Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[glenrobbo]

K12beano said:

I've just discovered Jim'll Paint it which is well worth a look if you haven't already, meanwhile:

K12beano, that is a masterful piece of work!
I like all the subtle nuances such as Odd-Job tucking into his strawberries and cream, the Voodoo man ( is it Papa Lazarou? ) with his Pimms, and Mike Myers as Dr. Evil stroking his pussy . And SC's opponent on the scoreboard: G. Lazenby! Ha ha! No real contest then, hence the casual vodka martini . But best of all is the clock showing 09:58. Brilliant!

[PoleDriver]

Which one grew up to be the president of the USA?

[glenrobbo]

Poley, that takes me back.
Alfred E Neuman. MAD magazine. Early '60s. Oh what fun we had back then!

Apparently it ( the US Presidential fight ) has been a close run thing on previous occasions:



What? Me worry?

Edited by glenrobbo on Sunday 5th February 14:10

[havoc]

glenrobbo said:

Mike Myers as Dr. Evil stroking his pussy .

:ahem:

Donald Pleasance as Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Still THE Bond villain, despite all the later ones... Where do you think Mike Myers got the idea from???


Please hand your man-card in on the way out...

[Muntu]

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

[fatboy18]

Muntu said:

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

[glenrobbo]

havoc said:

glenrobbo said:

Mike Myers as Dr. Evil stroking his pussy .

:ahem:

Donald Pleasance as Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Still THE Bond villain, despite all the later ones... Where do you think Mike Myers got the idea from???


Please hand your man-card in on the way out...

I'm sorry, but it looks more like Mike Myers than Donald Pleasance to me. And MM was definitely far more sinister!

You'll have to fight me for my man-card.

[havoc]

glenrobbo said:

I'm sorry, but it looks more like Mike Myers than Donald Pleasance to me. And MM was definitely far more sinister!

You'll have to fight me for my man-card.

With a name like glenrobbo you sound Scottish...definitely not fighting you! :runsandhides: :keyboardwarrior:


PS - Baron Samedi. Papa Lazarou is just League of Gentlemen. Papa Legba was something voodoo I think...

Edited by havoc on Sunday 5th February 16:38

[GloverMart]

An oldie but a goodie...

Mr "I had to show my grey chest hair to get my pension today"

Mrs "You should have shown them your cock, we'd get disability allowance then too!"

[Fluffsri]

K12beano said:

I've just discovered Jim'll Paint it which is well worth a look if you haven't already, meanwhile:

Follow him on Facebook! He takes random scenarios from requests and paints them, my favourite was Bob Monkhouse as a Ghostbuster LOL.

[louiebaby]

I was asked to run an "icebreaker" event at a large team meeting. I did the thing where a picture is cut up into small squares, and people split up into teams of 4 (or so) and have to recreate them on larger squares.

The the bits are then put together to see what the whole picture is. I used this from Jim'll Paint It:



I wasn't ever asked to do another event like that, so I think it was a success.

[simoid]

PoleDriver said:

Dr Interceptor said:

I asked the Mrs for anal sex last night...

I thought, "why not, she takes everything else the wrong way!"

Mine asked if we could do it in "the other hole" at the weekend - just for a change. I was horrified.

"You can get pregnant that way!" I told her.

[evil len]

I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer

I’m reading a great book about antigravity — I just can’t put it down.

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
A: Because you should never drink and derive.

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: a receding hare-line.

Karate: the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

My neighbour is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push Mrs Humpty Dumpty off the wall?
To see her crack.

[Doofus]

evil len said:

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

But you can.

[Monkeylegend]

Murphy was struggling to load a wardrobe onto the back of his removal van.

"You should get Paddy to help you with that" said Mick

"He is" said Murphy "he's inside carrying the clothes"

[Alex]

evil len said:

Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: a receding hare-line.

Q: What do you call a Lamborghini Diablo being driven backwards?
A; The Satanic Reverses.

[Evangelion]

What happens if you stick a Viagra in each ear?

You become hard of hearing.

[V8A*ndy]

Police issue photofit of wanted criminals in the Windsor area.

[MarkwG]

havoc said:

glenrobbo said:

I'm sorry, but it looks more like Mike Myers than Donald Pleasance to me. And MM was definitely far more sinister!

You'll have to fight me for my man-card.

With a name like glenrobbo you sound Scottish...definitely not fighting you! :runsandhides: :keyboardwarrior:


PS - Baron Samedi. Papa Lazarou is just League of Gentlemen. Papa Legba was something voodoo I think...

Edited by havoc on Sunday 5th February 16:38

What on earth would Mike Myers be doing in a Bond homage?!? And more sinister than Mr Pleasance, I hardly think so! Got your 6 O'clock, Mr Havoc, go get him !

[K12beano]

V8A*ndy said:

Police issue photofit of wanted criminals in the Windsor area.

Bet those criminals are bricking it now.....