Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
SBDJ said:
Posted in this thread a little while back, things have progressed and I've found myself in an unusual situation.
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
The obvious solution, which will never happen of course, is for her to move out of the family home while you receive all the relevant benefits for caring for all three children and for her to pop in irregularly as per her suggestion for you. The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
I would probably be able to hear the explosion from here.
SBDJ said:
Posted in this thread a little while back, things have progressed and I've found myself in an unusual situation.
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
Sounds to me like she wants to have here cake and eat it. A trusted, free carer willing to work whatever hours are required, so she can go to work and have a social life. There doesn't sound like much, if any, consideration from her of what is in it for you.The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
Tyre Smoke said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
Women in a relationship seem to be hard wired to push the limits of what they can 'get away with' and walk all over their partner.
What, all of them? 
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
Women in a relationship seem to be hard wired to push the limits of what they can 'get away with' and walk all over their partner.
What, all of them? There are, however, a heck of a lot of narcissistic, self-obsessed, scheming and utterly unpleasant women out there, as there are men too. Unfortunately it usually takes one or more relationships with this type to learn who to avoid.
GliderRider said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
Women in a relationship seem to be hard wired to push the limits of what they can 'get away with' and walk all over their partner.
What, all of them? There are, however, a heck of a lot of narcissistic, self-obsessed, scheming and utterly unpleasant women out there, as there are men too. Unfortunately it usually takes one or more relationships with this type to learn who to avoid.
GliderRider said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tyre Smoke said:
Women in a relationship seem to be hard wired to push the limits of what they can 'get away with' and walk all over their partner.
What, all of them? SBDJ said:
Posted in this thread a little while back, things have progressed and I've found myself in an unusual situation.
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
Have you had the conversation where you suggest she finds somewhere else to live whilst you remain in the family home as the homemaker and full time carer of your disabled child, with benefits claimed in your name and financial support from her in what I presume is a breadwinner / full time earning role? If not then hypothetically at least, how do you think it would go down?The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
I would seek qualified legal advice ASAP if you aren't.
She works part time. I work full time and am lucky in that I can WFH a lot and my employer has been historically understanding.
The house is an LA house that was intended to be adapted for my son but we are still waiting on that. The tenancy is in her name only. We've had the conversation in the past but she would never voluntarily leave.
I'm sure an amicable solution will be reached.
The house is an LA house that was intended to be adapted for my son but we are still waiting on that. The tenancy is in her name only. We've had the conversation in the past but she would never voluntarily leave.
I'm sure an amicable solution will be reached.
SBDJ said:
She works part time. I work full time and am lucky in that I can WFH a lot and my employer has been historically understanding.
The house is an LA house that was intended to be adapted for my son but we are still waiting on that. The tenancy is in her name only. We've had the conversation in the past but she would never voluntarily leave.
I'm sure an amicable solution will be reached.
Understood and I hope that an amicable solution is reachable too.The house is an LA house that was intended to be adapted for my son but we are still waiting on that. The tenancy is in her name only. We've had the conversation in the past but she would never voluntarily leave.
I'm sure an amicable solution will be reached.
I was just playing devil's advocate as it seemed from what you described as though she wanted to hold all the cards in terms of finances, running the home and having her own life with an expectation and a total dependency on you to do the heavy lifting concerning your son's care I wondered how she might consider the inverse where the boot is on your foot. It comes across as being very entitled.
I'm sure you'll continue doing the very best for your son but don't let yourself get completely trampled upon in the process.
Pit Pony said:
Just coming to give an update.
The last 7 days have been a lot better. I think most of the s
t has been grief related.
We signed our new wills yesterday. Basically the change was removing our parents from them, and changing the executors to our kids.
It caused alot if stress, because the language our chosen solicitor used, is completely stuck in the 1800s.
A simple decision tree, would be better. But my patience with a) explaining the wording, word by word, and b) telling her I'd tell the solicitor I wanted it redone in plain English, if she still wasn't happy, seemed to solve that.
Plus her sister told her that I really do love her and she should give me some slack. (Wife told me this in passing......I just said "Your sister is kind, but she doesn't really know what I feel, but she's not wrong in this case...much as it upsets me to agree with anything she says" this made my wife laugh. First time in about a year.
And a sum of money from her Dads estate came into our account yesterday. (His Funeral was in November)
We have also agreed how to spend / invest that and the 1/3 share of her mother's will which will probably take 6 months or more to arrive.
Let's just see what happens.
We've both agreed, that we could actually have alot of fun.
Until the next time you feel like crap because .............herThe last 7 days have been a lot better. I think most of the s
t has been grief related. We signed our new wills yesterday. Basically the change was removing our parents from them, and changing the executors to our kids.
It caused alot if stress, because the language our chosen solicitor used, is completely stuck in the 1800s.
A simple decision tree, would be better. But my patience with a) explaining the wording, word by word, and b) telling her I'd tell the solicitor I wanted it redone in plain English, if she still wasn't happy, seemed to solve that.
Plus her sister told her that I really do love her and she should give me some slack. (Wife told me this in passing......I just said "Your sister is kind, but she doesn't really know what I feel, but she's not wrong in this case...much as it upsets me to agree with anything she says" this made my wife laugh. First time in about a year.
And a sum of money from her Dads estate came into our account yesterday. (His Funeral was in November)
We have also agreed how to spend / invest that and the 1/3 share of her mother's will which will probably take 6 months or more to arrive.
Let's just see what happens.
We've both agreed, that we could actually have alot of fun.
had ham said:
Drawweight said:
Yet at least 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce (probably more dependent on source) so PH is probably as representative as anywhere else.
Indeed, by your numbers, a huge majority don't end in divorce. PH is not representative of anywhere other than PH. In most cases it's the man who comes off substantially worse. I know for me, in my own childhood when my parents divorced, I didn't see my Dad for several years , throughout I was being poisoned by my Mum about him
While this forumis not "representative" of anywhere it is a place where many divorced men seem to share their stories.
While 1/3rd to 1/2 of marriages end in Divorce, that does not mean that the remainder of them are "Happy"..... how many people stay together for the "ease of it" .... kids, house, cars, finances, etc......I think we all know someone who is in a relationship that they aren't truly happy in.
SBDJ said:
Posted in this thread a little while back, things have progressed and I've found myself in an unusual situation.
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
There in lies your problem.... The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
She is walking all over you, and there coes a time you have to decide what you want and wrt to the children. You are well aware of the responsibilities you have to your children that is not in question, but one has to ask where does she stand in all of this, what about her responsibilites ?
dont be taken for a mug, and the life you describe is no life. your worth more than that.
stand up for yourself and make the break, come to an agreement with supporting the kids 50/50 divided, it does not mean you on the bell as full time carer which is different from parenting.
shes thinking Im alright.... ill dump it all on SBDJ.... Aye honey jog on....
I am a bit of a softie in real life, but I always monitor this thread and it’s amazing the level of abuse and crappy deals men who post here are willing to cut in relationship breakdowns.
Why would you even consider working full time, taking on full time caring responsibilities and leaving the family home? Even if I had screwed up royally I would laugh her out of the building for even suggesting that setup.
Why would you even consider working full time, taking on full time caring responsibilities and leaving the family home? Even if I had screwed up royally I would laugh her out of the building for even suggesting that setup.
Edited by dmahon on Sunday 11th April 14:18
Don1 said:
IIRC Watchman isn't coming back to the thread because of the actions of a poster.
Ah ok . Do seem to remember some of the posts where he was being taken for a mug but then had alluded to not being very nice to his missus, not that he mentioned to what degree.
I had always thought his wife had moved on with the nee fella
SBDJ said:
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too.
Hahahahahahahaha. Man, woman or trans anybody feeling entitled to that deal is a mental of the first order and so is anyone facilitating it. Does she actually like the kids? Any of them?SBDJ said:
Posted in this thread a little while back, things have progressed and I've found myself in an unusual situation.
The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
Just gone back to this one after the previous poster commented on it.The wife and I separated a couple of weeks ago. She didn't tell me IDLYAM - in fact she says she does still love me - but that we weren't working as a couple any more. No argument here, she's right, we weren't. I was sleeping on the sofa more and more and we spent less and less time together. A lot has happened over the years and I've ended up withdrawing from the relationship because I wasn't happy.
Here's the unusual part though - she wants us to remain friends and doesn't want me to actually leave the house. I'm still here (not sleeping on the sofa now as I've managed to get space for an actual bed) but obviously this isn't sustainable long term. What I'm not sure about is why she wants me to stay? I'm not convinced it's because she wants us to get back together.
Moving out is also difficult and is something we have discussed previously. We have three kids together and the oldest is heavily disabled (the subject of previous posts, one in this thread in fact). If I move out then she wants me to remain his actual carer.
Her preferred solution was that I'd come here in the morning to get him ready for school, come here in the evenings to provide care and get him ready for bed. Stay overnight when he's unwell, be here during the day if he's off school. Be here all day at the weekends. This solution works well for her - she can carry on working unaffected whilst also being paid the relevant benefits and as I'm here looking after him then obviously I can have the other kids too. I absolutely love spending time with my kids but from my perspective this seems like a terrible solution.
The other option is that I move out with him. However I can't move him until I have somewhere suitable to move him to which is difficult because he has demanding housing requirements. Usually the LA would help with this as private rentals are generally ill equipped for this however they will not help because the benefits (CB, DLA) are paid to her. They initially asked for me to produce a court order proving custody FFS and when I challenged them saying they wouldn't ask a mother for that they relented and said a valid CB claim in my name would suffice.
Even if I got the benefits changed to my name and then the LA help it will be some time (potentially years) before we find anywhere.
What a mess...
I hope things are clearer to you now. Also I hope you appreciate just how unfair the proposal above would be - on you - and how biased it would be to your OH.
If you are looking after the children for so much of the time, on a daily basis, she's working and presumably you're not, and as a couple you're done - surely she needs to be the one who moves out, continues to fund the family home, and has to downgrade her living standards for the sake of the family you chose to have together. Anything less seems... massively biased to her and not to her kids.
FNG said:
Just gone back to this one after the previous poster commented on it.
I hope things are clearer to you now. Also I hope you appreciate just how unfair the proposal above would be - on you - and how biased it would be to your OH.
If you are looking after the children for so much of the time, on a daily basis, she's working and presumably you're not, and as a couple you're done - surely she needs to be the one who moves out, continues to fund the family home, and has to downgrade her living standards for the sake of the family you chose to have together. Anything less seems... massively biased to her and not to her kids.
Or option B he refuses and she then makes it difficult to see his kids. I hope things are clearer to you now. Also I hope you appreciate just how unfair the proposal above would be - on you - and how biased it would be to your OH.
If you are looking after the children for so much of the time, on a daily basis, she's working and presumably you're not, and as a couple you're done - surely she needs to be the one who moves out, continues to fund the family home, and has to downgrade her living standards for the sake of the family you chose to have together. Anything less seems... massively biased to her and not to her kids.
I’m guessing lots on here have these stories but yes the proposals are dreadfully unfair
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