Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
GT3Manthey said:
We’ve all read these threads before.
She’s not just thought “ oh I don’t love him anymore I’ll tell him right away” she’s thought it for many months.
Sounds to me like she checked out a while back .
Also don’t discount there is someone else in the background
If she has a 7 month at home, I think the chances of her having someone else on the side are virtually nilShe’s not just thought “ oh I don’t love him anymore I’ll tell him right away” she’s thought it for many months.
Sounds to me like she checked out a while back .
Also don’t discount there is someone else in the background
throt said:
You are correct.
Two in the same situation then
I live two houses away from a church. Moved here 28yr ago. Years back couples were always getting married, using the church, but I honestly cant remember when the last wedding was held there. 10 plus yr ago, maybe more.
Tells it all really
Utterly moronic comment. Our village church is not that far away from me, weddings every weekend before lockdown, weddings every weekend booked from early May this year. Two in the same situation then
I live two houses away from a church. Moved here 28yr ago. Years back couples were always getting married, using the church, but I honestly cant remember when the last wedding was held there. 10 plus yr ago, maybe more.
Tells it all really
The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
had ham said:
Utterly moronic comment. Our village church is not that far away from me, weddings every weekend before lockdown, weddings every weekend booked from early May this year.
The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
Men supporting men. The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
Gargamel said:
had ham said:
Utterly moronic comment. Our village church is not that far away from me, weddings every weekend before lockdown, weddings every weekend booked from early May this year.
The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
Men supporting men. The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
Women in a relationship seem to be hard wired to push the limits of what they can 'get away with' and walk all over their partner.
What, all of them? 
indeed.JoeyDeacon on another thread revealed he not only has a serious partner, but is buying a house with her.
I nearly fell off my chair.
Just coming to give an update.
The last 7 days have been a lot better. I think most of the s
t has been grief related.
We signed our new wills yesterday. Basically the change was removing our parents from them, and changing the executors to our kids.
It caused alot if stress, because the language our chosen solicitor used, is completely stuck in the 1800s.
A simple decision tree, would be better. But my patience with a) explaining the wording, word by word, and b) telling her I'd tell the solicitor I wanted it redone in plain English, if she still wasn't happy, seemed to solve that.
Plus her sister told her that I really do love her and she should give me some slack. (Wife told me this in passing......I just said "Your sister is kind, but she doesn't really know what I feel, but she's not wrong in this case...much as it upsets me to agree with anything she says" this made my wife laugh. First time in about a year.
And a sum of money from her Dads estate came into our account yesterday. (His Funeral was in November)
We have also agreed how to spend / invest that and the 1/3 share of her mother's will which will probably take 6 months or more to arrive.
Let's just see what happens.
We've both agreed, that we could actually have alot of fun.
The last 7 days have been a lot better. I think most of the s
t has been grief related. We signed our new wills yesterday. Basically the change was removing our parents from them, and changing the executors to our kids.
It caused alot if stress, because the language our chosen solicitor used, is completely stuck in the 1800s.
A simple decision tree, would be better. But my patience with a) explaining the wording, word by word, and b) telling her I'd tell the solicitor I wanted it redone in plain English, if she still wasn't happy, seemed to solve that.
Plus her sister told her that I really do love her and she should give me some slack. (Wife told me this in passing......I just said "Your sister is kind, but she doesn't really know what I feel, but she's not wrong in this case...much as it upsets me to agree with anything she says" this made my wife laugh. First time in about a year.
And a sum of money from her Dads estate came into our account yesterday. (His Funeral was in November)
We have also agreed how to spend / invest that and the 1/3 share of her mother's will which will probably take 6 months or more to arrive.
Let's just see what happens.
We've both agreed, that we could actually have alot of fun.
Pit Pony said:
Just coming to give an update.
The last 7 days have been a lot better. I think most of the st has been grief related.
We signed our new wills yesterday. Basically the change was removing our parents from them, and changing the executors to our kids.
It caused alot if stress, because the language our chosen solicitor used, is completely stuck in the 1800s.
A simple decision tree, would be better. But my patience with a) explaining the wording, word by word, and b) telling her I'd tell the solicitor I wanted it redone in plain English, if she still wasn't happy, seemed to solve that.
Plus her sister told her that I really do love her and she should give me some slack. (Wife told me this in passing......I just said "Your sister is kind, but she doesn't really know what I feel, but she's not wrong in this case...much as it upsets me to agree with anything she says" this made my wife laugh. First time in about a year.
And a sum of money from her Dads estate came into our account yesterday. (His Funeral was in November)
We have also agreed how to spend / invest that and the 1/3 share of her mother's will which will probably take 6 months or more to arrive.
Let's just see what happens.
We've both agreed, that we could actually have alot of fun.
Good stuff The last 7 days have been a lot better. I think most of the s
t has been grief related. We signed our new wills yesterday. Basically the change was removing our parents from them, and changing the executors to our kids.
It caused alot if stress, because the language our chosen solicitor used, is completely stuck in the 1800s.
A simple decision tree, would be better. But my patience with a) explaining the wording, word by word, and b) telling her I'd tell the solicitor I wanted it redone in plain English, if she still wasn't happy, seemed to solve that.
Plus her sister told her that I really do love her and she should give me some slack. (Wife told me this in passing......I just said "Your sister is kind, but she doesn't really know what I feel, but she's not wrong in this case...much as it upsets me to agree with anything she says" this made my wife laugh. First time in about a year.
And a sum of money from her Dads estate came into our account yesterday. (His Funeral was in November)
We have also agreed how to spend / invest that and the 1/3 share of her mother's will which will probably take 6 months or more to arrive.
Let's just see what happens.
We've both agreed, that we could actually have alot of fun.
liner33 said:
had ham said:
Indeed, by your numbers, a huge majority don't end in divorce. PH is not representative of anywhere other than PH.
Some end in murder 
AHH life. What fun.
had ham said:
Utterly moronic comment. Our village church is not that far away from me, weddings every weekend before lockdown, weddings every weekend booked from early May this year.
The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
Sounds like your happy marriage is clouding your judgement!The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
Munter said:
With the rest mainly unhappy couples too scared of being lonely to part. Until one dies. Unless of course there's an accident and they die together.
AHH life. What fun.
...”too scared of being lonely to part...” AHH life. What fun.
Someone mentioned this the other day and I never really understood it..
How low must individual confidence and self esteem be, how feckless and socially dysfunctional must someone be, to actively choose an unhappy life without joy and fulfilment, through fear of leading an independent life.
Great big world out there with infinite possibilities, only get one shot at it for a few decades and billions of things to do and people to meet.
I feel genuinely sad for those who actively choose an unhappy path.
Edited by The spinner of plates on Saturday 10th April 10:29
The spinner of plates said:
...”too scared of being lonely to part...”
Someone mentioned this the other day and I never really understood it..
How low must individual confidence and self esteem be, how feckless and socially dysfunctional must someone be, to actively choose an unhappy life without joy and fulfilment, through fear of being independent.
Great big world out there, only get one shot at it for a few decades and billions of things to do and people to meet.
I think that’s really sad for those who take that path.
Well - you may never meet someone again & if you do of similar age they have either never settled down or been through divorce and therefore baggage (which naturally you will have that too). Someone mentioned this the other day and I never really understood it..
How low must individual confidence and self esteem be, how feckless and socially dysfunctional must someone be, to actively choose an unhappy life without joy and fulfilment, through fear of being independent.
Great big world out there, only get one shot at it for a few decades and billions of things to do and people to meet.
I think that’s really sad for those who take that path.
Posted in this thread a little while back, things have progressed and I've found myself in an unusual situation.
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
had ham said:
throt said:
You are correct.
Two in the same situation then
I live two houses away from a church. Moved here 28yr ago. Years back couples were always getting married, using the church, but I honestly cant remember when the last wedding was held there. 10 plus yr ago, maybe more.
Tells it all really
Utterly moronic comment. Our village church is not that far away from me, weddings every weekend before lockdown, weddings every weekend booked from early May this year. Two in the same situation then
I live two houses away from a church. Moved here 28yr ago. Years back couples were always getting married, using the church, but I honestly cant remember when the last wedding was held there. 10 plus yr ago, maybe more.
Tells it all really
The spread of contributors on this thread is understandably heavily weighted towards folk who's marriages have failed - but those folks make up only a small proportion of PH posters, and PH posters make up only a small proportion of the populace.
'Average' life isn't what you see on this thread, and stupid attempts at self affirmation are far too frequent here that it's become very tiresome.
Fwiw, I am not out of a broken marriage.
Tiresome, many things are on a forum but this thread has been extremely informative for guys like me, that are thinking about another serious relationship.
The thread has proven that there are pros and cons in being in a relationship, specially at a certain age of ones life.
A complete and utter mess I'm sorry to say.
I would think long and hard at trying to find a resolution with regards to your kids though. I don't think splitting them up is going to do anyone any favours, except perhaps your wife. You do not want to stigmatise your disabled child by separating him from his siblings, and I doubt any Family Courts would permit it.
Try and find a way you can both have all of them 50/50.
As for Child Benefits, your wife can ask for this to be split between both of you if you're going for at least 50:50 care. The Family Courts don't get involved in this as it's something between the DWP and the recipient.
I would think long and hard at trying to find a resolution with regards to your kids though. I don't think splitting them up is going to do anyone any favours, except perhaps your wife. You do not want to stigmatise your disabled child by separating him from his siblings, and I doubt any Family Courts would permit it.
Try and find a way you can both have all of them 50/50.
As for Child Benefits, your wife can ask for this to be split between both of you if you're going for at least 50:50 care. The Family Courts don't get involved in this as it's something between the DWP and the recipient.
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