Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2
Discussion
Evangelion said:
boyse7en said:
Tapping the page on a book to turn the page ...
A friend recently told me that frequently these days when he's reading a book and wonders what the time is, he keeps looking at the bottom right hand corner of the page.
Johnspex said:
My archery club shoots on a field where football takes place. Twice I've thought 'I'll see it on replay' when someone commented on a goal having been scored.
Now that is stupid. And no, we don't shoot at the players or over them. We just shoot alongside.
We had a young deer run behind our targets a few weeks ago. 3D ? Now that is stupid. And no, we don't shoot at the players or over them. We just shoot alongside.
Not my wife, but presumably someones, as she was middle aged, and reasonably attractive.
I was absentmindedly glancing through a paper, while my wife was half heartedly watching a quiz show on TV.
I heard the presenter ask, “In what language was Porgy and Bess originally sung in?”
BUZZ! The woman piped up, “American!”
I was absentmindedly glancing through a paper, while my wife was half heartedly watching a quiz show on TV.
I heard the presenter ask, “In what language was Porgy and Bess originally sung in?”
BUZZ! The woman piped up, “American!”
Christmas tree lights.
Last year I had a massive sense of humour failure when the enormous string of lights that we use wouldn’t work. They are for the 10’ tree we always have in the drawing room. My wife expected me to go through each and every bulb to try to find the issue.
I just went out and bought the correct length of unbreakable LED lights.
Fast forward to today.
I put up the tree and Mrs AZ appears with two boxes of brand new LED lights.
“Don’t we have a set of lights for this tree already?” I said.
“Yes but these were half price.” (WTF?)
I decided to ignore that complete non-sequitur. She plugged in the first set.
“They’re very blue” I said.
“Yes but they are what we have” she said ignoring the fact that the set of "warm white" LED lights that I'd bought last year were rolled neatly on the floor. “Just put these up”.
I spend 10 mins arranging the first set. Then 10 mins on the second. They aren’t long enough.
She starts plugging in the other sets. They are all “warm white” not “brilliant white” like the ones she’s bought. She eventually finds another set that match. Another 10 minutes stringing those up.
“What do you think?” She asks.
“I’m torn. On the one hand they look too blue. In the other I can’t be arsed to redo do them.”
“No, we should have the “warm white” ones as they match the room better” (they do, that’s exactly why I bought them last year).
So take three sets off and put the old one up instead. Leaving my self respect in the Christmas decorations box.
tl:dr?
Women. Can’t live with them. Can’t bury them under the patio.
Last year I had a massive sense of humour failure when the enormous string of lights that we use wouldn’t work. They are for the 10’ tree we always have in the drawing room. My wife expected me to go through each and every bulb to try to find the issue.
I just went out and bought the correct length of unbreakable LED lights.
Fast forward to today.
I put up the tree and Mrs AZ appears with two boxes of brand new LED lights.
“Don’t we have a set of lights for this tree already?” I said.
“Yes but these were half price.” (WTF?)
I decided to ignore that complete non-sequitur. She plugged in the first set.
“They’re very blue” I said.
“Yes but they are what we have” she said ignoring the fact that the set of "warm white" LED lights that I'd bought last year were rolled neatly on the floor. “Just put these up”.
I spend 10 mins arranging the first set. Then 10 mins on the second. They aren’t long enough.
She starts plugging in the other sets. They are all “warm white” not “brilliant white” like the ones she’s bought. She eventually finds another set that match. Another 10 minutes stringing those up.
“What do you think?” She asks.
“I’m torn. On the one hand they look too blue. In the other I can’t be arsed to redo do them.”
“No, we should have the “warm white” ones as they match the room better” (they do, that’s exactly why I bought them last year).
So take three sets off and put the old one up instead. Leaving my self respect in the Christmas decorations box.
tl:dr?
Women. Can’t live with them. Can’t bury them under the patio.
Me (upon seeing her in a new dress): "oh, new dress, it looks nice?"
Her: "no its not new"
Me: "I've not seen it before"
Her: "no, I bought it 2 weeks ago, today is the first time I've worn it!"
Me: "so it's new then?"
Her: "no, as I said I bought it 2 weeks ago"
Me: "ok!"
Her: "no its not new"
Me: "I've not seen it before"
Her: "no, I bought it 2 weeks ago, today is the first time I've worn it!"
Me: "so it's new then?"
Her: "no, as I said I bought it 2 weeks ago"
Me: "ok!"
Edited by HTP99 on Sunday 26th November 22:22
AstonZagato said:
Christmas tree lights.
Last year I had a massive sense of humour failure when the enormous string of lights that we use wouldn’t work. They are for the 10’ tree we always have in the drawing room. My wife expected me to go through each and every bulb to try to find the issue.
I just went out and bought the correct length of unbreakable LED lights.
Fast forward to today.
I put up the tree and Mrs AZ appears with two boxes of brand new LED lights.
“Don’t we have a set of lights for this tree already?” I said.
“Yes but these were half price.” (WTF?)
I decided to ignore that complete non-sequitur. She plugged in the first set.
“They’re very blue” I said.
“Yes but they are what we have” she said ignoring the fact that the set of "warm white" LED lights that I'd bought last year were rolled neatly on the floor. “Just put these up”.
I spend 10 mins arranging the first set. Then 10 mins on the second. They aren’t long enough.
She starts plugging in the other sets. They are all “warm white” not “brilliant white” like the ones she’s bought. She eventually finds another set that match. Another 10 minutes stringing those up.
“What do you think?” She asks.
“I’m torn. On the one hand they look too blue. In the other I can’t be arsed to redo do them.”
“No, we should have the “warm white” ones as they match the room better” (they do, that’s exactly why I bought them last year).
So take three sets off and put the old one up instead. Leaving my self respect in the Christmas decorations box.
tl:dr?
Women. Can’t live with them. Can’t bury them under the patio.
Things you should know:Last year I had a massive sense of humour failure when the enormous string of lights that we use wouldn’t work. They are for the 10’ tree we always have in the drawing room. My wife expected me to go through each and every bulb to try to find the issue.
I just went out and bought the correct length of unbreakable LED lights.
Fast forward to today.
I put up the tree and Mrs AZ appears with two boxes of brand new LED lights.
“Don’t we have a set of lights for this tree already?” I said.
“Yes but these were half price.” (WTF?)
I decided to ignore that complete non-sequitur. She plugged in the first set.
“They’re very blue” I said.
“Yes but they are what we have” she said ignoring the fact that the set of "warm white" LED lights that I'd bought last year were rolled neatly on the floor. “Just put these up”.
I spend 10 mins arranging the first set. Then 10 mins on the second. They aren’t long enough.
She starts plugging in the other sets. They are all “warm white” not “brilliant white” like the ones she’s bought. She eventually finds another set that match. Another 10 minutes stringing those up.
“What do you think?” She asks.
“I’m torn. On the one hand they look too blue. In the other I can’t be arsed to redo do them.”
“No, we should have the “warm white” ones as they match the room better” (they do, that’s exactly why I bought them last year).
So take three sets off and put the old one up instead. Leaving my self respect in the Christmas decorations box.
tl:dr?
Women. Can’t live with them. Can’t bury them under the patio.
1. xmas lights is a no-win situation under all circumstances
2. nobody's had a "Drawing Room" since 1872
Ari said:
Speed 3 said:
Things you should know:
1. xmas lights is a no-win situation under all circumstances
2. nobody's had a "Drawing Room" since 1872
3: it’s f1. xmas lights is a no-win situation under all circumstances
2. nobody's had a "Drawing Room" since 1872
king NOVEMBER!!! 2. As the major part of the house was built in the early 1700's, this house qualifies
3. I'm away next weekend. My wife has therefore taken this as an excuse to jump the gun on Christmas decorations (I predicted to my colleagues that this would happen when they asked what I'd be doing this weekend). She's 5'0" and the 10' tree is a bit much for her on her own. But, it's all bolleaux. She would put the decorations up in October if I'd let her. Christmas decorations are like catnip to her. We have a huge cupboard under the eaves that is rammed with boxes and boxes decorations. But I've just noticed a new set of baubles. Because the 20 boxes we have are obviously not enough. FFS
AstonZagato said:
Christmas decorations are like catnip to her
Not just my Mrs thenWe have to negotiate dates as to what goes up & when. This weekend was putting in the new wiring for some new outside lights, next weekend will be putting up the outside lights and the inside "tat". The tree will go up week after (or if I get my way the week after that!). Having tidied up the garage the other weekend, I noticed a lot of boxes with Xmas stuff in I didn't recognise...
HTP99 said:
Me (upon seeing her in a new dress): "oh, new dress, it looks nice?"
Her: "no its not new"
Me: "I've not seen it before"
Her: "no, I bought it 2 weeks ago, today is the first time I've worn it!"
Me: "so it's new then?"
Her: "no, as I said I bought it 2 weeks ago"
Me: "ok!"
This means she has bought another dress in the two weeks between buying "this old thing" and you seeing it. Her: "no its not new"
Me: "I've not seen it before"
Her: "no, I bought it 2 weeks ago, today is the first time I've worn it!"
Me: "so it's new then?"
Her: "no, as I said I bought it 2 weeks ago"
Me: "ok!"
Edited by HTP99 on Sunday 26th November 22:22
Hope that helps
Describing the grandson:"He's wearing his Blackadder onesie"
Me"???
??"
Her"The black one with the squares"
Me:"I think you'll find that's a Darth Vader onesie!"
Baldrick,I am NOT your father, that pleasure goes to a half blind Silurian slugbeast</Blackadder>
Her:"Get on to the bank NOW!"
Me-points to phone with bank's on hold music on speakerphone!
I know she think sI have crap taste in music but even *I* dont like this rubbish bland jazz stuff!
Me"???
??"Her"The black one with the squares"
Me:"I think you'll find that's a Darth Vader onesie!"
Baldrick,I am NOT your father, that pleasure goes to a half blind Silurian slugbeast</Blackadder>
Her:"Get on to the bank NOW!"
Me-points to phone with bank's on hold music on speakerphone!
I know she think sI have crap taste in music but even *I* dont like this rubbish bland jazz stuff!
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