Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2
Discussion
PositronicRay said:
BossHogg said:
They're all the same wherever they are in the world, and when they get in a huff and you ask what's wrong, they all reply, "nothing" when it's clearly something! 
I'm FINE. 
Fragile
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
But she forgets and still uses it!
edthefed said:
I do the food shopping in our house - far easier, cheaper and quicker
Yesterday i was asked "Can you call at the butchers and get £50 worth of Lamb ?"
To confirm i was getting the right amount i asked " Do you know how much Lamb is and is £50 worth enough?"
To which she replied "i have no idea how much it costs - why?"
When my Darling Wife and I got married, our first leg of lamb (purchased from the village butcher/coal merchant) cost 14s 6d. Yesterday i was asked "Can you call at the butchers and get £50 worth of Lamb ?"
To confirm i was getting the right amount i asked " Do you know how much Lamb is and is £50 worth enough?"
To which she replied "i have no idea how much it costs - why?"
That's 72½p in the new money.
Thinking about it, it may have been half a leg of lamb.At that time, I was earning £42 per month.
Mrs 404: When will you fix the loo in my bathroom?
(Hang on a minute - who's bathroom? Ok, let that slide).
404: Wednesday.
Mrs 404: Why Wednesday? Can't it be done before that?
404: I fixed it last Wednesday. The same day you asked me to. And I told you I'd done it.
Mrs 404: I don't remember that. Why didn't you tell me again?
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404: Would you like another cup of tea darling?
(Hang on a minute - who's bathroom? Ok, let that slide).
404: Wednesday.
Mrs 404: Why Wednesday? Can't it be done before that?
404: I fixed it last Wednesday. The same day you asked me to. And I told you I'd done it.
Mrs 404: I don't remember that. Why didn't you tell me again?
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404: Would you like another cup of tea darling?
Error_404_Username_not_found said:
Mrs 404: When will you fix the loo in my bathroom?
(Hang on a minute - who's bathroom? Ok, let that slide).
404: Wednesday.
Mrs 404: Why Wednesday? Can't it be done before that?
404: I fixed it last Wednesday. The same day you asked me to. And I told you I'd done it.
Mrs 404: I don't remember that. Why didn't you tell me again?
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404: Would you like another cup of tea darling?
i do think women say things like this because we fail to check them on it when it becomes clear they are wrong, and instead just say yes dear and move on. Years of that and their logic and reason just rots away. (Hang on a minute - who's bathroom? Ok, let that slide).
404: Wednesday.
Mrs 404: Why Wednesday? Can't it be done before that?
404: I fixed it last Wednesday. The same day you asked me to. And I told you I'd done it.
Mrs 404: I don't remember that. Why didn't you tell me again?
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404: Would you like another cup of tea darling?
PositronicRay said:
Or when you're injured.
Yesterday I knocked a scab off a wound on my hand, Instead of a 'run it under the tap while I fetch a sticking plaster' uttered in a loving fashion, I'm subjected to an almighty b
king for being a clumsy oaf and bleeding on the utility room floor. (Which I may or may not have deserved)
I had a cycling accident in the Alps a couple of years ago, coming off the road and into a rock filled ditch knocking myself unconscious and breaking 7 ribs. She was in front so had not noticed I’d come off. When she eventually came back after being flagged down by a motorist, she found me in a neck brace surrounded by 4 paramedics waiting for a doctor to see if it was safe to lift me out of the ditch into the ambulance or whether to call the helicopter. She was fuming because I’d left her waiting for 30 mins before someone had bothered to tell her I’d come off the bike! Yesterday I knocked a scab off a wound on my hand, Instead of a 'run it under the tap while I fetch a sticking plaster' uttered in a loving fashion, I'm subjected to an almighty b
king for being a clumsy oaf and bleeding on the utility room floor. (Which I may or may not have deserved)
Mrs. 404 has a hearing aid. Somewhere.
She has never once used it from day one, preferring to castigate me for speaking too softly and turn the TV volume up to pain level (for me and any other mammalian lifeforms within a half mile radius).
I paid 400 quid for it. And it has somehow vanished.
So she needs a new one. The one she needs/wants will cost me 960 of my hard earned British.
I am 100% confident she will never use it.
I feel a bit guilty being negative about this - after all the poor woman has hearing trouble and I have near bat- level ears.
I think it's a sort of tax for being married.
She has never once used it from day one, preferring to castigate me for speaking too softly and turn the TV volume up to pain level (for me and any other mammalian lifeforms within a half mile radius).
I paid 400 quid for it. And it has somehow vanished.
So she needs a new one. The one she needs/wants will cost me 960 of my hard earned British.
I am 100% confident she will never use it.
I feel a bit guilty being negative about this - after all the poor woman has hearing trouble and I have near bat- level ears.
I think it's a sort of tax for being married.
edthefed said:
I do the food shopping in our house - far easier, cheaper and quicker
Yesterday i was asked "Can you call at the butchers and get £50 worth of Lamb ?"
To confirm i was getting the right amount i asked " Do you know how much Lamb is and is £50 worth enough?"
To which she replied "i have no idea how much it costs - why?"
Odd not to ask for what they want i.e. leg, sholder, chops, diced, mince, breast etc. Yesterday i was asked "Can you call at the butchers and get £50 worth of Lamb ?"
To confirm i was getting the right amount i asked " Do you know how much Lamb is and is £50 worth enough?"
To which she replied "i have no idea how much it costs - why?"
Error_404_Username_not_found said:
Mrs. 404 has a hearing aid. Somewhere.
She has never once used it from day one, preferring to castigate me for speaking too softly and turn the TV volume up to pain level (for me and any other mammalian lifeforms within a half mile radius).
I paid 400 quid for it. And it has somehow vanished.
So she needs a new one. The one she needs/wants will cost me 960 of my hard earned British.
I am 100% confident she will never use it.
I feel a bit guilty being negative about this - after all the poor woman has hearing trouble and I have near bat- level ears.
I think it's a sort of tax for being married.
Amazon hearing aids.She has never once used it from day one, preferring to castigate me for speaking too softly and turn the TV volume up to pain level (for me and any other mammalian lifeforms within a half mile radius).
I paid 400 quid for it. And it has somehow vanished.
So she needs a new one. The one she needs/wants will cost me 960 of my hard earned British.
I am 100% confident she will never use it.
I feel a bit guilty being negative about this - after all the poor woman has hearing trouble and I have near bat- level ears.
I think it's a sort of tax for being married.
Got my dad a pair for when his real pair play up. Work a treat.
If I save you the best part of a grand, do me a favour and pay it forward
extraT said:
Amazon hearing aids.
Got my dad a pair for when his real pair play up. Work a treat.
If I save you the best part of a grand, do me a favour and pay it forward
Thank you for your excellent advice. Unfortunately it has not survived scrutiny from the Leader of the Opposition but I appreciate it nonetheless. Got my dad a pair for when his real pair play up. Work a treat.
If I save you the best part of a grand, do me a favour and pay it forward
Her mind is made up.
The only saving grace is that I somehow dissuaded her from a pair costing £2200 on the grounds that they were made in China and might have been listening to everything she said.
(But only if she actually used them. Which she won't).
I was in Lisbon a few weeks ago, and as it happened Portugal were playing Romania in the Europe rugby championship (kind of like the Vauxhall conference of the Six Nations) so being rugby fans we went along to watch it at the stadium.
The home crowd were reasonably lively and whenever things got a bit more dramatic in the game the fans started chanting.
We were chatting at half time when the OH says:
"The fans are good, but that's such an odd chant they have".
Me: "Ehh?"
Her: "Yes, that one that goes "GOO---GOO---GAH", "GOO---GOO---GAH", "GOO---GOO---GAH"
Me. "You mean "POR---TU---GAL, POR---TU---GAL, POR---TU---GAL?"
The home crowd were reasonably lively and whenever things got a bit more dramatic in the game the fans started chanting.
We were chatting at half time when the OH says:
"The fans are good, but that's such an odd chant they have".
Me: "Ehh?"
Her: "Yes, that one that goes "GOO---GOO---GAH", "GOO---GOO---GAH", "GOO---GOO---GAH"
Me. "You mean "POR---TU---GAL, POR---TU---GAL, POR---TU---GAL?"
alock said:
I know this is a 'funny' thread and they will be a certain amount of artistic licence in the comments, but the above mindset is worryingly close to reality for millions of married men. What a sad way to live a life.
Not sure why it's Sad. I find it a bit funny I've discovered the hard way that my wife is like a roller coaster of emotions. Trying to predict the outcome of any conversation, is pointless. It doesn't make me sad or angry if she's gone off on one and decides to scream or rant. That's the way she is. If I behaved the way she behaves, we'd sit up within 15mins. I don't care. I know she can't control her emotions. I no longer try to control them either.
This one made me laugh. My ex took her car for an MOT and, now that I'm driving again, asked me to give her a lift to pick it up. No problems at all. The garage was a unit on a medium-sized industrial estate, and she said I'd know where it was by "the sign on the road".
I put the garage into my nav. Unit 8, xyz industrial estate. Easy enough, I'll get to the estate and just check the unit map when I get to the entrance. I said something along these lines to her on the way over.
"You don't really need to check the map, it's where the 'MOTS' sign is", she says.
We got to the industrial estate and I paused to check the map at the front. Unit 8 - last row, on the right, first building. Cool. She light-heartedly said "you don't need to check, it's on the road, it says MOTS!"
Drove down to the unit and as I went to turn right, sure enough, there was a sign in the road. It looked like it said "MOTS" but something was a little off. Almost looked like it said "MO7S".
I twigged instantly.
The industrial estate had a "SLOW" sign for traffic coming from the side roads, facing away from the main road. She had been reading the SLOW sign upside down and assumed it said "MOTS"
When we parked up I asked her to look at the sign again, which now very clearly said "SLOW" and she did a double-take, pondered for a moment, and admitted "oh... I think I was being stupid."
Obviously we weren't in the same car on the way back but I did ask her afterwards if she'd noticed on her way out that every single road said "MOTS", it must be a magic MOT centre. She took it in good humour, in fairness.
I put the garage into my nav. Unit 8, xyz industrial estate. Easy enough, I'll get to the estate and just check the unit map when I get to the entrance. I said something along these lines to her on the way over.
"You don't really need to check the map, it's where the 'MOTS' sign is", she says.
We got to the industrial estate and I paused to check the map at the front. Unit 8 - last row, on the right, first building. Cool. She light-heartedly said "you don't need to check, it's on the road, it says MOTS!"
Drove down to the unit and as I went to turn right, sure enough, there was a sign in the road. It looked like it said "MOTS" but something was a little off. Almost looked like it said "MO7S".
I twigged instantly.
The industrial estate had a "SLOW" sign for traffic coming from the side roads, facing away from the main road. She had been reading the SLOW sign upside down and assumed it said "MOTS"
When we parked up I asked her to look at the sign again, which now very clearly said "SLOW" and she did a double-take, pondered for a moment, and admitted "oh... I think I was being stupid."
Obviously we weren't in the same car on the way back but I did ask her afterwards if she'd noticed on her way out that every single road said "MOTS", it must be a magic MOT centre. She took it in good humour, in fairness.
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