Sexlife as parents..frequency. what's 'normal'?
Discussion
I remember when my lad was little, he'd go to bed early so we'd have the evening to ourselves, sprawl on the couch & watch a decent film, bottle of wine, a bit of friskyness, was ace.
Then he got older so went to bed later, the window for alone time got shorter which was compensated by going to bed later. Eventually this was impossible as we have to be up at 6:30 and were just knackered.
Now he's 19 he goes to bed after we do, it's very rare that he goes out or does his own thing. It means we have to go out instead which although ace is costly and not quite the same.
But to answer OP's question, a good month might be once a week-ish, but the average is possibly about 0.8 times per month.
Then he got older so went to bed later, the window for alone time got shorter which was compensated by going to bed later. Eventually this was impossible as we have to be up at 6:30 and were just knackered.
Now he's 19 he goes to bed after we do, it's very rare that he goes out or does his own thing. It means we have to go out instead which although ace is costly and not quite the same.
But to answer OP's question, a good month might be once a week-ish, but the average is possibly about 0.8 times per month.
qube_TA said:
Now he's 19 he goes to bed after we do, it's very rare that he goes out or does his own thing. It means we have to go out instead which although ace is costly and not quite the same.
WHAT! You have a house but go away for sex??'Son, stay or go...either way your mum's getting some after Corrie.'
qube_TA said:
I remember when my lad was little, he'd go to bed early so we'd have the evening to ourselves, sprawl on the couch & watch a decent film, bottle of wine, a bit of friskyness, was ace.
Then he got older so went to bed later, the window for alone time got shorter which was compensated by going to bed later. Eventually this was impossible as we have to be up at 6:30 and were just knackered.
Now he's 19 he goes to bed after we do, it's very rare that he goes out or does his own thing. It means we have to go out instead which although ace is costly and not quite the same.
But to answer OP's question, a good month might be once a week-ish, but the average is possibly about 0.8 times per month.
Just an idea - Premier Inn do rooms for £29 quite a lot of the time. Son is 19 "Right son, next Thursday there is a Premier Inn 20 miles down the road in the name of Mr qube_TA. Either you are staying the night there or we are, your choice. Either way your mother's going to walk bandy on Friday."Then he got older so went to bed later, the window for alone time got shorter which was compensated by going to bed later. Eventually this was impossible as we have to be up at 6:30 and were just knackered.
Now he's 19 he goes to bed after we do, it's very rare that he goes out or does his own thing. It means we have to go out instead which although ace is costly and not quite the same.
But to answer OP's question, a good month might be once a week-ish, but the average is possibly about 0.8 times per month.
qube_TA said:
But to answer OP's question, a good month might be once a week-ish, but the average is possibly about 0.8 times per month.
We have two teenage daughters, they seem to have their respective BF's staying over nearly every other night, so it is almost impossible. 
Still manage about 4 times per month more than you though
normbates said:
Three kids - age 5, 3 and 1, I'm 35 she's 38. Last year about once every four months (so 3 times), even less the year before (when the youngest was conceived), similar since 2011. Can't remember what it was like before we had kids, probably a couple of times a month or so.
I've given up initiating anything, and she is only in the mood when she's blind drunk, which somewhat of a turn off when I'm sober. Luckily, she usually falls asleep before we get going, so I can avoid it (I'd rather have none at all than with a drunkard), otherwise she has a right strop. Plus, she hasn't gone back on the pill since the youngest arrived, and I'm not risking a fourth child (at least for while)!
Our middle child only sleeps for 2 hours at a time, and usually ends up in our bed before I go to bed myself. So I normally sleep in his bed instead.
All kind of frustrating because I'd be happy with it every couple of days or so, something which I thought was overly optimistic, until I read what some of you lot manage! Spent a small fortune on sex toys last year, which have been used exactly once. Generally, I'd settle for a w
k instead, but one time she woke up whilst I was relieving myself, and that went down like a lead balloon! Think she might have started a thread on mumsnet about it, lol...
I don't remember typing that but thank you for posting it for me. Although you have got the ages wrong and added a third child which I don't have.I've given up initiating anything, and she is only in the mood when she's blind drunk, which somewhat of a turn off when I'm sober. Luckily, she usually falls asleep before we get going, so I can avoid it (I'd rather have none at all than with a drunkard), otherwise she has a right strop. Plus, she hasn't gone back on the pill since the youngest arrived, and I'm not risking a fourth child (at least for while)!
Our middle child only sleeps for 2 hours at a time, and usually ends up in our bed before I go to bed myself. So I normally sleep in his bed instead.
All kind of frustrating because I'd be happy with it every couple of days or so, something which I thought was overly optimistic, until I read what some of you lot manage! Spent a small fortune on sex toys last year, which have been used exactly once. Generally, I'd settle for a w
k instead, but one time she woke up whilst I was relieving myself, and that went down like a lead balloon! Think she might have started a thread on mumsnet about it, lol...What I mean is, that is almost exactly the situation I'm in!
Joey Deacon said:
Sounds like a very happy marriage you have there.... I know I know nothing about your situation or your relationship but my advice would to be watch out. If she starts taking more interest in her appearance, goes to the gym, starts going out with the girls then I would guess she is looking for male validation. Unfortunately, when a woman says she is not interested in sex, what she really means is she is not interested in sex with you. If this is going to happen, it will happen when your youngest starts going to school and she starts to think about getting her life back.
Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!
Already been through that, and ironically it was back when we did have a decent relationship and sex life - whilst trying for child no 2 (trying basically every day, she just wanted it from someone else as well). Apart from when trying for a baby, she's only ever in the mood when heavily drunk. I'd never noticed that before, as she drank heavily all the time! Since having kids she's cut down on the frequency of drinking. What I've also come to realise is that when she's drunk she'll do just about anything, with just about anyone. When she comes home blotto begging for sex, I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse - the alternative is that she stays out all night getting it elsewhere.Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!
Oh, and we're not married. She has suggested it, but for some reason I'm not keen...
Should probably exclude my exclude my answer from skewing the survey, it's clear my train wreck of a relationship doesn't have anything like the PH average performance!
okgo said:
The real question - how many times a week do you shun the effort of sex in favour of a five finger shuffle...
If you're asking me specifically, then never. After I realised it wasn't going to happen no matter how much effort I put in, I found it healthier for me not to try (that way it avoids the disappointment).normbates said:
Joey Deacon said:
Sounds like a very happy marriage you have there.... I know I know nothing about your situation or your relationship but my advice would to be watch out. If she starts taking more interest in her appearance, goes to the gym, starts going out with the girls then I would guess she is looking for male validation. Unfortunately, when a woman says she is not interested in sex, what she really means is she is not interested in sex with you. If this is going to happen, it will happen when your youngest starts going to school and she starts to think about getting her life back.
Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!
Already been through that, and ironically it was back when we did have a decent relationship and sex life - whilst trying for child no 2 (trying basically every day, she just wanted it from someone else as well). Apart from when trying for a baby, she's only ever in the mood when heavily drunk. I'd never noticed that before, as she drank heavily all the time! Since having kids she's cut down on the frequency of drinking. What I've also come to realise is that when she's drunk she'll do just about anything, with just about anyone. When she comes home blotto begging for sex, I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse - the alternative is that she stays out all night getting it elsewhere.Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!
Oh, and we're not married. She has suggested it, but for some reason I'm not keen...
Should probably exclude my exclude my answer from skewing the survey, it's clear my train wreck of a relationship doesn't have anything like the PH average performance!
okgo said:
The real question - how many times a week do you shun the effort of sex in favour of a five finger shuffle...
If you're asking me specifically, then never. After I realised it wasn't going to happen no matter how much effort I put in, I found it healthier for me not to try (that way it avoids the disappointment).Wacky Racer said:
Cambridge University did a study of this once, way back in 1957, and the conclusion they reached was you multiply the number of kids you have, by their total ages, then divide by two if they are all girls, then finally multiply this figure by 3.142, this should give you, (within a day or so) the average time between engaging in naughty business.
Apparently, this figure referred to under forties only. If you are over forty, add an extra week for every ten years over this you are.
Have you got a source for this?Apparently, this figure referred to under forties only. If you are over forty, add an extra week for every ten years over this you are.
We have 3 kids aged 1, 6 & 8. According to the model above we should be doing it 2.5 times a year. I reckon we probably manage twice a week.
The model also proposes that the older your kids get the less time you have to get down to it. This is nonsense - smaller children are far more time consuming, tiring and wake in the night far more than older kids. They also tend to spend more time in the parental bed.
Also why does having all girls double the amount of sex you would have? I have a girl - she is clingy and needy and, well girl-like. My lads are a piece of piss to parent in comparison.
Did you just make this up?
Some of the people on this thread seriously need to invest in a decent bed and mattress (which won't squeak, creak or groan) and possibly a ball gag for the wife if she squeaks, creaks or groans too much.
Are you really suggesting you can't have sex if you have children awake elsewhere in the house???? Just try going on a camping holiday. You'll soon discover the benefits of keeping it quiet!
Are you really suggesting you can't have sex if you have children awake elsewhere in the house???? Just try going on a camping holiday. You'll soon discover the benefits of keeping it quiet!
hora said:
Friend of mine had nookie witheld post first child. He complained about it for quite a while. Funnily she suddenly started putting it out again bigtime when she wanted a second...
Why do (some) girls do that? A subliminal control?
Am I you friend Why do (some) girls do that? A subliminal control?
At the end of one month she was bemoaning the fact that she still hadn't got pregnant. I suggested that maybe having sex would help.
hora said:
Joey Deacon said:
Sounds like a very happy marriage you have there.... I know I know nothing about your situation or your relationship but my advice would to be watch out. If she starts taking more interest in her appearance, goes to the gym, starts going out with the girls then I would guess she is looking for male validation. Unfortunately, when a woman says she is not interested in sex, what she really means is she is not interested in sex with you. If this is going to happen, it will happen when your youngest starts going to school and she starts to think about getting her life back.
Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!
I have previously been married and have two children so I have been on both sides of the fence! Currently been seeing a girl for 6 months and at the weekend we went along to a friends child's first birthday party. As pretty much the only couple there without kids I could not believe the reaction of the baby pushers, trying to convince us that getting married and having children is the done thing. Luckily my girlfriend has no desire for kids either and she asked me why all these people are trying to pursuade us to follow their example. My reply was simply that misery loves company....
No way on gods earth would I ever dream of getting myself into that position again.
On your first comment- seen that on here and another forum a few times. On your last comment- we had that. Subtle pressure from friends. Now all our friends have two they are telling us all about the benefits of having a second, a sibling, someone there for them when both parents (us) are gone, they play together/look after each other etc etc. Isn't it funny that when you are going out with someone, sex is a given but once you are married it is seen as a treat (especially when kids come along)!
I have previously been married and have two children so I have been on both sides of the fence! Currently been seeing a girl for 6 months and at the weekend we went along to a friends child's first birthday party. As pretty much the only couple there without kids I could not believe the reaction of the baby pushers, trying to convince us that getting married and having children is the done thing. Luckily my girlfriend has no desire for kids either and she asked me why all these people are trying to pursuade us to follow their example. My reply was simply that misery loves company....
No way on gods earth would I ever dream of getting myself into that position again.
This time we said no, we are enjoying part of our lives back
Also- don't know if this helps (seen some instances on google of it dropping sexdrive- switching from some forms of the pill to coil may help.
"when are you two going to think about kids then?"
Standard response is "I don't want to ruin my life just yet".
Fortunately for me, the OH is on the same wavelength as me and doesn't want kids yet as we have plenty time left.
We've been married 18 years, 3 kids (15, 13 & 9) and we probably average 3 times a week.
As if it wasn't difficult enough to find privacy, the 9 year old got a spy tank for Christmas that you control with your ipad from anywhere in the house and it has camera, microphone and speakers built in! So now I'm listening for the motors whirring rather than just footsteps!
As if it wasn't difficult enough to find privacy, the 9 year old got a spy tank for Christmas that you control with your ipad from anywhere in the house and it has camera, microphone and speakers built in! So now I'm listening for the motors whirring rather than just footsteps!
hora said:
Friend of mine had nookie witheld post first child. He complained about it for quite a while. Funnily she suddenly started putting it out again bigtime when she wanted a second...
Why do (some) girls do that? A subliminal control?
We have very similar friends, girl goes like a open gate in the wind to get knocked up twice and then does not put out at all.Why do (some) girls do that? A subliminal control?
Dakkon said:
hora said:
Friend of mine had nookie witheld post first child. He complained about it for quite a while. Funnily she suddenly started putting it out again bigtime when she wanted a second...
Why do (some) girls do that? A subliminal control?
We have very similar friends, girl goes like a open gate in the wind to get knocked up twice and then does not put out at all.Why do (some) girls do that? A subliminal control?
Sadly my ex thought that we could continue as a couple with kids but with no sex. Struggled on for 4 years but then the things that irritate each other surface and you just end up being bad house mates. Sex brings intimacy and dare I say the glue that helps keep a relationship together.
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