Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[bimsb6]

I came home yesterday with 6 eggs a customer had given me , she says “oh have they got chickens then “ apparently the correct answer is not “ well they didn’t come from their cat”

[Vipers]

glenrobbo said:

Really? I didn't think the BT Trimphone could even successfully make a phone call, never mind affect domestic heating settings.

Edited by glenrobbo on Monday 2nd November 11:21

Had those for years, liked them.

[Frank7]

bimsb6 said:

I came home yesterday with 6 eggs a customer had given me , she says “oh have they got chickens then “ apparently the correct answer is not “ well they didn’t come from their cat”

I can’t resist those, she sets herself up constantly, I’ll be reading the paper, and she’ll say, “Are you reading something interesting?”, “No, I’m watching TV”, or I’ll put my shoes on, and pick up my jacket, and she’ll say, “Going out?”, and I’ll say, “No, I’m going to check emails.”
Naturally she hits the roof, I just tell her that she asks for it, if she poured herself a glass of wine, I wouldn’t ask the obvious, “Having a drink?”, I wouldn’t have to, I can see what she’s doing.

[Bullett]

It's a bit like when you tell someone you are going on holiday. "anywhere nice" they ask?
"no, I thought I'd go somewhere st to mix it up"

My Mrs likes to say "do you want to......" and the task, washing up, supermarket shopping etc. I of course say "not really"

This is the wrong answer.

[nonsequitur]

Frank7 said:

I can’t resist those, she sets herself up constantly, I’ll be reading the paper, and she’ll say, “Are you reading something interesting?”, “No, I’m watching TV”, or I’ll put my shoes on, and pick up my jacket, and she’ll say, “Going out?”, and I’ll say, “No, I’m going to check emails.”
Naturally she hits the roof, I just tell her that she asks for it, if she poured herself a glass of wine, I wouldn’t ask the obvious, “Having a drink?”, I wouldn’t have to, I can see what she’s doing.

Thin ice, Frank.

[Stratovarious]

Frank7 said:

I can’t resist those ...

I used to have a friend I was always able to send up. I'd say something like, "I had a great idea while I was on my way here in the car."

He'd say, "What's that?" and I'd reply, "It's a sort of box on wheels, you sit in it and it takes you places ... but that's not important right now."

Worked every time.

[Skyedriver]

bimsb6 said:

I came home yesterday with 6 eggs a customer had given me , she says “oh have they got chickens then “ apparently the correct answer is not “ well they didn’t come from their cat”

[Skyedriver]

HTP99 said:

• frequently pauses the TV to "do something quick", 30 minutes later, it's still on and paused

Do you ever get:

watching something, it ends, something like the news comes on, you start to watch/listen, the TV guide comes on the screen, cue 5 minutes of scrolling through channels then it's left like that, random area of TV Guide.

Or MIL's favourite:
Red button for Ceefax or Teletext or whatever it is now, constantly flicking through the pages leaving you no time to read them. She does this umpteen times a day. Similar idea with TV programmes if she's bored.

[r159]

Bullett said:

It's a bit like when you tell someone you are going on holiday. "anywhere nice" they ask?
"no, I thought I'd go somewhere st to mix it up"

My Mrs likes to say "do you want to......" and the task, washing up, supermarket shopping etc. I of course say "not really"

This is the wrong answer.

Just like can you, will you
Really is you can you will.

Our family is like a team...and my wife is like Charlie Croker.

Unless it involves Daddy long legs... that’s where I become Superman.

Edited by r159 on Wednesday 4th November 20:27

Edited by r159 on Wednesday 4th November 20:27

Edited by r159 on Wednesday 4th November 20:29

[Antony Moxey]

Skyedriver said:

HTP99 said:

• frequently pauses the TV to "do something quick", 30 minutes later, it's still on and paused

Do you ever get:

watching something, it ends, something like the news comes on, you start to watch/listen, the TV guide comes on the screen, cue 5 minutes of scrolling through channels then it's left like that, random area of TV Guide.

Constantly.
Do we have to watch this?
No, ‘we’ don’t have to, but considering I’ve been sat here by myself for the last half hour I thought I’d watch whatever I fancied.
Well can I see what else is on?

• tosses her the remote* help yourself.

She then spends literally two or three minutes looking at the first page of the TV guide, scrolls to ‘Location location’ on some minor channel meaning we’ve already seen the episode and it’s prefaced with ‘prices correct in 2012’, reads the synopsis then asks if I want a cup of tea before disappearing to put some washing on leaving the TV on the guide page.
So I put it back to what I was originally watching for her to come back in fifteen minutes later and ask why I’d switched it over from something she thought we were going to watch together.

[bimsb6]

The mil moved in with us while the fil was in hospital , took over the fking settee where i sit , sunday supplements all over the place , i was watching american pickers ( because i like it ) she pipes up “ is anyone watching this rubbish?” And wants it switched over to Ben Fogal , fking Ben Fogal visiting a hotel in scotland ffs , didn’t take long to get shot of her back to her own house .a

[RammyMP]

bimsb6 said:

The mil moved in with us while the fil was in hospital , took over the fking settee where i sit , sunday supplements all over the place , i was watching american pickers ( because i like it ) she pipes up “ is anyone watching this rubbish?” And wants it switched over to Ben Fogal , fking Ben Fogal visiting a hotel in scotland ffs , didn’t take long to get shot of her back to her own house .a

My mother does that, I’m watching the F1 and she comes in, says the same and turns it over! One benefit of Covid is that she’s not been round our house since February.

[Monkeylegend]

RammyMP said:

bimsb6 said:

The mil moved in with us while the fil was in hospital , took over the fking settee where i sit , sunday supplements all over the place , i was watching american pickers ( because i like it ) she pipes up “ is anyone watching this rubbish?” And wants it switched over to Ben Fogal , fking Ben Fogal visiting a hotel in scotland ffs , didn’t take long to get shot of her back to her own house .a

My mother does that, I’m watching the F1 and she comes in, says the same and turns it over! One benefit of Covid is that she’s not been round our house since February.

You can tell your mother to kindly leave the telly alone.

Its a bit different when it's the MiL.

[BritishBlitz87]

Bullett said:

It's a bit like when you tell someone you are going on holiday. "anywhere nice" they ask?
"no, I thought I'd go somewhere st to mix it up"

My Mrs likes to say "do you want to......" and the task, washing up, supermarket shopping etc. I of course say "not really"

This is the wrong answer.

You jest, but my last three holiday destinations have been Doncaster, Port Talbot and Belfast. I seem to have a strange affinity for post-industrial wastelands.

Edited by BritishBlitz87 on Wednesday 4th November 22:07

[Frank7]

bimsb6 said:

The mil moved in with us while the fil was in hospital , took over the fking settee where i sit , sunday supplements all over the place , i was watching american pickers ( because i like it ) she pipes up “ is anyone watching this rubbish?” And wants it switched over to Ben Fogal , fking Ben Fogal visiting a hotel in scotland ffs , didn’t take long to get shot of her back to her own house .a

I like your style bimsb6, more power to your elbow, but in the interest of full disclosure, I think that your MIL was being kind to you in only using the word rubbish as a description of “American Pickers.”

[Eyersey1234]

Stratovarious said:

I used to have a friend I was always able to send up. I'd say something like, "I had a great idea while I was on my way here in the car."

He'd say, "What's that?" and I'd reply, "It's a sort of box on wheels, you sit in it and it takes you places ... but that's not important right now."

Worked every time.

[gazza285]

Stratovarious said:

I used to have a friend I was always able to send up. I'd say something like, "I had a great idea while I was on my way here in the car."

He'd say, "What's that?" and I'd reply, "It's a sort of box on wheels, you sit in it and it takes you places ... but that's not important right now."

Worked every time.

Are you Frank Drebin?

[Pit Pony]

Bullett said:

It's a bit like when you tell someone you are going on holiday. "anywhere nice" they ask?
"no, I thought I'd go somewhere st to mix it up"

My Mrs likes to say "do you want to......" and the task, washing up, supermarket shopping etc. I of course say "not really"

This is the wrong answer.

The wrong answer is also "I've been hoping that you'd leave everything in the bowl that you've used all day, for when I get home from work. It's my favourite thing ever"

The right answer is "the washing up has been done already, and I've made a list of meals, from stuff at the back of the cupboard, so there's no need to go shopping. Which gives us an hour spare to go to bed...come on, get those knickers off"

[Monkeylegend]

My other half records most of what she wants to watch and has this really annoying habit of putting something recorded on to watch, then spending half the programme fast forwarding the bits she thinks are boring or doesn't want to see. No thought given to the fact that I might be wanting to watch the bits she misses out.

She can watch a 2 hour horror film in about 60 minutes normally, gets to the end and then says "the story line wasn't very good"

I know that because we missed half the effing action and dialogue. When I say missed, we see it at 8 or 16 times normal speed and it makes me feel nauseous. It is her form of microwave TV.

It is so bloody annoying because she just speeds it up at will, at any time during the programme.

She is sometimes aware that she has monopolised the TV during the evening so out of kindness says to me "Is there anything you want to watch"

"fk off" darling.

That is said in my head, because I am not that stupid.

[Bullett]

If we ever manage to find something we both want to watch. I get it cued up for her, having been sat there on her phone for 20 minutes to get up and go and do something else. She then comes back sits down and I am about to start it when she decides she needs wine or tea. Another period away from the sofa. If I'm really unlucky a friend will call (normally one she's seeing the next day). More tea/wine is then required. Followed by "can we just watch the news headlines". I eventually get to the point where I say are we watching this and the answer is "it's a bit late now, I'm tired" followed by another hour on the phone.
FFS.

If we do watch something. 10s in "who's he?" "what's this about" "why did he shoot her?"

"I don't know love, seen as much as you have"