Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2

[Lily the Pink]

vikingaero said:

Mrs V and I returning from work and we see the Neighbours out for a walk about half a mile from home, they wave us down, so I pull over for a window chat. The conversation soon turns to the forthcoming snow:

Mrs N: It looks like it might be bad this weekend. When we get back I'm going to book a Tesco delivery just in case.
Mrs V: Oooh, Good idea. I might do that too!
Me: Why????!! If it snows that bad you won't get a delivery AND we BOTH live 400 yards from Tesco!!!! (My mind is filled with expletives and FFS words)
[Mr N is laughing his head off]
[Both women are thinking I'm mean]

Are you really able to get a Tesco delivery at such short notice (round here it's three weeks earliest). Maybe both women were actually thinking that as it's so close, the delivery person would be ... you.

[M22s]

Pit Pony said:

SlimJim16v said:

Ms16v: are you cold?
Me: no.
Ms16v: then why is the heating on?
Me:

Don't get me on to heating.

Wife comes in from the cold. Decides that 17 on the thermostat isn't warm enough. Turns it to 24....Not until it clicks on at say 18 or 19. Puts the gas fire on, gets a blanket, has a warm.drink, extra socks.

20 mins later she wants the fire off, turns the heating down to 14, takes her jumper off, opens the door to the garden.

15 mins later ....She turns the heating back to 24

I've tried to say, just turn it up until it clicks off or on : don't move it more than 2 degrees. Stop with the opening the door. You know you'll be too cold in 5 mins.

i have exactly the same - she just cannot seem to grasp how it works. I got so fed up with it, I bought a second thermostat as a dummy and put the actual thermostat away. She can adjust all she wants now!

[anonymous-user]

M22s said:

Pit Pony said:

SlimJim16v said:

Ms16v: are you cold?
Me: no.
Ms16v: then why is the heating on?
Me:

Don't get me on to heating.

Wife comes in from the cold. Decides that 17 on the thermostat isn't warm enough. Turns it to 24....Not until it clicks on at say 18 or 19. Puts the gas fire on, gets a blanket, has a warm.drink, extra socks.

20 mins later she wants the fire off, turns the heating down to 14, takes her jumper off, opens the door to the garden.

15 mins later ....She turns the heating back to 24

I've tried to say, just turn it up until it clicks off or on : don't move it more than 2 degrees. Stop with the opening the door. You know you'll be too cold in 5 mins.

i have exactly the same - she just cannot seem to grasp how it works. I got so fed up with it, I bought a second thermostat as a dummy and put the actual thermostat away. She can adjust all she wants now!

Lol it’s true women cannot understand thermostats. I have repeatedly explained it’s either on or off but she resolutely believes the higher the number is correlated to how quickly it heats.

[r159]

I was happily living the dream watching a documentary on the winter of ‘82, they were talking about some flats a 1000’ feet up a hill somewhere in Mid Glamorgan.

The wife on a break from work comes into the kitchen sits down an listens for a few minutes and chirped up...

Her: they can’t mean a 1000’ feet, that’s too high?

Me: what do you mean too high, we’ve driven over hills in the Lakes over that height...

Her: no the flats are 1000’ high

Really who knew the Valleys had their own Empire State Building?!

[Red 4]

A trip to Whitby for a few nights, a couple of years ago ...

Missus; So what are we going to do here ? Is there much to see ?

Me; Well, there's the abbey, the steps, it's famous for Dracula, there's a beach, fish and chips, some nice pubs, cafes, blah blah. Just relax. If it rains there's the Captain Cook museum or something.

Missus; Captain Cook ?

Me; Yes, Captain Cook ... You know, Australia ...

Missus; Oh yes, Captain Cook - the bloke with the thing on the end of his arm (meaning Captain Hook).

Me; Speechless.

[Chester draws]

Ages, and ages, ago. In Boots, looking for a photo frame for a portrait (orientation) photograph.

"Oh, all they've got is the sideways ones".

[glenrobbo]

Red 4 said:

A trip to Whitby for a few nights, a couple of years ago ...

Missus; So what are we going to do here ? Is there much to see ?

Me; Well, there's the abbey, the steps, it's famous for Dracula, there's a beach, fish and chips, some nice pubs, cafes, blah blah. Just relax. If it rains there's the Captain Cook museum or something.

Missus; Captain Cook ?

Me; Yes, Captain Cook ... You know, Australia ...

Missus; Oh yes, Captain Cook - the bloke with the thing on the end of his arm (meaning Captain Hook).

Me; Speechless.

Do they have the Crocodile in the museum?
And Peter Pan's original pipes?

[nonsequitur]

Red 4 said:

A trip to Whitby for a few nights, a couple of years ago ...

Missus; So what are we going to do here ? Is there much to see ?

Me; Well, there's the abbey, the steps, it's famous for Dracula, there's a beach, fish and chips, some nice pubs, cafes, blah blah. Just relax. If it rains there's the Captain Cook museum or something.

Missus; Captain Cook ?

Me; Yes, Captain Cook ... You know, Australia ...

Missus; Oh yes, Captain Cook - the bloke with the thing on the end of his arm (meaning Captain Hook).

Me; Speechless.

You must have been at your whits end.

[Red 4]

nonsequitur said:

Red 4 said:

A trip to Whitby for a few nights, a couple of years ago ...

Missus; So what are we going to do here ? Is there much to see ?

Me; Well, there's the abbey, the steps, it's famous for Dracula, there's a beach, fish and chips, some nice pubs, cafes, blah blah. Just relax. If it rains there's the Captain Cook museum or something.

Missus; Captain Cook ?

Me; Yes, Captain Cook ... You know, Australia ...

Missus; Oh yes, Captain Cook - the bloke with the thing on the end of his arm (meaning Captain Hook).

Me; Speechless.

You must have been at your whits end.

I did think about telling her about Roy Hudd's Bay but thought better of it.

[Pit Pony]

Schmed said:

Lol it’s true women cannot understand thermostats. I have repeatedly explained it’s either on or off but she resolutely believes the higher the number is correlated to how quickly it heats.

The problem with simple on/off thermostats is the crudeness of the control. Probably need to.fit thermoststic control valves on.the radiators and disconect the room thermostat.

[PF62]

Schmed said:

Lol it’s true women cannot understand thermostats. I have repeatedly explained it’s either on or off but she resolutely believes the higher the number is correlated to how quickly it heats.

Many years ago I worked in an office which was heated by storage heaters that had a dial to control the level of input when heating overnight.

Time and time again there was the conversation with the women in the office - "no, turning up the dial to maximum will not make the office warmer today, it will mean there is more heat in it tomorrow so it will be warmer then - sorry"

They would inevitably ignore you and still turn it up to max and thus in Spring and Autumn where you have a chilly day followed by a warm day that would inevitably mean the women moaning the next day it was too warm and having the windows open to let the heat out and turning the dial to minimum, so the next day if it was chilly we were back to the start again.

Eventually the dials were removed and the (male) office manager was issued with a pair of plyers to adjust them when needed as the seasons changed.

[talksthetorque]

Pit Pony said:

The problem with simple on/off thermostats is the crudeness of the control. Probably need to.fit thermoststic control valves on.the radiators and disconect the room thermostat.

Unless your missus pulls the full length French door curtains over the rad thermostat so it thinks it’s 5-10 degrees cooler in the room than it actually is.

[PF62]

talksthetorque said:

Pit Pony said:

The problem with simple on/off thermostats is the crudeness of the control. Probably need to.fit thermoststic control valves on.the radiators and disconect the room thermostat.

Unless your missus pulls the full length French door curtains over the rad thermostat so it thinks it’s 5-10 degrees cooler in the room than it actually is.

Why have a radiator thermostat behind curtains? Sounds like an installer problem not a user problem.

[Skyedriver]

PF62 said:

Many years ago I worked in an office which was heated by storage heaters that had a dial to control the level of input when heating overnight.

Time and time again there was the conversation with the women in the office - "no, turning up the dial to maximum will not make the office warmer today, it will mean there is more heat in it tomorrow so it will be warmer then - sorry"

They would inevitably ignore you and still turn it up to max and thus in Spring and Autumn where you have a chilly day followed by a warm day that would inevitably mean the women moaning the next day it was too warm and having the windows open to let the heat out and turning the dial to minimum, so the next day if it was chilly we were back to the start again.

Eventually the dials were removed and the (male) office manager was issued with a pair of plyers to adjust them when needed as the seasons changed.

That's storage heaters for you. We had them in a home many years ago, terrible things. When we bought our current place these brick filled monstrosities were the first things to go.

[QuickQuack]

Trying to work out which one of us had filled the jug with water as I couldn't remember doing it and wasn't sure if it was fresh.

Me: Was it you who filled the jug with water?
Mrs QQ: No. Yes. What I mean is yes, but no.
Me:


It turned out that what she was trying to convey with that expression was that yes, it was her who had filled the jug with water, but the water was from multiple glasses left all over the house by the kids so not quite suitable for drinking.

[Bright Halo]

Driving past a field
Mrs:- Wow those sheep have very long necks!
Me:- They are Alpacas

[Clifford Chambers]

Bright Halo said:

Driving past a field
Mrs:- Wow those sheep have very long necks!
Me:- They are Alpacas

Similar, 'that horse has sunk in the mud!!'


It's a Shetland.

[talksthetorque]

“I don’t think those viewers will buy the house”
“Why not?”
“ They just had a look round then left”

[J4CKO]

Mine was on at me this morning as apparently the coffee grounds from my cafetierre will definitely block the drains.

2 scoops of coffee, then diluted with clean water and swilled down will block a 2 inch pipe in no time apparently.

Realistic concern or just one of those things she talks about with no actual evidence, my thinking is its diluted to the point its not a problem but she is now insisting it is disposed like its nuclear waste.

Sam as anything greasy, cant but grease down the drain, which is fine but when its been emulsified with soap I would say it can quite happily go down the drain.

Now at the point where its just easier to have instant !

[Fastchas]

J4CKO said:

Mine was on at me this morning as apparently the coffee grounds from my cafetierre will definitely block the drains.

2 scoops of coffee, then diluted with clean water and swilled down will block a 2 inch pipe in no time apparently.

Realistic concern or just one of those things she talks about with no actual evidence, my thinking is its diluted to the point its not a problem but she is now insisting it is disposed like its nuclear waste.

Sam as anything greasy, cant but grease down the drain, which is fine but when its been emulsified with soap I would say it can quite happily go down the drain.

Now at the point where its just easier to have instant !

Drain workers won't like you! They say it returns to its solid grease state when the soap breaks down and it cools. Which is probably contributing to the 'fatbergs' in the city's drains.