Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
The spinner of plates said:
There’s no good time, but I agree.
Mate I know has just been given the good news after Christmas. He’s late 50s and was set for early retirement in a couple years due to poor health.
He’s less gutted about the split with his wife, more that the rest of his life now looks very different to how he’d been planning.
Classic case of one party having their ducks all lined up and the other walking into a round house punch with their guard down. Apparently she thinks the marriage has been crap for years and thought about it a lot. He thought he was working hard on the final sprint to provide for their early retirement plan. His ability to financially recover is nil. Admits though he took his eye off the ball in terms of, y'know, talking / listening / spending time with her.
She must have been desperately unhappy. Mate I know has just been given the good news after Christmas. He’s late 50s and was set for early retirement in a couple years due to poor health.
He’s less gutted about the split with his wife, more that the rest of his life now looks very different to how he’d been planning.
Classic case of one party having their ducks all lined up and the other walking into a round house punch with their guard down. Apparently she thinks the marriage has been crap for years and thought about it a lot. He thought he was working hard on the final sprint to provide for their early retirement plan. His ability to financially recover is nil. Admits though he took his eye off the ball in terms of, y'know, talking / listening / spending time with her.
Edited by The spinner of plates on Thursday 4th March 10:52
Getting to late 50's not many women would file for divorce when a comfortable retirement was on the horizon.
GT3Manthey said:
The spinner of plates said:
There’s no good time, but I agree.
Mate I know has just been given the good news after Christmas. He’s late 50s and was set for early retirement in a couple years due to poor health.
He’s less gutted about the split with his wife, more that the rest of his life now looks very different to how he’d been planning.
Classic case of one party having their ducks all lined up and the other walking into a round house punch with their guard down. Apparently she thinks the marriage has been crap for years and thought about it a lot. He thought he was working hard on the final sprint to provide for their early retirement plan. His ability to financially recover is nil. Admits though he took his eye off the ball in terms of, y'know, talking / listening / spending time with her.
She must have been desperately unhappy. Mate I know has just been given the good news after Christmas. He’s late 50s and was set for early retirement in a couple years due to poor health.
He’s less gutted about the split with his wife, more that the rest of his life now looks very different to how he’d been planning.
Classic case of one party having their ducks all lined up and the other walking into a round house punch with their guard down. Apparently she thinks the marriage has been crap for years and thought about it a lot. He thought he was working hard on the final sprint to provide for their early retirement plan. His ability to financially recover is nil. Admits though he took his eye off the ball in terms of, y'know, talking / listening / spending time with her.
Edited by The spinner of plates on Thursday 4th March 10:52
Getting to late 50's not many women would file for divorce when a comfortable retirement was on the horizon.
She's been the home-maker / lead parent and never really had a career.
He's coming to the end of a good career in the City, so I think a comfortable retirement is still on the cards for both of them by normal standards.
Neither of them will starve.
His view was keeping the big house in Surrey and travelling the world 5 star in the colder months, golfing during the summer.
I guess her view is now their kids are set up, half the retirement fund is good enough to have the life she wants without him.
She's active for her age, does all the yoga stuff, art materials everywhere, eats healthy - you get the picture.
He's a typical old city guy - grey, tired, overweight, still smokes, enjoys a drink, works about 14 hours a day 7 days a week.
When seeing them together they just looked like a couple who were obviously a good fit 35 years ago..
It's bad because I can see why he's gutted and also why she's made a YOLO decision.
A lesson to others if nothing else.
GT3Manthey said:
Fair enough , guess there must be a shed load of long term unhappy marriages then and i'm not seeing this coming !
A lot of people would rather be living with someone, then 'alone'. If a jolt of some sort (e.g. lockdown, interest from a new person etc) gives them that kick to make a move, then they will. But otherwise will plod along.A lot of mums also will stay with the dad for the kids sakes, mums openly tell each other within 'their group' at their coffee meets as such.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 4th March 11:50
hyphen said:
A lot of mums also will stay with the dad for the kids sakes, mums openly tell each other within 'their group' at their coffee meets as such.
I’m always surprised at how open women tend to be in discussing this with eachother. My gf has often come back from these girly get togethers (now Zoom calls with wine) and shared how X is looking to split with her husband, Y is openly talking about starting an affair, Z only gets sex once a month etclambosagogo said:
I’m always surprised at how open women tend to be in discussing this with eachother. My gf has often come back from these girly get togethers (now Zoom calls with wine) and shared how X is looking to split with her husband, Y is openly talking about starting an affair, Z only gets sex once a month etc
I have a fact finding coming up. The Witnesses get a copy of the bundle.One of my ex's friends is a witness... I have said stuff in my statement that my ex said about her (as it's relevant). Will be interesting when this friends reads it
PAUL500 said:
Its a two stage legal process Warren, that many do not realise.
Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.
In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.
Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.
Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!
Certain things are ring fenced if they arise purely after divorce but before the financial settlement, lottery win etc but anything that could be deemed to have been in the pot already, even if it had little value at the time, or was waiting in the wings to be resolved is up for grabs.
It's worth noting that a clean break is not always possible - it's an ideal outcome but for obvious reasons it's often the case that one party wants one and the other doesn't.Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.
In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.
Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.
Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!
Certain things are ring fenced if they arise purely after divorce but before the financial settlement, lottery win etc but anything that could be deemed to have been in the pot already, even if it had little value at the time, or was waiting in the wings to be resolved is up for grabs.
Edited by PAUL500 on Thursday 4th March 10:12
A court won't always award one either.
In my case I got a "partial" clean break protecting me from any future claim against lump sums, property transfers and pension sharing... but she can still attack me for future income by applying to extend or vary the maintenance that has been ordered.
Essentially I "bought" her co-operation on a capital clean break with maintenance that is more generous than I would have otherwise agreed to.
It's never as simple as just saying "get a clean break" - if there isn't that much to divide at the point of divorce to put the woman in a secure position, and the man holds all the cards income-wise then it's quite likely he won't get a clean break.
hyphen said:
I have a fact finding coming up. The Witnesses get a copy of the bundle.
One of my ex's friends is a witness... I have said stuff in my statement that my ex said about her (as it's relevant). Will be interesting when this friends reads it
That could be interesting! I know more about the bedroom antics of this group of 30-something women I have never met than I really need to. And I am sure my gf is as equally open with them so perhaps I don’t want to meet them anyway.One of my ex's friends is a witness... I have said stuff in my statement that my ex said about her (as it's relevant). Will be interesting when this friends reads it
hyphen said:
GT3Manthey said:
Fair enough , guess there must be a shed load of long term unhappy marriages then and i'm not seeing this coming !
A lot of people would rather be living with someone, then 'alone'. If a jolt of some sort (e.g. lockdown, interest from a new person etc) gives them that kick to make a move, then they will. But otherwise will plod along.A lot of mums also will stay with the dad for the kids sakes, mums openly tell each other within 'their group' at their coffee meets as such.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 4th March 11:50
"...but he's good-looking so he'll do for the kids, then I'll find someone else"
And true enough, two good-looking kids later and he's been given the elbow.
SpeckledJim said:
We went to the wedding of one of my wife's friends where the bride said to my wife and her mates
"...but he's good-looking so he'll do for the kids, then I'll find someone else"
And true enough, two good-looking kids later and he's been given the elbow.
How lovely ! "...but he's good-looking so he'll do for the kids, then I'll find someone else"
And true enough, two good-looking kids later and he's been given the elbow.
Glad i'm not on the circuit these days. Bloody minefield !
SpeckledJim said:
We went to the wedding of one of my wife's friends where the bride said to my wife and her mates
"...but he's good-looking so he'll do for the kids, then I'll find someone else"
And true enough, two good-looking kids later and he's been given the elbow.
Thats a pretty mercenary attitude "...but he's good-looking so he'll do for the kids, then I'll find someone else"
And true enough, two good-looking kids later and he's been given the elbow.
I still aspire to meet a woman who wants me for me not what i can "provide". Probably part of why I will remain unmarried forever. lol.
Psycho Warren said:
Thats a pretty mercenary attitude
Women are only fertile for so long, if Prince Charming hasn't arrived, the 'he is ok I guess, bores me but has a decent job and will be a decent father so will do' assessment may result.Edited by hyphen on Thursday 4th March 13:15
The spinner of plates said:
Don’t lose hope, they’re out there.
I am pretty "unique" lol. As well as being fat and in poor health (although I can change that if i really put my mind to it), I am a petrol head, like lego, all sorts of random boys toys, random junk, am a social hand grenade, as well as being nuts and at times a bit of an asshole. Would need to be a woman especially unique to put up with that. lol. hyphen said:
Women are only fertile for so long, if Prince Charming hasn't arrived, the 'he is ok I guess, bores me but has a decent job and will be a decent father so will do' assessment may result.
Blokes would be slaughtered for making such mercenary decisions about women. eg Better marry that fit young women before she gets old and puts weight on. Or shes pretty, better marry her so my kids arent ugly. etc etc etc. Edited by hyphen on Thursday 4th March 13:15
lambosagogo said:
I’m always surprised at how open women tend to be in discussing this with eachother. My gf has often come back from these girly get togethers (now Zoom calls with wine) and shared how X is looking to split with her husband, Y is openly talking about starting an affair, Z only gets sex once a month etc
My wife once said the same thing after a night out - all this stuff about how well endowed X's husband is, how he works so hard he's rarely up for sex, how Y is thinking about an affair with a colleague... my reaction ensured we never had that conversation again. Apparently it's common in the sisterhood to share every little detail, and nothing is off limits. Of course they paint it all to suit themselves; I doubt anyone's wife says "I snore like a train, am overweight, drink too much and am rarely up for sex".Since home working, my wife talks to her colleagues remotely like they're on a tea-break, telling them all about what we had for dinner last night, what the neighbours did etc. Like anyone cares, but they entertain themselves with tittle-tattle all the time. On go the noise cancelling headphones once again.
Anyhow it turns out that X's husband was tired as he'd been servicing one of his employees on the side for years, and Y probably did the affair in the end.
Like a bloody soap opera round here.
BFleming said:
My wife once said the same thing after a night out - all this stuff about how well endowed X's husband is, how he works so hard he's rarely up for sex, how Y is thinking about an affair with a colleague... my reaction ensured we never had that conversation again. Apparently it's common in the sisterhood to share every little detail, and nothing is off limits. Of course they paint it all to suit themselves; I doubt anyone's wife says "I snore like a train, am overweight, drink too much and am rarely up for sex".
Since home working, my wife talks to her colleagues remotely like they're on a tea-break, telling them all about what we had for dinner last night, what the neighbours did etc. Like anyone cares, but they entertain themselves with tittle-tattle all the time. On go the noise cancelling headphones once again.
Anyhow it turns out that X's husband was tired as he'd been servicing one of his employees on the side for years, and Y probably did the affair in the end.
Like a bloody soap opera round here.
So true and it makes you stop and think when the wifes telling you all these things about others what is she saying about you ! Since home working, my wife talks to her colleagues remotely like they're on a tea-break, telling them all about what we had for dinner last night, what the neighbours did etc. Like anyone cares, but they entertain themselves with tittle-tattle all the time. On go the noise cancelling headphones once again.
Anyhow it turns out that X's husband was tired as he'd been servicing one of his employees on the side for years, and Y probably did the affair in the end.
Like a bloody soap opera round here.
I've asked this question and get flat denial !!!!!!!!
Psycho Warren said:
I am pretty "unique" lol. As well as being fat and in poor health (although I can change that if i really put my mind to it), I am a petrol head, like lego, all sorts of random boys toys, random junk, am a social hand grenade, as well as being nuts and at times a bit of an asshole. Would need to be a woman especially unique to put up with that. lol.
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