
Forcing the victim to take part in criminal activity such as shoplifting, neglect or abuse of children to encourage self-blame and prevent disclosure to authorities
Financial abuse including control of finances, such as only allowing a person a punitive allowance
Control ability to go to school or place of study
Taking wages, benefits or allowances
Threats to hurt or kill
Threats to harm a child
Threats to reveal or publish private information (e.g. threatening to 'out' someone)
Threats to hurt or physically harming a family pet
Assault
Criminal damage (such as destruction of household goods)
Preventing a person from having access to transport or from working
Preventing a person from being able to attend school, college or University
Family 'dishonour'
Reputational damage
Disclosure of sexual orientation
Disclosure of HIV status or other medical condition without consent
Limiting access to family, friends and finances
Largely it’s her wanting me to be perfect dad. Does she unreasonably do any of these. If so, start keeping a diary online someplace, where she can't destroy it:
Isolating a person from their friends and family
Depriving them of their basic needs
Monitoring their time
Monitoring a person via online communication tools or using spyware
Taking control over aspects of their everyday life, such as where they can go, who they can see, what to wear and when they can sleep
Depriving them access to support services, such as specialist support or medical services
Repeatedly putting them down such as telling them they are worthless
Enforcing rules and activity which humiliate, degrade or dehumanise the victim
Forcing the victim to take part in criminal activity such as shoplifting, neglect or abuse of children to encourage self-blame and prevent disclosure to authorities
Financial abuse including control of finances, such as only allowing a person a punitive allowance
Control ability to go to school or place of study
Taking wages, benefits or allowances
Threats to hurt or kill
Threats to harm a child
Threats to reveal or publish private information (e.g. threatening to 'out' someone)
Threats to hurt or physically harming a family pet
Assault
Criminal damage (such as destruction of household goods)
Preventing a person from having access to transport or from working
Preventing a person from being able to attend school, college or University
Family 'dishonour'
Reputational damage
Disclosure of sexual orientation
Disclosure of HIV status or other medical condition without consent
Limiting access to family, friends and finances
Disapproves of my friends and dad, doesn’t want to visit, won’t engage with friends of mine. Approves highly of her friends and parents.
Has evidently wangled it so I have no toy cars any more - when we met I had 6 - because I should be focused on the children. It’s a different viewpoint - mine is that you don’t lose who you used to be once you’ve had kids, and they need to be accommodated into your lives to some degree; hers is that it’s all about the kids and anything else is a bit selfish.
You can guess what the spiel was before we had kids. Everything I wanted to hear. Afterwards, not so much.
I’m not sure the above is particularly abnormal to be honest. I doubt anyone on mumsnet would consider it was, anyway...
hyphen said:
The welsh actor, Michael Sheen, has shacked up with a 25 year old pretty swedish blonde. She already gave birth.
Seems a nice girl though.
I rest my case. I mean, talk about a complete lack of self awareness. If he sees this picture, does he not see what we see. Does he really believe she'd be with him if he was on the bins? Seems a nice girl though.
What an idiot.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
hyphen said:
The welsh actor, Michael Sheen, has shacked up with a 25 year old pretty swedish blonde. She already gave birth.
Seems a nice girl though.
I rest my case. I mean, talk about a complete lack of self awareness. If he sees this picture, does he not see what we see. Does he really believe she'd be with him if he was on the bins? Seems a nice girl though.
What an idiot.
king tramp at the moment! TBF, though, he's only doing what the rest of us 50 somethings think we'd love to be able to. 
It seems, of course, to also be the case in some of the tales in this thread, so, back to the topic....
TwigtheWonderkid said:
hyphen said:
The welsh actor, Michael Sheen, has shacked up with a 25 year old pretty swedish blonde. She already gave birth.
Seems a nice girl though.
I rest my case. I mean, talk about a complete lack of self awareness. If he sees this picture, does he not see what we see. Does he really believe she'd be with him if he was on the bins? Seems a nice girl though.
What an idiot.
He's living a fabulous life.
MYOB said:
I don't understand why the Family Court would stop you from seeing your kids.
My ex wife claimed domestic abuse and the stupid old judge said she believed my ex wife and not me. But I still managed to get 50/50 access to the kids in another Hearing.
There must be more to the story?
Agree - no response to my gentle questions upthread suggests it's not the whole picture we're getting.My ex wife claimed domestic abuse and the stupid old judge said she believed my ex wife and not me. But I still managed to get 50/50 access to the kids in another Hearing.
There must be more to the story?
Having said that judge has a choice between lose and no lose when deciding in re contact when allegations/evidence of abuse are heard. Without a criminal standard of proof and professional caution operating this can only disadvantage the 'accused'.
In my eyes mentioning the gender of the judge undermines the credibility of the poster
oddman said:
Agree - no response to my gentle questions upthread suggests it's not the whole picture we're getting.
Having said that judge has a choice between lose and no lose when deciding in re contact when allegations/evidence of abuse are heard. Without a criminal standard of proof and professional caution operating this can only disadvantage the 'accused'.
In my eyes mentioning the gender of the judge undermines the credibility of the poster
Why is there not a criminal standard of proof in the family courts?Having said that judge has a choice between lose and no lose when deciding in re contact when allegations/evidence of abuse are heard. Without a criminal standard of proof and professional caution operating this can only disadvantage the 'accused'.
In my eyes mentioning the gender of the judge undermines the credibility of the poster
The vast majority of these allegations in a magistrates court would just result in a small fine, so the stakes in the family court are significantly higher.
Family courts are a whole world in themselves, even seasoned legal professionals from other sectors are often aghast at how they operate when they have had to go through the process personally.
You could have 10 judges sat hearing the same things at the same time, and you would have 10 widely ranging judgments, its scary, and once that decision is made, by one single judge, there is very little recourse to have that changed, even when post hearing they are presented with facts that prove they were lied to by the other side, over elements that were key to how the judge made their decision.
My judge said, "well they can change their minds after if they want to" on a very important point regarding future homing needs for my daughter which was never honoured, he then proceeded to hit me with costs on top, even though I was proven correct in what I had stated at the time of the first hearing, he would not alter his judgment, as this would have been an admission he had been duped.
You could have 10 judges sat hearing the same things at the same time, and you would have 10 widely ranging judgments, its scary, and once that decision is made, by one single judge, there is very little recourse to have that changed, even when post hearing they are presented with facts that prove they were lied to by the other side, over elements that were key to how the judge made their decision.
My judge said, "well they can change their minds after if they want to" on a very important point regarding future homing needs for my daughter which was never honoured, he then proceeded to hit me with costs on top, even though I was proven correct in what I had stated at the time of the first hearing, he would not alter his judgment, as this would have been an admission he had been duped.
Pommy said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
hyphen said:
The welsh actor, Michael Sheen, has shacked up with a 25 year old pretty swedish blonde. She already gave birth.
Seems a nice girl though.
I rest my case. I mean, talk about a complete lack of self awareness. If he sees this picture, does he not see what we see. Does he really believe she'd be with him if he was on the bins? Seems a nice girl though.
What an idiot.
He's living a fabulous life.
hyphen said:
Why is there not a criminal standard of proof in the family courts?
The vast majority of these allegations in a magistrates court would just result in a small fine, so the stakes in the family court are significantly higher.
IANAL, and there are many here far more qualified to answer, but essentially the family courts are civil courts constituted to resolve disputes. The court finds in favour of one or other party. I guess if parties had to make a case to the criminal standard of proof, not may disputes would be resolved.The vast majority of these allegations in a magistrates court would just result in a small fine, so the stakes in the family court are significantly higher.
Criminal courts result in a conviction if found guilty. Whilst some crimes may be viewed as minor, a criminal conviction isn't and the defendant is entitled for the Crown's case to be tested 'beyond reasonable doubt'
Lying in any court is a criminal offence which is taken very seriously.
The Criminal standard of proof is "beyond all reasonable doubt".
The Civil standard of proof is "balance of probabilities".
If I had to put a percentage on it, I'd say that to get a criminal conviction you'd be looking at >90%. To get a civil judgement, >51%. Not a lawyer, but had several modules as part of my degree.
The Civil standard of proof is "balance of probabilities".
If I had to put a percentage on it, I'd say that to get a criminal conviction you'd be looking at >90%. To get a civil judgement, >51%. Not a lawyer, but had several modules as part of my degree.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Pommy said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
hyphen said:
The welsh actor, Michael Sheen, has shacked up with a 25 year old pretty swedish blonde. She already gave birth.
Seems a nice girl though.
I rest my case. I mean, talk about a complete lack of self awareness. If he sees this picture, does he not see what we see. Does he really believe she'd be with him if he was on the bins? Seems a nice girl though.
What an idiot.
He's living a fabulous life.
Joey Deacon said:
hyphen said:
The welsh actor, Michael Sheen, has shacked up with a 25 year old pretty swedish blonde. She already gave birth.
Seems a nice girl though.
Mail had a great pic:
He looks like he has that "How the fSeems a nice girl though.
Mail had a great pic:
Edited by hyphen on Friday 26th February 15:48
k did that happen" look on his face. One minute he is banging a hottie thinking this is the ultimate, the next it all stops and reality hits him hard. They couldn't be further apart if they tried and now he is tied to her financially for life.No fool like an old fool.
Kudos for being with Kate Beckinsdale though
Edited by Joey Deacon on Friday 26th February 16:39
mercedeslimos said:
The Criminal standard of proof is "beyond all reasonable doubt".
The Civil standard of proof is "balance of probabilities".
If I had to put a percentage on it, I'd say that to get a criminal conviction you'd be looking at >90%. To get a civil judgement, >51%. Not a lawyer, but had several modules as part of my degree.
You're sure versus more likely than not.The Civil standard of proof is "balance of probabilities".
If I had to put a percentage on it, I'd say that to get a criminal conviction you'd be looking at >90%. To get a civil judgement, >51%. Not a lawyer, but had several modules as part of my degree.
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