Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[TorqueVR]

"Of course it was. I don't usually smell like this"

[glenrobbo]

TorqueVR said:

"Of course it was. I don't usually smell like this"

He might do... Why do you think his brothers and sisters all left?

[PositronicRay]

Vipers said:

There are just me and err in the house, siblings long departed for greener pastures.

Watching TV, and I let one rip.

She says "Was that you"

If you don't have a dog and she's not quite sure it's a problem.

[AstonZagato]

Mothersruin said:

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Not my wife, but a young woman in my son's office.

Her: Where's Preemp?
Him: What?
Her: The country, Preemp, where is it?
Him: I don't know what you mean.
Her: There's a country called Preemp. Where is it? Asia, Europe?
Him: There is no country called Preemp, I don't know what you're on about.

Turns out, after much painful investigation, she'd bought her boyfriend a turntable for his birthday, to play vinyl on, and on the box it said "Built In Pre amp".

Edited by TwigtheWonderkid on Friday 26th October 16:10

Edited by TwigtheWonderkid on Friday 26th October 16:11

Nah - that's toooooooooooo stoopid.

[Einion Yrth]

Vaud said:

Being a pedant, some sushi IS cooked.

Being a pedant, ALL sushi is cooked - sushi is the rice, sashimi is the raw fish.

[The Moose]

RammyMP said:

Allanv said:

Chris Stott said:

Car heaters and central heating... what's so fking difficult to understand?

Drives me insane.

My wife will not touch the car heaters and will ask me to turn up the central heating

She might turn on her arse warmer on a cold morning but that's it.

Mines the same, she got a bking years ago for touching them so she knows not to meddle. The same goes for the radio, the driver decides what we listen to.

You gave your wife a bking for changing a thermostat? Really?

You must have a huge cock!

[AndySheff]

Well it's clocks back an hour tonight, and so I don't forget (only me that does it anyway) I went round the house and put back all the non auto adjusting clocks. I warned the Mrs I'd done so, so she knows. I tell her we've got an extra hour in bed. But, no, she won't. Now I've moved the clocks too soon, she'll get an hour less ??!!

[Alex@POD]

We're off to a wedding later today, the groom sent an email to all the guests a couple of days ago:

"Don't forget the clocks go back on Sunday, so if you turn up at 14:30 on your unchanged clock, it'll actually be 15:30 and you'll be late!"

I really hope he has someone with him to get him to the venue on time!

[Blown2CV]

i can't stand this (predominantly) female tendency to go on and on with weird ideas about the changing clocks "yes but it's REALLY 1:30pm so we should have lunch now" etc

[gowmonster]

whats so difficult with getting up before your missus and changing the clocks? hell walk the dog and change the car ones too

[Frank7]

gowmonster said:

whats so difficult with getting up before your missus and changing the clocks? hell walk the dog and change the car ones too

My wife’s away on a girls weekend, for her cousin’s daughter’s 30th birthday, so when I went to bed last night, I changed all the manual ones then, it was around 00.15, it felt strange going in the bedroom, and the clock was saying 23.15, I felt like I was having an early night.

[slipstream 1985]

Spydaman said:

Hmm 50g. Is that 50g before it's grated or after it's grated?

Snort.

Do you make a habit of snorting grated cheese?

[Eyersey1234]

Yesterday Mrs Eyersey made a hot chocolate and put it in an insulated beaker, then wondered why it was so hot when she came to drink it an hour or so later

[illmonkey]

Spydaman said:

Hmm 50g. Is that 50g before it's grated or after it's grated?

Snort.

To be fair, if I grated a 250g block of cheese, you'd end up with about 12g left in the pot, the deliciously creamy shavings just disappear!

[skilly1]

How about loading the dishwasher, I'm sure we could start a thread with pics on this one. Apparently we have a magic dishwasher that can get garlic out of the press which is put in closed (full of garlic). Ends up with all items smelling of garlic, and the press still dirty. Or a cup put over the top tray water inlet, pans put in still covered in rice, spoons caked in food, etc etc

[ElectricSoup]

skilly1 said:

How about loading the dishwasher, I'm sure we could start a thread with pics on this one. Apparently we have a magic dishwasher that can get garlic out of the press which is put in closed (full of garlic). Ends up with all items smelling of garlic, and the press still dirty. Or a cup put over the top tray water inlet, pans put in still covered in rice, spoons caked in food, etc etc

How did you get in my house? How? I shall be having words with the dog.

[Riley Blue]

I thought everyone knew that loading a dishwasher is man's work. My O/H is trained to leave things on the worktop immediately above it, you need to get the whip out more often!

[blinkythefish]

skilly1 said:

How about loading the dishwasher, I'm sure we could start a thread with pics on this one. Apparently we have a magic dishwasher that can get garlic out of the press which is put in closed (full of garlic). Ends up with all items smelling of garlic, and the press still dirty. Or a cup put over the top tray water inlet, pans put in still covered in rice, spoons caked in food, etc etc

Or the washing machine. Wife puts so much in it you can hardly get the door shut. The stuff in the middle barely gets wet let alone agitated.

She then takes that out and puts it in a the tumble drier(while the washing line is baking in the sun outside), which has a smaller load limit than the washing machine. Apparently the tumble drier is crap because it takes about 8hrs to dry the washing.

And if I say anything it's my fault.......I just get the job of replacing the tumble drier belts.

[Bobberoo99]

blinkythefish said:

skilly1 said:

How about loading the dishwasher, I'm sure we could start a thread with pics on this one. Apparently we have a magic dishwasher that can get garlic out of the press which is put in closed (full of garlic). Ends up with all items smelling of garlic, and the press still dirty. Or a cup put over the top tray water inlet, pans put in still covered in rice, spoons caked in food, etc etc

Or the washing machine. Wife puts so much in it you can hardly get the door shut. The stuff in the middle barely gets wet let alone agitated.

She then takes that out and puts it in a the tumble drier(while the washing line is baking in the sun outside), which has a smaller load limit than the washing machine. Apparently the tumble drier is crap because it takes about 8hrs to dry the washing.

And if I say anything it's my fault.......I just get the job of replacing the tumble drier belts.

WOW!!!! Are you also married to Mrs Bobbers?!?!?!?

[SpeckledJim]

Home from work unexpectedly early on Monday.

(no, this isn't a story involving a wardrobe and a naked postman)

(actually, that would have been better)

Bloody hell, it's hot in here. Check thermostat. 23.5 degrees. Oil-fired boiler. Holy stballs.

Nobody is home. Nobody gets home for two hours. God knows how long they'd already been out when I got in.

I am one hot cross bunny.