Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
theboss said:
csd19 said:
Well said. We could pretty much delete most of the last 3 pages (definitely the last 2) with no loss to the thread.
All these new tales coming through of more heartache and broken marriages just makes me feel very lucky that my ex-wife was an angel in comparison. We had a fair split of the assets, equity in the house, didn't touch each others pensions or company shares. One in a million it would appear.
It's great when it happens like that, but then people don't start or search for an existing thread to say "I just had the perfect divorce" All these new tales coming through of more heartache and broken marriages just makes me feel very lucky that my ex-wife was an angel in comparison. We had a fair split of the assets, equity in the house, didn't touch each others pensions or company shares. One in a million it would appear.
k, and it's been hard at times to adjust to my own company again especially with the lockdowns. Still getting caught out now and again by certain songs on the radio or driving a certain route.I sympathise with a lot of the points raised over the years on this thread, and having been through the emotional mangle I'm scarred but surviving, and I hope that others out there survive too. Never forget to keep speaking to mates or someone when things get tough and all bottled up in your head as it does f
k you up a fair bit. I don't tend to talk as much as I should, "I'm fine" becomes a standard response so everything gets buried instead. Going to be a fun ride when all the mess over the years decides to make a reappearance... Slightly off topic.
Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
Pit Pony said:
Slightly off topic.
Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
I'm very of the mind that there are 2 sides to every break up story. Doesn't mean for instance this is all incorrect but it's always interesting to hear the other side as well.Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
Pit Pony said:
Slightly off topic.
Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
Do you mean patch things up with your wife or just start enjoying life again ? Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
Pommy said:
I'm very of the mind that there are 2 sides to every break up story. Doesn't mean for instance this is all incorrect but it's always interesting to hear the other side as well.
I am aware that I'm getting a one sided view...I bumped into the bloke in a petrol station, and he seemed very angry, that she wasn't forgiving. Which was the utter opposite of the version from.his now ex wife. Which told s story of someone out to gbthe blame on anyone other than himself, and bring open to forgiving him. If he accepted it was his fault. GT3Manthey said:
Do you mean patch things up with your wife or just start enjoying life again ?
Are the 2 possible?. 13 months ago, I really didn't think both were possible at the same time. 8 months ago I'd checked out mentally. But somehow I'm seeing it differently......
So want to have both. I want both of us to have both.
Pit Pony said:
Are the 2 possible?. 13 months ago, I really didn't think both were possible at the same time. 8 months ago I'd checked out mentally.
But somehow I'm seeing it differently......
So want to have both. I want both of us to have both.
Good for you and all the best with it. But somehow I'm seeing it differently......
So want to have both. I want both of us to have both.
Hopefully the events of this last year will help in a weird sort of way.
Monkeylegend said:
Pommy said:
I'm very of the mind that there are 2 sides to every break up story. Doesn't mean for instance this is all incorrect but it's always interesting to hear the other side as well.
Three sides usually, the third being the truth.I just hear tales of woe of where one partner hasnt just done one thing wrong, but a multitude of things and just think bullf
kingst. It's always portrayed as if everything bad is done by one person and the other is just helpless and lovely and soooo wronged.
My first marriage ended with her cheating and leaving and i was massively wronged but I still reckon I would have contributed to her acting that way, left her feeling the alternative appealed, or that I simple didn't pay enough attention to life.
Pit Pony said:
Slightly off topic.
Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
After divorce, unless she remarries or signs a Consent Order, his "inheritances" will not be off limits AFAIK. She just might need to be quick off the mark.Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
Wombat3 said:
After divorce, unless she remarries or signs a Consent Order, his "inheritances" will not be off limits AFAIK. She just might need to be quick off the mark.
Putting aside the distastefulness of the subject, obviously it depends on how near end of life his mother is likely to be.If she's likely to go on for a while I'd suggest the wife just moves on and forgets all about it.
On the other hand if she's very elderly and/or chronically ill then at the very least the wife might use this as leverage during a settlement.
Or she could avoid financial remedy and just 'sit tight' quietly and see what happens.
In any case if she threatens him with this, it's not likely to reflect well on her, so she'd do well to keep quiet.
It's been mentioned here before, but my ex played a racing game to try and get her hands all over a potential personal damages settlement. She blew it because she couldn't sit tightly and wait. We ended up in court, which she instigated, before I had even served the claim meaning years before any settlement might be reached, if at all. Now I have a capital clean break and if I win, she can't come anywhere near it. All because greedy.
Its a two stage legal process Warren, that many do not realise.
Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.
In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.
Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.
Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!
Certain things are ring fenced if they arise purely after divorce but before the financial settlement, lottery win etc but anything that could be deemed to have been in the pot already, even if it had little value at the time, or was waiting in the wings to be resolved is up for grabs.
Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.
In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.
Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.
Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!
Certain things are ring fenced if they arise purely after divorce but before the financial settlement, lottery win etc but anything that could be deemed to have been in the pot already, even if it had little value at the time, or was waiting in the wings to be resolved is up for grabs.
Edited by PAUL500 on Thursday 4th March 10:12
PAUL500 said:
Its a two stage legal process Warren, that many do not realise.
Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.
In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.
Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.
Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!
Not mine, our clean break agreement was all part of the divorce proceedings and signed off at the same time by the judge.Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.
In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.
Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.
Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!
Edited by PAUL500 on Thursday 4th March 09:54
You were the lucky one where both sides wanted it done and dusted, if one or other does not want to play ball when the divorce part is signed off you are typically in for quite a wait before you can sleep at night again financially.
Even after a full court hearing and a final decision made by a judge, in which I got to keep my car, I was told I could not sell it for another 30 days after that in case she appealed the judges decision.
Even after a full court hearing and a final decision made by a judge, in which I got to keep my car, I was told I could not sell it for another 30 days after that in case she appealed the judges decision.
Pit Pony said:
Slightly off topic.
Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
Financially, early as possible so the stronger party can recover.Is there a sweet spot in life for divorce?
My wife's friend is divorcing her serially unfaithful husband who blames her for his multiple infidelities.
If perhaps he'd taken the blame for screwing multiple women instead of being at work as a taxi driver, they might have been still together.
My wife has relayed all of the details of thier split.
One detail. Is that her parents both died before she reached 50. She inherited about £80k.
Now for the financially astute, you'd use that wisely, probably paying off the mortgage may be a nice holiday, a decent car.
I get the impression that the house is mortgaged at about 50% of its value, so about £100k. Given that they've been there 20 years, and the house cost about 100k that's not great.
All the money is gone. Gambling was mentioned.
Anyway. His mother is sitting on a massive house worth £600k and is still alive.
He's timed the sharing of assets well. He shared his wife's inheritance, but he'll not share his mother's. Only child too.
My wife's father died at home in October. Her mother is in palliative care, and she will die In March.
My parents are fit and healthy.
There's a definate sweet spot coming up right......
I'm joking at the absurdity of the very idea.
I know I've shared the ups and downs of my marriage on this very thread, but seriously want to make a go of it.
If kids involved, either when too young to realise so under 2 or 3. Or older teens or later. So they don't get messed up.
Psycho Warren said:
I thought the whole idea of a clean break was a, erm, clean break. lol. Why would anyone divorcing NOT want a clean break? Unless you are psycho and want to be able to control and abuse your ex years into the future?
To the first part it is the idea but it requires either a Consent Order or a re-marriage to effect it. You cannot effect a CO till after you are divorced, but it can be all agreed and prepared in advance.And the answer to the second part is "insurance"
hyphen said:
Financially, early as possible so the stronger party can recover.
If kids involved, either when too young to realise so under 2 or 3. Or older teens or later. So they don't get messed up.
There’s no good time, but I agree. If kids involved, either when too young to realise so under 2 or 3. Or older teens or later. So they don't get messed up.
Mate I know has just been given the good news after Christmas. He’s late 50s and was set for early retirement in a couple years due to poor health.
He’s less gutted about the split with his wife, more that the rest of his life now looks very different to how he’d been planning.
Classic case of one party having their ducks all lined up and the other walking into a round house punch with their guard down. Apparently she thinks the marriage has been crap for years and thought about it a lot. He thought he was working hard on the final sprint to provide for their early retirement plan. His ability to financially recover is nil. Admits though he took his eye off the ball in terms of, y'know, talking / listening / spending time with her.
Edited by The spinner of plates on Thursday 4th March 10:52
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