I'm in turmoil over my brothers wedding !
Discussion
If a couple are spending £1,000s on the wedding it's their choice not to spend it on other stuff, to expect to be able to do that and get a refund from guests just seems rude. "We want to be profligate but don't really want to foot the bill" is how it comes across to me.
2nd hand fridge from ebay - it can be a beer fridge in the garage if they already have one.
2nd hand fridge from ebay - it can be a beer fridge in the garage if they already have one.
We didn't have a wedding list.
Opened up an account at a local interior design type shop and asked for money to be placed in that.
The shop asked if we wanted to know who had contributed and an amount, we said we would rather not know.
Bought some really nice lighting and a bit of furniture which means a lot to us now.
We were in process of buying our first house and instead of a honeymoon my parents offered to pay for, they instead paid our fees etc for the house.
Opened up an account at a local interior design type shop and asked for money to be placed in that.
The shop asked if we wanted to know who had contributed and an amount, we said we would rather not know.
Bought some really nice lighting and a bit of furniture which means a lot to us now.
We were in process of buying our first house and instead of a honeymoon my parents offered to pay for, they instead paid our fees etc for the house.
blindswelledrat said:
Kateg28 said:
Well I would love it and I will be in this situation in a couple of years (getting married, no need for gifts but would hate people to give me money) so I can only recommend what I would like.
Purpose of these discussions, no?
Im just surprised at your thought process, that's all.Purpose of these discussions, no?
I would love a new fishing reel, for example, but I wouldn't consider buying it for a couple for a wedding present when they had asked for money. It doesn't make any sense to me.
I also want a set of wheels for my little MR2 but wouldn't put them on a wedding list as don't think they are appropriate and would be a bit surprised to receive them..
I personally would not like to receive cash for my wedding present, it makes me uncomfortable and I prefer not to give it if possible. That is just me and my thought process.
Sheepshanks said:
fizz47 said:
Going rates:
Friend / Collegue: £50
Close friend : £100
Cousin : £200 - 400
Best freind: £ 200 - 500
Brother / Sister / Niece / Nephew: £500 - £3000
I'm visualising a league table of donors next to the table plan! Friend / Collegue: £50
Close friend : £100
Cousin : £200 - 400
Best freind: £ 200 - 500
Brother / Sister / Niece / Nephew: £500 - £3000
Kateg28 said:
blindswelledrat said:
Kateg28 said:
Well I would love it and I will be in this situation in a couple of years (getting married, no need for gifts but would hate people to give me money) so I can only recommend what I would like.
Purpose of these discussions, no?
Im just surprised at your thought process, that's all.Purpose of these discussions, no?
I would love a new fishing reel, for example, but I wouldn't consider buying it for a couple for a wedding present when they had asked for money. It doesn't make any sense to me.
I also want a set of wheels for my little MR2 but wouldn't put them on a wedding list as don't think they are appropriate and would be a bit surprised to receive them..
I personally would not like to receive cash for my wedding present, it makes me uncomfortable and I prefer not to give it if possible. That is just me and my thought process.
blindswelledrat said:
But what would you think if you had a second wedding, told people what you wanted and they completely ignored your wishes in favour of buying something they wanted?
That's more what I find strange than your actual choice of gift.
That's an idea, buy yourself a Christmas present and give it to them to look after and wrap up to give you back at Christmas - everyone wins!That's more what I find strange than your actual choice of gift.
If you can afford it (and if you can't why are you doing it?) just throw a party and ask for nothing other than invites to other people's events in the future.
gregf40 said:
Countdown said:
You're not a million miles away. Asian cultures - the parents will keep a list of who has donated and how much. The "happy couple" will be expected to reciprocate accordingly.
I'm pretty sure most people do that...Asian or not.At the end of the day the parents of the happy couple are given the book so they can see who has paid what. In fact you are supposed to send money even if you dont attend the wedding.
I gave a £100 in John Lewis vouchers to a good friend earlier this year. I phoned her and asked her what she wanted. Her fiance wanted a new games console. I was tempted to buy him one but she knows what I'm like and she said she wouldn't feed me at the reception and food is important lol.
The way I treat it is if I'm offended at what you ask for you're not that close a friend and I should probably not come to your wedding anyway.
The way I treat it is if I'm offended at what you ask for you're not that close a friend and I should probably not come to your wedding anyway.
We didn't ask for presents at our wedding (first wedding for both of us)
We already lived together and had all the traditional stuff, so asked for vouchers or cash IF people wanted to give us a gift.
Wording on the invite is crucial I think, as it can seem like you're just demanding money if you don't put it correctly.
I see this concept as no different in morals to a traditional wedding present list at a shop.
My now-in-laws raised eyebrows at first, citing it as 'a bit rude' and encouraging us to ask for pieces of china dinner service from everyone.
The thought of asking for and collecting pieces of china that would gather dust in a cupboard somewhere, never being used, made me shudder so I vetoed that idea very quickly.
We already lived together and had all the traditional stuff, so asked for vouchers or cash IF people wanted to give us a gift.
Wording on the invite is crucial I think, as it can seem like you're just demanding money if you don't put it correctly.
I see this concept as no different in morals to a traditional wedding present list at a shop.
My now-in-laws raised eyebrows at first, citing it as 'a bit rude' and encouraging us to ask for pieces of china dinner service from everyone.
The thought of asking for and collecting pieces of china that would gather dust in a cupboard somewhere, never being used, made me shudder so I vetoed that idea very quickly.
P-Jay said:
We asked for money at our wedding too, Crass? I don't care - I didn't force anyone to stump up, some did, some didn't I don't remember who fell into which camp really - we used a poem in the back of the invites which politely said that we had all the stuff we'd ever need, but we were saving for a mortgage deposit so cash would be more useful.
We are both in our 30's, we've lived together for 5 years, we lived apart from each other for at least 10 before that so we didn't need a pile of white goods to start our lives together.
My parents gave us £1000 which was lovely, my brothers and my close mates seemed to go £50 to £100, everyone else seemed to go for £20, except the odd wealthy people we know who gave £100 - that's probably far more clean-cut than it actually was, I made a point not to look too closely and just made a small pile and took it to the bank.
If you're saving for a mortgage deposit, why are you having the wedding first? Seems a bit back to front to me....We are both in our 30's, we've lived together for 5 years, we lived apart from each other for at least 10 before that so we didn't need a pile of white goods to start our lives together.
My parents gave us £1000 which was lovely, my brothers and my close mates seemed to go £50 to £100, everyone else seemed to go for £20, except the odd wealthy people we know who gave £100 - that's probably far more clean-cut than it actually was, I made a point not to look too closely and just made a small pile and took it to the bank.
P-Jay said:
We asked for money at our wedding too, Crass? I don't care - I didn't force anyone to stump up, some did, some didn't I don't remember who fell into which camp really - we used a poem in the back of the invites which politely said that we had all the stuff we'd ever need, but we were saving for a mortgage deposit so cash would be more useful.
Dear guests we hope you can attend our daybut here's the awkward part – we must ask you to pay
For a house we want, and a deposit we save
Actually not, because a wedding we crave
We blew our cash on a big fancy do
And the cash for the house we’re asking of you
So give us some cash and enjoy the night
Cos we’re entitled to both, right?
Fatboy said:
P-Jay said:
We asked for money at our wedding too, Crass? I don't care - I didn't force anyone to stump up, some did, some didn't I don't remember who fell into which camp really - we used a poem in the back of the invites which politely said that we had all the stuff we'd ever need, but we were saving for a mortgage deposit so cash would be more useful.
We are both in our 30's, we've lived together for 5 years, we lived apart from each other for at least 10 before that so we didn't need a pile of white goods to start our lives together.
My parents gave us £1000 which was lovely, my brothers and my close mates seemed to go £50 to £100, everyone else seemed to go for £20, except the odd wealthy people we know who gave £100 - that's probably far more clean-cut than it actually was, I made a point not to look too closely and just made a small pile and took it to the bank.
If you're saving for a mortgage deposit, why are you having the wedding first? Seems a bit back to front to me....We are both in our 30's, we've lived together for 5 years, we lived apart from each other for at least 10 before that so we didn't need a pile of white goods to start our lives together.
My parents gave us £1000 which was lovely, my brothers and my close mates seemed to go £50 to £100, everyone else seemed to go for £20, except the odd wealthy people we know who gave £100 - that's probably far more clean-cut than it actually was, I made a point not to look too closely and just made a small pile and took it to the bank.
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