Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[uncle tez]

Mrs is always on a diet and has a weight watchers app on her phone that she inputs her food and drinks into and it counts her point. She asked how much of the garlic bread she had at dinner and suggested a 1/4. I said "no you didn't have that much, I ate most of it" to which she replied "oh right, I'll say a 1/3 instead".

Someone she works with was talking about the grand national. One of the other girls said she put her bet on as an each way as she thought it would be the first horse to run the course then turn round and back as well (as in run it each way)

[Dagnir]

bobtail4x4 said:

just painting/varnishing a wooden table for the camper.
gave it a good layer so I can sand it back for the final coat,
she comes home asking "what Im doing?"
told her saying "dont touch"
she leans in and ...."dont touch"........."dont touch"

she says there is a mark on it "yes from the brush" ...... "dont touch"

she digs it out with a car key arrgghhh what part of "dont touch" was difficult to understand?

I'd make her pay to get it done professionally after that...

[bobtail4x4]

it needs sanding off to start again now.

[callmedave]

bobtail4x4 said:

it needs sanding off to start again now.

Never mind that, What are you gonna do about the table?

[Nigel_O]

Talking to one of the other chaps in the office, who has been having loads of grief with his Mercedes dealer.

I jokingly tell him he should have bought Italian for the reliability.

His PA asks me which car makes are Italian, to which I reply "Fiat, Alfa Romeo, Ferrari, Lamborghini (yes, I know) and Maserati". I thought these five brands would illustrate the point without confusing the matter with Lancia and Pagani

The reply comes back - "Maserati? Isn't that the baddie in Sherlock?....."

[Smitters]

Blown2CV said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

Blown2CV said:

and you're sure she's not having an affair?

Every time. Every fking time.

Someone's wife plans a night out, a poster tells the story, and all the sad virgins with no idea of how life works pipe up with the hilarious 'having an affair' line.

This place, and the same old posters, never fail to deliver.

it wasn't a fking joke, and she didn't just plan a night out... why would she lie about it, and on more than one occasion? I am not saying women are any less faithful than men, but unfortunately men are not quite as spot it when they are being fked over. If this guy says he is sure then fine, it's his business however a) if you don't want a chat about it then don't fking post it on an Internet forum, and b) but you've only got to hang around the match.com thread to see how clueless many blokes on here seem to be.

Got to be honest, why my wife acted that way, it turned out she was having an affair with a colleague. It was all a bit awkward and tiresome really. Which sounds exactly like how life works sometimes.

[Pothole]

Nanook said:

Evangelion said:

Perhaps it was a Quo gig, and they were Status Cymbals.

Was Dream Theater, and the answer I was looking for was "speakers"

Given what you've shared, you're lucky she's with you at all.

[wack]

My wife and I recently flew to Aberdeen to collect a car then drive it back over 4 days , it'd been an early start 4:30am we stopped for lunch somewhere between Aberdeen and Inverness in a nice little restaurant which was pretty full

as she was talking to me , my eyes just closed for a second and I was out of the room

she shhok me and said, are you OK to drive if you're so tired, I hope you're not getting that necrophilia

I looked round aghast but nobody heard her

Narcolepsy , what, narcolepsy, not necrophilia , oh right, what's necrophilia then, STOP SAYING IT

[Vaud]

wack said:

Narcolepsy , what, narcolepsy, not necrophilia

Genius.

[wack]

To be fair to her she had Guillion Barre syndrome a few years ago , it's left her brain wired up differently so she's always saying the wrong words, that was a corker though

[Vipers]

wack said:

My wife and I recently flew to Aberdeen to collect a car then drive it back over 4 days , it'd been an early start 4:30am we stopped for lunch somewhere between Aberdeen and Inverness in a nice little restaurant which was pretty full

I am intrigued. Did you pick the car up in Aberdeen, or further North, i.e. Explaining why you stopped between Aberdeen and Inverness, and where was you driving back to?

Just interested.

[wack]

Flew to Aberdeen , bought a BBR200 MX5 , drove up to Inverness stopping on the way for lunch and necrophelia then down alongside Loch Ness to Fort William , Oban , Glencoe and Glasgow then back to Warrington over 4 days and loved every minute of it

Edited by wack on Sunday 30th April 00:39

[gowmonster]

A82, love it, did you stop at Urquhart Castle?

[Blown2CV]

wack said:

To be fair to her she had Guillion Barre syndrome a few years ago , it's left her brain wired up differently so she's always saying the wrong words, that was a corker though

would seem a bit unfair to include her on the thread but..... keep em coming anyway

[wack]

gowmonster said:

A82, love it, did you stop at Urquhart Castle?

Unfortunately not but I intend to go back up , we just winged it really, didn't even book any hotels just got on the Internet , I'm sure we missed loads of must sees but by sticking mostly to B roads we saw plenty of stunning scenery.

I only realised how much of a chance we took with the weather when I saw Aberdeen with 6" of snow this week , a RWD car at hat height in the snow might have been interesting

[Vipers]

wack said:

Flew to Aberdeen , bought a BBR200 MX5 , drove up to Inverness stopping on the way for lunch and necrophelia then down alongside Loch Ness to Fort William , Oban , Glencoe and Glasgow then back to Warrington over 4 days and loved every minute of

Scenery to die for, and the open roads, good route planning to get back to gods country. Thank you for the info.

[wack]

We didn't take the A82 alongside loch ness , took some advice from a local who advised us to take the B852 which runs on the south side of the loch, he said if I took the A82 I'd be looking at the back end of a camper for 30 miles , the B852 was deserted , the photo I posted with the road in it, I stood there for 10 minutes before a car came past

[driverrob]

wack said:

....

I only realised how much of a chance we took with the weather when I saw Aberdeen with 6" of snow this week , a RWD car at hat height in the snow might have been interesting

They beach themselves. Been there, done that ..

[gowmonster]

wack said:

We didn't take the A82 alongside loch ness , took some advice from a local who advised us to take the B852 which runs on the south side of the loch, he said if I took the A82 I'd be looking at the back end of a camper for 30 miles , the B852 was deserted , the photo I posted with the road in it, I stood there for 10 minutes before a car came past

even better road! I was up that road going up to Nairn in 2015, was amazing.




General wades old military roads

Edited by gowmonster on Sunday 30th April 20:37

[Trevatanus]

Watching F1, talking about one of the cars which was struggling with handling, apparently the driver could not get the car to handle correctly.
The commenator said "they could not get their rears warm"
Queue the mrs asking "why do they need to get their ears warm?"