Bestmate content- am I a mug?
Discussion
Sounds a little like a friend of mine, I have no advice to give, but was hoping for a little of my own without hijacking the thread too much!
I have a strong friendship group of 3 other mates, 3 of us do pretty well for ourselves. We're late 20s all work in business in London, and have good salaries to match. One of our friends has a fairly mediocre salary, yet seems to want very little to do anything about it.
However, he is a skinflint to the point where he is prolifically known for it amongst wider friends (little does he know himself). Its come to the point where its now driving us apart. I understand he earns less than most of my friends and probably has less disposable, but then he'll go off and spend quite sizeable sums on himself, such as new phones, expensive clothes etc. Numerous times I've been out with him in a group of 8 or so where rounds are going on, and he has had an entirely free night, not paid for one drink.
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
I have a strong friendship group of 3 other mates, 3 of us do pretty well for ourselves. We're late 20s all work in business in London, and have good salaries to match. One of our friends has a fairly mediocre salary, yet seems to want very little to do anything about it.
However, he is a skinflint to the point where he is prolifically known for it amongst wider friends (little does he know himself). Its come to the point where its now driving us apart. I understand he earns less than most of my friends and probably has less disposable, but then he'll go off and spend quite sizeable sums on himself, such as new phones, expensive clothes etc. Numerous times I've been out with him in a group of 8 or so where rounds are going on, and he has had an entirely free night, not paid for one drink.
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
whatleytom said:
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
What I have done when similar things have happened has depended on the person. Someone who has the means but not the intent gets put to the front of the bar first round a few times until they get the idea. Even joked, when asked "Why do I always have to get the first round in these days", "Because if we don't get one out of you early doors we never fing do!"On the other hand if they have not the means perhaps a quiet chat about how things are with hints as to lack of round buying and the like. Had this with a good mate in a bad place and in bad times. Quietly ducked a few rounds over the next few meet ups after having slipped him the folding to 'buy' the round and took the ribbing that came my way for it. That's what true mates do.
Rude-boy said:
whatleytom said:
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
What I have done when similar things have happened has depended on the person. Someone who has the means but not the intent gets put to the front of the bar first round a few times until they get the idea. Even joked, when asked "Why do I always have to get the first round in these days", "Because if we don't get one out of you early doors we never fing do!"On the other hand if they have not the means perhaps a quiet chat about how things are with hints as to lack of round buying and the like. Had this with a good mate in a bad place and in bad times. Quietly ducked a few rounds over the next few meet ups after having slipped him the folding to 'buy' the round and took the ribbing that came my way for it. That's what true mates do.
whatleytom said:
There's relatively little doubt he has the means, but I think he feels that as he earns considerably less, we should be footing the bill. We've tried plenty of times to drop a hint, but it always seems to go unnoticed, or if it does become his round, rounds of spirits suddenly turn into small beers. We've resorted to on occasion forming a kitty and all dropping cash in for one person, but thats met with challenge on his end.
Then you all have to discuss it and how you wish to go ahead.It doesn't matter what people earn if all are sensible. I have a friend who is very well off who would never dream of taking me somewhere where I could not stand my round unless he had already told me he had that night covered. Not for one second would I think of trying to get out of my round in a normal bar however. And most certainly not on the basis that they have far more resources than I will ever have.
People do grow apart though.
whatleytom said:
Rude-boy said:
whatleytom said:
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
What I have done when similar things have happened has depended on the person. Someone who has the means but not the intent gets put to the front of the bar first round a few times until they get the idea. Even joked, when asked "Why do I always have to get the first round in these days", "Because if we don't get one out of you early doors we never fing do!"On the other hand if they have not the means perhaps a quiet chat about how things are with hints as to lack of round buying and the like. Had this with a good mate in a bad place and in bad times. Quietly ducked a few rounds over the next few meet ups after having slipped him the folding to 'buy' the round and took the ribbing that came my way for it. That's what true mates do.
BaronVonV8 said:
He likes travelling abroad, he is skint because he is saving money for that and doesn't want to spunk £200 on a train ticket up North when that could get him a return flight anywhere in Europe. If you're feeling all butthurt about it, get new friends that live locally, you don't have to have a "best mate", this isn't the playground.
If he's skint he should travel to see mates on the bus like other poor people; Megabus would be a tenner or so each way.
YHMgazza285 said:
There came a point in my life where I realised that half the people I thought were friends were in fact a bunch of w
kers. Life is so much happier now I've ditched them.
Everyone gets them.kers. Life is so much happier now I've ditched them. Normally it revolves around money. (One guy owes me £200 from about 5 years ago - I don't expect to see it or him anytime soon)
Or sometimes after you've gone out of your way to help them and don't even get a thanks, let alone £20 for your time and effort. (Helped a couple move into their first home, took a day off "sick" from work to do so. Gratitude? Drink? Thank you? )
Or the time when you just realise the blokes a
and should be avoided before you end up decking him.whatleytom said:
Sounds a little like a friend of mine, I have no advice to give, but was hoping for a little of my own without hijacking the thread too much!
I have a strong friendship group of 3 other mates, 3 of us do pretty well for ourselves. We're late 20s all work in business in London, and have good salaries to match. One of our friends has a fairly mediocre salary, yet seems to want very little to do anything about it.
However, he is a skinflint to the point where he is prolifically known for it amongst wider friends (little does he know himself). Its come to the point where its now driving us apart. I understand he earns less than most of my friends and probably has less disposable, but then he'll go off and spend quite sizeable sums on himself, such as new phones, expensive clothes etc. Numerous times I've been out with him in a group of 8 or so where rounds are going on, and he has had an entirely free night, not paid for one drink.
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
What do you consider a mediocre salary? Hmm I think maybe carry him for a couple of years if needs be, when he sees you all settling down etc then he may well get his act together, who knows,I have a strong friendship group of 3 other mates, 3 of us do pretty well for ourselves. We're late 20s all work in business in London, and have good salaries to match. One of our friends has a fairly mediocre salary, yet seems to want very little to do anything about it.
However, he is a skinflint to the point where he is prolifically known for it amongst wider friends (little does he know himself). Its come to the point where its now driving us apart. I understand he earns less than most of my friends and probably has less disposable, but then he'll go off and spend quite sizeable sums on himself, such as new phones, expensive clothes etc. Numerous times I've been out with him in a group of 8 or so where rounds are going on, and he has had an entirely free night, not paid for one drink.
What would you do in this situation? Love the guy as a mate, but this can't continue. He's quite a sensitive chap so I feel just bringing it straight up won't go down terribly well.
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